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Messages - chaotic neutral observer

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 ... 77
1
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: Yesterday at 03:22:09 am »
Heard in a meeting the other day:

"...applying force to the chassis and seeing if it leaks goo afterward..."

"...I don't think the other labs set fire to our devices..."

"Have we accidentally constructed a doomsday device?"

2
Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« on: July 03, 2022, 05:47:42 pm »
Today, I was randomly assigned to the marketing group for "fresh ideas."

Clayton:  "Our new product is clearly superior to the existing products, but the market is saturated with older product.  We need ways to penetrate that market."

Doug:  "I wrote a new vision statement..."

Me:  "Shut up, Doug."

Clayton:  "Yes.  Shut up.  We are not here to write business plans or vision statements, we are here to come up with WAYS. TO MOVE. PRODUCT.  So instead of whatever Dilbert crap you have floating in your head, give me things that will actually get people to sit up and take notice."

Me:  "You can stab your enemies from 700 miles away."

I recently took up archery, and, almost three years after you wrote it, that line suddenly makes perfect sense.

3
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: June 29, 2022, 11:39:44 pm »
I have a proper rant percolating for the first time since 2016 or so.

May your hate flow like water.

4
They'd built a house of straw. The thundering machines sputtered and stopped. Their leaders talked and talked and talked. But nothing could stem the avalanche. Their world crumbled. The cities exploded. A whirlwind of looting, a firestorm of fear. Men began to feed on men.

On the roads it was a white line nightmare. Only those mobile enough to scavenge, brutal enough to pillage would survive. The gangs took over the highways, ready to wage war for a tank of slurp juice. And in this maelstrom of decay, ordinary men were battered and smashed.

Except for one man armed with an AK-47, and a Honda full of tulip bulbs.

5
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: June 21, 2022, 03:02:37 pm »
I figured you could sparge noodles.

Put it in a Pyrex sphere with water and no remaining air space, superheat the sphere with ether, and the water can't boil because of the pressure, so it just migrates into the ramen.  It worked, too.  15 second ramen.

Then the Pyrex went bang at about 15 atmospheres of pressure, squashed my face shield up against my googles, causing me to swallow most of my left front tooth.  Also some mild flash burns & concert ears.

I call it a partial success.  It would have been a complete success if I knew where the ramen wound up.  Not in my yard, anyway.

I am reasonably sure that the chlorine in the water came unglued into O2, adding vapor, which could expand and you'd only need the Pyrex to have uneven pressure for a fraction of a second.

That is, frankly, entirely awesome.

Are you going to try again, maybe with a sturdier pressure vessel?

Is it possible that outgassing from the ramen is part of the problem?  I'm not sure if that term applies to non-vacuum environments, but I'd think the ramen might have some air dissolved or trapped in it, and of course the ramen itself has dozens of little nucleation points.

6
Apple Talk / Re: Suu demands to know what you are listening to!
« on: June 19, 2022, 11:14:30 pm »
Bloodywood - Gaddaar

It's Indian Folk Metal.

7
Apple Talk / Re: Introductions VIII: Some bad news for new folks
« on: June 19, 2022, 12:16:23 am »
helloooo lovelies


I did it. I finally did it. Canada has become just like everywhere else.

???

What the fuck did you do to the timeline?

I made a boo-boo.

Wait, that was you?

8
Propaganda Depository / Re: ESP in One Month practice
« on: June 19, 2022, 12:14:34 am »
17 @6
06 14 link soon 2:02A Hard2do On Jazz Am11 P p

Hi, Hirley!

9
Propaganda Depository / Re: ESP in One Month practice
« on: June 19, 2022, 12:14:07 am »
Mme Jean-Robert,

It is with a profound sense of regret, not to mention contempt and revulsion, with which I must write to say that a collaboration between us will be impossible.

Upon preliminary reading, the text is an incoherent, maundering morass of run-on sentences and unintelligible grammar, which would make even the most iron-jawed of highschool English teachers tear their hair and weep in shame and rage.  It is entirely beyond redemption.  It is execrable; the gosling who consumed a page and promptly converted it to goose-shit only improved it thereby, and I sincerely recommend you employ angry waterfowl to do your copy-editing in the future.

What fragments one can extract from this putrid heap of verbiage betray an utter lack of comprehension of even the most basic principles of natural philosophy, let alone quantum mechanics.  Had I attempted to employ "quantum entanglement" to perform ESP, as per your directions, I would surely have entangled my ass-hair in the rototiller--an experience which, having already endured once, I see no reason to repeat during this lifetime.

With eternal loathing,

cno


Disclaimer:  I didn't actually receive or read a copy of the article, although I can't see why that should make any difference.

10
Propaganda Depository / Re: ESP in One Month practice
« on: June 10, 2022, 02:10:57 am »
Dear Joan Roberts,

Thank you for sending me a copy of your transcript, "Describing the Means and Attunement to ESP".  Unfortunately, it did not arrive intact.  It is currently cobra-chicken nesting season here--you may know them as "Canada Geese"--and the mail carrier had the ill fate of encountering a flock of them while delivering your missive.  I have been informed that his tongue has been successfully reattached, and, if the physiotherapy goes well, he should regain the use of his remaining limbs in time for the Christmas package season.

Regrettably, your document did not fare quite so well.  A gosling shredded and partly consumed one of the pages, and the remainder was coated in a mixture of mailman's blood, goose-droppings, and an unidentifiable substance with a heretofore unimagined colour, caustic odour, and indescribable texture.  I sent a sample of it to the Biology Department at the University, who became so excited that they immediately quarantined the entire campus.

Nevertheless, I believe enough of the transcript survived that I shall still be able to give it a fair review, once I get it back from the document reconstruction service.

I remain your humble servant.

11
Propaganda Depository / Re: ESP in One Month practice
« on: May 31, 2022, 02:05:42 am »
Thank you for your message, Mr. Roberts!

I am a well-known and respected influencer in the Discordian community, and I wish to help you bring your wisdom to the widest possible audience.

If you send me a free copy of your transcript, I will be happy to review it and give it the exposure which it deserves.  I am confident that I will be able to double or even triple your sales.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

12
Billy:  "Are you having some kind of ethical crisis here?"

Tina:  "Yes, and I'm not sure..."

Me:  "Your salary will be <amount>.  Not bad for right out of college."

Tina:  "..."

You see, Tina, your salary isn't just compensation for the work you'll do, it's part of the service you provide; helping to extract money from <agency>.  In fact, it would be unethical not to take their money.

13
Literate Chaotic / Lemonade
« on: May 06, 2022, 05:12:37 pm »
You can make lemonade out of your lemons, but the acid remains.

14
Or Kill Me / Re: Buttons
« on: April 28, 2022, 02:28:19 pm »
...
Yow.

Framed and formatted like that...it hits different.  I almost don't recognize my own words.

Ship it.

15
Apple Talk / Re: A thought experiment
« on: April 27, 2022, 03:18:05 am »
Hiring new employees always has some element of risk; the guy with 20 years of experience could still be a dud.  But, that's not a useful hypothetical, since any new hire is a gamble, regardless.

If the black dude was the only resume you got, would you hire him?  Does his lack of experience increase risk significantly, or only slightly?  What about the personalities of the applicants; experience aside, is there any way to determine which one is more likely to have a safety-minded work ethic?

I don't think the race of the people on the floor should be a significant factor.  My monkey brain says "maybe the black dude will get along better with the floor employees, or feel more responsibility towards them"... but that's racist/tribalist bullshit, and my monkey brain needs to SHUT UP.

Less "human ethical", and more "corporate ethical"...how much extra is your inexperienced engineer likely to cost you in accidents/errors/training while he's coming up to speed, and will his lower initial salary make up for that?  (I'm guessing not, it's just another thing to think about).

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