Stupid luck

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I've always run on stupid luck. Stupid luck is different from dumb luck. Dumb luck just happens. Stupid luck happens when you consistently land on your feet despite how stupid you're being, and how much self-sabotage you're throwing your own way. Stupid luck is enough to make a lesser person believe in fate. I've largely avoided this even though I can trace all the consequences of my adult life down to one kiss in the Arboretum sometime 12 years ago. No, if anything that's made me more aware of long term and unforeseen effects.

But back to the stupid luck. Nothing terrible has ever happened to me despite my slacker nature. I've always managed to end up okay. At times it was very stressful not knowing what would come next because I didn't have a plan. But there it was, suddenly, an answer at the last minute. A way out of my dilemma. A fix for my situation. Granted, it never ended up being a fix that ever sent me onto bigger and better things. No. It just maintained equilibrium. I wasn't fucked but I wasn't progressing.

And here I am, turning 31 in a few short months, no longer depressed but still doing stupid, self-limiting stuff. Doing the bare minimum. Not finishing up school. Not going to work more than I have to. Not finding a new place to live just yet even though I have no place to live May 1st because that shit's just always worked out for me. In a band that's playing out and around but not getting out there, even though that's really all I've ever wanted to do since I was 12.

This has been rolling around in my mind a bit for awhile, especially since we've been under threat of eviction for months. Except now it's actually happening. And here I am with not enough money and not enough time to fix it. Waiting for stupid luck to help me out yet again. My supervisor, who if you will recall is aware of this forum and aware that I am a Discordian (and has yet to sign up, as far as I can tell), pulled me outside for a smoke today to have an off the record chat with me to see what's going on with me. She told me I'm not in trouble, but my lack of enthusiasm is noticeable (She can sympathize, but at the same time, she wants to make sure she doesn't end up writing a crap review for me in the fall). And she's right. I'm comfortable in doing the bare minimum. I'm comfortable going nowhere slow.

Stupid luck is the very theistic god of the very fortunate procrastinator. But now I'm thinking, how much better off would I be if I gave stupid luck a hand now and again? And surely, I can't rely on it for the rest of my life. The time has come for me to burn down the trees and blow up the boulders in my path, rather than allowing the path to take me past them.

Doing nothing for now,
Your favorite Nephew

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Sounds like you're coasting. You can coast through life, but it sounds like you're waking up to the fact that it's a lot more rewarding to point the fucker at a wall, jam the accelerator to the floor, and find out just how fast you can go before you hit it.

TO THE MOTHERFUCKING WALL, TWID!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Sounds like you're coasting. You can coast through life, but it sounds like you're waking up to the fact that it's a lot more rewarding to point the fucker at a wall, jam the accelerator to the floor, and find out just how fast you can go before you hit it.

TO THE MOTHERFUCKING WALL, TWID!

Exactly. I'm not even playing it safe. I'm playing it lazy. You can hope that a boat stays on a current, but it's just much better if that boat has a captain. And I gotta face it. I'm kinda a spazz. I don't take well to stress. Just because I end up okay doesn't mean I need any grief in the process.

And why not just fucking get there bloody quicker with more silver in my pocket with more destruction in my wake? 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Also, don't expect me to post until after 7 pm Boston time later on today. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Also, don't expect me to post until after 7 pm Boston time later on today. 

Have FUN!

Tomorrow is Passover and also the first day of my biomed class so I am not sure whether I'll be around the computer much at all, all day. Possibly in the afternoon for a bit.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Also, don't expect me to post until after 7 pm Boston time later on today. 

Have FUN!

Tomorrow is Passover and also the first day of my biomed class so I am not sure whether I'll be around the computer much at all, all day. Possibly in the afternoon for a bit.

Oh the first thing I'm doing is working on the Waffle Iron comic.

Actually that's a lie. The first thing I'm doing is returning Team America (which Villager finally saw due to my intervention) to the one video store that I know of that I also apparently owed $26 to from like three years ago.

Not that I need to drink more, but I think tomorrow might be a bloody mary night. I've taken a liking to V8.

[Triple Zero]

Interesting. I think I had largely the same experience. And am also 31.

And I also feel like I have been "coasting" most of my life (great term btw, Nigel)

(Until at some point (5 years back) everything came crashing down and ... well, that's what happened. It sucked, and I had to fight a bit and--no if I file that under "coasting", I'm doing myself injustice, it was quite a struggle, but all in all I don't think it could have ended up any different given the circumstances.

Anyway I won that round, I really did, and it's behind me and now I'm wondering about a lot of the same things you describe.)

Actually this is the first time in my life I don't feel like I'm treading water anymore, but just standing at a "plateau" where it means if I just keep doing what I'm doing I'll keep having what I'm having. Which is something I've been wanting to attain since quite a while (10 years back maybe). Don't get me wrong, it was never intended as a destination or end-goal, not at all, never. It's a lookout-point. For now, there is no chaos, no currents pushing me or drawing me, no big expectations, no big responsibilities, not very much of anything actually, it's quiet But the important point is, every step I take from here will be of my own volition and that's fucking beautiful. The shitty thing is my (metaphorical) legs aren't nearly as strong as they used to thanks to before-mentioned crash, so I'm kind of standing here wondering "Hmmm... Now what??"

However, Twid, there is one thing. Are you sure it's stupid luck? Maybe that's the wrong question. Are you really not selling yourself short here? Because while I'm totally getting you:

"Thing have the tendency to turn out okay" used to be my biggest motto in life.

Yet still, I have never really felt the need to attribute this "tendency" to luck, be it of the dumb or stupid variety. It was always either just this "tendency", purposefully unexplained like an emergent property, or other times explained by my brilliant cleverness, strong moral principles, ability to listen and empathize with people, intelligent creativity, or being this amazing sort of laid-back guy that doesn't take shit too seriously. Oh and of course my stunning good looks.

Are you SURE it's not those things for you, Twid? Wouldn't that explain things a lot more solidly than "stupid luck"?

There is of course the possibility that you are right and I am wrong, but come on let's be serious.

Sounds like you're coasting. You can coast through life, but it sounds like you're waking up to the fact that it's a lot more rewarding to point the fucker at a wall, jam the accelerator to the floor, and find out just how fast you can go before you hit it.

TO THE MOTHERFUCKING WALL, TWID!

This, however, despite all the things, is something I haven't yet figured out how to do.

I probably will at some point, if the time is right. But I don't think my wall will be like Nigel's wall or Roger's wall, or more accurately I haven't quite figured out how to work this damn accelerator yet.


Also sorry Twid about this post being mainly about me. Being in sort of the same spot (minus the eviction part) I felt it might be the best way to relate. I hope there's something useful in the story for you? (otherwise, just carry on)

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Not sure. Ill have to reexamine to figure out if i did anything to help it.

[Triple Zero]

Your awesomeness must have played some part, I'm sure!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Well i have a bus ride to recall the past ten years. ill give you a better response when i get home.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Alright, I was a bit distracted on the bus, but lets go through it right now. So my parents got separated in my senior year of high school, which was a contributing factor in why I delayed going to college, plus I wanted to focus on my band that I was in that never really did a whole lot of anything except for like, one gig at Framingham State University, except for those two talent shows in high school. Gigging is hard when you're all not 21 and your guitarist kinda sucks and you don't have any demos and the internet hasn't fully developed yet. Well, guess that means that I have to get a job. My girlfriend has a summer job. I wonder if they would take me. Sweet, I got hired for the summer job too.

I asked if I could stay on past the summer and they said no. I went to go apply at the Jamaica Plain Branch library as a Librarian's Assistant. Looked like I was going to get the job. Oh but hey, the summer job said I could stay after all since there was a stunning lack of people working there, and they have flexible hours. I'll keep that. Well, the band broke up and me and the girlfriend broke up, but that's ok. The nice lady down the street who lives in the same house my mother grew up in that my grandma sold over a decade ago pays me to watch her birds when she's out of town. Well, mom's selling the house and dad went back to Ireland, and mid-sister left for Pennsylvania on a whim and never came back. And mom's a crazy alcoholic who's annoying the shit out of me. Hey, though, bird-lady's going to take me on as a boarder!

While this is going on, a friend of mine has latched onto me so much that she's driving me nuts as well because she's always monopolizing my time and complaining about how she doesn't have a job. But that's ok, it's my 21st birthday, so I'm going to get blind drunk (It was quite sad too. She was the only one with me on my birthday aside from mom). Let's go to the liquor store! Hey they're hiring, I'm going to ask the guy for a job application and give it to her. She asked for one too. Well damn. Now she's expecting me to fill this thing out with her. I'll just turn down the job if I get hired. Holy shit, not only did they not hire her, but they hired me instead! Now I no longer have any free time to get sucked up by her! And I'm making new friends here! One got fired for being asshole to the owner. Well, I'll still hang out with him from time to time now that I've managed to detach myself from that other friend because she got a boyfriend.

Hmm. That cashier that started today is kinda hot. I have another friend working with me who notices this and we talk about it and all that sort of stuff. Hey it's my 22nd birthday and Vinny's tired of me not asking the cashier out. Little do I know he invites her out to go to the bar with us and then tells her that I'm interested in her. Oh cool she made out with me! Now I have a girlfriend! Bird lady sold the house and I don't know how to look for apartments. Mom's going to let me sleep on the couch! That kinda sucks but I can save up money and stuff (that doesn't happen btw).

Girlfriend and I go to Europe. We stop in Ireland for 3 weeks because we're broke and stay in dad's apartment. Dad's acting crazy because he's crazy. Ask grandpa if we can stay down at his and grandma's place. Grandpa gets mad and says he won't be having any of that nonsense (he means premarital sex, but just can't say it) under his roof. Girlfriend and I have dated for a year and haven't had sex yet- she was a virgin, I was not. Girlfriend is pissed at grandpa and says something about if we're going to be accused of it we may as well. Sex! Finish trip up in Paris. Sex! Girlfriend hassles me into going to college. That's cool because working at the liquor store sucks monkey balls.

I'm sick of living with my crazy alcoholic mom. Coworker mentions that she needs a new roommate but she doesn't know anyone who needs an apartment and doesn't want to get stabbed by a crazy person on Craigslist. I say that I'm a crazy person but I won't stab her. Apartment! Girlfriend breaks up with me. That's ok, I can watch Cops and America's Most Wanted all alone on Saturday while roommate is out having fun. Get a phone call at work because I don't have a phone of my own. It's that friend of mine that got fired from the liquor store. Says he's starting a band and needs a guitarist. His sister (who some of you will know as Villager) is going to play bass. Band! Gigs! Holy shit, GIGS!!!! WOOOOOO!!!!

Roommate goads me into asking to be supervisor. Promotion! Being a supervisor sucks. Roommate goads me into applying to be Dr. S's assistant, a job I am in no way qualified for. Holy shit I got the job! Salary! Start dating roommate. Break up with roommate. Band broke up. In a fit of anger of how it was done, Anarchangel is formed (actually this is the one thing so far that I took charge with). Roommate and I need to get a bigger apartment. Hey, her other ex-boyfriend needs two roommates!  Dr. S fires me for not being able to adequately perform a job I was never qualified for to begin with. Hey my old boss is going to take me back as not a supervisor! No unemployment and I can continue to work on the same floor that I have been since 2000 and keep my state mandated insurance. Paycut and hour cut though.
Start dating Villager. Villager uncomfortable with me living with ex-girlfriend. Mom's got a spare bedroom now! Mom sold the house. But it's my 30th birthday and my friend from high school needs a roommate!----->recent history.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Damn. That took me an hour?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Wow. I would try to summarize my last ten years but it would take me a year and 300 pages. I have more or less the opposite problem, which is that I don't know how NOT to take it to the wall at top speed. I tried for a while, with ML, but that... well, it put a strain on me. It's not natural.

A big part of it is that I don't actually know where the wall IS, and I have a driving need to find out, as soon as possible. This can serve me well, or... not so much. It's great for business, but hell on relationships. If I actually found a partner who had the same fire under them I have no idea what would happen.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Wow. I would try to summarize my last ten years but it would take me a year and 300 pages. I have more or less the opposite problem, which is that I don't know how NOT to take it to the wall at top speed. I tried for a while, with ML, but that... well, it put a strain on me. It's not natural.

A big part of it is that I don't actually know where the wall IS, and I have a driving need to find out, as soon as possible. This can serve me well, or... not so much. It's great for business, but hell on relationships. If I actually found a partner who had the same fire under them I have no idea what would happen.

I kinda feel like the blind guy who people keep pushing out of the way of the train.

Also, guess who's moving in May 1?










If you said the landlady who lives in Florida, you'd be correct. I always figured they were trying to push Pickles out from the get go. Fortunately, it seems like stupid luck is starting to put together a plan B. Question is, will it be in time for May?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

ATTENTION WORK LOCKER:

Actually nevermind, I want it to be a surprise tomorrow morning.