The Kitchen Chronicles

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Roger, are you trying to SCIENCE your food too hard with excessive heat?

No.  I am attentive as hell, and I try to follow the directions.

But then it all goes bad.

[LMNO]

Roger either has too many directions, or not enough.

Or, he sees things AND TRIES TO FIX THEM.

Crazy Eddie had that idea, too.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

When you try to scramble a hard boiled egg, it heats at different rates.  The white tries to get away from yolk, because it HATES yolk.  It then sticks to the ceiling like Goddamn Spiderman.

I love this. It needs to go in the newsfeed or something.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Roger either has too many directions, or not enough.

Or, he sees things AND TRIES TO FIX THEM.

Crazy Eddie had that idea, too.

Roger:  The Crazy Eddie of the Kitchen.   

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

You might want to take a look at this: http://www.amazon.com/Reluctant-Nervous-Confused-Students-Cookbook/dp/0883965917

It's mostly remedial kitchen skills: cooking meat, potatoes, and pasta without killing yourself, basic sauces, and whatnot. I went into my first apartment not knowing how to do anything other than bake and boil water, and this helped a ton.

[tarod]

When you try to scramble a hard boiled egg, it heats at different rates.  The white tries to get away from yolk, because it HATES yolk.  It then sticks to the ceiling like Goddamn Spiderman.

I love this. It needs to go in the newsfeed or something.

Seconded.

[Richter]

http://www.cookingforengineers.com/

This does have decent step-by step instructions - they are not in proper lab instruction format though.  Heating the oil for Shepherd's Pie, for example - it doesn't tell you how long or how hot.  It would be possible to have smoking, flaming oil while dicing your onion. 

This part is OK though.  http://www.cookingforengineers.com/recipe/47/Basic-Pancakes

[LMNO]

I feel we should start a Roger-appropriate cooking thread in the Recipes subforum.

[Richter]

I'm down.

[LMNO]

With the appropriate commentary, of course.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Can we get some dietary guidelines from Nurse Enabler?

[Ben Shapiro]

GO FORTH AND CONQUER! FOR PD!  FOR ROGER!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Can we get some dietary guidelines from Nurse Enabler?

Easy.

No red meat of any kind.
No deep fried foods.
No junk food (chips, etc).
NO GODDAMN BOURBON. 

Pretty much anything else goes.

[LMNO]

You poor, poor man.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You poor, poor man.

What?  That pretty much leaves, you know, ALL OF INDIAN CUISINE.

Also Ethiopian, most Arabic, about half of Greek, 90% Thai, and pretty much all of Korean.

So don't get your sympathy worked up TOO high.  Wouldn't eat a steak if I could.