Can we talk about me now? (Open bar thread #3,494)

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL ROGER
but i might make a small exception in this case.

Take my place for a while.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Once I do stuff I feel better, but the trick is making that step (and not feeling bad about it later).

THIS, just in case you missed it, is virtually the only part that really needs attention. At least it is for me. All the rest kinda falls into place when I get that bit sorted. The feeling bad about it later part tends to be a question of momentum - ie keep it going.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL ROGER
but i might make a small exception in this case.

It isn't actually required.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL ROGER
but i might make a small exception in this case.

It isn't actually required.

SHHHHHHHHH! You have a teetotaller agreeing to drink. Nothing in the world has more potetial for hilarity. NOTHING!! Don't spoil it 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Might be logging off shortly. The estimated time is drawing near.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL ROGER
but i might make a small exception in this case.

It isn't actually required.

SHHHHHHHHH! You have a teetotaller agreeing to drink. Nothing in the world has more potetial for hilarity. NOTHING!! Don't spoil it 

I disagree with this.

If someone doesn't drink for a reason, there is nothing more obnoxious than someone trying to get them to drink.

And our research indicates that it is possible to have a good time without drinking, counter-intuitive as it may seem.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

I DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL ROGER
but i might make a small exception in this case.

It isn't actually required.

SHHHHHHHHH! You have a teetotaller agreeing to drink. Nothing in the world has more potetial for hilarity. NOTHING!! Don't spoil it 

I am familiar with drinking. I just took a pledge to never touch whiskey again.

Other kinds of alcohol do not count as alcohol.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL ROGER
but i might make a small exception in this case.

It isn't actually required.

SHHHHHHHHH! You have a teetotaller agreeing to drink. Nothing in the world has more potetial for hilarity. NOTHING!! Don't spoil it 

I am familiar with drinking. I just took a pledge to never touch whiskey again.

Other kinds of alcohol do not count as alcohol.

There will be a few hundred beers on hand.

[trippinprincezz13]

Ah, whoops, the helping bit.

But, I found talk therapy pretty effective myself.

Yea, but that's still trying to be productive at least. Everyone's problems and solutions may be different, but I can still appreciate helpful suggestions a lot more than "It's all in your head. Be happy!"

And some of those people may genuinely think they're helping by saying it, but all it does it validate some of the paranoia and depression by making me feel stupid/unimportant/vunerable. And then it gets worse.

I was in therapy a while ago, a few times, with varying degrees of success. Finding the right person. And not mentioning it to my mother (I don't live at home, so that's not a huge issue). While she let me go to therapy in high school, she actively discouraged it. And not too long ago she was telling me that my sister talked about wanting to be in therapy for stress and she was putting it down and "that never helped you right" and "they don't do anything except ruin families". Her brother/family had a bad experience with one when she was younger, so that's pretty much permanently colored her view of them. While she may mean well, she's a bit of the "you're fine. You don't have any reason to be sad/stressed. Just relax" sort.

It's simple, really.  You lack Slack.  You worry about what other people think of you.  You worry that having a good time is somehow BADWRONG.  In many people, this leads them to join religious groups that frown on fun entirely.  In others, it leads to the situation you find yourself in. 

That sounds about right, and I'm not quite sure how I ended up here (better than the no-fun religious groups I suppose, if only by a margin). I mean, I KNOW it's good/okay to slack/have fun/think about me sometimes, I just don't know how to keep that moment of clarity and stop beating myself up about it. In some senses I don't care about what people think about me (or at least I've convinced myself of that) but on the other hand, I obviously COMPELTELY do. In those ways, I can kind of see the surface of the problem - I know some of what's wrong and why it shouldn't be - but I can't actually put it into action/do anything about it. It had seemed like things were getting better, but now...And that's it, I'll fine, rolling along (or so I think) and then one little thing brings the whole thing crashing down.

That's the EASY part.  The hard part is doing something ABOUT it.   My advice is to work with a therapist, combined with some exercise.  Assuming you can AFFORD a therapist.  If you can't, talk to Nigel, who may have some information on how to find publicly funded therapy. 

And that's just it. I feel crazier for knowing that I'm being all crazy and not knowing what to do about it. Exercise probably would help a lot.  I'm not horridly out of shape (try telling that to my brain) but sitting around being a sad sack isn't helping anything except perpetuate the cycle. I do have insurance, so I would imagine it should cover therapy? I'll have to look into it, but if that turns into a dead end, I'll ask if Nigel has any suggestions. I think it's getting to the point where therapy is probably needed, at least for a little bit. Since, at least what's making it worse is the bottling up and playing the same stuff over and over in my head.

If this turns out not to be an option, then there's The Cure.  That should be considered a last resort, of course, as it tends to turn you into a 44 year old, bitter old man that hates everyone and spends all his time NOT giving a shit what most people think.  That does, believe it or not, have some downsides.

I don't know about that - I always wanted to know what it was like to be a 44 year old, bitter old man 

Again, thanks all. I really does help to vent and get actual feedback

[The Good Reverend Roger]

One of these days, I need to write The Cure up.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL ROGER
but i might make a small exception in this case.

It isn't actually required.

SHHHHHHHHH! You have a teetotaller agreeing to drink. Nothing in the world has more potetial for hilarity. NOTHING!! Don't spoil it 

I disagree with this.

If someone doesn't drink for a reason, there is nothing more obnoxious than someone trying to get them to drink.

And our research indicates that it is possible to have a good time without drinking, counter-intuitive as it may seem.

I'm scottish. None of that last bit made any sense whatsoever

[trippinprincezz13]

One side effect of The Cure is that these people won't speak to you for MONTHS.  If ever.

Assbags.  "Be happy".  I'LL SHOW YOU HAPPY, YOU GODDAMN TWITS!  HOLD STILL!

In some cases, that may be a good thing.

And yea, pretty much. Thanks asshole. I decided to make myself emotionally vunerable to someone I consider a friend I could trust and in return I get what amounts to "That's cute. Next topic!" And then I hate everyone. Or "I know what you mean, I always have to clean dirty dishes" "My boyfriend's stressed from going to the gym all the time". Oh really? Last time I checked you weren't not making plans to go out because you had to stay home and CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE. Or after working all day, grocery shopping, making dinner and maybe a few other chores in there you finally sit down, only to start berating yourself because WHY DID YOU STOP YOU LAZY FUCK!

[trippinprincezz13]

Yes, this, a qualified therapist. I mean, we all THINK stuff like that (and worse...) sometimes, but when it takes over and keeps you from doing things, it's time to get somebody to show you how to put the brakes on the shit. Good luck, keep us posted.

Yea, it's probably about that time. If I don't do anything, it's just going to keep getting worse, and I'm clearly not having any luck talking myself out of it. And with the depression and stress is building resentment and anger and I really don't want to fuck things up with the only person I DO actually trust.

Thank you 

Twid, I wish to FUCK I was on a treadmill.

I'm having a Very Special Day. Moved across town to a new neigborhood recently and when I took the dog out last night, I was cutting across parking lots ans stepped over a four inch curb.

There was a three foot drop on the other side and I landed on the side of my assbone. I can't put weight on my right leg AT ALL, I'm scooting around like a dog dragging his ass on the carpet.

I don't think anything broke, nothing feels out of place or feverish, just swollen and sore as fuck. I'm gonna give it a couple of days and if I don't see any improvement I'll go to the ER for an X ray, but I don't want to have to do that because it's Seguin and they're incompetent. They'd probably amputate my GOOD leg if I let them.

Holy shit, that sucks Hope you didn't break anything. That's a decent size fall when you're not expecting it.

Once I do stuff I feel better, but the trick is making that step (and not feeling bad about it later).

THIS, just in case you missed it, is virtually the only part that really needs attention. At least it is for me. All the rest kinda falls into place when I get that bit sorted. The feeling bad about it later part tends to be a question of momentum - ie keep it going.

Yea, that's definitely a big part of it. I can grasp the concept, it's the putting it into action/staying in action that's stumping me. I was doing good for a while then....something happened apparently to bring it crashing down. Maybe I was just putting up a good front.

One of these days, I need to write The Cure up.

I'm sure I would enjoy reading it, if you do.

But, I should probably do some actual work with the hour and a half I have left here, since I've spent the better part of the day being all Mopey Moperton.

But, I'll be back. Oh yes, I'll be back

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Interesting thing, Trippin...A lot of people dealing with depression tend to find some unobtainable standard of perfection and go completely batshit trying to achieve it.  In your case, cleaning.

I think - and let's be clear, here:  I am NOT a psychologist - that it's a way of deliberately setting yourself up to fail, to validate the cruddy way you view yourself.  "I can't even keep a house clean *scrub, scrub, scrub*"  The problem isn't that the house is dirty (I very much doubt that it is, by any reasonable standard), but rather the inside of your head needs to be cleaned.

Don't take that as an insult; the inside of my head looks like an untended chicken coop.

The problem is, this sort of skewed perception is a form of feedback loop, like anorexia.  Odds are really high that you won't be able to beat it without some kind of help.

This brings up another issue:  Many people feel that going to a therapist is an admission of weakness.  This is utter bullshit, of course, because ANYONE who claims to have their shit in one bag in a culture as complex as ours is either a liar, or so far gone that they can't tell the difference anymore.  Would you refrain from getting treated for pneumonia or strep throat or a broken arm?  This is no different.

[trippinprincezz13]

I've noticed with me that cleaning is a good psychological trigger- maybe it is with you and that's why you're focusing on it. Clean your external environment and you're cleaning the internal one as well. But sometimes it's hard to do until you finally just go, "alright, gotta clean this room"

Twid,
Actually does need to clean his room, and it's probably the right time for the trigger anyway.

And since i just realized I skipped this over. That probably is true. I enjoy cleaning, being all productive and shit. But then it's a chore and I'm trying to do everything at once, get overwhelmed and end up doing nothing, or barely anything. I need to let myself know it's ok to take it one step at a time.