The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)

[The Wizard Joseph]

Mass tells space how to bend, and space tells mass how to move.
Money tells the market how to trend, and the market tells money how to move.
Physics is what kills you, but it's biology that wants you dead.

 
Poetic and HORRIFYING as usual!

[Cramulus]

Mass tells space how to bend, and space tells mass how to move.
Money tells the market how to trend, and the market tells money how to move.
Physics is what kills you, but it's biology that wants you dead.

I really like that

[Doktor Howl]

New project file tomorrow!

[Doktor Howl]

At work today:

Dan:  "So, how do you feel about the new project?"

Me:  "It's good.  Very interesting stuff."

Dan:  "I always thought of you more as an 'explody' guy."

Me:  "Geez, you do a couple of weapons gigs and people think that's all you do."

Dan:  "Touchy, touchy."

Me:  "Besides, you could totally weaponize this."

Dan:  "Weaponizing...advertising analysis?"

Norton:  "You act like you've never sat through an election, Dan."

Me:  "Or watched people peddle dangerous drugs to old farts on the TV."

Norton:  "Or just wanted to be able to steer loads of people into doing what you want them to do."

Dan:  "You guys are just determining effect, not writing ads."

Me:  "Correct.  We are not trained in writing ads.  But what we're doing here will make the people who DO write ads more effective."

Norton:  "And that's what the world needs right now.  More effective ads."

Dan:  "Jesus, is this how you guys think all the time?"

Me:  "No, mostly just when I'm pimped out to figure out how effective dick pill ads are."

Norton:  "Yes, we're not really happy about that part of it."

Me:  "AND"

Dan:  "AND what?"

Me:  "And we will have our revenge."

Dan:  "I thought you said you were okay with it."

Me:  "That's before you reminded me of it."

Dan:  "You said it was interesting."

Norton:  "Much like advertisements, Hamish lies all the time."

Me:  "All MY lies are TRUE."

Dan:  "..."

Me:  "See?  I'm lying right now."

[The Johnny]

Are you doing focus groups with people wired up? I suppose you cant talk about it

[Doktor Howl]

Are you doing focus groups with people wired up? I suppose you cant talk about it

No, sadly, this is strict trends resulting from ads.  Raw data in digital format.

[Doktor Howl]

WOOT.

More better project with murderbots AND neither Norton nor I have to go to Wyoming.  My boss does, though.

[The Wizard Joseph]

WOOT.

More better project with murderbots AND neither Norton nor I have to go to Wyoming.  My boss does, though.

EXTREMELY glad for you Howl! Also probably a wize business move on your employer's part. Moving you would almost certainly demotivate you, and I dare say you have some amount of passion for murderbots occupationally. Your boss getting shipped out is just a bit of extra Slack on your Slack cake really.
 

[Doktor Howl]

Our huge-ass facility is moving across town.  I have 15 months to be complete.  Bear in mind that the monster CNC tooling will take 11 months to move, and I need a month to let their pads cure ahead of that.

Today I was reprimanded by the CEO for planning the move.  Not for taking concrete steps, but for making plans (ie, where do we need electricity and how much, etc).

This will end nicely for everyone, I think.

[Cain]

Thinking ahead? How dare you? No-one gave your permission to think.

[altered]

thought is abomination
action is abomination
foresight is heresy
only naptime until i decide otherwise and then you should have been secretly ass-in-gear months ago

[Doktor Howl]

Thinking ahead? How dare you? No-one gave your permission to think.

I am occasionally reminded that my paychecks are signed by the lovechild of Emperor Palpatine and Bricktop.

[altered]

I mean, at least they're real. Someone you describe that way, I'd expect 18th century factory-town company scrip to start, and getting worse from there.

[Doktor Howl]

CEO:  "Get rid of that electrical contractor.  I want to use <other contractor>."

Me:  "<Other contractor> has given us a no bid, due to being too busy."

CEO:  "You heard me."

Me:  "Oki doki."

CEO:  "What, no pushback?"

Me:  "Nope.  You own the company, you can micromanage it into insolvency if you want to."

CEO:  "..."

Me:  "That's an alarming shade of purple, boss."

CEO:  "Explain to me why I shouldn't fire you on the spot."

Me:  "I can't think of a single reason.  Assuming, of course, that you know someone who can handle the new EPA permitting, the existing EPA issues, and can conduct day to day business without all those annoying 'ethical' concerns and constant pissing and moaning about the effect of our company on the world."

CEO:  "Dammit, just get me <other corporation>.  I've known that guy for years."

Me:  "That might be the problem, apparently it took you 3 years to pay him last time."

CEO:  "Bullshit."

Me:  "Nope.  38 months, to be exact.  I saw the old lien papers he had on you."

CEO:  "That was him?"

Me:  "Well, this is that guy's son.  That guy himself has been dead for 5 years."

CEO:  "Well, shit."

Me:  "So can I call the contractor back?"

CEO:  "Let me think about it."

Me:  *hums Jeopardy tune*

CEO:  "YARGANARG!"

But Hamish was gone, like a fart in the night.

[Doktor Howl]

It is worth mentioning that our CEO is old.  Like really old.  Like Yoda ancient.