Author Topic: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)  (Read 56393 times)

Doktor Howl

  • Hostile Technology Geek
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 34993
  • Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #555 on: March 02, 2020, 08:35:39 pm »
That is glorious.

Everything is awful and I only want to die.   :sad:
"Daisy had syphilis, Tom died of genital warts, and Nick Carroway watched it all in mounting horror, then made off with the silverware and the maid."
~ The Good Reverend

Evil doesn't work without good people. Good people will do the most repugnant, nasty shit for what they think are "the right reasons"

altered

  • A Pile of Soggy Bird Carcasses
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 1424
  • I WILL EXILE VIOLATORS TO THE PISS-VOID
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #556 on: March 02, 2020, 08:37:40 pm »
Itís a keeper, I say. Frame it. Enlarge it in Paint. Print out a thousand pages that are meant to be taped together to make a billboard sized version of it. Mix up just enough pages to make it noticeable. Hang it off of an office building before security notices.
ďI am that worst of all type of criminal...I cannot bring myself to do what you tell me, because you told me

Doktor Howl

  • Hostile Technology Geek
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 34993
  • Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #557 on: March 02, 2020, 08:38:43 pm »
Itís a keeper, I say. Frame it. Enlarge it in Paint. Print out a thousand pages that are meant to be taped together to make a billboard sized version of it. Mix up just enough pages to make it noticeable. Hang it off of an office building before security notices.

I shall not suffer alone.
"Daisy had syphilis, Tom died of genital warts, and Nick Carroway watched it all in mounting horror, then made off with the silverware and the maid."
~ The Good Reverend

Evil doesn't work without good people. Good people will do the most repugnant, nasty shit for what they think are "the right reasons"

The Wizard Joseph

  • Licenced Discordian Master, literally Nothing else
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 3996
  • Product of Wisconsin
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #558 on: March 02, 2020, 08:40:58 pm »
Itís a keeper, I say. Frame it. Enlarge it in Paint. Print out a thousand pages that are meant to be taped together to make a billboard sized version of it. Mix up just enough pages to make it noticeable. Hang it off of an office building before security notices.

I shall not suffer alone.

That's really all anyone can ask for in life.
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

Doktor Howl

  • Hostile Technology Geek
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 34993
  • Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #559 on: March 12, 2020, 10:48:31 pm »
Norton:  "So, what, we move the lab where?  Casa fucking Grand?"

Me:  "No.  Somewhere local."

Norton:  *looks at me dubiously*

Me:  "Have I ever lied to you, Norton?"

Norton:  "Yes.  Very yes.  Like every fucking thing you've ever said to me since we met."

Me:  "People who cast aspersions on their elders come to bad ends."

Norton:  "You said you hired me as a chemist.  You hired to me to crunch numbers."

Me:  "Details."

Norton:  "You said I could have actual weekends."

Me:  "The marketplace is a strange and terrible place."

Norton:  "You said we were building a better world."

Me:  "We are, depending on whose definition of 'better' you use."

Norton:  "AND you said that David liked to be called 'Big Poppa'."

Me:  "He does.  He just has odd ways of returning your esteem."

Norton:  "The fucking POINT is, you always lie to me."

Me:  "No, Norton, that is an illusion caused by the fact that the truth is a mutable thing.  What is true today may not be true tomorrow.  What is true in my head may not be true in the sidereal universe."

Norton:  "..."

Me:  "Did I say that last part out loud?"

Norton:  "..."

Me:  "This is all normal, Norton."

Norton:  "No it is not.  You are a fucking lunatic."

Me:  "But I am the lunatic that signs your overly-large paychecks, Norton.  That is how the system works and we..."

Norton:  "Don't fucking say it."

Me:  "We don't question the system."

Norton:  "This isn't how I expected my life to turn out."

Me:  "We're going to do great things."
"Daisy had syphilis, Tom died of genital warts, and Nick Carroway watched it all in mounting horror, then made off with the silverware and the maid."
~ The Good Reverend

Evil doesn't work without good people. Good people will do the most repugnant, nasty shit for what they think are "the right reasons"

Juana

  • Hideous and Otherworldly Attack Duckling of DESPAIR
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 5457
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #560 on: March 12, 2020, 11:38:32 pm »
Will he ever learn?
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

Doktor Howl

  • Hostile Technology Geek
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 34993
  • Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #561 on: March 13, 2020, 02:28:41 pm »
Will he ever learn?

Not if he knows what's good for him.  :lol:
"Daisy had syphilis, Tom died of genital warts, and Nick Carroway watched it all in mounting horror, then made off with the silverware and the maid."
~ The Good Reverend

Evil doesn't work without good people. Good people will do the most repugnant, nasty shit for what they think are "the right reasons"

Doktor Howl

  • Hostile Technology Geek
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 34993
  • Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #562 on: March 14, 2020, 11:17:42 pm »
This morning at the lab:

Now-beardless Brian:  "I thought we were shaving our beards off for the virus thing."

Norton:  "That was disinformation."

Brian:  "Hamish told me the CDC said it was a thing."

Norton & Hamish:  *stares in Norton & Hamish*
"Daisy had syphilis, Tom died of genital warts, and Nick Carroway watched it all in mounting horror, then made off with the silverware and the maid."
~ The Good Reverend

Evil doesn't work without good people. Good people will do the most repugnant, nasty shit for what they think are "the right reasons"

Doktor Howl

  • Hostile Technology Geek
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 34993
  • Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #563 on: March 16, 2020, 11:46:20 pm »
Things that got said at work today:

Me:  "We are now in a race with the coronavirus, and I'll be damned if some virus is going to outpace modern weapons technology."

David:  "I would trade half of my management team for a cold pizza and a 30 minute break."

Norton:  "I feel like I fell into Wonderland, only the rabbit has fangs and the hatter is the only person talking sense."
"Daisy had syphilis, Tom died of genital warts, and Nick Carroway watched it all in mounting horror, then made off with the silverware and the maid."
~ The Good Reverend

Evil doesn't work without good people. Good people will do the most repugnant, nasty shit for what they think are "the right reasons"

Doktor Howl

  • Hostile Technology Geek
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 34993
  • Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #564 on: March 19, 2020, 05:16:39 pm »
Norton: *answers skype*

Me: "WHEEZE COUGH FUCK YOU GASSSSP"

Norton: "Yes, it shipped on time."

Me: "HACK COUGH SPIT USELESS BASTARD HORK"

Norton: "You look great. Hang in there."
"Daisy had syphilis, Tom died of genital warts, and Nick Carroway watched it all in mounting horror, then made off with the silverware and the maid."
~ The Good Reverend

Evil doesn't work without good people. Good people will do the most repugnant, nasty shit for what they think are "the right reasons"

Doktor Howl

  • Hostile Technology Geek
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 34993
  • Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #565 on: March 19, 2020, 10:05:50 pm »
Skype is really the best thing ever, especially when remote desktop is added to it.

I can, from my sickbed, suddenly just *show up* on my employees' screens, croaking out menacing nonsense while they try to pretend they weren't fucking off on social media.

I don't need them to do anything right now, it's just that, you know, you gotta have a laugh.
"Daisy had syphilis, Tom died of genital warts, and Nick Carroway watched it all in mounting horror, then made off with the silverware and the maid."
~ The Good Reverend

Evil doesn't work without good people. Good people will do the most repugnant, nasty shit for what they think are "the right reasons"

Doktor Howl

  • Hostile Technology Geek
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 34993
  • Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #566 on: March 20, 2020, 01:55:29 am »
*Skype turns on*

James:  "You just scared the hell out of me, boss."

Me:  "James.  I want you to go to the lab and BUILD ME A BODY."

James:  "..."

*Skype turns off*
"Daisy had syphilis, Tom died of genital warts, and Nick Carroway watched it all in mounting horror, then made off with the silverware and the maid."
~ The Good Reverend

Evil doesn't work without good people. Good people will do the most repugnant, nasty shit for what they think are "the right reasons"

Doktor Howl

  • Hostile Technology Geek
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 34993
  • Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #567 on: March 27, 2020, 03:01:02 am »
I have gained two more research monkeys, Kyle and Cassie.  Kyle is me with less horrible (he's young).  It's actually kinda creepy how much he reminds me of me.

Cassie is a hillbilly from some godforsaken state, but she's smart as hell.  Only when she walks in the room all the young guys get dumb as hell.  Thank God I'm ancient and vile and cannot be swayed by that sort of shit anymore.  Cassie has also apparently wrecked 3 cars in 5 months, so she is excused from driving me to meetings across town.

Besides, I like having Norton drive, because he flinches when I say fucked up shit, and that can make things interesting on the on-ramp.  Neither Kyle nor Cassie seem to have any sort of flinch reaction at all, and regularly say worse shit than I say.

At some point, I went from being "the crazy bastard in the North annex" to "running a lab" which frankly I never saw coming.

My bosses are all hiding at home from the plague.  I have a mob of research assistants and a shit ton of funding. 

Don't you wish you were me?


"Daisy had syphilis, Tom died of genital warts, and Nick Carroway watched it all in mounting horror, then made off with the silverware and the maid."
~ The Good Reverend

Evil doesn't work without good people. Good people will do the most repugnant, nasty shit for what they think are "the right reasons"

Suu

  • The Goddamn Industry Professional Who
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 35512
  • Heartless and regal murderess of the intertubes.
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #568 on: March 27, 2020, 04:17:28 am »
I have gained two more research monkeys, Kyle and Cassie.  Kyle is me with less horrible (he's young).  It's actually kinda creepy how much he reminds me of me.

Cassie is a hillbilly from some godforsaken state, but she's smart as hell.  Only when she walks in the room all the young guys get dumb as hell.  Thank God I'm ancient and vile and cannot be swayed by that sort of shit anymore.  Cassie has also apparently wrecked 3 cars in 5 months, so she is excused from driving me to meetings across town.

Besides, I like having Norton drive, because he flinches when I say fucked up shit, and that can make things interesting on the on-ramp.  Neither Kyle nor Cassie seem to have any sort of flinch reaction at all, and regularly say worse shit than I say.

At some point, I went from being "the crazy bastard in the North annex" to "running a lab" which frankly I never saw coming.

My bosses are all hiding at home from the plague.  I have a mob of research assistants and a shit ton of funding. 

Don't you wish you were me?

AND NORTON IS DRIVING CAR.
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

The Wizard Joseph

  • Licenced Discordian Master, literally Nothing else
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 3996
  • Product of Wisconsin
    • View Profile
Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #569 on: March 27, 2020, 06:58:19 am »
You're steadily and apparently incidentally evolving into a classy, dangerously wise, supervillain. Maybe that Mayan shit about Earth passing into a higher vibration is real and we are all becoming EXACTLY what we really are inside.

*hits the glass dick harder*  :crackhead:

Maybe Howl is a fifth density, darkened wandering soul that slipped in past the planetary quarantine because he heard there was no effective oversight and hawt bitches of several genders.

*puts pipe down gently on table, exhales*

I gotta get more of this shit man.
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019