Principia Discordia

theme: fear of, phobia

not really things your scared of but society as a whole?
monsters spiders end of the world, emo poems about being alone...
BIP ARTICLES ?



ETA: DONE
high res print http://ifile.it/4dn0rlt/nine.pdf
low res final http://ifile.it/0fa7zt8/nine.pdf

An irrational fear of discordian quasi-periodicals?

sounds nice 000
maybe you can interview roger...


possible cover :lulz:
(http://img714.imageshack.us/img714/2237/intermitten.jpg) (http://img714.imageshack.us/i/intermitten.jpg/)

copyright and credits tab transpernt like text over the top of this

Quote from: v=1/3πr²h on January 28, 2010, 01:25:46 AM
Here is a pattern that should be included in your magazine:

http://www.kelbournewoolens.com/giveahoot.html

It is for owl mittens.

I can submit an article about my irrational fear of dogs.

If somebody is afraid of cats, we might benefit from doing a double-article on facing pages. Cats or clowns.

I have an irrational fear of telephones.

Also, an irrational fear of being in front of my house when someone passes by. This last, however, is probably the result of growing up with drive-by shootings so it may not be all that irrational.

I have an irrational fear of people knocking on my door, or ringing my doorbell.  I believe it stemmed from my mother, who was also the same way.  She would have us turn the stereo or tv down, and she would watch from a window until they left.  I have no idea where her fear came from.

(http://img197.imageshack.us/img197/4286/wildthings.jpg) (http://img197.imageshack.us/i/wildthings.jpg/)

and yes i have permission from the artist*, and the model used for the cover in above post.

*just have to ask my friend, said it was ok for a tattoo
a free magizine isnt that much more of a leap...
tho he might only say no if it might get him in trouble
you know with WB and their recent movie

I have a terrible poem to contribute about my fear of people as a collective. I might also write something new. How do I contribute?

EDIT: Also that cover is badass.

I have a fear of doing telephone work ina professional way (like at work).

Also; the dark, toilets, garbage and dumpsters, being alone for long periods of time, especially at night.

Like others, telephones. But I think that is part of a larger fear of confronting/talking to people and making an ass out of myself. I'm working on it.

Also, fear of heights, open ocean, and UFOs.

If I have time, I can write something about the downside of magic (in other words, how using self-delusion to hack your mind tends to make you afraid of things you know aren't real, and how horror films are cuing into this).

I have a lot of irrational fears: 1) answering the door 2) meeting people I know while out in public, like shopping 3) being raped and murdered while my kids are raped and murdered, in our home 4) dying on the highway in a car crash

(shit, I'm one fucked up dudette :lulz:)

...luckily, I don't let any of these fears keep me from doing what I want to do.

I have a fear of boredom.

Quote from: Jenne on February 09, 2010, 07:44:22 PM
I have a lot of irrational fears: 1) answering the door 2) meeting people I know while out in public, like shopping 3) being raped and murdered while my kids are raped and murdered, in our home 4) dying on the highway in a car crash

Well, there goes my Friday night...

:lulz:

I'm glad you took that in the spirit in which it was meant, by the way.

Of course I did, I know how fucked up all that is, anyway.  Admitting it makes it so much less than what it really is, if you want to know the truth.  I think my husband, for all his faults, has really gotten me through the worst of my "living daymare" shit.  What-all he's gone through, it has put way too much in perspective for me.

Plus, he believes in Exposure Therapy^TM.  Not for raping and murder, of course, but the other stuff, yeah, pretty much.

Quote from: Doktor Howl on February 09, 2010, 07:45:46 PM
I have a fear of boredom.

This explains SO much.  :lulz:

Quote from: Telarus on February 10, 2010, 08:44:24 PM

Quote from: Doktor Howl on February 09, 2010, 07:45:46 PM
I have a fear of boredom.

This explains SO much.  :lulz:

Seriously.  Every time I found myself in jail, or getting beaten by multiple rednecks, or getting banned from the public library/local political events, etc, it was because I got so bored I did something stupid.

On the other side of that same coin, I believe I may have been TOO careful about that kind of thing.

I also have an irrational fear of dolls, especially vintage ones, and much less irrational fear of used stuffed animals.

I deal with my fear of dolls and telephones by collecting them.

Bees, I fear them. And bears. And hooved animals.
But mostly bees. 

Quote from: Alty on February 11, 2010, 08:07:02 AM
Bees, I fear them. And bears. And hooved animals.
But mostly bees. 

You should collect them; I find it helps.

This sounds like a great idea for the next intermittens.  Let me know if I can be of any assistance, Peleus.

Maybe you could use this Bonejangles special (http://23ae.com/2010/01/the-rabbit-hole/) that I did for 23AE recently.

I have a fear of making telephone calls. No problem receiving them, no problem making them on behalf of someone else, I just hate calling people on my own. To the point that if I have to make a bunch of calls in a row I'll get some heart palpitations and irregular breathing. That is annoying, since I generally have excellent concious control over my heart and breathing rates.

Same thing with spiders. Even pictures thereof. Unlike telephones I tend to burn the spiders. Or flash-freeze them. Or give them an informative lesson on what half a million volts feels like. Which generally leads to burning.

Interestingly I have no problem with centipedes, millipedes, scorpions, jellyfish, or other things in the "too-many-legs/poison/hairy" categories.

Quote from: Guy Incognito on February 17, 2010, 01:17:01 AM
This sounds like a great idea for the next intermittens.  Let me know if I can be of any assistance, Peleus.

Maybe you could use this Bonejangles special (http://23ae.com/2010/01/the-rabbit-hole/) that I did for 23AE recently.

hehe build a bear, yes thats very nicely done
now only if... the pronoia guy would answer my emails about using his artwork,
might have to resort to snail mail or somewhere something a bit more professional

might do something outlandish with all of peedy's fears, writting them in the page margin either in ariel or the illumanti font

Since people are posing their fears in this thread, maybe one of us can make a WOMP collage designed to scare the fuck out of everyone on the forum without being remotely frightening to anyone else? Dog-bear-spiders making phonecalls outside of someone's mailbox, or something.

dont mind me
http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=195&picture=duck-with-ducklings
http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=288&picture=pebbles-on-the-beach
http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=1041&picture=frog-on-knuckles
http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=937&picture=weekly-meeting
http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=1819&picture=help-key
http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=791&picture=pineapple
http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=42&picture=balancing-pebbles
might use these...

while its tempting to buy rights to use some of the $1.50 images,
im not sure they would allow us to reproduce like we would like
other sites...

would it be in bad taste to include some of Lewis's looking glass
http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/12

Quote from: Pēleus on February 22, 2010, 09:57:11 AM
while its tempting to buy rights to use some of the $1.50 images,
im not sure they would allow us to reproduce like we would like
other sites...

buying "rights" to images? puhhleaze

there's a wealth of great public domain stuff out there lying around waiting for somebody to use it

Quotewould it be in bad taste to include some of Lewis's looking glass
http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/12

bad taste (perhaps) because you're putting really old text in a brand new publication

but not bad taste in the Intellectual Property sense. Lewis Carroll has been dead for a lonnnng time, his corpse does not give a shit if you use his text or not.

There's a good chunk of Lovecraft stuff now in the public domain. That might fit the theme a bit better.

Quote from: Cramulus on February 22, 2010, 02:28:27 PM
there's a wealth of great public domain stuff out there lying around waiting for somebody to use it

true true, but i thought like any service they keep the really good images behind the counter...
while i got you here mind dropping the template urls for scribus?



YES lovecraft
plus zargo? or too much for one issue?

re:looking glass
i was thinking one of the absure poems... maybe the one about walrus, carpenter and the oysters...
i really like the wall of text apporach cram? did on etc

Well, I have a text file with the complete works of Lovecraft. Shall I upload it somewhere and link it for your perusal, or would you prefer I cut suitable chunks out?

Quote from: Enki v. 2.0 on February 17, 2010, 12:10:17 PM
Since people are posing their fears in this thread, maybe one of us can make a WOMP collage designed to scare the fuck out of everyone on the forum without being remotely frightening to anyone else? Dog-bear-spiders making phonecalls outside of someone's mailbox, or something.

:lulz:

Quote from: Enki v. 2.0 on February 23, 2010, 12:01:17 AM
Well, I have a text file with the complete works of Lovecraft. Shall I upload it somewhere and link it for your perusal, or would you prefer I cut suitable chunks out?

if its public domain there should already be hosted isnt it?

Quote from: Pēleus on February 23, 2010, 09:34:54 AM

Quote from: Enki v. 2.0 on February 23, 2010, 12:01:17 AM
Well, I have a text file with the complete works of Lovecraft. Shall I upload it somewhere and link it for your perusal, or would you prefer I cut suitable chunks out?

if its public domain there should already be hosted isnt it?

Yes, but it took me forever to find. Also, I ended up putting everything in a single file.

Quote from: Pēleus on February 22, 2010, 11:51:53 PM
true true, but i thought like any service they keep the really good images behind the counter...
while i got you here mind dropping the template urls for scribus?

ooh sure -- I'm at work right now and don't have access to the templates, and not sure how many templates I've got lying around at home.

Ratatosk should have them though, if they didn't all go POOF in the Intermittens website disappearing act of 2009.




If there's something "Behind the counter" that you'd really like, a buck fifty is a good price. When image stockhouses sell images for print, they usually give a price based on how big the first print run will be. If IM were a professional magazine, and we were commissioning professional stock photos, the actual price would probably be some number of pennies due to our super-low distribution numbers  :p. A buck fitty is actually a pretty good price for stock photos if its exactly the photo you need.

http://namcub.accela-labs.com/stories/ebooks/lovecraft-full.txt Here is the complete thing. If it doesn't load, assume my disk is having a fit and try again later. If it needs to be cut up, I can provide. Likewise, if it would benefit from a markovization, I can provide.

Edit: Nevermind, I generated the markovization: http://namcub.accela-labs.com/stories/instantLovecraft.txt

It's about as good as the original :D

I'm sorry but it wasnt... This is Lovecraftian word salad: (well not quite)

http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Nyarlathotep

If you need a short bit for Intermittens, just cut the last paragraph:

Screamingly sentient, dumbly delirious, only the gods that were can tell. A sickened, sensitive shadow writhing in hands that are not hands, and whirled blindly past ghastly midnights of rotting creation, corpses of dead worlds with sores that were cities, charnel winds that brush the pallid stars and make them flicker low. Beyond the worlds vague ghosts of monstrous things; half-seen columns of unsanctified temples that rest on nameless rocks beneath space and reach up to dizzy vacua above the spheres of light and darkness. And through this revolting graveyard of the universe the muffled, maddening beating of drums, and thin, monotonous whine of blasphemous flutes from inconceivable, unlighted chambers beyond Time; the detestable pounding and piping whereunto dance slowly, awkwardly, and absurdly the gigantic, tenebrous ultimate gods -- the blind, voiceless, mindless gargoyles whose soul is Nyarlathotep.

thanks i was thinking of rendering a word salad along the border that is very cryptic font, and no not ariel

maybe...
http://www.dafont.com/fnord-hodge-podge.font

other suggestions

PV Enochian if it's supposed to be totally illegible, Alchemist if it's supposed to be merely funny-looking.

I like it :-). Are you planning to superimpose one on the other? Because, you could probably stick a bunch of layers behind the image.

http://www.eeemo.net/ :lulz:

In the absence of a proper article, may I submit this? http://namcub.accela-labs.com/stories/jabberwocky.odt

Another submission: "WUMPUS"

Quote
I SMELL A WUMPUS!
I FEEL A DRAFT
YOU ARE IN ROOM 3
TUNNELS LEAD TO 2 4 12

The sweat drips down my brow, the draft from the nearby pits not calming me. I'm down to my last crooked arrow.

Shoot, or move?

The stench of the wumpus is overpowering. I had been attacked by bats three times already on this hunt. I had wasted my arrows on ghosts. Coming to this cave initially in the hope of feeding my family, my goal is now to stay alive.

Shoot or move?

I shoot, and I have one shot. If it misses, I'm as good as dead.

I could go back from whence I came. I think that was tunnel two. But, they all look alike, and I certainly can't get home now that the bats have made me lose my sense of direction. If I'm right, either tunnel four or tunnel twelve contains the bottomless pit -- and the other contains the wumpus. If I'm wrong, or if the bats are migrating again, turning back could be just as immediately fatal.

Shoot or move?

Regardless of my choice, my chances are slim. "Wait until you see those bats," they sneered in the village. A fool, I ignored them. In the dark dry warmth of the wumpus caves, I could not survive long indecisively -- the only creature who lives here is the wumpus, outside of the bats which are hardly edible and impossible to catch. I might succumb to dehydration first, the geothermal heat dessicating my body and serving as a warning for the likes of me, foolish boys who know not the wily ways of the wumpus caves.

Shoot or move?

I draw my last arrow, choosing tunnel four. I hear a clunk -- I shot into the pit.

Fleeing to the second tunnel, I feel a sudden sense of dread -- but too late. I come face to face with a grue.

ͨ̔̊̿͂̽̄́́looks cool
S̨̓ͬ̀̾̏͗ͣ͘͜h̊̓̾̾̇͑͗͘o͛̅̉ͨ͊͆õ̌̑t̨ͨ͊ͥ̽̓ͫ̚ ̸̃ͤ̓̂̈ͨ̐̓̀oͧ́҉̶̴ṙ̃̋͋́ͯ̍͏̴ ̈́̽͋̌҉̡m̍̐͊͜ơ̸̷ͮ̂ͣ̈v͑̇̄̄͛ͦ͠҉̡e̴ͫ̔̚҉?̡̾́̔

but i like your first one
trying to keep to nine pages, unless i got alot more articles

grey text background is good

Quote from: Enki v. 2.0 on March 01, 2010, 11:28:02 PM
In the absence of a proper article, may I submit this? http://namcub.accela-labs.com/stories/jabberwocky.odt

if you want it to look just like that i need the 4 fonts to import

edit: hmmm would be useful if it wasnt like way bigger then a piece of paper

Oh. Which ones? I can provide. Or, I can just turn it into an image.

Edit: I just turned it into an image.

http://namcub.accela-labs.com/pics/jabberwocky.gif

Original background image: http://namcub.accela-labs.com/pics/madhatter.jpg

UHHHH why so fucking huge... you know what size a piece of paper is... its like 600 wide and FUCKIT tall

i cut the 3x3 comic into the standard 2x2 and the punchline seems fine still

Quote from: Αυτόφωτος™ on May 04, 2009, 11:12:49 PM
yeap..
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_9-EvCTwMLLE/SRhcW2WUz3I/AAAAAAAAQ7w/FtJQYHSLcIo/s320/assets_LARGE_t_420_1893214.JPG)

sad but true, christians after they destroyed the ancient world, they turned upon each other, i quess you are already aware of this. Still here in Greece, they are against all the other religions and special against 12 gods etc. sad story,\

Arachibutyrophobia is...
the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat O-M-G

http://www.phobia-fear-release.com/i-suffer-from-arachibutyrophobia-fear-of-peanut-butter-sticking-to-the-roof-of-the-mouth.html

I think you can copy this verbatim.

(http://namcub.accela-labs.com/pics/jabberwocky.jpeg)

For more horrormirth.

It occurs to me that most of the little chunks of fiction I have floating around that I've written fall into the horror category (marginally). If you need face-spillerspace-filler, I can provide those.

Damn, I really need to read some Lovecraft one of these days.

Quote from: vexati0n on February 03, 2010, 10:44:31 PM
I HAVE BEEN TO THE MOUNTAIN TOP. I've been above the tree line, where nothing grows but lichen, and nobody's really sure if that counts as life or not anyway. The air is thin up there, but you can see a long, long way. You can see your house, you can see your car, you can see the roads we draw in the sand, and how pitiful they are, stretching on for miles but barely scratching the surface of an inhospitable landscape. You can see the hills and the mountains, crawling silently toward the cities; the rivers, slowly carving out the graves of civilization.

To be sure, a lot of things are happening, most of it just slightly beyond the edges of our perception. And while it all happens we are down here, scampering back and forth confused little ants, never really sure what we're doing
(or why), but carrying on like there's no other way. Yes, you can see a lot from the top of a mountain. I guess that's all I'm trying to say.

I also have something to say about PD. Much like a hometown, PD is the place where many of us first realized something very important, whatever it might be. It is a place that somehow (and honestly I have no idea how, exactly) is able to leave an impression. It's just SMF with some fancy emoticons and higher quality spags, but for some reason many of us find it to be a place that, in our increasingly cardboard world, really feels like somewhere. There is a first time for everything, and PD has seen a lot of things have their first time. It saw the first time I ever shouted my guts up about something and, instead of a virtual room filled with vacant applause or uneasy agreement for a few moments, there was a room filled with discussion about topics I thought nobody would ever be able to discuss.

PD is also like a hometown in that eventually you want to leave. It could be for any reason; maybe Roger's pants are on too tight one day and he looks at you funny. Maybe some noob has infiltrated Apple Talk and is spamming the place up. Maybe there is a gigantic Sociological Experiment going on and you're secretly the butt of some ass-tard's half-cocked scheme to get a few cheap yuks at your expense. Or maybe, like me, you just start feeling like the magic is gone and you haul off blaming everybody around you for that, like it's their job to make you feel like a fucking princess.

Anyway, the point is that eventually, you might want to leave PD, in spite of the fact that is magical, wondrous, and basically the best thing on the Internet (aside from Russian porno). In fact, the more impressed you are with PD at first, the higher the chance is that later, you will want out for some reason.

But I will also tell you that there is no escape. Out there in the world, where you are but gear being ground to a pulp in the Machine, where there is no light except whatever comes dripping out of late-night TV, while you sit there with a death grip on every space between inconsequential decisions, wondering to yourself why your life has no direction and why nothing makes any sense and why there is nobody to talk to about it; out there where Discord is bad, and nobody likes you making fun of their dead Aunt's funeral dress... Out there, you'll find your way back here faster than you think. Because PD isn't just a website, it's the gaping maw at the end of every Discordian's quest for meaning.

Look what I MADE him do!

They set you up, you know. The Big Man in Charge, he couldn't cut it, so he made you a scapegoat. Sure, it was presented as a gift, but who gives gifts like this without an ulterior motive?

"Don't press the shiny, alluring red button, Lil' miss." Yeah, we all know how that always ends up. Yes, they set you up, threw you right under the bus. Someone needed to take the fall, and you better believe it wasn't going to be the Big Man in Charge. He needed to stick around. Who else was qualified for the continuous distribution of Hellfire and Damnation? I mean really qualified.

So you pressed the big red button. You opened the jar. Now, they say you released these terrible things to plague humanity. They took advantage of your natural inquisitiveness, made not only a scape goat of Woman, but of all of us that share that same natural curiosity. "What makes this work?" "Why does this happen?" Don't ask now. The Big Man in Charge won't answer. Not only does he not want you to know, but he's not all that sure himself.

There's good news to be had here, however. I'll let you in on a little secret.

The jar was empty.

Those terrible, terrible plagues that you, supposedly, let loose on mankind were already there. They were never in the jar in the first place. They just wanted you to believe that, so you would take responsibility for what they have done.

No, the jar was empty. (except for maybe a couple of those springy snake things that hide in a can of peanuts on occasion). Completely empty. Not only were all those baddies not in there, but hope itself was absent as well. Don't worry, though. Hope was never what The Big Man in Charge chalked it  up to be. Hope is what keeps people from actually doing something about it. "I hope, someday, to achieve" can now change to "I will achieve." "We must keep hope alive for a better future" changes to "We can create a better future." Hope is a nice, warm pillow that can only help you while you're lying down and defensless. But it's OK now, because now we know that the jar was empty.
 

Quote from: dimo on January 16, 2010, 03:34:55 PM
There's probably nothing in here that will be mind-bendingly entertaining. I woke up at 6 AM still drunk with the spins, and now I am just in a strange mood. A thousand pardons.

I'd say I was losing it.
I'd say I was losing it if I thought for one second that I ever "had it."
I'd say that something's wrong, that shit's simply just fucked beyond all repair.
I'd say that something's wrong if I didn't already know for a fact that it is. No need to state the obvious.

I don't sleep at night anymore.
I'm not really sure why.
It's not because I'm not tired, 'cuz I am.
I just lay in the dark, staring at blank.
While the brain, it just runs.
I tell it to shut the fuck up, and that I'm trying to get some rest.
But it just keeps running.
Maybe it's smarter than I am and it knows better whats best for me.
Which, in this case, is that I am not to sleep for some reason.

I've written off most of my friends. For a lot of reasons.
Mainly because they annoy me.
I'm a relatively poor person. I don't really have a problem with that.
The problem I have is listening to my whiny-bitch friends complain that they have it soooo rough.
They compain that they are in "tough times" while they drive Lexus's, eat out every night, and only drink "the best beer."
Seriously? Boo fucking hoo. Fuck off. You never hear me complain...

The others, well, fuck them too, while we're at it.
"Dimo, why don't you hang out anymore?"
Because you hang at trendy bars with trendy trend setters.
The "Providence scene" lost its appeal to me when I was fourteen.
A bitter winter filled with liquid acid and high-grade marijuana gives things a certain tranparency.
At the very least, a certain opaqueness.

So, I tell them all to fuck off.
And now it's just me and my brain and, gahd, it won't shut up.

I've tried to make new friends, which can be difficult for someone as particular as I can be at times.
Not to mention my general disdain for people... in general.
Despite this, I've had success to a certain degree but they're less like friends and more like activity partners or really cool co-workers, which I suppose is OK.
But sometimes I want to do more than just hang some flyers and have a good chuckle about it.

Why does no one know how to have fun anymore?
I'd show them how, but it seems that I've forgotton how myself.
Unfortunate.
It's frustrating. Knowing you once knew something that you now no longer know, y'know?

Fuck it.
What am I even doing? Like, right now and in the whole "grand scheme" of things.
I'm not really sure, I guess.
Nevermind...
It's all one big tangent...

also asked dok on irc, and he agreed that yatto can use some of roger's material
also going to include his rant at intermittens just to see if after its releases that its pointed out :lulz:

CAN I PLEASE USE THIS kthxbai

Quote from: LMNO on March 11, 2010, 01:58:16 PM
I may have mentioned this before, but I work in a cubicle field.  That is, the entire floor is open, no walls, with rows of three-foot high modular walls creating "X"s on the floor, and in each corner of the "X", sits a obedient little worker; their standard issue Dell computer, glowing monitor, filing cabinet, phone.  Some people don't decorate their cubes, which is depressing.  Other people spend a lot of time putting up pictures of cats, and Dilbert cartoons, and posters that say things like, "You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it sure helps!" which makes it even more depressing.  When you see that someone took that much dedicated time to decorate their workspace, you wind up remembering how many hours you actually spend at that desk, and how easy it is to just let the non-work part of your life just slip away.  Eventually, you wind up moving most of your stuff to the office, and only use your house to eat, bathe, and sleep.

They handed out a survey the other day.  It asked us questions about "respect and dignity in the workplace," with a small box next to each question where we could write our answers.  I just stared at it for a few minutes.  There's no way I could complete this.  I mean, I knew what they what they were looking for.  Undoubtedly, HR had gotten wind that some people were unhappy working for the company, and were trying to make them feel good about themselves and their jobs.  They wanted to hear responses like "I don't want to be ignored."  The people working here just want someone to come by once a week, or even once a month, pat them on the head, and tell them they're doing a good job.  They want to keep perpetuating the illusion that their work has value, or that the importance of what they do in turn makes them important, too.  HR was looking for the quick fix for an entrenched problem.  The problem, of course, is that humans have these pesky feelings.  You can't just use them for their analytical brains without also having to eventually deal with their emotions, as well.  The problem is most felt by those who have forgotten about their lives outside the office.  If the company is all you have, then the company is the only thing giving your life any worth.

The whole idea of "respect and dignity at the workplace" is meaningless if you're dealing with people who surrendered their own respect and dignity to the monolithic company.  All you can do at that point is set up arbitrary and cyclical appreciation periods, from the rote "you're all doing a great job, really" meetings to hosting the tab at a bar for your team.  You have to create an artificial life for them, to give them the comfort and affirmations they crave.  But that's not respect.  That's not dignity.  Respect, like communication, only happens between equals.  Dignity is something you hold within your chest like a pike in the face of an oncoming cavalry.  And what each person needs to build their dignity and respect is unique to that person.  You can't just institute a new set of rules that sort of fits a Gaussian average based upon surveys.  It's all one long tail.

It seems to be missing the punchline. Without that, it's just a pissy rant about why you're a better person than your co-worker is.

hmm i thought it carried it well for the theme of the issue, by being sort of a job anxiety ...
and for a new audience it worked shorter...
as i feel  it fits sme mindset rather then a magazine article... 

i can include more...
maybe it needs to be reworked like dimo did to his one piece

Quote from: LMNO on March 11, 2010, 01:58:16 PM
If they really wanted to create respect and dignity in the workplace, they would look to help each employee strengthen the quality of their non-work life.  If a person can have something to live for outside of the office and the paycheck, then they don't have to rely on the company to give them a sense of meaning.  Of course, this would necessarily threaten the top-down corporate hierarchy and business model that has been forced upon us since feudal times, for so long that it looks like the only viable approach.  And HR can't have that.  So, as I stared at the survey, I decided I couldn't complete it.  There was no reason to do it if I couldn't be honest, and it was a complete waste of time to try to fit in a contrarian philosophy into a 1" x 3" box that would be of no use to anyone.  I let the survey fall from my hand, onto the desk, and said, "Hey, Rick, what do you think of this thing?"  Rick sat on the other side of my cubicle wall.  He didn't say much, but he seemed to do his job well enough.  I didn't hear a reply, so I stood up to see if he had stepped away from his desk.

He was still there, staring at his computer screen.  "Rick," I said again.  "Hey..."  He didn't seem to hear me.  He was wearing headphones, and his eyes had glazed over, his mouth half open.  Was he asleep?  I glanced down at his desk, he had one hand resting on his keyboard, and the other hand was – What was up with his mouse?  There were chrome bands wrapped around his hand, coming from the sides of his mouse, keeping his hand firmly wrapped around it.  He clicked it, moved it to the left, but no, Rick wasn't moving the mouse, the mouse seemed to be dragging his hand to the left.  He let out a low wheeze, and I looked up at his face.  A thin line of spittle had escaped from the corner of his mouth, and was working its way down his chin.  That's when I noticed that his fancy in-ear headphones weren't actually in his ears.  They seemed to be more like plugs, and were fastened tightly to his head, just behind the jawbone, but just in front of his ears.  The black cylinders had small LED lights that flashed a dark red in a slow, repeating pattern.  The mouse moved again, jerkily, and the spit from Rick's mouth dripped onto his shirt.

I turned and made my way out of my cube, into the field, to get around to his side.  I lost sight of him as I got to the end of the row, but as I came back down the other side, I could see he was still there.  "Rick!" I barked at the back of his head, and then came up short as I saw the interior of his cube.  He turned around, eyes clear, no headphones, hands in his lap.  His mouse looked like just another computer device.  "Hey, what's up?" he asked.  "Sorry I didn't hear you before.  I guess I was just in the zone."  I couldn't speak.  The walls of his cube were covered with picture upon picture of those "cute" animal pictures.  Dozens of kittens, puppies, cartoons of infants with kites, baby chicks and baby seals, pandas, koalas, and all the rest, layered one on top of the other, hastily stapled into the fabric of the cubicle walls.  They were like scales on some kitsch-mad snake, overlapping each other.  Only someone, most likely Rick, had taken a black crayon and drawn a heavy, rough X on their faces and heads, obliterating them.  His entire cubicle had become a negation, a denial of self.  

I said something to Rick; I can't remember what, most likely something banal and nonsensical, and walked back to my desk.  I sat there for a minute, then picked up the phone and dialed a handful of numbers.

"Hi, it's me.  Let's go out and do something tonight."

What's the status on this issue?

WHAT'S THE HOLD UP, MAN!

No, but srsrly. How's things coming along? Anything you might need help with?

think lmno is the last piece if i want to keep the page number small.
just need to get some public domain images to match the articles
so its not just a big block of text
but a cute picture like a rock in the middle of a river

might upload another preview pdf once everything is pasted together

Quote from: Pēleus on March 13, 2010, 09:21:57 PM
just need to get some public domain images to match the articles

http://www.flickr.com/photos/fixe/3576435287/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/fixe/3703519671/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/fixe/3637216844/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/grapatax/10445544/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/evert-jan/314349264/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/yakobusan/275124253/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/wili/242266067/

i like fear of being touched...
Shanghai is pretty intimidating

but ill probally use
http://www.flickr.com/photos/evert-jan/314349264/

not sure to include this...

Quote from: Triple Zero on April 07, 2009, 09:24:17 PM
Yatto Dobbs waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were virgins in the forum. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to The Mgt were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Yatto was a Prison Bitch for fifty posts. When he was young he watched the internets and he said to dad "I want to be on the internets daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY HIMEOBS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the internet forum base of PD he knew there were virgins.
"This is Faust" the radio crackered. "You must fight the virgins!"
So Yatto gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the virgins
"I will shoot at him" said the cybervirgin and he fired the rocket missiles. Yatto plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the virgins" he shouted
The radio said "No, Yatto. You are the virgins"
And then Yatto was enlightened.

probally near the other pd block

:lulz: use it if you want, it's not like I wrote most of it anyway :)

I'd like to submit my story, Jury of Peers:

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/cramulus/index.php?title=Jury_of_Peers

well i got my wall of text so it feels like a magazine...
suggestion of picture to go with your story cram?


i thinking a rodent at the beginning and a judge gavel at the end

i give up being able to have a whole day for just this,
i tried it a few times to finish it... and things always come up
so instead im doing it in hour shifts...
depending on how much time i have friday, the issue should be out before the week is over.

heres enki's pieces, might ditch the second one... looks good as a flyer tho
(http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/9052/jabberwalkie.png) (http://img248.imageshack.us/i/jabberwalkie.png/)

and im thinking the first one needs to have the first paragraph dropped down...

Um I can't read those, if I zoom in they stay blocky?

They're posted earlier in the thread, too. The jabberwocky modification and "WUMPUS", I think.

yeah its only 50% preview.. i did some detailed ones eariler and no one seemed to notice or care
i rearanged the back page too, moved the minotaurs maze there, cause i didnt want to have to turn it sideways
and looks great next to the bees, nigel hovering over a bunch of dolls and user's quote


enki, can you modify your jabberwocky, one paragraph down...
or i can attempt some cut and paste using a new image in the bg HEHE

LMNO piece having trouble how to frame it,
for cram's jury of peers i found a public domain pictures of a gavel and a court house that should frame it nicely
and might move names near their creations and make the copyleft sheet, ie second page, into something a bit more weird  :lulz:

ZALGO looks great with "jumping guy" and smily

the text for wumpus is a few pages back
i like it but i was hoping to make it 9 pages, 11 if you count cover and back page...
meaning i have four pages left to fill or five if i drop this piece...

Quote from: Enki v. 2.0 on March 02, 2010, 02:05:35 AM
Another submission: "WUMPUS"

Quote
I SMELL A WUMPUS!
I FEEL A DRAFT
YOU ARE IN ROOM 3
TUNNELS LEAD TO 2 4 12

The sweat drips down my brow, the draft from the nearby pits not calming me. I'm down to my last crooked arrow.

Shoot, or move?

The stench of the wumpus is overpowering. I had been attacked by bats three times already on this hunt. I had wasted my arrows on ghosts. Coming to this cave initially in the hope of feeding my family, my goal is now to stay alive.

Shoot or move?

I shoot, and I have one shot. If it misses, I'm as good as dead.

I could go back from whence I came. I think that was tunnel two. But, they all look alike, and I certainly can't get home now that the bats have made me lose my sense of direction. If I'm right, either tunnel four or tunnel twelve contains the bottomless pit -- and the other contains the wumpus. If I'm wrong, or if the bats are migrating again, turning back could be just as immediately fatal.

Shoot or move?

Regardless of my choice, my chances are slim. "Wait until you see those bats," they sneered in the village. A fool, I ignored them. In the dark dry warmth of the wumpus caves, I could not survive long indecisively -- the only creature who lives here is the wumpus, outside of the bats which are hardly edible and impossible to catch. I might succumb to dehydration first, the geothermal heat dessicating my body and serving as a warning for the likes of me, foolish boys who know not the wily ways of the wumpus caves.

Shoot or move?

I draw my last arrow, choosing tunnel four. I hear a clunk -- I shot into the pit.

Fleeing to the second tunnel, I feel a sudden sense of dread -- but too late. I come face to face with a grue.

back to important things...  :oops:

(http://img245.imageshack.us/img245/8196/outofoffice.jpg) (http://img245.imageshack.us/i/outofoffice.jpg/)

Quote from: PeregrineBF on February 17, 2010, 06:35:23 AM
I have a fear of making telephone calls. No problem receiving them, no problem making them on behalf of someone else, I just hate calling people on my own. To the point that if I have to make a bunch of calls in a row I'll get some heart palpitations and irregular breathing. That is annoying, since I generally have excellent concious control over my heart and breathing rates.

Same thing with spiders. Even pictures thereof. Unlike telephones I tend to burn the spiders. Or flash-freeze them. Or give them an informative lesson on what half a million volts feels like. Which generally leads to burning.

\(http://img684.imageshack.us/img684/1151/800pxeriswiki.jpg) (http://img684.imageshack.us/i/800pxeriswiki.jpg/)

(http://namcub.accela-labs.com/pics/jabberwocky.gif)

thanks lizard
(http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/2138/jabberwocky.gif) (http://img180.imageshack.us/i/jabberwocky.gif/)

i think these two pieces would work well in the same issue...

Quote from: Ne+@uNGr0+ on September 03, 2008, 01:50:43 AM
(Contains no eurotard)
8.5 x 11 in
(http://img86.imageshack.us/img86/5218/rogermenacejg9.jpg) (http://www.cwyohba.org/noexit/net/roger-menace-among-us-letter.pdf)

Quote from: Pēleus on March 03, 2010, 09:53:32 AM

Quote from: vexati0n on February 03, 2010, 10:44:31 PM
I HAVE BEEN TO THE MOUNTAIN TOP. I've been above the tree line, where nothing grows but lichen, and nobody's really sure if that counts as life or not anyway. The air is thin up there, but you can see a long, long way. You can see your house, you can see your car, you can see the roads we draw in the sand, and how pitiful they are, stretching on for miles but barely scratching the surface of an inhospitable landscape. You can see the hills and the mountains, crawling silently toward the cities; the rivers, slowly carving out the graves of civilization.

To be sure, a lot of things are happening, most of it just slightly beyond the edges of our perception. And while it all happens we are down here, scampering back and forth confused little ants, never really sure what we're doing
(or why), but carrying on like there's no other way. Yes, you can see a lot from the top of a mountain. I guess that's all I'm trying to say.

I also have something to say about PD. Much like a hometown, PD is the place where many of us first realized something very important, whatever it might be. It is a place that somehow (and honestly I have no idea how, exactly) is able to leave an impression. It's just SMF with some fancy emoticons and higher quality spags, but for some reason many of us find it to be a place that, in our increasingly cardboard world, really feels like somewhere. There is a first time for everything, and PD has seen a lot of things have their first time. It saw the first time I ever shouted my guts up about something and, instead of a virtual room filled with vacant applause or uneasy agreement for a few moments, there was a room filled with discussion about topics I thought nobody would ever be able to discuss.

PD is also like a hometown in that eventually you want to leave. It could be for any reason; maybe Roger's pants are on too tight one day and he looks at you funny. Maybe some noob has infiltrated Apple Talk and is spamming the place up. Maybe there is a gigantic Sociological Experiment going on and you're secretly the butt of some ass-tard's half-cocked scheme to get a few cheap yuks at your expense. Or maybe, like me, you just start feeling like the magic is gone and you haul off blaming everybody around you for that, like it's their job to make you feel like a fucking princess.

Anyway, the point is that eventually, you might want to leave PD, in spite of the fact that is magical, wondrous, and basically the best thing on the Internet (aside from Russian porno). In fact, the more impressed you are with PD at first, the higher the chance is that later, you will want out for some reason.

But I will also tell you that there is no escape. Out there in the world, where you are but gear being ground to a pulp in the Machine, where there is no light except whatever comes dripping out of late-night TV, while you sit there with a death grip on every space between inconsequential decisions, wondering to yourself why your life has no direction and why nothing makes any sense and why there is nobody to talk to about it; out there where Discord is bad, and nobody likes you making fun of their dead Aunt's funeral dress... Out there, you'll find your way back here faster than you think. Because PD isn't just a website, it's the gaping maw at the end of every Discordian's quest for meaning.

question is to include them near each other, or one at the front and the other at the end.

so really dig what net did there, even if its not arial
but it inspired me to really build my word salads,
or juicy steaks i find  around the board
with the audience in mind.

that doesnt look like a block of text but IT IS

forgot to check this one...
would work well with jury of peers
http://publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=1244

C'mon, man! You're gonna get lapped by the Meat-space edition! It looks great! Print it! Bind it! Ship it!

from the Chao te Ching:

Chapter 28
The news anchor is a comedian
who delivers grim stand-up with a straight face.
Some reel back in terror.
Some are numb.
Some laugh through the horror.
This makes them poor victims.

To tell a bad joke
with a straight face,
one must master seriousness.

To live in a bad joke
with a straight face
one must master humor.

The Discordian wears many masks.

Quote from: Pēleus on March 23, 2010, 09:36:15 AM
so really dig what net did there, even if its not arial
but it inspired me to really build my word salads,
or juicy steaks i find  around the board
with the audience in mind.

that doesnt look like a block of text but IT IS

Word salads are totally underrated. I came across three totally new varieties of travesty generators the other day. If you manage to skim off the stuff that seems like it makes sense, it's instant content.

Quote from: Pēleus on March 23, 2010, 09:36:15 AM
so really dig what net did there, even if its not arial
but it inspired me to really build my word salads,
or juicy steaks i find  around the board
with the audience in mind.

that doesnt look like a block of text but IT IS

If you're talking about the "There is a danger to our nation flyer" you ought to know that TGRR wrote that.

Talk to him about using it. If you want the PDF for the flyer and TGRR's ghost gives the OK, I can supply it.

moved max and carol to a new page and added zalgo text... had to perfect it otherwise i got this error...
(http://img59.imageshack.us/img59/3681/previewyf.jpg) (http://img59.imageshack.us/i/previewyf.jpg/)

decided i liked wumpus, now that eurospagged it :lulz:

(http://img716.imageshack.us/img716/9320/masks.png) (http://img716.imageshack.us/i/masks.png/)

Fucking :mittens::awesome:

Quote from: Cramulus on March 16, 2010, 02:39:16 PM
I'd like to submit my story, Jury of Peers:

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/cramulus/index.php?title=Jury_of_Peers

thats really long, like four pages plus...

any suggestions on edits, i think i can start it at

A cute, brown-haired girl climbed up onto the dock to confront him. This was usually where Travis would hit the button in his pocket and a burly security guard would arrive just in time to rough up some college kid with messy dreadlocks. Somehow, Travis didn't think this girl would threaten him physically. She stared fiercely at him, fury in her doe-brown eyes.

and not miss too much and that saves two pages... then again i liked the intro...
maybe i need to work the euro spag angle more and learn how to really push scribus

if it's too long as-is, it's cool to not use it

I didn't realize you were only looking for short submissions

Quote from: Cramulus on March 24, 2010, 11:58:29 AM
if it's too long as-is, it's cool to not use it

how about to be continued on another page, this why i can mimic magazine like flow


also its a shame she isnt an elderly woman instead to match this image...
http://www.pdclipart.org/displayimage.php?album=38&pos=4

(http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/5007/whatyouthinkcram.jpg) (http://img267.imageshack.us/i/whatyouthinkcram.jpg/)

also two columns seems to work well too

remember if you want people to be able to print and staple the magazine, the number of pages should be a multiple of four.

way i figured it be printed was 16 pages, then hardstock paper for the cover and back page...
maybe even as a single sheet, with blank insides

or maybe my fear of failure is causing me to limit the page count...

(http://img689.yfrog.com/img689/6003/vky.png)
full thing, preview is limited since im on a laptop

Quote from: vexati0n on February 03, 2010, 10:44:31 PM
...
Anyway, the point is that eventually, you might want to leave PD, in spite of the fact that is magical, wondrous, and basically the best thing on the Internet (aside from Russian porno). In fact, the more impressed you are with PD at first, the higher the chance is that later, you will want out for some reason.

But I will also tell you that there is no escape. Out there in the world, where you are but gear being ground to a pulp in the Machine, where there is no light except whatever comes dripping out of late-night TV, while you sit there with a death grip on every space between inconsequential decisions, wondering to yourself why your life has no direction and why nothing makes any sense and why there is nobody to talk to about it; out there where Discord is bad, and nobody likes you making fun of their dead Aunt's funeral dress... Out there, you'll find your way back here faster than you think. Because PD isn't just a website, it's the gaping maw at the end of every Discordian's quest for meaning.

eta background transperacy is at 42, might drop it if it doesnt print right... looks readable

Best to add more transparency just to be certain, I've found that in print you usually need a littlebit more.

Also, dunno if you read the trick I explained to FP [hm where did FP go btw?] but basically, you duplicate the text frame, except you make the letters white, you place that frame behind the black letters, except a tiny bit to the right and down, so you get the black letters with a white "shadow"of sorts.

That way, even on the darker parts of the background, the text is still readable because of the contrast. Try it, it really works well.

be careful with transparency! I've found that both scribus and scribd have a lot of issues with it

This is looking good :D

(http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/2691/prettiest.png) (http://img401.imageshack.us/my.php?image=prettiest.png)
http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=4406&picture=girl-holding-apple  :fap:

and advertisement for cram's dream...
(http://img59.imageshack.us/img59/2310/dreami.jpg) (http://img59.imageshack.us/my.php?image=dreami.jpg)

also adobe pagemaker had it, does scribus have a way to overflow text into a new frame?

Ooh! If you're doing ads, can you do a short one for http://infocalypse.ignorelist.com ?

yeah, click on the text frame, then press N, then click on the frame you want it to link to. To exit linking mode, press escape.

Quote from: Cramulus on March 28, 2010, 01:38:19 PM

Quote from: Pēleus on March 28, 2010, 01:30:57 PM
also adobe pagemaker had it, does scribus have a way to overflow text into a new frame?

yeah, click on the text frame, then press N, then click on the frame you want it to link to. To exit linking mode, press escape.

OMG THANK YOU, ive been cut and pasting manually for days...

np dude - scribus is a pain in the ass. there are a million little tricks and tips to making it less frustrating. I worked in scribus all day yesterday so I'm still fresh with it. lemme know if you have any other questions.

btw, here are some scribus templates: http://ifile.it/wy8nb2p

none of the graphics will work, but if you copy and paste these onto a blank page, you'll have the page laid out already.  :D

might need the maximum sizing before printer cutoff
or is it easier to just print it out and go by eye..

Quote from: Pēleus on March 30, 2010, 09:53:42 PM

Quote from: Ne+@uNGr0+ on March 23, 2010, 10:16:37 PM

Quote from: Pēleus on March 23, 2010, 09:36:15 AM
so really dig what net did there, even if its not arial

If you're talking about the "There is a danger to our nation flyer" you ought to know that TGRR wrote that.

Talk to him about using it. If you want the PDF for the flyer and TGRR's ghost gives the OK, I can supply it.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 24, 2009, 04:53:30 PM
Any of that, plus anything here, is available for use, under the normal attribution rules.

Narf can use my shit.

Also, Net, after you insisted that everyone destroy the fliers of mine that you PDF'd, I find it more than a little hypocritical that you're still holding onto shit.

I'd like you to dump them all.  It's the only fair thing to do.  If nobody else can have something of MINE, because YOU had a fit, then you have no permission to do anything with my shit.  I thought I made this clear.

Quote from: Doktor Howl on March 31, 2010, 03:36:25 AM
Also, Net, after you insisted that everyone destroy the fliers of mine that you PDF'd, I find it more than a little hypocritical that you're still holding onto shit.

I'd like you to dump them all.  It's the only fair thing to do.  If nobody else can have something of MINE, because YOU had a fit, then you have no permission to do anything with my shit.  I thought I made this clear.

For some reason I thought that one escaped the fallout. I guess not.

I didn't give anyone the PDF, as the offer ITT was contingent on your permission.

Consider it destroyed.

Quote from: Cramulus on March 31, 2010, 08:55:51 PM
that looks great! I would recommend setting it in a different font from the story though. Putting a box or frame around the page might also do well to separate it visually from the story it's embedded in.

overall, the issue looks good! the story is in a number of different fonts and styles, which is a little weird, but does seem to fit with the issue's disjointed and schizophrenic motif.

could you add a byline to the chao te ching page? Just attribute it to the Chao Te Ching, you don't need to credit me or lmno. That way if people want to read more, they can at least google it up.

THANKS will release on the first with edits... *knock on wood*

advertisement for
Sacred Chao Tattoos 206 Elm St. Valparaiso, IN 219-531-2020
in blank spot on page 12?

heres the bottom half, and not just cause im not happy with the top...
(http://img340.imageshack.us/img340/9030/tgrr.png) (http://img340.imageshack.us/i/tgrr.png/)
and actually kinda like it better

just need to do a print preview...

Quote from: Ne+@uNGr0+ on March 31, 2010, 04:05:37 AM

Quote from: Doktor Howl on March 31, 2010, 03:36:25 AM
Also, Net, after you insisted that everyone destroy the fliers of mine that you PDF'd, I find it more than a little hypocritical that you're still holding onto shit.

I'd like you to dump them all.  It's the only fair thing to do.  If nobody else can have something of MINE, because YOU had a fit, then you have no permission to do anything with my shit.  I thought I made this clear.

For some reason I thought that one escaped the fallout. I guess not.

I didn't give anyone the PDF, as the offer ITT was contingent on your permission.

Consider it destroyed.

Fair's fair.  Thank you.

Looks good Yatto
          \
:dok:

THanks
       \
:lord:

I dig it man   :boot: :boot: :boot:

you made me proud, son

It's good stuff. I think I'll print out a few copies and leave them in the university bathroom.

it might need to be realigned on a page or two to fit right...

enjoy the magizine good work,

printer  :hanging:

page 1 top heavy
3 top heavy, bottom cut off
5 names missing, top and bottom cut off
7 bottom cut off
8 "
9 "
10 "
12 "
13 top cut off
16 bottom cut off
17 "
18"
19 "
20 "
21 "
23 off sides a bit to the right
24 bottom cut off

I did a print. It is readable, but I think it came out to significantly more than 24 pages.

did you do shrink to fit? or is that other spag lying

My printer driver has some automatic shrink-and-rotate-to-fit mechanism. I clicked a checkbox and everything came out one-per-page (and took three times as long to print).

about 10 megs bigger, not sure how that happened
but it includes font changes so you can view credits on most machines...
and optimzed colors for printing instead of screen res


could the issue number be added to OP and pinned

http://ifile.it/4dn0rlt/nine.pdf  or  :?

this thread sticky? was that the way we did it? it's been so long ... :) anyway I made it sticky and if it's not supposed to be, say so or another mod unstick it.

downloading the PDF now, will read and comment later!

MEGA KUDOS on finishing it!!!!

the other current issues i believe got put up, or maybe thats just someones que to reupload them to the main hub

HEY YATTO!

I was just reading this issue on the toilet

and I realized

I can't find the PDF of it on the internet

did it ever get uploaded to scribd, & posted at 23ae?


the ifile link is broked.

Think I bribed enki to upload the one missing the font
So the credits and zalgo next isn't readable on most windows machines