ITT: You Give Me A Problem...

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Summer work. Always turns into le job pour ma famille.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Monsieur alty- le tren back to bostohh... C'est tres late. Tell me la magique to make back chez moi.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Mais non! Les docteurs are going to cull-de-sack? C'est terrible mon frere! Qu'elle dommage!

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

"The Secret" doesn't work. I've been sitting here visualizing neat stuff and writing in my fucking gratitude journal for ages now AND I CAN'T EVEN GET A GODDAMN SANDWICH.

Why does the Universe hate me?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

"The Secret" doesn't work. I've been sitting here visualizing neat stuff and writing in my fucking gratitude journal for ages now AND I CAN'T EVEN GET A GODDAMN SANDWICH.

Why does the Universe hate me?

[Salty]

My country is getting really, really hostile towards Roma people.   

What do?

Ordinarily, I would suggest blaring Gogol Bordello into the faces of average citizens at such high volumes that it shatters their ability to move or think.

HOWEVER, the Official Newage Solution (TM) is:

Those Roma people chose this life for themselves. They may or may not have chosen to become roaming no-goodniks, but before they were physically born into this mundane universe they chose to experience the lesson of oppression. Much like African slaves or cancer victims choose their lessons.

What is it like to be beaten by your spouse?
What is it like to be treated like some kind of subhuman degenerate?
What is it like to be a billionaire?

These are all different human experiences that must be gone through before the soul is allowed to reach the next level of existence.

Don't be sad for them! They are closer to the salvation of their eternal soul!

Namaste

[Salty]

Mon dieu! It seems zet today i em Fronsh. How do i, how you say, go beck to being obnoxiously Irlandais?

Now this is a serious problem.

While most of us choose and plan out every aspect of our existence before our physical birth, there are some who fail the lessons they learn over and over. These people are eventually reincarnated as French. When they fail horribly at that they are reincarnated as Irish.

I can only assume that you have (finger-quotes)crossed the proverbial streams (finger-quotes).

Perhaps your soul is attempting to break free of its bonds. Keep this up. If you continue on this Path you can expect to become a Haitian Pentecostal in no time. From there, skies the limit.

Namaste.

[Salty]

I have testicular cancer. The doctors amputate in a week.

SPLENDID!

Did you know many aboriginal cultures had individuals known as "Two-Spirits"?

Losing your testicles, when you're a man, is one of the best things that can happen to you. Without those troublesome appendages (which cause wars, famine, violence, and hatred the world over) you will be much more free to cross into the spirit world.

I recommend, after the surgery, go to a lake or riverbed. Pick up a stick and scratch at your perineum until it is bloody and raw. Then create a salve from local foliage and herbs and place it on your new Womanhood.

Beware of rednecks in pickup trucks.*

Namaste.



*OHSI-was that racist?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I have testicular cancer. The doctors amputate in a week.

SPLENDID!

Did you know many aboriginal cultures had individuals known as "Two-Spirits"?

Losing your testicles, when you're a man, is one of the best things that can happen to you. Without those troublesome appendages (which cause wars, famine, violence, and hatred the world over) you will be much more free to cross into the spirit world.

I recommend, after the surgery, go to a lake or riverbed. Pick up a stick and scratch at your perineum until it is bloody and raw. Then create a salve from local foliage and herbs and place it on your new Womanhood.

Beware of rednecks in pickup trucks.*

Namaste.



*OHSI-was that racist?

When I first clicked over to this tab, I had forgotten what it was and I was SO CONFUSED. 

[Prince Glittersnatch III]

I have testicular cancer. The doctors amputate in a week.

SPLENDID!

Did you know many aboriginal cultures had individuals known as "Two-Spirits"?

Losing your testicles, when you're a man, is one of the best things that can happen to you. Without those troublesome appendages (which cause wars, famine, violence, and hatred the world over) you will be much more free to cross into the spirit world.

I recommend, after the surgery, go to a lake or riverbed. Pick up a stick and scratch at your perineum until it is bloody and raw. Then create a salve from local foliage and herbs and place it on your new Womanhood.

Beware of rednecks in pickup trucks.*

Namaste.



*OHSI-was that racist?

[Lenin McCarthy]

I have testicular cancer. The doctors amputate in a week.

SPLENDID!

Did you know many aboriginal cultures had individuals known as "Two-Spirits"?

Losing your testicles, when you're a man, is one of the best things that can happen to you. Without those troublesome appendages (which cause wars, famine, violence, and hatred the world over) you will be much more free to cross into the spirit world.

I recommend, after the surgery, go to a lake or riverbed. Pick up a stick and scratch at your perineum until it is bloody and raw. Then create a salve from local foliage and herbs and place it on your new Womanhood.

Beware of rednecks in pickup trucks.*

Namaste.



*OHSI-was that racist?

But please do remember that mainstream doctors are TEH EVHUL. Amputate them yourself, or get your homeopathic surgeon/witch doctor/quantum crystal energy field therapist of choice to do it.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

I recently met my small-grape-sized, flesh colored, somewhat firm to the touch, external hemorrhoid that almost talked me into to going to the ER last night. I was having an intense conversation with him, trying to explain that I already have too many ER bills and he said he would tell me the meaning of the universe if my girlfriend would kick me really hard in the butthole.

I was patting him down with witch hazel today and he hardly said a word. Every time I cough or sneeze he's like, "what's up, bro," but I thought we knew each other better than that. Do you think he's lying about the meaning of the universe, is the offer still on the table, was the sitz bath a faux pas? 

[Prince Glittersnatch III]

I have testicular cancer. The doctors amputate in a week.

SPLENDID!

Did you know many aboriginal cultures had individuals known as "Two-Spirits"?

Losing your testicles, when you're a man, is one of the best things that can happen to you. Without those troublesome appendages (which cause wars, famine, violence, and hatred the world over) you will be much more free to cross into the spirit world.

I recommend, after the surgery, go to a lake or riverbed. Pick up a stick and scratch at your perineum until it is bloody and raw. Then create a salve from local foliage and herbs and place it on your new Womanhood.

Beware of rednecks in pickup trucks.*

Namaste.



*OHSI-was that racist?

But please do remember that mainstream doctors are TEH EVHUL. Amputate them yourself, or get your homeopathic surgeon/witch doctor/quantum crystal energy field therapist of choice to do it.

Dont forget a homeopathic anesthesiologist.