Author Topic: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)  (Read 16692 times)

Faust

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #240 on: February 11, 2019, 11:27:36 am »
There is always more to learn about a database in this tutorial we will delve down into

1) Query structure
2) How to normalise tables
3) How does an index work
4) How an index ACTUALLY works
5) Execution plans, and caching (why repeating the same thing over and over again is not a sign of madness but a mistrust of a world built on shifting sands)
6) How Azethoth is at the heart of any SQL installation, and his role in making it work
May you find your worth in the waking world

nullified

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #241 on: February 11, 2019, 12:01:33 pm »
I know just enough about databases to avoid them if I can by any means manage it.

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #242 on: February 14, 2019, 01:46:13 am »
Today at work:

Billy:  "You got rear-ended twice today?"

Me:  "Yep.  Both times by an engineer in a Nissan.  Once in my car, once in a work truck."

Vinnie:  "God's out to get you, dude."

Me:  "God needs more gun."

Vinnie:  "..."

Me:  "What?  If he was serious, he'd send someone in an F150."

Billy:  "So God is just yanking your chain?"

Me:  "God is out to get *anyone* that figures out how derivatives work.  It's like learning Enochian.  You know too much, you gotta go."

Vinnie:  "So why Nissans and not the F150?"

Me:  "There's loads of people ahead of me in line, dude.  I'm a small fish.  I know a guy in Boston, God's been after his ass for YEARS."

Vinnie:  "Yeah, so why's he still alive?"

Me:  "You ever try to drive an F150 in Boston?  Can't be done."

Billy:  "That bad?"

Me:  "Yeah, God's stuck in bumper to bumper South of the common, this dude is getting weird all over people in the subway.  I could tell you stories.'

Billy:  "Okay, let's hear it."

Me:  "Nope.  For all I know, he owns an F150."

Vinnie:  "So this is what we do all day?  Talk smack about God?"

Me:  "Nope.  That is for lofty management types such as Billy and me.  You get crunching numbers.  That reserve study ain't gonna write itself."

Vinnie:  "But I don't know how to..."

Billy:  "Hush, dude, it's management time."

Roger, you are a dirty pirate hooker, and I will slap you in your whore mouth.

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #243 on: February 14, 2019, 12:59:29 pm »

disco accordion

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #244 on: February 15, 2019, 03:54:30 am »
The Billy Chronicles would make a great cartoon or something!

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #245 on: February 15, 2019, 04:03:32 am »
The Billy Chronicles would make a great cartoon or something!

Comic writers all starve to death, so no.
Roger, you are a dirty pirate hooker, and I will slap you in your whore mouth.

disco accordion

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #246 on: February 15, 2019, 04:20:59 am »
I meant animation. I call animation cartoons. However, It would make a cool comic book too since you mention it!
Even a puppet show if it was done right. Funny stuff!

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #247 on: February 20, 2019, 04:28:15 am »
Today at work:

Me:  "...And so we can do it in house for $6580, or we can outsource it for $15000."

Vinnie:  "How is this even a question?"

Me:  "Well, that would depend on whose money we're spending."

Vinnie:  "You're more crooked than me."

Me:  "Well, yes,  You are young and do not have the deep-seated degeneracy that I have acquired through years of experience.  Anyway, the approach here is, you set it up as a capital project, say $15K, everyone freaks, you say you know a guy who knows a guy.  Then you say you can do it for maybe $10K, but you're going to need additional funds.  Half way through the project, you say your guys had a brilliant idea, it's going to cost $6580, and you're going to be under budget."

Vinnie:  "How do we benefit from that?"

Me:  "Because nobody asks for the $3420 back, and we stick it on the GL account for tools with what's left on there, and we go buy that sick ass new bore scope the HVAC guys have been drooling over for $5000."

Vinnie:  "Okay, but..."

Me:  "I'm not done yet."

Billy:  "You're gonna love this dude, he's getting religious."

Me:  "Then, because the tool costs $5000, at the end of the quarter, we back it into capitol, then we put the $5000 on the *equipment* line item with what's left on *that*, and we go buy an HVAC unit for the shop, which we need.  And THAT..."

Vinnie:  "THAT costs $5000, so we back IT into capital..."

Me:  "You see where this is going?"

Vinnie:  "Jail?"

Me:  "NOPE.  Totally legal.  I checked with the accounting guy AND the lawyer."

Billy:  "I smell malice."

Me:  "Your instincts are good.  I mean, all of this money has to come from *somewhere*..."

Vinnie:  "I was just gonna ask about that."

Me:  "We get first crack at capitol, so I'm going to steal <other division>'s money."

Vinnie:  "Won't they mind."

Me:  "Dude.  That's why we're doing this.  We don't even NEED a bore scope, you can rent one for $40/day.  What we NEED is to pick <other division>'s pockets while they stand there and WATCH US."

Vinnie:  "..."

Billy:  "I told you this was religious."

Me:  "This is all normal kids.  Welcome to The Corporation."
Roger, you are a dirty pirate hooker, and I will slap you in your whore mouth.

Don Coyote

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #248 on: Yesterday at 11:48:06 pm »
I'm all kinds of fucked up over that. I feel greezy reading it.

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #249 on: Today at 02:09:55 am »
I'm all kinds of fucked up over that. I feel greezy reading it.

Imagine how *I* feel.

I'm the victim, here.
Roger, you are a dirty pirate hooker, and I will slap you in your whore mouth.

Don Coyote

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #250 on: Today at 02:15:30 am »
I'm all kinds of fucked up over that. I feel greezy reading it.

Imagine how *I* feel.

I'm the victim, here.

Not to kink shame

BUT

I'm kink shaming you

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #251 on: Today at 02:35:46 am »
I'm all kinds of fucked up over that. I feel greezy reading it.

Imagine how *I* feel.

I'm the victim, here.

Not to kink shame

BUT

I'm kink shaming you

Not only am I kinkshaming you, I'm calling Olivia Benson.
Roger, you are a dirty pirate hooker, and I will slap you in your whore mouth.