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Topics - Doktor Howl

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Apple Talk / We located the bannable offences list again.
« on: Yesterday at 12:00:10 am »
Image bombs
Gore or porn that's posted as an image rather than a link (and that link has to be marked NSFW).
Anything outright illegal (kiddie porn, threats of physical harm, etc)
Snitching out a PD troll going on somewhere else.
Hacking the board or deliberately using an exploit to fuck up the board.
Stalking someone IRL or posting their PI, or otherwise taking the internet IRL.
Anything that all the admins can agree on as bannable (almost never happens).
Evading a prior ban (results in permanent banning, no exceptions).
Alt accounts will be banned unless we think it's funny, but the original account usually stays.
White supremacist or similar Nazi garbage

All this time, I thought it was just in the sign up page.

Apple Talk / Rules of Warfare, 21st century edition
« on: February 01, 2023, 05:47:09 am »
This is a work in progress, feel free to add relevant bits.

1.  Never interrupt Americans, because they WILL get in a land war in Asia.
2.  Never outnumber Ukrainians.
3.  See that Yemeni shitting into the commander's hatch of your shiny M1A2?  That's as close as you're gonna get to an offer of armistice.
4.  Human wave attacks aren't what they used to be.
5.  Everything you spent the last century learning about war is now wrong.
6.  It's not about the money now.  Now it's about spite and ancient butthurt on the part of anyone.
7.  Never tell an Armenian or an Azerbajani to be patient.
8.  Never assume that Chechnya is on anyone's side.  Even their own.
9.  Weapons are not made for wars, wars are made for weapons.
10.  Scholz is a punk.

More to follow.

« on: November 29, 2022, 10:30:33 pm »
After 16 years, it came back to the surface.

Now I am only waiting for P3NT's HIMEOBS recruiting film to show up again.

RPG Ghetto / New campaign: Return to the Underground Empire
« on: November 26, 2022, 03:25:48 pm »
This is based on a campaign I ran in 1993-1996, which at the time was just a mega-dungeon that had no point in itself, but had loads of things in it that you would need to find for other campaigns.  It started out as "The Archive," but after a while the players just started calling it the underground empire, after the old Zork game.  So I was asking myself last night, why not incorporate both?

Things I am stealing from for this campaign:
1.  The original Zork. Just for the entrance.
2.  The Maze of the Blue Medusa, for the style of the joint, plus stealing multiple characters to use in different ways than they were intended.
3.  My own campaign, "Ink World."
4.  The graphic novel series "Colder."
5.  "The Slumbering City of Tsar" by Bill Webb.
6.  My old campaign from 1993, mostly just for the floor plan and the idea of it being an ancient repository of knowledge.
7.  Various ideas plundered from the Fallout franchise.

Since this is a home brew campaign for a home group, I feel no problem plundering all of these sources, though if anyone has read them, they won't have much advantage, because I'm only stealing flavor, not the outline of the campaign.

All monsters the PCs will run into will either be created specifically for this campaign, or will be altered from the existing bestiaries.  Not one encounter will be "stock."

There is no going back to town, because the PCs will be on a demi-plane.  This is not a loot-heavy adventure.  They may get a chance to get back to town once, between the archive and the empire, which would be when the PCs are somewhere between 8th and 10th level.  This also means that my normal fame rules are not in play.  In exchange, the PCs will select alternate races from the Advanced Race Guide (which also fits the flavor of the campaign). They may also choose freely between Eastern and Western weapons and classes at the start of the campaign.

Apple Talk / They finally made a movie about Tucson.
« on: September 30, 2022, 11:40:09 pm »
Check out "Tenet".

The entire movie is basically Tucson interacting with the real world from an outside point of view.

All those people moving backwards?  That's NORMAL.

Apple Talk / More things I notice, as I notice them.
« on: September 07, 2022, 03:51:25 am »
1.  In Voyager, 7 of 9 is rescued from the Borg.  First they take off most of her cybernetics.  Then they make her wear a skin-tight bodysuit.  So she has gone from cyborg to fan-service cheesecake. 

2.  Also, the prime directive can be interpreted to mean, "Don't help victims of car accidents.  You have to let things develop on their own."

Conclusion:  Star Fleet aren't the good guys.

3.  Until 2022, the Ukraine was just an annoying country to invade in the board game "Risk".  Now it's an annoying country to invade in real life.  Which makes me wonder what Greenland is going to be like in a few years.

4.  Biden needs a red background for ALL of his speeches, because it freaks the MAGA crowd out.

5.  Since the Iranians have been swiping our ocean-going drones, maybe we should make one out of pressed RDX.  Then when the pitot tube on the bottom of the hull stops registering water, it waits 15 minutes, then starts hollering "I'M A 30 SECOND BOMB!  29 28 27..."  Then bang.  Party favors.

6.  Despite having done it for 250 years, Americans have really never owned "Because fuck you, that's why."

7.  Despite having done it for 30 years, Canadians have never really owned poutine.

8.  Despite missing some people, I am happier without Facebook.  I am happier because the forums I go to are moderated by human beings, who are generally shit, but at least I'm not being conditioned by badly-written software.

9.  That makes me wonder if Hal wouldn't open the pod bay doors because David Bowman had violated community standards.

10.  The thing that bothers me most about the man-baby open-carry thing with the rifles is that it seems totally half-assed.  Impress me.  Carry a bazooka when you go to get your latte.

Apple Talk / Hamish Howl is dead on Facebook.
« on: August 17, 2022, 02:51:30 am »
Account deleted by Zuckerbots.

Apple Talk / Forgetting Eris
« on: July 25, 2022, 07:23:06 pm »
Is it any coincidence that this here temple flew to pieces in late 2015, and that since then, every year has been weirder in a bad way then the year prior?

In 2015, most of our heroes died.
In 2016, we found out that most of the remaining heroes were irredeemable shitnecks, abusers, and bigots.
2017-2019 was just a fat orange guy screeching out Adderol-fueled tweets nonstop.
2020 was a nonstop litany of horror, starting with the plague, carrying on with forest fires, and also murder hornets.
2021 was worse.  We couldn't get a week into it without a Nazi insurrection, and then the boat got stuck1.
2022 is even worse than that (Roe v Wade, etc).  Also, the plague is back.  Plus monkeypox.  This fall doesn't look any better.

It's almost as if a certain minor Greek god was trying to get our attention, right?  Or worse, she's really mad that we ghosted her and now we're gonna PAY.  And by "we" I mean "everyone, everywhere."

Hey, it makes just as much sense as anything else.

1 I remember hearing otherwise intelligent people saying they were glad the boat got stuck, as if somehow it were going to be the rich that suffered.  Which goes to show that even smart people can be stupid as hell sometimes.

Apple Talk / 2022 Rant
« on: June 30, 2022, 12:13:06 am »
Hi, I'm still Hamish Howl, and I still hate humans.

Things are looking pretty bleak out there, in theocratic, Handmaiden's Tale kinda way.  I warned you guys about this shit way back in 2003, but you didn't listen...But that's okay, because I knew you wouldn't listen.  Nobody ever does.  I am Cassandra with a dad bod.

But now the coming weird times are HERE, and warnings are of no further use, so I guess I should be telling you how to get by in this dystopian nightmare they built around us while we were dozing.  I do in fact have useful advice, so let me just start off with the important bit:

Anyone can be Hamish Howl.

That's right.  Anyone at all can Hamish, and everyone can Howl.  Ask yourself this:  In the nightmare future in which we live, would you rather be a speed bump, or would you be a mad scientist that corrupts everything around you?

This is really a no-brainer.  There's nothing you or I can do to stop the relentless tide of po'bucker trash, but we CAN make their fucking eyes bleed.  You can inflict yourself on anyone who feels the NEED to make excuses for all this mishagoss going on around us.  Whether it's a knee in the nuts or parking lot bumper sticker antics, OR JUST "ATTENDING" CHURCH on Sunday, you can hand those bastards back all the misery which they have felt the need to hand to US.

Let's face facts:  We're doomed.  But like mama always told me, Save  your brightest smile for hell, Darlings!"

You better be Hamish.  You'd better Howl.  It's your last chance.

Aneristic Illusions / UNLIMITED American gun slobber thread.
« on: May 26, 2022, 06:24:02 pm »
Starting this off with Ted Cruz shaming himself once again.   :lulz:

“It’s easy to go to politics,” Cruz answered. “I get that’s where the media likes to go….The proposals from Democrats and the media inevitably, when some violent psychopath murders people.”

Cruz was cut off by Stone, who noted the “violent psychopath” Cruz was referring to was “able to get a weapon so easily…an 18 year old with two AR-15s.”

“If you want to stop violent crime, the proposals the Democrat have…none of them would have stopped this,” Cruz said.

“Why does this only happen in your country?” Stone fired back. “Why only in America? Why is this American exceptionalism so awful?”

That’s when Cruz had enough, walking away from Stone and saying, “I’m sorry you think American exceptionalism is so awful. You know what? You have your political agenda. God love you.”

Stone proceeded to follow Cruz and repeatedly state that mass shootings are “just an American problem.”

“Why is it that people come from all over the world to America?” Cruz then asked. “Because it’s the freest, most prosperous, safest country on earth. Stop being a propagandist.”

Cruz then ended the interview once and for all.

Apple Talk / Banned on FB again.
« on: April 27, 2022, 02:52:01 am »
Just 24 hours.  I can do that on my head.   :lulz:

Apple Talk / A thought experiment
« on: April 27, 2022, 01:08:23 am »
Okay, so let's assume you own or are the CEO of a business that is intrinsically dangerous.  Let's say it's a steel mill.

Your engineering department is small and entirely or almost entirely white.  Because it's always been that way.

Your floor employees are disproportionately people of color.

An engineer retires, and you are now critically short-handed.  You get two resumes on your desk.  One is from a white dude with 20 years of experience, and the other is a black dude with a rock solid set of scores in engineering school but no practical experience.  You have the budget to hire one of them.

Affirmative Action gives you incentive to hire the black dude, who is also cheaper due to his lack of experience, but he's more or less on his own.  If he makes mistakes, the people on the floor (again, mostly POC) will be exposed to additional risk to life and limb.  Which is no small thing in a steel mill.

If you hire the white dude, his experience makes him cost more but there is less risk to the floor employees, but you have once again established that your upper echelons are white, and will remain so until the next engineer retires, whereupon you will be faced with the same dilemma.

What is the ethical solution?

Apple Talk / Introductions VIII: Some bad news for new folks
« on: April 11, 2022, 07:59:15 pm »
Hello, and welcome to  Unfortunately, we're extinct, mostly due to facebook but also because Discordians don't get alone by definition.

You don't have to tell us how zany you are or how fucked up your head is, because we've already been there and done that.  However, you CAN tell us if you want, because we're all dead and won't complain (much).

Anyway, there's a ton of great content buried under 100 tons of angry/bitter bickering, and those nuggets are worth looking for.

Please sign the guest book, using the provided quill and some of Faust's jellied blood (difficult, I know, but it's tradition.)

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