Topics

31

Or Kill Me / There's a Hole

« on: August 21, 2011, 09:01:29 am »

Nothing in it. It's just an empty hole. Not even a crater, really. A crater usually implies an impact or something.

Well, nothing happened. And that was the problem. Nothing.

They say that there used to be people there, who just did nothing. And well... nothing happened.

And nothing's all that's left.

But that's just an old story. Personally, I don't think there was ever such a place as the Bound Provinces or whatever it was called.

32

Or Kill Me / Chicago Politics As Usual

« on: August 05, 2011, 11:34:54 pm »

Funny thing, I was briefly in Chicago yesterday, catching a train back home. This happened to coincide with the President's birthday celebration in town.

Chicago politics as usual.

It's not like the president could be doing more important things with his time. It's not like the nation nearly defaulted on it's national debt or anything.

Chicago politics as usual.

Yes, my friends, the same Chicago in which Al Capone would be king is alive and well. But now the King of Chicago has decided against St. Valentine's Day Massacres in the streets of his city.

Actually, that's not true. There will still be a massacre. But it won't involve guns, or gangsters. Nah, the King of Chicago has a better plan. Why shoot your own when you can take away their healthcare and retirement benefits and continue shooting people on the other side of the world? Less messy that way.

So might be tempted to say that Obama brought knife and the GOP brought a gun. But that's not true, of course. Obama brought a knife, when he knew the GOP was bringing a gun. Then the GOP sprayed a few dozen bullets into the people, and Obama said "Well, I tried. There's no blood in the streets, and that's an improvement. "

Chicago politics as usual.

33

Or Kill Me / Listening to the voices

« on: July 22, 2011, 11:42:25 am »

I found this in a random word document sitting on my computer. I do not remember writing it, though it does seem like something I'd write. I assume what happened is that I intended to write more and then forgot about it, but...well...

Ever notice that little voice in the back of your head? You know the one. The one that keeps telling you to punish people. Not that they've done anything particularly wrong today. They just happen to exist.

But you know what? That's the problem. They exist. Here they are, breathing your air, eating your food, taking up space on your planet. They deserve to be punished, so burn the world.

Well, actually, no. They don't deserve to be punished for existing. The decent thing to do, the thing that other voice tells you to do, is be nice. Share your air, you've got plenty. Food isn't a problem for you, so why should you care if they get some? In fact, you have too much, you should help out someone who doesn't have enough. And space? Fah. Why bother worrying about? It could be worse.

And then the third voice pops in. You know, why don't they share their air? Did you see the look of disgust that guy just gave you? He's thinking the same thing. He thinks that you need to be removed from the planet. who knows his reason why. But fuck him. Burn it. He deserves to be punished, and so do they all. Let them all burn.

Another voice, another sound. Maybe you should leave his planet. Obviously, he wants you to. Why give him the gift of your presence? You have the power to take it away. See if he's that much happier without you on it. If you want, you can take a few others with you. Aye, there's the rub. Take a few down and then make your exit.

And then another. And another. And another. And all you can hear is a clutter of voices, no longer even forming words. They pierce every thought, every sensation. And then... silence. It's when the voices stop that you start to worry.

34

Or Kill Me / Live Free Or Die: A letter to a Councilor

« on: July 12, 2011, 05:44:28 pm »

As emailed. No changes. Dunno what else to say about it.

Councilor:

                I am highly pleased by your decision to defund the criminal organization Planned Parenthood, and applaud your stance on artificial birth control in all forms. Indeed, it is my opinion that “good times” do not come without personal cost. We need more men like you in positions of power, not only in your upstanding state, but in every state in this nation, and indeed, in every seat in Congress.

                The motto of New Hampshire, “Live Free or Die”, is rather apropos to your stance as well. You are clearly a man who recognizes the cost of this freedom. Certainly, these people are free to pursue their “good time”. The pursuit of happiness is, after all, one of the inalienable rights enumerated in the hallowed Bill of Rights of the United States Constitution.  However, this pursuit of happiness, such as it is, should not be sponsored, endorsed, nor supported by the government at any level.

Live Free or Die. It is a person’s right to choose to engage in sexual relations, but at the same time, if this choice is made lightly, without the proper care and meticulous examination, then it should fall upon the individuals involved to pay the consequences of their rash actions. If these people should engage in such activities and contract a venereal disease, then they shall suffer through it, and perhaps reflect upon their poor choices. If these people should find themselves burdened by an unwanted pregnancy, and they wish to terminate, they should have to pay.

Live Free or Die. It is, in fact, their legal right to abortion, if they choose. Live Free or Die. But also pay the price of freedom. Take it a step farther, they should perform the procedure themselves, with their own hands. They should be forced to see that wriggling ball of jelly as it seeps down the thigh of the would-be mother like so much menses. Looking at that rusty coat hanger, covered in the crimson stain, smelling the sickening- sweet reek of a zygote, partially developed, hearing that sound, that sploshing, slapping sound like a person working with over-wet clay, tasting… tasting the loathing and fear and vodka, feeling every possible emotion that one could feel towards a child slip away.  Live Free or Die. Live Free or Die. Live Free or Die.Death is not the worst of evils.

 

Regards,

Dawn Jennifer Gibson

35

Or Kill Me / An Open Letter To The Human Race

« on: July 11, 2011, 02:21:49 pm »

For Whom It May Cause Concern:

I am writing this letter because I have noticed a few things you have been doing, and I must say that they make me sick. Let's start with the basics: Human rights. That's right, human rights make me sick. Why you ask? Because if you start giving humans rights, then pretty soon you have to give everyone equal rights. And we all know that some people clearly don't deserve the right to vote, to be paid an equal wage, or to love and marry whomever they please. I mean, c'mon. These are laws of nature backed up by years of scientific data¹. And we simply can't allow those people, if they can so be called, a voice in government, a fair wage, or the legal benefits of marriage. We can't even extend to them social acceptance. It would be a crime against Our Lord And Savior ². I mean, you've got people running around all over the place saying things like "all men are created equal". This notion, of course, is completely preposterous to men of SCIENCE. If all men were created equal, their internal organs would liquify at the same rate. Now, of course, organ liquification rate is a terrible criterion to base a person's value on³, so I advocate the abolition of all human rights.

This will also put an end to the idea that people "have a right" to their opinion. Again, a completely preposterous notion. The simple fact of the matter is, you have no opinion of your own. You are assigned an opinion and programmed through various stimuli to ingrain it in your personality from birth. This was all set up by Doktors such as myself as an experiment in free thinking. The conclusion we arrived at was that human beings are incapable of that act. Very distressing for the pro-humanists out there. However, my hypothesis was quite correct, it would seem.

This leads nicely into the next thing that makes me sick: Religion. You see, religion is not working how it's supposed to. It was designed to keep you in check by keeping you all in awe of a "Greater power". Of course, we didn't quite count on ideas varying quite so much, but at first it seemed to be a self correcting problem. Look at the Jews. Good religious folk. When people disagreed with them, they tended to lean towards genocide⁴. Of course, this lead to a bit of irony down the road, but I digress. The Christians and the Muslims seemed to be doing a good job at following in their footsteps for awhile there, but then things got a little out of hand with the programming in the "free thinking" experiment. The so-called "free thinkers" bucked the system (by  our design, of course), but they quickly fell into the dogmatic behavior that their religious counterparts showed, and some of them became quite militant about it. Which is all well and good, of course, except now genocide isn't really in vogue anymore⁵, so the problem persists, and such brilliant arguments as "Fuck you! Giraffes are a fucking miracle!" fall upon deaf ears.

Humanity in general makes me sick. Overall, I have to say that this experiment was a failure. We should have scrapped the whole thing when you began to industrialize, but we figured that you would have at least gotten away from fossil fuels by now. You even have viable alternatives, but again, I digress. Your wars are not doing enough to curb population growth at this point, and I must say the excess in population is fucking with some of the experiments considerably. Fortunately, the distribution of this problem is not equal across all theaters so, the results can be extrapolated with relative ease most of the time. Nevertheless, this IS a serious problem. But that said, it is a self-correcting one in he end it seems. Good luck in fifty years, assholes.

Sincerely,
Doktor Phox

¹ = These data are, however, classified, and I cannot reveal them to you now.

² = Of course, I'm referring to Bob Dylan.

³ = Unless it is to determine their value in certain experiments.

⁴ = According to THEIR history, which is approximately 169% bullshit.

⁵ = Except in certain places that are, for some reason, considered "unimportant" by the rest of you.

36

Apple Talk / ATTN: CRAMULUS

« on: June 30, 2011, 04:23:55 am »

IS THIS SMOOCHY SMOOCHY ENOUGH FOR YOU!? 

37

Apple Talk / ATTN: TGRR and Charley

« on: May 20, 2011, 08:08:59 pm »

I heard you on MTV back in 2002
Lying awake intent at tuning in on you.
If I was young it didn't stop you coming through.  (Ooh ooh)

They took the credit for your second symphony.
Rewritten by machine and new technology,
And now I understand the problems you can see. (Ooh ooh)

I met your children (Ooh ooh)
What did you tell them?
Dubstep killed the rock ‘n’ roll star.
Dubstep killed the rock ‘n’ roll star.

Autotune came and broke your heart. (Oh ah ah ah oh)

And now we meet in an abandoned studio.
We hear the playback and it seems so long ago.
And you remember the jingles used to go.  (Ooh ooh)

You were the first one.  (Ooh ooh)
You were the last one.  (Ooh ooh)

Dubstep killed the rock ‘n’ roll star.
Dubstep killed the rock ‘n’ roll star.
In my mind and in my car,
We can't rewind we've gone too far
(Oh ah ah ah oh)
(Oh ah ah ah oh)

Dubstep killed the rock ‘n’ roll star.
Dubstep killed the rock ‘n’ roll star.

In my mind and in my car,
We can't rewind we've gone too far.
Autotune came and broke your heart
Put the blame on TGRR.

Ooh rock ‘n’ roll star.
Ooh rock ‘n’ roll star.
Dubstep killed the rock ‘n’ roll star.
Dubstep killed the rock ‘n’ roll star.
Dubstep killed the rock ‘n’ roll star.
Dubstep killed the rock ‘n’ roll star.

Dubstep killed the rock ‘n’ roll star. (You are a rock ‘n’ roll star.)
Dubstep killed the rock ‘n’ roll star. (You are a rock ‘n’ roll star.)
Dubstep killed the rock ‘n’ roll star. (You are a rock ‘n’ roll star.)
Dubstep killed the rock ‘n’ roll star. (You are a rock ‘n’ roll star.)

38

Apple Talk / ATTN: Coyote

« on: May 06, 2011, 05:00:06 am »

The recent conversation made me think of this. Which reminded me of you.

39

Or Kill Me / Fairy Tale Endings

« on: May 04, 2011, 11:06:37 pm »

Every generation needs their boogeymen. We living in the Civilized West^TM got rid of one of our nastier ones recently, as we all know. Obviously, there was a bit of contention about this event. Personally, I've avoided voicing my opinion for no other reason than I've been too busy, but my initial reaction to the news was essentially the same as LMNO's and Nigel's. My stance has not changed as of now.

But that's not why we're here, is it? What we want from this particular forum is rants. Well, listen here, kids, and I'll explain to you what's got me hot-and-bothered about this issue.

The fairy tale: Osama planned 9/11, and his people carried out the attack. The U.S. invades Afghanistan to bring him to justice. 10 years and two wars later, Osama is killed in Pakistan. And there was much rejoicing.

The reality of this situation has already been talked to death elsewhere, and it's not what bothers me. What bothers me is that otherwise intelligent people* are BUYING IN to this sort of BS hook, line, and sinker.  Perhaps it's the peril of living with the 24-hour news cycle, but I apparently have not learned that people will always disappoint when it comes to thinking through the tripe they get force fed by talking heads and politicians. I'm getting real tired of this "America Fuck Yeah! USA! USA!" bullshit, and it's starting to bother me on a different level.

Who's the next Osama? I'm not referring to who will take his place within Al Qaeda or anything like that. But who will be the next boogeyman? If Osama's death is comparable to the fall of the Berlin Wall, then "Terrorists^TM" are blasé, just like "Commies^TM" Who should we make the next boogeyman? We in America love our fairy tales, and this one has come to a close. Osama's dead, which means that terrorism is over, and Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, Iran, and all the rest of those countries with funny names are going to fade into obscurity again. Or that's how the fairy tale ends. But the fallout of this elimination of a boogeyman is going to continue. There will probably be lots more hooting and hollering about the "Terrorists^TM" but in no time at all, the fairy tale ending will be the way people remember it. The ten years in between? A footnote at best, but more likely completely ignored. And even people who lived through it will buy into it. But hey, it's no less than we've come to expect from the general population, right?

Or fucking kill me.

*Not referring to anyone at PD.

40

Apple Talk / Friendly Advice For New People

« on: April 10, 2011, 02:09:13 am »

Avoid clicking on or looking at anything posted by GIGGLES. Srsly. Do nevar.

Phox,
Likes some of the new people.

41

Or Kill Me / And The Band Played On...

« on: March 25, 2011, 03:17:40 am »

As a performer, it's not always easy sitting in the audience. Watching other people do what you love sometimes makes you want to just get up on stage and join them. But I can tell you from experience that those guys in the black shirts with earpieces don't generally like it when people try to do that. You're lucky if you get thrown out with just a busted nose.

But on this particular night, I wasn't so keen to get on stage. I was just digging the tunes and enjoying the show. The music was pretty upbeat, and the tempo was quick. The lyrics were a bit hard to make out, but they seemed to be emotional and heartfelt. Overall it was quite enjoyable. And the band played on...

After a while, I noticed that they just kept playing the same thing over and over. Just a little variation on the chords from time to time. But you know, it was pretty catchy , and the audience was as enthusiastic as ever, so i just kept bobbing my head and let it go. And the band played on...

At some point, I noticed that they stopped changing the chords. Now they were just playing the same song repeatedly. That was just a tad bit annoying. But it wasn't really a bad song, and the crowd was into it. Why change what works? And the band played on...

Then I finally got a good look at the stage show. I hadn't been able to see it before, because I was way in the back, but as the hours went by, I had slowly been pushing my way forward. Now that I saw it looked they had taken a page out GWAR's book. I've seen gorier, but I couldn't tell you when, and it really didn't fit the music. And sounded, just for a second, like the audience as screaming in terror, instead of adulation. And the band played on...

I thought about trying to work my way back out through the crowd, but you know, this song's growing on me. Nevermind the banal formula, they make it work. The lack of sincerity in the singer's voice isn't really a bad thing. And i've got to admire their dedication you know?

When that fire started onstage? The band played on.
When the riots broke out in the crowd? The band played on.
When the cops broke in and started cracking skulls? The band played on.

Sure, after a while it started to look like the aftermath of a Dethklok concert, and they kept playing the same generic pop song, but the band played on...

42

Or Kill Me / The Itch You Can't Reach

« on: March 21, 2011, 02:24:35 am »

Ever get an itch that you just can't reach? I have one right now. Right in the small of my back. Just so far away, in just the right spot. It's driving me nuts.

I tried using a pen. Didn't work.

I tried using my phone. Didn't work.

I tried using my keyboard. Didn't work.

I tried ignoring it, but even when I don't think about it, I can still feel it. Gnawing, itching, biting. MAking me feel like the world is a horrible place with horrible things that only ever want to cause you pain and irritation.

And then I tried screaming. I screamed and screamed. And I kept on screaming. The people around me must have thought I was insane. And they'd be right of course.

Then I tried to comfort myself, thinking "no matter how bad it is, it's going to go away. That itch can't last forever, can it? Nah, there's no such thing as a seven-year itch."

But then I just started laughing. Because I know that I didn't cause the itch. I know that I can't do anything about that itch. And I know that you have that itch, too.

I also know there's no such thing as a seven-year itch. I also know that it can't last forever. And I know that it will last long enough.

Maybe we can last long enough too.

Or maybe we can't.

Either way doesn't matter now, because the itch is here, and it's still out of reach. Have fun with your itch. And if you last, have fun when it's gone.

The last thing I know is after the itch is gone, we're going to wish that it was still here.

Doktor Phox,
Still laughing.

43

Apple Talk / PD.com: The place I thought I could call home

« on: March 21, 2011, 02:07:54 am »

Yeah, that's right. i've been registered on this site for 8 months or so. My total log in time? 47 days, 19 hours, and 33 minutes. Fact: I spent way too much of that not logging out while I'm in class, or sitting around doing research, or not doing anything worthwhile.
Fact: Roger's giving up on my PD. Fuck that.
I don't really contribute all that often, fuck I don't really contribute at all.  99.99% of what I have to say and (what I have said) is complete fucking garbage. I accept that. I don't know what I can actually do to change it, but goddamn it, I'll try.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to post 99% crap, probably, but I'll try to post 1% content. If I can do that, the rest of you motherfuckers can to. I'm as busy as anyone. Fuck, I really should be working on SOMETHING right now. Instead, Roger's got me all worked p about YOU. All of you. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Looking through rants, who rants on a regular basis?
Who WOMPs on a regular basis?
who tells a goddamn story, true or otherwise, on a regular basis?

You know what, maybe ECH has a point. Maybe we spend way too much time on pointless trolls than on making PD the weird and wonderful place I like to spend hours of my life at.
Maybe Cram has a point. Maybe we ARE scaring off newbs who would become contributing members.
Maybe Nigel has a point. Maybe we're beating a dead horse.

Or maybe. Maybe we just aren't even TRYING. Shame on you. Shame on me. I'm just as guilty as anyone, so you know what? Fuck you. Fuck all of you. And fuck you too, Roger, because if you weren't so goddamn good at everything, half of us wouldn't be intimidated and afraid our own stuff won't live up to the bar you fucking set.

So, fuck you PD. Fuck you hard. I'm going to try.

Phox,
Not okay, but still trying.

44

Apple Talk / Have Blog, What Do?

« on: March 15, 2011, 09:07:21 pm »

So, out of boredom, I started a word press account. How shall I abuse it for my own amusement?

45

Apple Talk / ATTN: PD.COM and Roger

« on: March 14, 2011, 08:19:31 pm »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDXnk6RKs5E

I just wanted to thank Roger for posting this song a few months ago. I stumbled upon it again, and I feel the need to remind all of you. No need to thank me, I'm only sharing the love.

Phox,
In a giving mood.