Media.........Interesting News! Interesting Letters!

[Bob the Mediocre]

http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=1075


INCREASINGLY, TERRORISTS ARE CHATTERING ABOUT BRAD AND JEN


Madmen ,ÄòDevastated,Äô by Breakup, CIA Says


The Central Intelligence Agency revealed today that there has been a ,Äúmarked increase in terrorist chatter,Äù about the breakup of Hollywood,Äôs golden couple, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, in the month since the two A-list celebrities announced their separation.

The increase in chatter about the split between the ,ÄúFriends,Äù star and the ,ÄúTroy,Äù heartthrob surprised even the most seasoned CIA analysts, one of whom commented today, ,ÄúQuite frankly, we assumed that they had better things to do.,Äù

But the CIA got its first hint that al-Qaeda had taken a consuming interest in Hollywood gossip several weeks ago, when the spy agency successfully foiled a plot by Osama bin Laden to obtain a subscription to US Magazine.

Since then, intelligence analysts have noticed a steady surge in chatter devoted to the Pitt-Aniston rift, with many of the evildoers seemingly distraught or even devastated by the news.

Davis Cranwell, a former CIA analyst who now runs the University of Minnesota,Äôs Institute of Terrorism and Gossip, said that in the best-case scenario, the storied Hollywood breakup could lead to the breakup of al-Qaeda itself.

,ÄúRight now, half of al-Qaeda is siding with Brad and the other half is siding with Jennifer,,Äù he said. ,ÄúIt is so high school.,Äù

In a joint statement, Aniston and Pitt denounced the terrorists for criticizing their decision to call it quits after five years of marriage, stating, ,ÄúThey hate our freedom.,Äù

Elsewhere, in an effort to ,Äúconfuse the insurgents,,Äù President Bush said the U.S. will begin airdropping copies of his Social Security plan over Iraq

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

That'll show those dingdongs!

[gnimbley]

Strike the right note with a musical condom!

[Health India]: London, Feb17 : Now, you can play it safe along with music! A scientist has come up with musical condoms that apart from being a contraceptive gives you the opportunity play your own tune that gets louder as the sex gets more vigorous.

Different lovemaking positions determine what tune is played by the condom, which also works like a normal contraceptive. The rubber has tiny sensors connected to a mini electronic device that produces the sounds.

"But there is no danger of being electrocuted," the Sun quoted Dr Chausovskiy as saying, who has teamed up with a manufacturer to export the condoms to Britain.

They will cost about 20 per cent more than normal condoms. "But people will pay for the extra stimulation," he added. (ANI)

:P

Note: slightly edited to make sense in English

[Bob the Mediocre]

I'm glad they felt the need to reassure us about electrocution.

[Cain]

Watch out Gnimbleby, there are now robots who eat cookies...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/beds/bucks/herts/4328509.stm

[gnimbley]

I want some musical condoms to give away as gifts.
I have friends getting married later this month.
I would love to give them a musical condom as a wedding present.

Bride: "What's this?"
Groom: "A musical condom."
Bride: "WTF?"
Groom:"It says here it starts out with 'Clair de Lune' and then as the sex
gets more vigorous it switches to 'When the Saints Come Marching
In' and then, just before climax, it plays 'Stars and Stripes Forever.'"
Bride: "If you put that thing on tonight, I'll bash your head in with the
Lennox Flower Vase."
Groom: "Oh, come on, honey. It is supposed to be extra stimulating."
Bride: "I'll extra stimulate you with a staple gun if you stick that thing in
me. I thought these people were supposed to be our friends."

I understand they have special themed ones. Can we get an emo one
for Turd?

[gnimbley]

Watch out Gnimbleby, there are now robots who eat cookies...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/beds/bucks/herts/4328509.stm

"The Crumb Test Dummy has a never-ending appetite and doesn't need to stop for breath."

Wrong. Simply wrong. Where's the damn AFL-CIO when you need it?

Boycott British Biscuits! Only eat cookies that have not been tested on robots!
This message brought to you as a public service announcement by P.E.T.R. People for the Ethical Treatment of Robots.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I want some musical condoms to give away as gifts.
I have friends getting married later this month.
I would love to give them a musical condom as a wedding present.

Bride: "What's this?"
Groom: "A musical condom."
Bride: "WTF?"
Groom:"It says here it starts out with 'Clair de Lune' and then as the sex
gets more vigorous it switches to 'When the Saints Come Marching
In' and then, just before climax, it plays 'Stars and Stripes Forever.'"
Bride: "If you put that thing on tonight, I'll bash your head in with the
Lennox Flower Vase."
Groom: "Oh, come on, honey. It is supposed to be extra stimulating."
Bride: "I'll extra stimulate you with a staple gun if you stick that thing in
me. I thought these people were supposed to be our friends."

I understand they have special themed ones. Can we get an emo one
for Turd?

Yuo = 1 horrible little gnome.

[Bob the Mediocre]

The flavored condom story had a better headline. But this one's that much weirder.

And something out of sci fi

Maximum pain is aim of new US weapon
http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn7077

The US military is funding development of a weapon that delivers a bout of excruciating pain from up to 2 kilometres away. Intended for use against rioters, it is meant to leave victims unharmed. But pain researchers are furious that work aimed at controlling pain has been used to develop a weapon. And they fear that the technology will be used for torture.

"I am deeply concerned about the ethical aspects of this research," says Andrew Rice, a consultant in pain medicine at Chelsea and Westminster Hospital in London, UK. "Even if the use of temporary severe pain can be justified as a restraining measure, which I do not believe it can, the long-term physical and psychological effects are unknown."

The research came to light in documents unearthed by the Sunshine Project, an organisation based in Texas and in Hamburg, Germany, that exposes biological weapons research. The papers were released under the US's Freedom of Information Act.

One document, a research contract between the Office of Naval Research and the University of Florida in Gainesville, US, is entitled "Sensory consequences of electromagnetic pulses emitted by laser induced plasmas".

It concerns so-called Pulsed Energy Projectiles (PEPs), which fire a laser pulse that generates a burst of expanding plasma when it hits something solid, like a person (New Scientist print edition, 12 October 2002). The weapon, destined for use in 2007, could literally knock rioters off their feet.

Pain trigger

According to a 2003 review of non-lethal weapons by the US Naval Studies Board, which advises the navy and marine corps, PEPs produced "pain and temporary paralysis" in tests on animals. This appears to be the result of an electromagnetic pulse produced by the expanding plasma which triggers impulses in nerve cells.

The new study, which runs until July and will be carried out with researchers at the University of Central Florida in Orlando, aims to optimise this effect. The idea is to work out how to generate a pulse which triggers pain neurons without damaging tissue.

The contract, heavily censored before release, asks researchers to look for "optimal pulse parameters to evoke peak nociceptor activation" - in other words, cause the maximum pain possible. Studies on cells grown in the lab will identify how much pain can be inflicted on someone before causing injury or death.

Long-term risk

New Scientist contacted two researchers working on the project. Martin Richardson, a laser expert at the University of Central Florida, US, refused to comment. Brian Cooper, an expert in dental pain at the University of Florida, distanced himself from the work, saying "I don't have anything interesting to convey. I was just providing some background for the group." His name appears on a public list of the university's research projects next to the $500,000-plus grant.

John Wood of University College London, UK, an expert in how the brain perceives pain, says the researchers involved in the project should face censure. "It could be used for torture," he says, "the [researchers] must be aware of this."

Amanda Williams, a clinical psychologist at University College London, fears that victims risk long-term harm. "Persistent pain can result from a range of supposedly non-destructive stimuli which nevertheless change the functioning of the nervous system," she says. She is concerned that studies of cultured cells will fall short of demonstrating a safe level for a plasma burst. "They cannot tell us about the pain and psychological consequences of such a painful experience."

[fluffy]

When Pfc. Chase McCollough went home on leave in November, he brought a movie made by fellow soldiers in Iraq. On his first night back at his parents' house in Texas, he showed the video to his fiancee, family and friends.

This is what they saw: a handful of American soldiers filmed through the green haze of night-vision goggles. Radio communication between two soldiers crackles in the background before it's drowned out by a heavy-metal soundtrack.
 
"Don't need your forgiveness," the song by the band Dope begins as images unfurl: armed soldiers posing in front of Bradley fighting vehicles, two women covered in black abayas walking along a dusty road, a blue-domed mosque, a poster of radical cleric Muqtada Sadr. Then, to the fast, hard beat of the music ,Äî "Die, don't need your resistance. Die, don't need your prayers" ,Äî charred, decapitated and bloody corpses fill the screen.

"It's like a trophy, something to keep," McCullough, 20, said back at his cramped living quarters at Camp Warhorse near Baqubah. "I was there. I did this."

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/iraq/la-fg-videos14mar14,0,2298678.story?coll=la-home-headlines


some things
like war
corrupt your very soul

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

some things
like war
corrupt your very soul

Yep, war is Hell, these young men don't have to wait to do die to get there, and neither do the Iraqis.  The big difference is, I am pretty sure the Iraqis all know they are in Hell.  

Carrot Margaritas anyone?

[fluffy]

Carrot Margaritas anyone?

yes please

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

Carrot Margaritas anyone?

yes please

I'll meet you at the bar and get the rest out of the freeezer

[fluffy]

Carrot Margaritas anyone?

yes please

I'll meet you at the bar and get the rest out of the freeezer

::hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop::

[LMNO]

You mean the war has it's own music videos now?


I can't wait until it cracks the TRL top 5!