Open Bar: Drinks are on the Supreme Court

[The Wizard Joseph]

Hell yeah nullified! Go chase Your Destiny and be all you can!

[Juana]

!!!!!!!! Awesome news, Null!

[chaotic neutral observer]

Congratulations!  Good luck!

“having access to the company yacht”

Don't you dare turn yup on me.

[altered]

I’m way more interested in helping other people than yacht club bullshit. I look at this and I see power I can bring to bear toward solving serious problems. No need to worry about me.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Hold on a minute here, I have a fucking TALE TO TELL YOU.

I’m ripping this from the email I wrote to a wonderful lady in Michigan who helps no-hopers like me find work, and asked me to keep her looped in after I got to Boston.

Ahem.


So! The precise moment I changed over all of my information to point to Boston on ZipRecruiter and Monster, I had recruiters doing the stalker heavy breathing thing over my shoulder. Literally, all over me like sand on a beach. I’m hardly exaggerating here: four job offers before I could even place a search, seven more after I finally got a search typed in.

I had between fifteen and twenty phone calls a day from recruiters, I could barely do so much as wash my hands without missing a call. In fact, I missed a call while in an interview, missed another call from the same person in that same interview, and missed five texts from the same person in the same interview. This interview took fifteen minutes.

From that initial 4, one in particular was a huge stretch. People in fancy suits and such turning up to apply, giant company doing outsourced direct marketing campaign work for Fortune 100 companies. Enter me, dressed in the usual hoodie, jeans, t-shirt, sweating like a pig, lugging two giant bags like a hobo, panting like a dog. Minimal work history in an old, old field. No qualifications at all.

Absolutely ridiculous that I’d even bother wasting their time, yeah? I mean, I was seeing other offers in the minimum wage range, doing cold lead sales and call center tech support. That’s definitely my speed: low-level consumer-facing punishment-detail type work. This though? This is big time: folks with expensive suits purpose designed to intimidate the Morlocks of blue collar land, and cars that sound like they belong on a Formula One track and look like spaceships. People who fly out of the country twice a week and cannot imagine a bank account with less than five figures in it. (That would be “flat broke” to such rarified individuals.) This is way out of my league, right?

Not right. I got into the second round of interviews, which is 1% of the first round of interviews: I was in the top ten applicants. That’s already crazy: all these rich Harvard kids fell below me on the pecking order. So I go in for the second round only slightly nicer (showered, dress shirt, only one bag). And apparently ace the interview hard.

So then they immediately rushed me through the third round of interviews, which is top five applicants out of over 1000 applicants. So five MORE rich Harvard/MIT students fall out of the running. And I’m still there. Finish that round, go home, and wait for the call.

Call comes up. First they ask me how I thought I did. By this point I’m getting a big ol’ ego boost, so I tell them I think I did amazing, certainly better than the folks who didn’t make it to all three rounds, right? She says yep, you’re right, Brian and Garrett thought you did fantastic. Then the drumroll beings, here comes the reveal. And the winner is... well. Just, bear with me here:

I was in the top 2 or 3 applicants. Out of over 1000.
They recommended me for management fast track.
—Assuming I do the work, this means things like “having access to the company yacht” and “international business trips” inside of two months.
——That’s two months like “late September”. At the outside.
And finally...
Expectation is that I come in to start Monday. As in the day after the day after tomorrow. Probably just “the day after tomorrow” or “today” when you get this, depending on the day.

Well. Uh.

Boston!

That's awesome! Congratulations!

[altered]

Its a weird, cartoonish meteoric rise for me over here. It’s hard to believe that tomorrow I go in to work. But I do! Ten hour days while I’m in training (unpaid training but they know you have to eat) but i hardly care. In fact, I’m going all in. Optional Saturday training and everything. What else am I going to do, play phone games? The structure will help my sleep schedule anyway.

[LMNO]

That's awesome!

[Cain]

Congrats!

[PoFP]

Fucking nice, Null! Congrats!

Just had a similar, albeit less elevating and impressive shift in my career as well. It's a bizarre, but satisfying feeling to be chosen over the Edubicated and on-paper-qualified.

Good luck! Even though it sounds like you won't need it.

[altered]

Tail end of our lunch break, it’s been pretty good. Next up is a few hours of madness, door to door sales shit I guess? It’s bound to be demoralizing but I’m basically okay with that. It’s just the first step.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

No context

dude, we are living in the strange times
you better learn to fap in the middle of an existential crisis or you're gonna die of semen poisoning

[The Wizard Joseph]

No context

dude, we are living in the strange times
you better learn to fap in the middle of an existential crisis or you're gonna die of semen poisoning

   
 
And now I have to clean my phone.

[altered]

Today in weird stuff I learned working a thankless door to door sales job while angling for promotion on the management fast track:

The golden apple is also a symbol of Shiva the Destroyer. In fact, it’s an eschatological symbol.

[altered]

Today in my rollercoaster life:

Fired for having piercings.

[Bruno]

Well, shit. Did they not notice that when they hired you?