WAFFLE! TWID! GET YOUR WARTY ASSES IN HERE.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

UNUBIQUOTOUS GRATIFICATIONS UPON RECEIVING THIS LITERARY MEISTERWERK

SALUTATIONS TOWARD AND INQUISITION INTO THE STATUS OF THE PATTERNED MORNING GRAIN OFFERING.

VOMITOUS REPULTIONS TOWARDS THE FERMENTED GRAIL LIBATIONS AND QUIZZICAL EXPRESSION FACES ON THE TRUE MEANING

MODERATELY ENVIOUS AM I. MY PLIGHT IS ONE OF MONETARY INDEBTEDNESS PREVAILING UPON THE SUFFICIENCY TO PROCURE AQUEOUS SOLUTIONS DERIVED FROM THE ENYEASTMENT OF AUTOTROPHS.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Normal English: "Commuting to work"
Death Metal English: "TRANSPORTATION OF THE WAGEBOUND UNTO THE NEXUS OF PERPETUAL QUOTIDIAN ENSLAVEMENT"

Normal English: "This bok choy isn't very good"
Death Metal English: "CASTIGATING THE VERDANT ISSUANCE OF THE SOILS OF JIANGNAN"

Normal English: "I need to take a nap"
Death Metal English: "RIPPED INTO THE UTTER EXHAUSTION OF THE MIDDLE DAY"

Normal English: "Thanks for explaining the train schedule"
Death Metal English: "PROFFERING GRATITUDE UPON THE CHRONOCRATION OF THE JUGGERNAUTS OF RETICULATED METALS AND FIRE"

Normal English: "You have to mow the lawn"
Death Metal English: "BRING DOWN THE SCYTHE OF GODS UPON THE NECKS OF THE GREEN-RIBBED LEGIONS AND SWEEP AWAY THEIR WRETCHED BODIES; THOU ART IMPLORED BY ME"

Vegan cooking http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eovuIfeH2k4

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Normal English: "Commuting to work"
Death Metal English: "TRANSPORTATION OF THE WAGEBOUND UNTO THE NEXUS OF PERPETUAL QUOTIDIAN ENSLAVEMENT"

Normal English: "This bok choy isn't very good"
Death Metal English: "CASTIGATING THE VERDANT ISSUANCE OF THE SOILS OF JIANGNAN"

Normal English: "I need to take a nap"
Death Metal English: "RIPPED INTO THE UTTER EXHAUSTION OF THE MIDDLE DAY"

Normal English: "Thanks for explaining the train schedule"
Death Metal English: "PROFFERING GRATITUDE UPON THE CHRONOCRATION OF THE JUGGERNAUTS OF RETICULATED METALS AND FIRE"

Normal English: "You have to mow the lawn"
Death Metal English: "BRING DOWN THE SCYTHE OF GODS UPON THE NECKS OF THE GREEN-RIBBED LEGIONS AND SWEEP AWAY THEIR WRETCHED BODIES; THOU ART IMPLORED BY ME"

Vegan cooking http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eovuIfeH2k4

This is lovely.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

OMG why did I come here in this tired state?
This shit is AMAZING!

PS- The guy in that video is a guy named Brian. He's a friend of mine. Lives a few neighborhoods over. He's super nice.
(except he doesn't drink. I don't fully trust people who don't drink)
His house is the most awesome metal shit you've ever seen.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

OMG why did I come here in this tired state?
This shit is AMAZING!

PS- The guy in that video is a guy named Brian. He's a friend of mine. Lives a few neighborhoods over. He's super nice.
(except he doesn't drink. I don't fully trust people who don't drink)
His house is the most awesome metal shit you've ever seen.

Oh man, it's a small small small small world.

Doesn't drink? Vegan? Metal?

Is he STRAIGHT-EDGE?