LABELS - The Thread!

[Placid Dingo]

I get feelings. I'm not like a robot or spock or some shit. I see someone who's obviously fucking pissed off about something, I'll be all like "What's up" and they tell me that someone did something shitty at work or their cat's dead or something and I'll be all sympathetic and shit, like genuinely sympathetic, not like I have to simulate it and, if they want advice I'll give em anything I can come up with and, yeah, sometimes I'll be the asshole that gives unsolicited advice. But if you're telling me the only reason they told me the cat story is so's I'd know they were feeling down, that's retarded. Their face told me that - it's why I asked in the first place.

And why the fuck would you feel the need to tell someone how some shit made you feel is beyond me. Feelings are personal, they're what you feel. Why tell someone who, in all probability, would feel completely differently in the same situation? What's in it for either party?

Actually, I seldom do. Shitty people use things like that and good people don't need to be saddled with it.

This fread was bolloxed a long time ago.

Using the personality model, different people also put different value on their feeling/thoughts. So thinking People will value clarity in thought, Feelers value clarity in feeling, and both try to hone those skills in relationships and discussion.

Not to say thinkers are unfeeling or feelers are unthinking, but this is one of the four divides that tends to be noticable.

[Verbal Mike]

Now that I think about it, I recently was in the situation of having to tell some people something just so they know how I felt, oddly enough.
To cut a looong story short, I was the subject of a lot of email drama and some personal attacks within a group related to an organization I've been heavily involved in. It was resolved within a few days to the point that I didn't have any hard feeling for the people who attacked me and they had all taken their attacks back. And others overwhelmingly responded in my favor once the shit and fan had met. But for months I had this feeling of having been slapped in the face by the whole group because they allowed such a thing to happen. And it was very important to me to make sure that some of them, those I had worked closely with especially, knew how the whole thing had made me feel and still made me feel.

The weird thing was, before that point I had a few conversations with a few (mostly cisgal) friends in that group, where it seemed to me more important to agree on how crappy, unacceptable, and factually incorrect the attacks were, but my friends responded only to my emotional state, which was weird and confusing but still helpful in overcoming it.

In retrospect I've thought that what was actually going on was that I was in desperate need of consolation from people close enough to me and to the drama to understand both, but I wasn't able to admit that to myself and instead thought I need to make sure people understand how what happened and what was said about me was wrong. In other words, I needed the "how to fix things" angle in order to make the conversation legitimate to me, in order to allow myself to express what was going on. I consciously only wanted to talk to people who I was close with, though, which kinda tells me that looking for sympathy was a bigger part of it than I realized at the time.

I might just be blabbering here, but maybe this is helpful in the communication expectations part of the discussion.

[Verbal Mike]

Umm I think I may have gotten side-tracked and forgotten to mention what was supposed to be the point in that last one.

And it was very important to me to make sure that some of them, those I had worked closely with especially, knew how the whole thing had made me feel and still made me feel.

It was very important to me because I had previously always been really glad to donate my time and effort in this group, and after the drama stuff I wasn't interested in doing that at all. I knew that people were relying on my availability and engagement for certain things, to some extent, and needed them to understand how things had changed.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I get feelings. I'm not like a robot or spock or some shit. I see someone who's obviously fucking pissed off about something, I'll be all like "What's up" and they tell me that someone did something shitty at work or their cat's dead or something and I'll be all sympathetic and shit, like genuinely sympathetic, not like I have to simulate it and, if they want advice I'll give em anything I can come up with and, yeah, sometimes I'll be the asshole that gives unsolicited advice. But if you're telling me the only reason they told me the cat story is so's I'd know they were feeling down, that's retarded. Their face told me that - it's why I asked in the first place.

And why the fuck would you feel the need to tell someone how some shit made you feel is beyond me. Feelings are personal, they're what you feel. Why tell someone who, in all probability, would feel completely differently in the same situation? What's in it for either party?

Understanding. Because you can't really understand why someone reacts unless you understand how they feel.

[East Coast Hustle]

I get feelings. I'm not like a robot or spock or some shit. I see someone who's obviously fucking pissed off about something, I'll be all like "What's up" and they tell me that someone did something shitty at work or their cat's dead or something and I'll be all sympathetic and shit, like genuinely sympathetic, not like I have to simulate it and, if they want advice I'll give em anything I can come up with and, yeah, sometimes I'll be the asshole that gives unsolicited advice. But if you're telling me the only reason they told me the cat story is so's I'd know they were feeling down, that's retarded. Their face told me that - it's why I asked in the first place.

And why the fuck would you feel the need to tell someone how some shit made you feel is beyond me. Feelings are personal, they're what you feel. Why tell someone who, in all probability, would feel completely differently in the same situation? What's in it for either party?

Fuck yes. This x 1000.

Regardless of what bits you have dangling between your legs, communication solely for the purpose of emotional validation is fucking retarded. Learn to deal with your own head and save conversing with me for when you have something interesting or relevant to relay.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

I disagree somewhat. I don't have a problem with people communicating because they want some emotional validation (PD.com may not be the right venue for that though). A lot of communication is "I'm Here. Are you there?"

If you're with friends, it might be "I'm here feeling bad/funky/screwed up. Are you there, to help me through this?"

Note though, in my experience at pd.com its: "I'm here feeling bad/funky/screwed up. Are you there, ready to beat my emotions into a pulp and get my head out of this spot with sarcasm, jokes, WOMPS and other assorted tools?"

[Faust]

I disagree somewhat. I don't have a problem with people communicating because they want some emotional validation (PD.com may not be the right venue for that though). A lot of communication is "I'm Here. Are you there?"

I would always be cautious of that. Would you write about your personal emotional experiences on the bathroom wall or in front of an audience of thousands without knowing their motives or intentions?

As a forum we don't provide a safe platform for that and we never can.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

I disagree somewhat. I don't have a problem with people communicating because they want some emotional validation (PD.com may not be the right venue for that though). A lot of communication is "I'm Here. Are you there?"

I would always be cautious of that. Would you write about your personal emotional experiences on the bathroom wall or in front of an audience of thousands without knowing their motives or intentions?

As a forum we don't provide a safe platform for that and we never can.

Very true. I think there are valid places for that kind of communication... I just dunno if the Internet, or specifically a forum filled with the load of kooks we have here, is the right place. 

[Freeky]

I get feelings. I'm not like a robot or spock or some shit. I see someone who's obviously fucking pissed off about something, I'll be all like "What's up" and they tell me that someone did something shitty at work or their cat's dead or something and I'll be all sympathetic and shit, like genuinely sympathetic, not like I have to simulate it and, if they want advice I'll give em anything I can come up with and, yeah, sometimes I'll be the asshole that gives unsolicited advice. But if you're telling me the only reason they told me the cat story is so's I'd know they were feeling down, that's retarded. Their face told me that - it's why I asked in the first place.

And why the fuck would you feel the need to tell someone how some shit made you feel is beyond me. Feelings are personal, they're what you feel. Why tell someone who, in all probability, would feel completely differently in the same situation? What's in it for either party?

Actually, I seldom do. Shitty people use things like that and good people don't need to be saddled with it.

That's a really fucked up thing to say, both of you.

[Faust]

How so? I wouldn't feel safe doing it, I have no way of making it safe for anyone else, would you preferred I lied?

[Freeky]

How so? I wouldn't feel safe doing it, I have no way of making it safe for anyone else, would you preferred I lied?

I'm not talking about interbutts, I agree that it isn't a good place for that. I'm talking about the disgust and contempt for people who need to talk about their their feelings that pent and Stella seem to hold. 

[tyrannosaurus vex]

I don't think it's contempt, I think it's just phrased that way. Personally I think if all you want to do is "talk about your feelings," they have therapists, drum circles, and spouses for that. I don't particularly care what Random Person X from City XYZ "feels" about anything. When it comes to that scale of things, I care that the police don't fuck with me too much, that trains run on time, and that I can afford food and shelter. I do not care about the inner child of any person I don't personally know and that is because the people I do know are already standing in line for the limited number of fucks I have to give about that kind of thing.

If we're going to have Public Discourse about something, please, for the love of Christ, let its goal be action and tangible changes to society, not a grand intercontinental effort to talk about building the world's largest clothesline so we can all air our dirty laundry on it.

[Faust]

How so? I wouldn't feel safe doing it, I have no way of making it safe for anyone else, would you preferred I lied?

I'm not talking about interbutts, I agree that it isn't a good place for that. I'm talking about the disgust and contempt for people who need to talk about their their feelings that pent and Stella seem to hold.

Sorry, on my phone quotes are collapsed.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I get feelings. I'm not like a robot or spock or some shit. I see someone who's obviously fucking pissed off about something, I'll be all like "What's up" and they tell me that someone did something shitty at work or their cat's dead or something and I'll be all sympathetic and shit, like genuinely sympathetic, not like I have to simulate it and, if they want advice I'll give em anything I can come up with and, yeah, sometimes I'll be the asshole that gives unsolicited advice. But if you're telling me the only reason they told me the cat story is so's I'd know they were feeling down, that's retarded. Their face told me that - it's why I asked in the first place.

And why the fuck would you feel the need to tell someone how some shit made you feel is beyond me. Feelings are personal, they're what you feel. Why tell someone who, in all probability, would feel completely differently in the same situation? What's in it for either party?

Actually, I seldom do. Shitty people use things like that and good people don't need to be saddled with it.

That's a really fucked up thing to say, both of you.

Let me guess, it makes your inner child weep little rainbow coloured tears of desperation? 

[P3nT4gR4m]

I get feelings. I'm not like a robot or spock or some shit. I see someone who's obviously fucking pissed off about something, I'll be all like "What's up" and they tell me that someone did something shitty at work or their cat's dead or something and I'll be all sympathetic and shit, like genuinely sympathetic, not like I have to simulate it and, if they want advice I'll give em anything I can come up with and, yeah, sometimes I'll be the asshole that gives unsolicited advice. But if you're telling me the only reason they told me the cat story is so's I'd know they were feeling down, that's retarded. Their face told me that - it's why I asked in the first place.

And why the fuck would you feel the need to tell someone how some shit made you feel is beyond me. Feelings are personal, they're what you feel. Why tell someone who, in all probability, would feel completely differently in the same situation? What's in it for either party?

Fuck yes. This x 1000.

Regardless of what bits you have dangling between your legs, communication solely for the purpose of emotional validation is fucking retarded. Learn to deal with your own head and save conversing with me for when you have something interesting or relevant to relay.

But Hustle, the delicate little snowflakes shouldn't have to learn to deal. The world should be nice and fluffy and unicorns and shit and, until we make it like that for them, we should listen to them whining like little bitches, cos that makes them feel all better.