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When the Large Hadron Collider goes operational in May 2008, a lot of crazy shit is going to happen.

Fuckin' PROPHECY.

I had stuff to say, but it was pre-plagiarized by Cram's mustache.   

The discord server is by special invitation only.  Or, it doesn't exist.  I'm not sure which.

im just shit bored and enjoy IRC.I used to have about 7000 posts here back before the grimdark false imprisonment times (PM me for details) and would like some fucking company whilst i drink weaksauce vodka tincture.

Pixie.

Mourning Star would remember me as will Roger and a bunch of other spags.

Ask Cram on FB what the link is.  If it is still up, he will have it.

The serpent men are out to topple the empire because the world belongs to them and the empire is the strongest human organization/nation on the planet. Destabilizing the Eastern border is low hanging fruit, so this is their first step.

Timeline:

Pre-game:  The PCs are 3rd sons of minor noble houses.  They just finished their hitch in the army (as low-ranking officers), and during that hitch, they found a journal on a dead adventurer.  The journal speaks of a great treasure, but is damaged and only one clue to that treasure is left:  The first place they learned of it, which is an abandoned imperial fortress in the area between the orc and Peloki territory. The PCs will have to go there to find that clue.  The adventurer was the only survivor of the attempt to find the treasure.

Levels 1-2 Arrive in the military city of Farzy, then on to the border town of Hangnail, which has been corrupted by the clergy of the Spider Queen posing as priests of Hord.  Short side trek adventure to find a missing person, then out into the wilderness to find the old imperial fortress.  Dig through fortress and find the clue, which leads them to a temple a little further out in the wilderness previously claimed by the empire.

Levels 3-4 Locate the old temple and explore.  Find the clue that leads to the orc lair North of Hell's Throat.  The previous expedition mostly died in the old temple.

Levels 5-6 Go to Hell's throat.  The orcs are mostly off beating the hell out of the surviving hobgoblins, so the lair is lightly defended (relatively speaking).  When the orc's ancient shrine is located, the clues then point to the burial ground under the castle.  If enough damage is done to the orc lair and garrison, the next year's attack is fended off for some time.

Level 7 Explore under the castle.  So, so many undead.  Find the clue on level 4 that leads to the ruins of the pre-barbaric city of the Peloki, now an abandoned taboo ruin.

Level 8-9 Travel through the wilderness to find the ancient city.  Investigate city, find tunnels.

Level 10-11 Find the serpent man outpost.  Find the serpent men statis facility.  Find the bigass treasure.

Level 12 Try to get back to the empire with a warning about the previously unknown species of Serpent Men and their plans.

Campaign may end here, not sure.

Second campaign (to be run after the conclusion of the current campaign, sometime in late March)

Border antagonists

The Empire
The Peloki barbarians
Hobgoblins
Orcs.

The Empire has done the Hadrian thing and stopped expanding but has historically been vigorous in defending its border.

The orcs used to come through Hell's throat regularly, on massive raids into the empire.  The Empire build a fortress smack in the middle of the pass, which drove the orcs nuts.  They have burned it down twice, but broke their hordes doing it, so were chased up into the mountains.  Then the fort was rebuilt both times.  (The reason the fort drives the orcs nuts is that the cave system where they buried their great heroes is directly under the castle.  The empire does not know this, nor would they care if they did).

For the last 30 years, the orcs have been preoccupied with fighting a hobgoblin tribe (smaller but better armed and organized by the orcs) that moved into the region.

The hobgoblins were having great fun fighting the orcs but were recently devastated by a goblin pox that was delivered into their population by design (this is not known) by serpent men, recently awakened from their millenia-long slumber.

The orcs are dealing with the last of the hobgoblins, then they'll be after the throat again.

The Peloki are busy keeping their heads down.  They hate every other faction for good reason.  They could be influenced against the orcs if the PCs play their cards right.

After 30 years of peace, the empire is not ready for an orc invasion, which will take place 1 year after the campaign begins if not stopped.

[Changes to undead:]

Changes to undead:

Level drain is a thing of the past.

Wights:  Add 1d6 necrotic energy to damage.  Remove level drain.

Vampires:  Remove level drain, add spell like abilities and a +10 to the DC of any mind control exerted on anyone they have previously done Con damage to with a bite.

Specters:  Removed as a creature, replaced with ghost. 

Banshees:  Removed as a creature, replaced with ghost.

Ghosts:  Rejuvenation is now a purchased ability, as is wail.

Mummies:  Mummy rot is now one option of 8 for their curse.  The default curse is "alone" (the affected creature cannot consider any creature their ally for any game mechanics, and must save against harmless spell effects).

New game rules:

Necrotic energy:  As elemental energy, but creatures that do not age or are immune to death effects take no damage.

Orc ferocity (altered):  When reduced below 0 HPs, orcs make a stabilization check each round. If they succeed, they may either stabilize and drop, or they may take another HP of damage and remain in the fight with the staggered condition.  Being orcs, they will usually stay in the fight.  Ferocity begins on the orc's first initiative count.  If an orc is taken below zero before its first action, ferocity does not function.  This removes the "fight an orc then a zombie" effect which makes orcs too tough for APL 1 parties, and too weak for APL2 parties.

Perception checks are rolled by the PC unless they are using the trap spotter or stone cunning ability, in which their passive perception (10 + perception score) is used.

Clarifications:

Holy symbols do not have to be in hand for a cleric to cast or channel, just displayed openly on their person (unless a special ability gives them something that counts as a holy symbol, such as a tattoo, in which case it need not be displayed.)

Silver holy symbols:  Most useless item ever.  Costs 50 GP and gives no bonus over a regular holy symbol.  Henceforth, a silver holy symbol gives a +1 to channel rolls (total +1 to result, not per die).

antitoxin:  Still counts as a single save bonus but remains useful for 1 hour after ingestion.  If taken before being poisoned, it grants a +5 bonus instead of +4.

Facing matters.  You do not threaten the 3 squares to your rear unless for any reason you cannot be flanked.  Likewise, shield bonuses do not protect you from attacks from the 3 squares to your rear unless you cannot be flanked.  Exception:  a ring of force shield always grants a shield bonus.

Mage armor and similar effects:  Mage armor and shield spells are counted as force effects and increase all 3 armor classes (touch included, but for all touch ACs, not just incorporeal touch).

Poison:  Poison damage is taken on the first failed saving throw, instead of gaining the poisoned condition first then damage on subsequent saving throws.

Traits:  The restriction on traits from the same type is removed.  Therefore, both traits could be taken from combat, etc.

Perception:  Listening through a door or other barrier carries a penalty equal to the hardness of the barrier (ie, -5 though wood, -8 through stone, and -10 through iron) for the first two inches of thickness.  For every remaining inch of thickness, add a cumulative -2 modifier, regardless of substance.

Woodland stride is replaced with terrain stride.  This functions as woodland stride, but in all of the character's favored terrains, rather than in forest terrain.  It makes no sense that a ranger, for example, who has specialized in urban terrain would suddenly gain forest benefits but not urban benefits.

Paladins and rangers are by default caster level = class level -3.  Effects that boost caster level (magical knack, etc) can exceed the ranger/paladin's hit dice but never by more than 3.

guess whos back spaglords. Tis I, Pixie

 

Jebus christ almighty! Talk about Kakistocracy! That tangerine tosspot has only gone and said he's going to nick Gaza 'cos its prime seafront property. LOL. If I was Greenland I would be shopping around for a nuclear deterrent, and Oh Canada, are you in the firing line now

Yes I do realise that he has been saying this all along but apparently nobody believed him - well not enough, anyhoo. Hope those fence sitters in Dearborn are enjoying the show . . .

Now he wants to move everyone out of Gaza and make a new casino complex.

Gazans not having any right of return, which isn't a biggie because they're all going to die of cholera in gigantic untended refugee camps.

I, too, hope that Dearborn feels satisified.

So I drove over to the cargo terminal at the airport on Friday to pick up 4 more crated M2 50 cal machine guns (bolt carriers shipped separately so people don't get all anxious), and got pulled over on the way back to the shop.

Cop: "Do you have any weapons in the car?"

Me:  *looks back at the crates in the back of the van*

Me:  "Um."

 

Told ya not to stand that close to the airlock.

[...] my having voted 3rd party [...]

You wanted Harris to lose, and she did.  You and your kind are responsible for what happens now.  However far up your ass you stick your head, it will not wash the blood from your hands.

Progs like this shit, because it makes them feel like they're top-tier resistance fighters.

Which seems to involve gardening.

I understan

The new DNC chair was giving a speech about how there are good billionaires, so I don't really think they're going to be focusing on the parts of the economy that help working people...

Speaking about that, you see Musk's thing on USAID?

Food and medical aid to Gaza is now zero (0) dollars.

How'd that protest work out, Sparky?   

I live in a solidly blue state, my 3rd party vote for president made no difference in the result, WA's electoral votes still went to Harris, my down ballot votes were all Dem, and may have made a difference since my county is a little more conservative than normal for the state.  What Trump is doing to Gaza is what Harris would have done to Gaza, he's just bragging about it.

What, Harris said she would cut aid to zero?

Or did she say she'd ethnically cleanse Gaza?

Or do you just have some extraordinary ability to read her mind?

She said she'd continue funding and supporting Israel, as they ethnically cleansed Gaza, the result for Gazans is the same.

Did she say she'd forcibly remove all 2.1 million Gazans?  And state that they would have no right to return?

You did this.

I know you're Canadian originally, so not understanding how the electoral college works is more excuseable than it is for someone born here.  My vote was counted towards Kamala Harris, despite my having voted 3rd party, because winner takes all the electoral votes in a state.  I didn't do this.  Your vote meanwhile, was counted for Trump, despite you having voted for Harris.  You did this, you didn't convince enough of your neighbors to vote with you, so your vote went for the new dictator.

I was born in America and have lived here since 1979, you fucking pinecone.

I find it fucking hysterical that a damn useless prog is trying to give me a civics lesson.

I hope you get all the America you can stand.  And then some.

The new DNC chair was giving a speech about how there are good billionaires, so I don't really think they're going to be focusing on the parts of the economy that help working people...

Speaking about that, you see Musk's thing on USAID?

Food and medical aid to Gaza is now zero (0) dollars.

How'd that protest work out, Sparky?   

I live in a solidly blue state, my 3rd party vote for president made no difference in the result, WA's electoral votes still went to Harris, my down ballot votes were all Dem, and may have made a difference since my county is a little more conservative than normal for the state.  What Trump is doing to Gaza is what Harris would have done to Gaza, he's just bragging about it.

What, Harris said she would cut aid to zero?

Or did she say she'd ethnically cleanse Gaza?

Or do you just have some extraordinary ability to read her mind?

She said she'd continue funding and supporting Israel, as they ethnically cleansed Gaza, the result for Gazans is the same.

Did she say she'd forcibly remove all 2.1 million Gazans?  And state that they would have no right to return?

You did this.

I mean yeah he is objectively worse than what harris would have done.
But at this point he will end up uniting all Muslim countries in solidarity with the nation of Palestine against Israel and the USA

I am just laughing at the Tumblr-esque inability to tell bad from worse.

This country deserves what is happening to it, because stupidity is the only crime that is recognized by the sidereal universe itself.

The new DNC chair was giving a speech about how there are good billionaires, so I don't really think they're going to be focusing on the parts of the economy that help working people...

Speaking about that, you see Musk's thing on USAID?

Food and medical aid to Gaza is now zero (0) dollars.

How'd that protest work out, Sparky?   

I live in a solidly blue state, my 3rd party vote for president made no difference in the result, WA's electoral votes still went to Harris, my down ballot votes were all Dem, and may have made a difference since my county is a little more conservative than normal for the state.  What Trump is doing to Gaza is what Harris would have done to Gaza, he's just bragging about it.

I don't disagree with this, American policy in the middle east is to build a homogeneous western values (watches friends reruns and porn) nation with Israel, the key difference is the time frame, ironically trumps approach is more likely to cause world war 3 then the subversive slow approach allowed over the last couple of years.
I am glad that trump is bad at it

Yeah, at least Trump only shut off all USAID food supplies to Gaza.

Someone else might have done something BAD.