Author Topic: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)  (Read 26752 times)

nullified

  • Literal Helminthic Infestation
  • Outlandish
  • ***
  • Posts: 673
  • CAUTION: Eats all of it. May be spooky. Keep out.
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #345 on: August 14, 2019, 02:22:45 am »
I had always thought that Id end up a whiner in the workplace. Turns out Im the frighteningly efficient member of a team lagging way behind in the metrics. Whodve thunk it?
I am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me.

Doktor Howl

  • Вся ваша база принадлежит нам
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 33136
  • Horrible Bastard
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #346 on: August 14, 2019, 03:31:04 am »
I had always thought that Id end up a whiner in the workplace. Turns out Im the frighteningly efficient member of a team lagging way behind in the metrics. Whodve thunk it?

The main difference in where you land, I think, is whether or not you have fun with what you do.
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Doktor Howl

  • Вся ваша база принадлежит нам
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 33136
  • Horrible Bastard
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #347 on: August 15, 2019, 11:50:23 pm »
*CRACK*

Me:  "okay, the carbon flew all to pieces."

Baby Engineer:  "How far did we get?"

Me:  Just under 20 G acceleration.

BE:  "SHIT."

Billy: "Relax, you're almost 1/5 of the way there."

BE:  "Shut your whore mouth."

Me:  "Don't get so hot under the collar, dude.  It failed.  So what?  That's material science.  You keep failing until one day you don't."

BE:  "It should have worked."

Me:  "See, that's where you are fucked up.  You are an infant engineer, and you were told how the world should operate.  Billy and I, on the other hand, are reliability geeks and we know the world is a shifty bastard with a trust fund and a pocket full of roofies."

BE:  *stares in nerd*

Me:  *Stares in alpha nerd*

BE:  "Get the hell out of here, this is going to be an all-nighter."

Billy:  "You're trying again tonight?"

Me:  "He didn't hear the thing about the pocket full of roofies, apparently.

BE:  "GET OOOOOOOOOUT."

Billy:  "There's no pleasing some people."

Me:  "This is all normal, Billy."
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Juana

  • Hideous and Otherworldly Attack Duckling of DESPAIR
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 5194
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #348 on: August 16, 2019, 08:48:26 pm »
Aaah, the freshly graduated. So bright eyed, so upset when things don't quite work the way they were told.
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

Doktor Howl

  • Вся ваша база принадлежит нам
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 33136
  • Horrible Bastard
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #349 on: August 16, 2019, 11:25:37 pm »
Aaah, the freshly graduated. So bright eyed, so upset when things don't quite work the way they were told.

Baby engineers are adorable.   :lulz:
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

chaotic neutral observer

  • Buttwiggler of the Wasteland
  • Outlandish
  • ***
  • Posts: 439
  • not a real discordian
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #350 on: August 19, 2019, 04:50:36 am »
Sure, he's adorable now.  But unless he's incompetent, or very, very lucky, in a few short years he'll learn the Horrible Truth, that science exceeded the comprehension of meat-based monkey brains in the late 1940's, and modern technology is a house of cards that is one squirrel fart away from catastrophic collapse.

Then the metamorphosis will occur.

He might become a Project Manager, or System Architect, who deals with High Level Design, and leaves the messy details of physics and manufacturing tolerances to the grunts on the front line.  "How long is it going to take for you to get it working?"

Or he might delude himself that there is an area about which it is possible to know everything, and become a Specialist, mocking derisively anyone who encroaches on his domain, and dismissing all other fields as irrelevant, or trivial.  "That's a software problem.  Not my department."  If his expertise develops enough, he may even begin to believe it applies to all fields, not just his specialization. 

Or he could become one of the Accursed, the Proselytes to the Machine God, who cannot look away or close their eyes to the horrors of reality, who aspire to universal specialization, who are often paralyzed into inaction by seeing all the possible ways the system can fail, and, on rare occasions, actually get something done.  "Did you check the cables?  Did you check the cables again?"
"When I say 'engineering', I have unreasonable expectations.  It must - as you know - look good in PADS AND give you plenty of help ducking and weaving in meetings.  But it must also, at some distant point in time, function.  If it does not, then you must accept that you are not in fact an engineer but instead an MBA.  Hang your head in SHAME, sinner!"

Doktor Howl

  • Вся ваша база принадлежит нам
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 33136
  • Horrible Bastard
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #351 on: August 19, 2019, 07:36:09 pm »
Sure, he's adorable now.  But unless he's incompetent, or very, very lucky, in a few short years he'll learn the Horrible Truth, that science exceeded the comprehension of meat-based monkey brains in the late 1940's, and modern technology is a house of cards that is one squirrel fart away from catastrophic collapse.

Then the metamorphosis will occur.

He might become a Project Manager, or System Architect, who deals with High Level Design, and leaves the messy details of physics and manufacturing tolerances to the grunts on the front line.  "How long is it going to take for you to get it working?"

Or he might delude himself that there is an area about which it is possible to know everything, and become a Specialist, mocking derisively anyone who encroaches on his domain, and dismissing all other fields as irrelevant, or trivial.  "That's a software problem.  Not my department."  If his expertise develops enough, he may even begin to believe it applies to all fields, not just his specialization. 

Or he could become one of the Accursed, the Proselytes to the Machine God, who cannot look away or close their eyes to the horrors of reality, who aspire to universal specialization, who are often paralyzed into inaction by seeing all the possible ways the system can fail, and, on rare occasions, actually get something done.  "Did you check the cables?  Did you check the cables again?"

:cainftw: :cainftw: :cainftw:
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Doktor Howl

  • Вся ваша база принадлежит нам
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 33136
  • Horrible Bastard
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #352 on: Today at 02:12:12 am »
Things Billy said today:

You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing. It does something else entirely, or nothing at all. It's like voting."
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.