Can we talk about me now? (Open bar thread #3,494)

[Nephew Twiddleton]

1) Stay on laptop until a queue of irate people form behind you

2) Google "viral meningitis" and launch into a coughing fit

It's rather empty in here actually, though the people at the check in desk said I'll probably be here for another two hours.

Also got to break the news about the exoplanet around Alpha Centauri B to her. Mentioned it would be an awesome place to do a music video.

[trippinprincezz13]

In a real funk, and it only seems to be getting worse. Especially when my brain seems to be actively working against me trying to pull myself out of it. If I just stop and relax for a bit, I worry that I should be doing something, or I'm forgetting to do something or WHY ARE YOU JUST SITTING THERE NOT DOING THE LAUNDRY/CLEANING/COOKING/SOMETHING. If I go out and genuinely have fun and enjoy myself, I immediately feel guilty about it because you must have done something wrong, look at how stupid you must have looked, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU LOOKED LIKE AN ASS. They were just being nice because they felt bad, you know they're talking about you now. FFS, I can barely spend a day with my parents without thinking I screwed it up somehow. 

So then I don't do anything so that I can't make myself feel bad about it later. But I WANT to go out and talk to people, so I get more depressed, and withdrawn, resentful and angry and start lashing out at those around me. Feel bad about it later, and so on. And it builds up, and I'm stressed all the time and just so tired. And how do you explain that to anyone without sounding completely insane?

And this is all TMI, and probably won't do any good, but I just....don't know.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

In a real funk, and it only seems to be getting worse. Especially when my brain seems to be actively working against me trying to pull myself out of it. If I just stop and relax for a bit, I worry that I should be doing something, or I'm forgetting to do something or WHY ARE YOU JUST SITTING THERE NOT DOING THE LAUNDRY/CLEANING/COOKING/SOMETHING. If I go out and genuinely have fun and enjoy myself, I immediately feel guilty about it because you must have done something wrong, look at how stupid you must have looked, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU LOOKED LIKE AN ASS. They were just being nice because they felt bad, you know they're talking about you now. FFS, I can barely spend a day with my parents without thinking I screwed it up somehow. 

So then I don't do anything so that I can't make myself feel bad about it later. But I WANT to go out and talk to people, so I get more depressed, and withdrawn, resentful and angry and start lashing out at those around me. Feel bad about it later, and so on. And it builds up, and I'm stressed all the time and just so tired. And how do you explain that to anyone without sounding completely insane?

And this is all TMI, and probably won't do any good, but I just....don't know.

That sucks. Wish I could help.

Do you jog? Roger suggested that I start hitting the treadmill. I haven't yet because... well I don't have a good reason.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Have you tried taking a hike and eating a sammich? Those feelings sound really familiar, and that's one way I've had some success shutting them up for a bit. YMMV.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Have you tried taking a hike and eating a sammich? Those feelings sound really familiar, and that's one way I've had some success shutting them up for a bit. YMMV.

I got to admit, sandwiches make me feel pretty good too. Probably because they're a minimal effort food with maximum satisfaction.

[Juana]

^^^ That. I find that privately word-vomiting everything I'm feeling/what I suspect the causes are and then going to a jog help me pull out of depressions and/or prevent me from sliding into one in the first place. Give it a try?

Also sammiches and naps are wonderful things after a run.

[LMNO]

And how do you explain that to anyone without sounding completely insane?

Personally, I think this may be a key to the solution.  Do you have anyone who you can talk to without them judging or trying to "help" or "fix the problem"?

Dunno your situation, but this sounds like the perfect fit for talk therapy, if you can get it.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Ah, whoops, the helping bit.

But, I found talk therapy pretty effective myself.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

In a real funk, and it only seems to be getting worse. Especially when my brain seems to be actively working against me trying to pull myself out of it. If I just stop and relax for a bit, I worry that I should be doing something, or I'm forgetting to do something or WHY ARE YOU JUST SITTING THERE NOT DOING THE LAUNDRY/CLEANING/COOKING/SOMETHING. If I go out and genuinely have fun and enjoy myself, I immediately feel guilty about it because you must have done something wrong, look at how stupid you must have looked, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU LOOKED LIKE AN ASS. They were just being nice because they felt bad, you know they're talking about you now. FFS, I can barely spend a day with my parents without thinking I screwed it up somehow. 

So then I don't do anything so that I can't make myself feel bad about it later. But I WANT to go out and talk to people, so I get more depressed, and withdrawn, resentful and angry and start lashing out at those around me. Feel bad about it later, and so on. And it builds up, and I'm stressed all the time and just so tired. And how do you explain that to anyone without sounding completely insane?

And this is all TMI, and probably won't do any good, but I just....don't know.

It's simple, really.  You lack Slack.  You worry about what other people think of you.  You worry that having a good time is somehow BADWRONG.  In many people, this leads them to join religious groups that frown on fun entirely.  In others, it leads to the situation you find yourself in. 

That's the EASY part.  The hard part is doing something ABOUT it.  My advice is to work with a therapist, combined with some exercise.  Assuming you can AFFORD a therapist.  If you can't, talk to Nigel, who may have some information on how to find publicly funded therapy.  If this turns out not to be an option, then there's The Cure.  That should be considered a last resort, of course, as it tends to turn you into a 44 year old, bitter old man that hates everyone and spends all his time NOT giving a shit what most people think.  That does, believe it or not, have some downsides.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Do you jog? Roger suggested that I start hitting the treadmill. I haven't yet because... well I don't have a good reason.

I'll do it tomorrow.
I'll do it tomorrow.
I'll do it tomorrow.
I'll do it tomorrow.
I'll do it tomorrow.
I'll do it tomorrow.
I'll do it tomorrow.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Do you jog? Roger suggested that I start hitting the treadmill. I haven't yet because... well I don't have a good reason.

I'll do it tomorrow.
I'll do it tomorrow.
I'll do it tomorrow.
I'll do it tomorrow.
I'll do it tomorrow.
I'll do it tomorrow.
I'll do it tomorrow.

And that is largely the essence of why I'm in what I'm in now.

[Eater of Clowns]

I've always been really bad about going out and exercising.  My solution was to sign up for a 5k last Saturday that a bunch of my family was doing to raise money for colon cancer (after my uncle died of it in June).

If you can't manage to just get up and do it - and it's really that simple, then try to find a way to peer pressure yourself into doing it.

And hey, turns out it was fun as hell and you feel great afterwards.  I've run a mile twice in my life so it was a real challenge to do 3.1 and an actual accomplishment to finish it.  Just get out there, even if you have to trick yourself into it.

[trippinprincezz13]

I don't feel like I got as much outdoor activity this summer/fall as usual, so that could have something to do with it. Only one good hike, too Or at least something to do with it not getting better. I probably should just start at least walking around the apartment complex parking lots if/since I can't seem to drag anyone else with me. Boyfriend and I are thinking of joining gym for the winter if we can afford it so that might help, and also with the tiredness/self-esteem issues too. Just to drag myself out of the house at least, since even if I'm being all tired/depressed at home I feel like I have the potential to do some cleaning (Jesus, WTF with the cleaning). Once I do stuff I feel better, but the trick is making that step (and not feeling bad about it later).

And how do you explain that to anyone without sounding completely insane?

Personally, I think this may be a key to the solution.  Do you have anyone who you can talk to without them judging or trying to "help" or "fix the problem"?

Dunno your situation, but this sounds like the perfect fit for talk therapy, if you can get it.

Yea, that's part of the problem I think. I don't feel real comfortable honestly venting to most people, so I bottle it up and it gets worse, and little bits of crazy start leaking out here and there. With most friends/family I'd feel judged and/or, more likely, get some variation of "LOL that's silly/crazy. You're fine! Cheer up! It's all in your head (yea, no shit)! Be happy!" which just leaves me feeling stupid for saying anything in the first place.

My boyfriend's probably the only one IRL that I trust not to judge me, but then I feel bad for spilling crazy all over him, which I probably shouldn't since it's better than exploding crazy at him at random intervals for reasons he can't understand since by that point I'm no longer rational, just hurt. Occassionally, he'll do the "well then stop" but not in the same patronizing way I feel I get from other people and usually more in a cheer up/we don't have time to talk about this right now since we're both getting ready for work right now/I feel bad but don't know to fix it/etc. I suppose I need better times to bring it up, but then, hate to spoil a good moment with sad things and all.

I have been debating going back to a therapist. Just need to convince myself to open up, that it's ok to do that instead of cleaning, and that even though "nothing's wrong", something might be, a little bit.

Thanks all, it does help to vent without the "LOL you're fine!" response

[tyrannosaurus vex]

In a real funk, and it only seems to be getting worse. Especially when my brain seems to be actively working against me trying to pull myself out of it. If I just stop and relax for a bit, I worry that I should be doing something, or I'm forgetting to do something or WHY ARE YOU JUST SITTING THERE NOT DOING THE LAUNDRY/CLEANING/COOKING/SOMETHING. If I go out and genuinely have fun and enjoy myself, I immediately feel guilty about it because you must have done something wrong, look at how stupid you must have looked, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU LOOKED LIKE AN ASS. They were just being nice because they felt bad, you know they're talking about you now. FFS, I can barely spend a day with my parents without thinking I screwed it up somehow. 

So then I don't do anything so that I can't make myself feel bad about it later. But I WANT to go out and talk to people, so I get more depressed, and withdrawn, resentful and angry and start lashing out at those around me. Feel bad about it later, and so on. And it builds up, and I'm stressed all the time and just so tired. And how do you explain that to anyone without sounding completely insane?

And this is all TMI, and probably won't do any good, but I just....don't know.

It's simple, really.  You lack Slack.  You worry about what other people think of you.  You worry that having a good time is somehow BADWRONG.  In many people, this leads them to join religious groups that frown on fun entirely.  In others, it leads to the situation you find yourself in. 

That's the EASY part.  The hard part is doing something ABOUT it.  My advice is to work with a therapist, combined with some exercise.  Assuming you can AFFORD a therapist.  If you can't, talk to Nigel, who may have some information on how to find publicly funded therapy.  If this turns out not to be an option, then there's The Cure.  That should be considered a last resort, of course, as it tends to turn you into a 44 year old, bitter old man that hates everyone and spends all his time NOT giving a shit what most people think.  That does, believe it or not, have some downsides.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Yea, that's part of the problem I think. I don't feel real comfortable honestly venting to most people, so I bottle it up and it gets worse, and little bits of crazy start leaking out here and there. With most friends/family I'd feel judged and/or, more likely, get some variation of "LOL that's silly/crazy. You're fine! Cheer up! It's all in your head (yea, no shit)! Be happy!" which just leaves me feeling stupid for saying anything in the first place.

One side effect of The Cure is that these people won't speak to you for MONTHS.  If ever.

Assbags.  "Be happy".  I'LL SHOW YOU HAPPY, YOU GODDAMN TWITS!  HOLD STILL!