Author Topic: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)  (Read 26807 times)

Faust

  • Tyrannical Overlord
  • Deserved It
  • *
  • Posts: 9746
  • The Greasy Strangler
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #240 on: February 11, 2019, 11:27:36 am »
There is always more to learn about a database in this tutorial we will delve down into

1) Query structure
2) How to normalise tables
3) How does an index work
4) How an index ACTUALLY works
5) Execution plans, and caching (why repeating the same thing over and over again is not a sign of madness but a mistrust of a world built on shifting sands)
6) How Azethoth is at the heart of any SQL installation, and his role in making it work
Narrator: In time you will know the tragic extent of my failings

May you find your worth in the waking world.

nullified

  • Literal Helminthic Infestation
  • Outlandish
  • ***
  • Posts: 674
  • CAUTION: Eats all of it. May be spooky. Keep out.
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #241 on: February 11, 2019, 12:01:33 pm »
I know just enough about databases to avoid them if I can by any means manage it.
“I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me.”

Doktor Howl

  • Вся ваша база принадлежит нам
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 33138
  • Horrible Bastard
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #242 on: February 14, 2019, 01:46:13 am »
Today at work:

Billy:  "You got rear-ended twice today?"

Me:  "Yep.  Both times by an engineer in a Nissan.  Once in my car, once in a work truck."

Vinnie:  "God's out to get you, dude."

Me:  "God needs more gun."

Vinnie:  "..."

Me:  "What?  If he was serious, he'd send someone in an F150."

Billy:  "So God is just yanking your chain?"

Me:  "God is out to get *anyone* that figures out how derivatives work.  It's like learning Enochian.  You know too much, you gotta go."

Vinnie:  "So why Nissans and not the F150?"

Me:  "There's loads of people ahead of me in line, dude.  I'm a small fish.  I know a guy in Boston, God's been after his ass for YEARS."

Vinnie:  "Yeah, so why's he still alive?"

Me:  "You ever try to drive an F150 in Boston?  Can't be done."

Billy:  "That bad?"

Me:  "Yeah, God's stuck in bumper to bumper South of the common, this dude is getting weird all over people in the subway.  I could tell you stories.'

Billy:  "Okay, let's hear it."

Me:  "Nope.  For all I know, he owns an F150."

Vinnie:  "So this is what we do all day?  Talk smack about God?"

Me:  "Nope.  That is for lofty management types such as Billy and me.  You get crunching numbers.  That reserve study ain't gonna write itself."

Vinnie:  "But I don't know how to..."

Billy:  "Hush, dude, it's management time."

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

LMNO

  • Lubricated and Rabid Lungfish of Impending Sexdoom™
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 62147
  • Internet Fuckweasel of Haunted Pork Dimensions.
    • View Profile
    • Earfatigue Productions: When it has to sound like you give a shit.
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #243 on: February 14, 2019, 12:59:29 pm »

disco accordion

  • Known
  • *
  • Posts: 10
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #244 on: February 15, 2019, 03:54:30 am »
The Billy Chronicles would make a great cartoon or something!

Doktor Howl

  • Вся ваша база принадлежит нам
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 33138
  • Horrible Bastard
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #245 on: February 15, 2019, 04:03:32 am »
The Billy Chronicles would make a great cartoon or something!

Comic writers all starve to death, so no.
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

disco accordion

  • Known
  • *
  • Posts: 10
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #246 on: February 15, 2019, 04:20:59 am »
I meant animation. I call animation cartoons. However, It would make a cool comic book too since you mention it!
Even a puppet show if it was done right. Funny stuff!

Doktor Howl

  • Вся ваша база принадлежит нам
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 33138
  • Horrible Bastard
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #247 on: February 20, 2019, 04:28:15 am »
Today at work:

Me:  "...And so we can do it in house for $6580, or we can outsource it for $15000."

Vinnie:  "How is this even a question?"

Me:  "Well, that would depend on whose money we're spending."

Vinnie:  "You're more crooked than me."

Me:  "Well, yes,  You are young and do not have the deep-seated degeneracy that I have acquired through years of experience.  Anyway, the approach here is, you set it up as a capital project, say $15K, everyone freaks, you say you know a guy who knows a guy.  Then you say you can do it for maybe $10K, but you're going to need additional funds.  Half way through the project, you say your guys had a brilliant idea, it's going to cost $6580, and you're going to be under budget."

Vinnie:  "How do we benefit from that?"

Me:  "Because nobody asks for the $3420 back, and we stick it on the GL account for tools with what's left on there, and we go buy that sick ass new bore scope the HVAC guys have been drooling over for $5000."

Vinnie:  "Okay, but..."

Me:  "I'm not done yet."

Billy:  "You're gonna love this dude, he's getting religious."

Me:  "Then, because the tool costs $5000, at the end of the quarter, we back it into capitol, then we put the $5000 on the *equipment* line item with what's left on *that*, and we go buy an HVAC unit for the shop, which we need.  And THAT..."

Vinnie:  "THAT costs $5000, so we back IT into capital..."

Me:  "You see where this is going?"

Vinnie:  "Jail?"

Me:  "NOPE.  Totally legal.  I checked with the accounting guy AND the lawyer."

Billy:  "I smell malice."

Me:  "Your instincts are good.  I mean, all of this money has to come from *somewhere*..."

Vinnie:  "I was just gonna ask about that."

Me:  "We get first crack at capitol, so I'm going to steal <other division>'s money."

Vinnie:  "Won't they mind."

Me:  "Dude.  That's why we're doing this.  We don't even NEED a bore scope, you can rent one for $40/day.  What we NEED is to pick <other division>'s pockets while they stand there and WATCH US."

Vinnie:  "..."

Billy:  "I told you this was religious."

Me:  "This is all normal kids.  Welcome to The Corporation."
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Don Coyote

  • Token Welshman
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 10307
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #248 on: February 21, 2019, 11:48:06 pm »
I'm all kinds of fucked up over that. I feel greezy reading it.
Once knew a man who shat himself to death eating too much citrus.

Doktor Howl

  • Вся ваша база принадлежит нам
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 33138
  • Horrible Bastard
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #249 on: February 22, 2019, 02:09:55 am »
I'm all kinds of fucked up over that. I feel greezy reading it.

Imagine how *I* feel.

I'm the victim, here.
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Don Coyote

  • Token Welshman
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 10307
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #250 on: February 22, 2019, 02:15:30 am »
I'm all kinds of fucked up over that. I feel greezy reading it.

Imagine how *I* feel.

I'm the victim, here.

Not to kink shame

BUT

I'm kink shaming you
Once knew a man who shat himself to death eating too much citrus.

Doktor Howl

  • Вся ваша база принадлежит нам
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 33138
  • Horrible Bastard
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #251 on: February 22, 2019, 02:35:46 am »
I'm all kinds of fucked up over that. I feel greezy reading it.

Imagine how *I* feel.

I'm the victim, here.

Not to kink shame

BUT

I'm kink shaming you

Not only am I kinkshaming you, I'm calling Olivia Benson.
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Doktor Howl

  • Вся ваша база принадлежит нам
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 33138
  • Horrible Bastard
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #252 on: March 08, 2019, 05:38:51 pm »
Today at work:

F&B Director:  "So I need you to add an outlet here and here."

Kevin:  "How many amps do you need?"

F&B:  "I just need two outlets."

Kevin:  "I still need to know how many amps, to size the wires."

F&B:  "Use the small wire, it's cheaper."

Kevin:  "...."

Me:  "Show me the equipment you want to plug in."

F&B:  "It's that stuff over there."

Me:  *looks*  "This is a total of 29 amps.  The current equipment is 28 amps.  You have a grand total of 30 amps available, so I cannot add 29 amps if those other plugs are still being used."

F&B:  "It won't all be on at the same time."

Me:  "Doesn't matter.  The NEC, OSHA, and the Fire Inspector don't care if it IS on, but whether or not it CAN be on."

F&B:  "I just need two more outlets."

Me:  "No."

F&B:  "Why not?"

Me:  "Because physics says so.  Also because we do not break the electrical code around here."

F&B:  "I'll go to the board."

Me:  "You go right ahead."

F&B:  *storms off*

Kevin:  "What the hell is that guy's problem?"

Me:  "His problem is that he still doesn't realize that <lady who is president of board> is an electrical engineer."

Kevin:  "We can make the circuit larger.  Gonna have to pull some wire."

Me:  "Okay, how long and how much?"

Kevin:  "A day, and maybe $250 with the bigger breaker and the wire and whatnot."

Me:  "Right, so a week and $1000."

Kevin:  "Um."

Me:  "Kevin, you are really going to have to learn at some point while getting the job done is a religion around here now, fucking the other departments out of their budget is definitely core doctrine."

Kevin:  "How do you sleep at night?"

Me:  "Like a baby.  Like a big fat horribly corrupt baby.  Now go order some wire."
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

The Wizard Joseph

  • Has learned the Meteo spell. Watch Out!
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 3688
  • Product of Wisconsin
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #253 on: March 08, 2019, 06:01:01 pm »
 :lulz: :lulz:
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

chaotic neutral observer

  • Buttwiggler of the Wasteland
  • Outlandish
  • ***
  • Posts: 439
  • not a real discordian
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #254 on: March 09, 2019, 04:11:04 am »
F&B:  "It won't all be on at the same time."

This is like a government saying "we know the provisions in this new law may seem excessively broad, but we promise to only use these powers against the bad guys."  You can trust the current government, of course. :|  But what if the other team wins the next election?

Measure the draw a month after you upgrade the wire and install the new outlets, and I'll bet even odds they're pushing it past 30A.  Five-to-one that within a year they've plugged in something other than what F&B pointed out, and his guarantee has become even more meaningless.
"When I say 'engineering', I have unreasonable expectations.  It must - as you know - look good in PADS AND give you plenty of help ducking and weaving in meetings.  But it must also, at some distant point in time, function.  If it does not, then you must accept that you are not in fact an engineer but instead an MBA.  Hang your head in SHAME, sinner!"