Who's Who on PD.com

[The Good Reverend Roger]

And garrison isnt on it anymore, which is a shame. Except for his singing. Dont miss that a bit.
Im now 39 and divorced, so i guess mid life hits square.
Still not as old as tgrr though.

Nobody is as old as me.  I am the most ancient, tenacious piece of human waste in the entire West.

[Goddess Eris]

[Hoopla!]

PD's Criminal Element and Other Unsavory Characters

Hoopla
Picture:  No known photographs exist.
AKA:  The Baron

Hoopla is a porn adjuster in Toronto.  It's a little known field, but a crucial one, at least to Some People.  What he does bears a little explanation.

Suppose you're driving to work, and you have a pornography.  You're okay, but the other driver is a mess.  Both vehicles are hopelessy tangled together, still making odd noises.  The police stand around weeping and gnashing their teeth in rage because there's nothing they can charge you with.  50 years ago, you would have been fucking NICKED, my son, but this is a more enlightened time, you see.

You've already called your agent, and due to the extreme nature of the pornography, they say they're sending an adjuster out to look things over on the spot.  Afraid?  You should be. 

10 minutes later, a Smartcar pulls up, and an enormous bald freak unfolds out of it like a time-lapse flim of a prolapse.  Your brain locks with fear.  The man walks up and looks over the pornography.  "Yep", he says, "This definitely needs the air brush."

Your family never hears from you again.

Net
Photo:  Pending
AKA: The White Weasel, Frank Luke, Ron Jeremy

Net is an action hero.  He saves the children, in 30 minutes minus this little word from our sponsors.  Net is faster than a speeding building.  He can jump over bullets with a single bound.  He was a member of the JLA, but there was this little accident, see, where the Invisible Man was doing Wonder Woman on the roof.  Net got a little anxious...He couldn't see the Invisible Man, of course, and he mistook Wonder Woman's flailing as a sort of a "come hither" thing.  Net isn't a man to waste time, so he flew down there at the speed of sound and got busy.  Still not seeing the Invisible Man.  Who is expected to fully recover in due time.

Telarus
Photo:  Pending
AKA:  No known aliases.

Telarus is a tractor porn fiend from Hawaii.  Having been asked to leave, he settled in Portland, where his vices are not considered too spectacular.  By day, he is a mild-mannered barista with a Brad Pitt hat and a sweater vest...But by night, he is TELARUS, KING OF THE PAINT HUFFERS.  His people follow him fanatically for reasons unknown, and do whatever he says.  WHATEVER he says.  He himself does not huff paint.  No.  His urges are stronger and more atavistic.  He is a bestial man, and nobody walks the streets at night.  At least not twice.

His turn ons include Pavarati and tulip cultivation.  His turn offs include vice detectives and the Comstock Act.

“a Smartcar pulls up, and an enormous bald freak unfolds out of it like a time-lapse flim of a prolapse.”

That’s poetry.

[Doktor Howl]

PD's Criminal Element and Other Unsavory Characters

Hoopla
Picture:  No known photographs exist.
AKA:  The Baron

Hoopla is a porn adjuster in Toronto.  It's a little known field, but a crucial one, at least to Some People.  What he does bears a little explanation.

Suppose you're driving to work, and you have a pornography.  You're okay, but the other driver is a mess.  Both vehicles are hopelessy tangled together, still making odd noises.  The police stand around weeping and gnashing their teeth in rage because there's nothing they can charge you with.  50 years ago, you would have been fucking NICKED, my son, but this is a more enlightened time, you see.

You've already called your agent, and due to the extreme nature of the pornography, they say they're sending an adjuster out to look things over on the spot.  Afraid?  You should be. 

10 minutes later, a Smartcar pulls up, and an enormous bald freak unfolds out of it like a time-lapse flim of a prolapse.  Your brain locks with fear.  The man walks up and looks over the pornography.  "Yep", he says, "This definitely needs the air brush."

Your family never hears from you again.

Net
Photo:  Pending
AKA: The White Weasel, Frank Luke, Ron Jeremy

Net is an action hero.  He saves the children, in 30 minutes minus this little word from our sponsors.  Net is faster than a speeding building.  He can jump over bullets with a single bound.  He was a member of the JLA, but there was this little accident, see, where the Invisible Man was doing Wonder Woman on the roof.  Net got a little anxious...He couldn't see the Invisible Man, of course, and he mistook Wonder Woman's flailing as a sort of a "come hither" thing.  Net isn't a man to waste time, so he flew down there at the speed of sound and got busy.  Still not seeing the Invisible Man.  Who is expected to fully recover in due time.

Telarus
Photo:  Pending
AKA:  No known aliases.

Telarus is a tractor porn fiend from Hawaii.  Having been asked to leave, he settled in Portland, where his vices are not considered too spectacular.  By day, he is a mild-mannered barista with a Brad Pitt hat and a sweater vest...But by night, he is TELARUS, KING OF THE PAINT HUFFERS.  His people follow him fanatically for reasons unknown, and do whatever he says.  WHATEVER he says.  He himself does not huff paint.  No.  His urges are stronger and more atavistic.  He is a bestial man, and nobody walks the streets at night.  At least not twice.

His turn ons include Pavarati and tulip cultivation.  His turn offs include vice detectives and the Comstock Act.

“a Smartcar pulls up, and an enormous bald freak unfolds out of it like a time-lapse flim of a prolapse.”

That’s poetry.

I write the world I want to live in.   

[Capeditiea]

...i wonder if i will get a part in Dok's world.

[Doktor Howl]

...i wonder if i will get a part in Dok's world.

I suppose I should do some more.

Perhaps later tonight.

[Doktor Howl]

Capeditiea
Picture:  Capeditiea cannot be filmed, for technical reasons.
AKA: The Rabbi

We call Capeditiea "The Rabbi", because she keeps us right with The Law.  No, you will not exceed 299,792,458 m/s in a vacuum.  Yes, you will move forward in time.  You will leave those impossible futures and pasts that never happened alone.  That's just garbage left over from being this close to something as big as the sun.  You warp the mass, you warp the time, and there is nothing that's good for you in all that mess.  It's bad physics.  Sin.  Capeditiea's job is to strip that sin off of you, and given the sheer amount of that sin, she can hardly be blamed if she occasionally strips the real past off of someone.  Someone like you.

But she isn't going to just throw you back out into the world without a past, so she finds a past that's not too egregiously wrong/impossible, and staples it right onto you.  So that's why you're living in a reality where Donald Trump is president and Nazis are running around.  Don't get mad at her, it was the only thing left in the bin.

[Capeditiea]

Capeditiea
Picture:  Capeditiea cannot be filmed, for technical reasons.
AKA: The Rabbi

We call Capeditiea "The Rabbi", because she keeps us right with The Law.  No, you will not exceed 299,792,458 m/s in a vacuum.  Yes, you will move forward in time.  You will leave those impossible futures and pasts that never happened alone.  That's just garbage left over from being this close to something as big as the sun.  You warp the mass, you warp the time, and there is nothing that's good for you in all that mess.  It's bad physics.  Sin.  Capeditiea's job is to strip that sin off of you, and given the sheer amount of that sin, she can hardly be blamed if she occasionally strips the real past off of someone.  Someone like you.

But she isn't going to just throw you back out into the world without a past, so she finds a past that's not too egregiously wrong/impossible, and staples it right onto you.  So that's why you're living in a reality where Donald Trump is president and Nazis are running around.  Don't get mad at her, it was the only thing left in the bin.

:O you know me so well. :O

[Doktor Howl]

Capeditiea
Picture:  Capeditiea cannot be filmed, for technical reasons.
AKA: The Rabbi

We call Capeditiea "The Rabbi", because she keeps us right with The Law.  No, you will not exceed 299,792,458 m/s in a vacuum.  Yes, you will move forward in time.  You will leave those impossible futures and pasts that never happened alone.  That's just garbage left over from being this close to something as big as the sun.  You warp the mass, you warp the time, and there is nothing that's good for you in all that mess.  It's bad physics.  Sin.  Capeditiea's job is to strip that sin off of you, and given the sheer amount of that sin, she can hardly be blamed if she occasionally strips the real past off of someone.  Someone like you.

But she isn't going to just throw you back out into the world without a past, so she finds a past that's not too egregiously wrong/impossible, and staples it right onto you.  So that's why you're living in a reality where Donald Trump is president and Nazis are running around.  Don't get mad at her, it was the only thing left in the bin.

:O you know me so well. :O

I am the last Holy Man™ in this country.  It's my job to know these things.

[Capeditiea]

Capeditiea
Picture:  Capeditiea cannot be filmed, for technical reasons.
AKA: The Rabbi

We call Capeditiea "The Rabbi", because she keeps us right with The Law.  No, you will not exceed 299,792,458 m/s in a vacuum.  Yes, you will move forward in time.  You will leave those impossible futures and pasts that never happened alone.  That's just garbage left over from being this close to something as big as the sun.  You warp the mass, you warp the time, and there is nothing that's good for you in all that mess.  It's bad physics.  Sin.  Capeditiea's job is to strip that sin off of you, and given the sheer amount of that sin, she can hardly be blamed if she occasionally strips the real past off of someone.  Someone like you.

But she isn't going to just throw you back out into the world without a past, so she finds a past that's not too egregiously wrong/impossible, and staples it right onto you.  So that's why you're living in a reality where Donald Trump is president and Nazis are running around.  Don't get mad at her, it was the only thing left in the bin.

:O you know me so well. :O

I am the last Holy Man™ in this country.  It's my job to know these things.

you do a damn well great job at it.