Rant #2 (or Why I Hate Each and Every One of You #2)

[NewSpag]

Greetings PD, today I've decided to rant about something I feel IS very important: Why I hate each and every one of you (Reason #2). 
What is Reason #2?  Because you weren't there for me.

You weren't there for me when I was born (perfectly insane) to protect me from the sanity that AMAREECUH forced upon me.

You didn't rush in to save me when all I wanted to do was brighten this gray world and was surrounded by pinks and gray faces telling me that the way to do that was to accept Jesus Christ™ as my lord and saviour.

You weren't there when D.A.R.E told me drugs were EEEEEEVILLL. 

You didn't stop me from writing that anti-drug essay that won me a medal from the local pig farm.

You weren't there to encourage my doubts in The Machine, to discourage blind faith or to help me realize this shit hole of a country I have the misfortune of living in for what it is.

You weren't there to help stimulate my mind as I coasted through school becoming more and more depressed each year as my academic and athletic awards piled up, a mountain of meaningless garbage.

You weren't there for me when I (secretly) abandoned my Christian faith, as I sat through sermon after sermon of religious nonsense that make your tame brand of nonsense seem quite logical.

You didn't give me any advice when I was building a bleak deterministic philosophy trying to use physics to fill the void in my heart where Jesus Christ™ had once "lived".

You weren't there for me my senior year in high school when I was looking for nothing more than a fantastic way to escape this prison you call life.

You didn't tell me how ignorant I was while everyone who surrounded me praised my genius.

You didn't save me from the Marine recruiter who found me a brilliant (From what he "knew" of me: my 4.0+ GPA and 99th percentile ASVAB score and stellar SAT scores; what a joke) and (closet) suicidal teenager.

You didn't warn me that I was running with the wrong crowd and you didn't even TRY to stop them from grooming me into the perfect grayface. 

You were strangely silent when they offered me a full scholarship to any college I wanted and I suddenly found myself drowning in a sea of advice as I tried to decide whether I wanted to be a machine grunt or a machine lieutenant.

You didn't intercept the acceptance letters from Harvard, Berkeley, UCLA and the other "best schools" (would that irony were iron...)

When all the world told me how "lucky" I was, you again remained silent.

Even now as I sit in this lecture hall listening to my professor blather on about today's topic: "N-Dimensional Vector Space" (as if I actually need to be "taught" this when the information is so widely available on the 'net) laughing at the misfortune of the mass of bodies around me who have been duped into believing that math can be "hard to understand" my mind is elsewhere (obviously).  I can only think of how disappointed I am in this forum.  I came here hoping it would be a haven for free thought and hatching grand schemes to bring down the machine, only to be attacked by all but three of the responders to my post (and two of those three "came around" eventually).

Not ONLY did you do nothing to aid me in my efforts to escape this prison called life, it was not even YOU who aided me into Discordia (Unless of course your name happens to be The Good Reverend Roger or you run the following site:jubal.westnet.com/hyperdiscordia/library_of_babel.html).  It was the gray faces themselves who aided me the most (if totally accidentally).

It was a gray face stoner who rolled me my first joint. It was a gray face so thoroughly caught up in the machine that he may as well have been a gear or a lever rather than a human being who convinced me to free myself from the American Military Machine.

Now I'm sure by this point you're thinking to yourselves: How can he hold me PERSONALLY responsible for his great fortunes (for yes there is "beauty" and "goodness" in any order, even these United States of America, if you can only find enough insanity within yourself to make it so) and misfortunes at the hands of The Machine? 

The answer is simple: Because you (or at least most of you) are cowards and closet gray faces.  That's right, I went there.  When is the last time any of you guys caused any REAL discord (defined here as: strife and chaos).  Uh huh.  Uh huh.  Very good.  So if you're out there spreading all this chaos then WHY THE FUCK have I never once met a single other Discordian?  You'd think that with all of your FABULOUS antics Discordian philosophy would be spreading like wildfire right?  Oh wait, I forgot, you guys haven't done SHIT.  You sit on your asses and play word games with each other on a forum in a constant verbal circle jerk. 

[sarcasm]Way2Go guys.  You've mastered the skill of spewing nonsense on a forum!  Instead of going home each night after working for the machine and watching the TubbyVision you post bullshit on a forum! Your medals are en route via ups[/sarcasm]

You: Yeah but...

No.  Fuck you and fuck that.  As Discordian you have an advantage: You don't have to follow the rules.  Its time to get off your intellectual high horses and give up any notion you have of what Discordia is, because your Lady Eris bids it so.  And if she doesn't than fuck her, because MY Lady Eris bids it so.  It's time to stop kidding yourself; you are NOT a tragic hero.  You are only surrounded by a sea of oppressors if you CHOOSE to be.  Maybe its just because I'm insane, but I choose NOT to be oppressed.

Anyways, thats my spiel.  I didn't come here to make friends and I doubt I will.  If this post pissed you off, good.  Go ahead and bash out an angry reply and get back to your precious word games.  Hell, start up your word games on this thread for all I care, but I hope you're at least insane enough to realize that you aren't freeing yourself from your cells, you are merely painting pretty pictures on the walls to convince yourselves that you are free while you laugh at the “undecorateds” across the hall.

P.S.  I changed my mind.  I actually LOVE all of you.  Thank you for not saving me from the gray faces because if you had I might have ended up like you.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

 

[Placid Dingo]

[Phox]

Another rerun? Who has the damn clicker?! 

[Don Coyote]

So he blames us because he sucks at life and people are stupid, and he is stupid for paying for an education that includes things he can find on wikipedia?
Also we are fat slackers that just post inane gibberings on the interbutts. Also also he wants us to be mad at him because it would make him feel special to counteract the special he feels from the stupid people that praise him.

ALSO ALSO ALSO

Another rerun? Who has the damn clicker?! 

[Don Coyote]

ALSO⁴
:chekov:
WHERE THE SHITCOCKING ASSSTAINS IS THE CHEKOV EMOTICON!!!!!!!!!!!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

ALSO⁴
:chekov:
WHERE THE SHITCOCKING ASSSTAINS IS THE CHEKOV EMOTICON!!!!!!!!!!!

Awww. I don't know...

[NewSpag]

You guys are funny.  But probably not for the reasons that you think you are.  But also for the reasons you think you are.  Carry on.

[Cainad (dec.)]

6/10

Not quite there, but potential for improvement.

Recommend a full recto-cranial extraction and possibly some recommended reading.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

You guys are funny.  But probably not for the reasons that you think you are.  But also for the reasons you think you are.  Carry on.

[Phox]

You guys are funny.  But probably not for the reasons that you think you are.  But also for the reasons you think you are.  Carry on.

And you are outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous.

[Don Coyote]

You guys are funny.  But probably not for the reasons that you think you are.  But also for the reasons you think you are.  Carry on.

And you are outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous.

So he is the Jem of wannabe trolls?

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

ALSO⁴
:chekov:
WHERE THE SHITCOCKING ASSSTAINS IS THE CHEKOV EMOTICON!!!!!!!!!!!

Will this do?

[Phox]

You guys are funny.  But probably not for the reasons that you think you are.  But also for the reasons you think you are.  Carry on.

And you are outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous.

So he is the Jem of wannabe trolls?

Indeed. 

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

You guys are funny.  But probably not for the reasons that you think you are.  But also for the reasons you think you are.  Carry on.

And you are outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous.

He's adorable.