Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: East Coast Hustle on August 30, 2010, 01:05:49 PM

Title: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: East Coast Hustle on August 30, 2010, 01:05:49 PM
...ASK ME ANYTHING!
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on August 30, 2010, 01:26:01 PM
Is it due to lack of privacy or skin irritation?
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Triple Zero on August 30, 2010, 02:03:09 PM
ANAL?
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Stelpa on August 30, 2010, 02:04:15 PM
What is blue-r than the color blue?  :eek:
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Cramulus on August 30, 2010, 02:42:20 PM
have you started fantasizing about the cruise grannies?

Come on Hustle, they're on vacation, their husbands are dead, their little white tennis shoes are bobbing in your direction...
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Cramulus on August 30, 2010, 02:44:04 PM
omgf as soon as I hit POST I realized I was describing my grandmother. Who happens to be on a cruise right now, in your neck of the woods.

(not sure specifically where she's sailing, but WTF, please don't cram my gram)
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Elder Iptuous on August 30, 2010, 03:02:39 PM
oh....
please cram his gram!
that would be lovely...
:lol:

also. since nobody else has asked..... why?
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on August 30, 2010, 03:24:05 PM
Quote from: Iptuous on August 30, 2010, 03:02:39 PM
oh....
please cram his gram!
that would be lovely...
:lol:

also. since nobody else has asked..... why?

Actually, I did. But I gave only two options.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Chairman Risus on August 30, 2010, 03:33:20 PM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on August 30, 2010, 03:24:05 PM
Quote from: Iptuous on August 30, 2010, 03:02:39 PM
oh....
please cram his gram!
that would be lovely...
:lol:

also. since nobody else has asked..... why?

Actually, I did. But I gave only two options.

I just assumed it had something to do with this. (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=26119.msg912272#msg912272)
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Richter on August 30, 2010, 03:37:41 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on August 30, 2010, 02:44:04 PM
omgf as soon as I hit POST I realized I was describing my grandmother. Who happens to be on a cruise right now, in your neck of the woods.

(not sure specifically where she's sailing, but WTF, please don't cram my gram)

... Considering my buddy Sven was just gloating over heading out on a  cruise, I find this HIGHLY amusing
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Adios on August 30, 2010, 03:41:49 PM
Use the built up  pressure to sink ships.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Cain on August 30, 2010, 03:43:44 PM
CIGAW?
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on August 30, 2010, 04:29:42 PM
Quote from: Risus on August 30, 2010, 03:33:20 PM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on August 30, 2010, 03:24:05 PM
Quote from: Iptuous on August 30, 2010, 03:02:39 PM
oh....
please cram his gram!
that would be lovely...
:lol:

also. since nobody else has asked..... why?

Actually, I did. But I gave only two options.

I just assumed it had something to do with this. (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=26119.msg912272#msg912272)

I missed that thread entirely. Whoops.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: East Coast Hustle on August 30, 2010, 05:10:09 PM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on August 30, 2010, 01:26:01 PM
Is it due to lack of privacy or skin irritation?

Yes.

Quote from: Cramulus on August 30, 2010, 02:42:20 PM
have you started fantasizing about the cruise grannies?

Come on Hustle, they're on vacation, their husbands are dead, their little white tennis shoes are bobbing in your direction...

I work on a research vessel that takes scientists out to do top-secret government-approved mad science, but that doesn't stop me from fantasizing about cruise grannies.

Quote from: Cain on August 30, 2010, 03:43:44 PM
CIGAW?

Hallelujah, brotha Cain.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Dysnomia on August 31, 2010, 02:49:40 AM
DO THE HUSTLE?   :?
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: East Coast Hustle on August 31, 2010, 02:57:10 AM
No privacy. I have bunkmate.

:(
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Don Coyote on August 31, 2010, 02:58:08 AM
Quote from: Exit City Hustle on August 31, 2010, 02:57:10 AM
No privacy. I have bunkmate.

:(

Curtain? Use the head?
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Nast on August 31, 2010, 02:59:47 AM
Quote from: Cudgel on August 31, 2010, 02:58:08 AM
Quote from: Exit City Hustle on August 31, 2010, 02:57:10 AM
No privacy. I have bunkmate.

:(

Curtain? Use the head?

:lmnuendo:
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: East Coast Hustle on August 31, 2010, 03:10:00 AM
head is shared by 2 cabins, and only has a lock on one of the doors.

believe me, if there was a way I'd have found it.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Nast on August 31, 2010, 03:12:01 AM
Summon mermaids to take you to their undersea pleasure palaces.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Rumckle on August 31, 2010, 03:12:12 AM
So I guess there is no secret sauce then?
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Brotep on August 31, 2010, 03:36:50 AM
Janitorial closet?
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Jenne on August 31, 2010, 03:42:04 AM
GO SWIMMING.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: East Coast Hustle on August 31, 2010, 04:33:47 AM
can't. I made caffeinated sharks.

also, boat cruising speed is around 10 knots. I can't swim 10 knots.

also also, not sure doing that in saltwater is a great idea.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Kurt Christ on August 31, 2010, 05:48:49 AM
Politely say to your bunkmate, "Get the fuck out of here, I'm about to masturbate." Your subtle hint should give him a clue that he doesn't want to be there.

That's how my roommate and I found private time last year. Of course, we'd known each other for three years, not three weeks, so the bluntness wasn't exactly surprising.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Triple Zero on August 31, 2010, 10:33:18 AM
GET OUT OF HERE LIKE RIGHT NOW OR I'M ABOUT TO EXPLODE BUKKAKE ALL OVER YOUR FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEAAAAJAAAJAAAJAJAAJAJAJAJAJAAAAaaahhhehhh hrm.

... cigarette?
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Rumckle on August 31, 2010, 10:47:22 AM
"Hey, I'm about to masturbate, can you give me a hand?"
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Cain on August 31, 2010, 10:48:32 AM
Rule 34 on ECH/Bunkmate slashfic
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: East Coast Hustle on August 31, 2010, 11:35:53 AM
Quote from: Vartox on August 31, 2010, 05:48:49 AM
Politely say to your bunkmate, "Get the fuck out of here, I'm about to masturbate." Your subtle hint should give him a clue that he doesn't want to be there.

That's how my roommate and I found private time last year. Of course, we'd known each other for three years, not three weeks, so the bluntness wasn't exactly surprising.

Bunkmate is one of my best friends/former roommates and would love to take the opportunity to NOT leave in an attempt to squick me out.

Which might not actually squick me out, but sure would kill the mood. Anyway, this isn't a thread where you give me advice, it's a thread where I use the superpowers conferred by my pressurized scrotum to answer YOUR questions.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Dalek on August 31, 2010, 12:55:04 PM
Maybe he's getting laid so much he doesn't need to.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: the last yatto on August 31, 2010, 06:59:52 PM
Has your celibacy improved your creativity?
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Chairman Risus on August 31, 2010, 07:08:08 PM
Quote from: Pēleus on August 31, 2010, 06:59:52 PM
Has your celibacy improved your creativity?

Asceticism is horsecrap.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: East Coast Hustle on August 31, 2010, 08:38:01 PM
Quote from: Pēleus on August 31, 2010, 06:59:52 PM
Has your celibacy improved your creativity?

that's like asking if being shitfaced drunk would improve my driving.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Pope Pixie Pickle on August 31, 2010, 08:52:04 PM
I just had a donut ejaculate jam into my hair. Is this related to your inability to fap?
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Cramulus on August 31, 2010, 08:55:21 PM
I agree that payne is getting a little pudgy, but calling him a donut is a bit of a stretch.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Elder Iptuous on August 31, 2010, 09:14:14 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on August 31, 2010, 08:55:21 PM
I agree that payne is getting a little pudgy, but calling him a donut is a bit of a stretch.

payne bin ein berliner?
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Don Coyote on August 31, 2010, 10:39:46 PM
Quote from: Iptuous on August 31, 2010, 09:14:14 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on August 31, 2010, 08:55:21 PM
I agree that payne is getting a little pudgy, but calling him a donut is a bit of a stretch.

payne bin ein berliner?

:spit:

Your grammar am wrong. :lulz:
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Pope Pixie Pickle on September 01, 2010, 05:46:43 PM
Payne was not in room at the time! Was a really real donut.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Kurt Christ on September 01, 2010, 06:03:36 PM
Once you do relieve yourself after this trying period, should we worry more about the built up pressure, or flooding? I must know so I can properly stormproof my residence.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: East Coast Hustle on September 01, 2010, 06:05:21 PM
Last chance for this thread, folks! Since one of our deckhands left and was replaced by a girl (who, for some reason, the captain will not have bunking with any of the guys) and we'll only be taking 3 scientists at a time on this coming contract, I get to move into my own cabin.

IT'S FAP TIME!
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: East Coast Hustle on September 01, 2010, 06:06:12 PM
Quote from: Vartox on September 01, 2010, 06:03:36 PM
Once you do relieve yourself after this trying period, should we worry more about the built up pressure, or flooding? I must know so I can properly stormproof my residence.

I'm thinking of fapping directly into the hurricane so that anyone caught outside in the storm will be pelted with ropes of semen at 100mph.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: LMNO on September 01, 2010, 06:39:11 PM
Quote from: Exit City Hustle on September 01, 2010, 06:06:12 PM
Quote from: Vartox on September 01, 2010, 06:03:36 PM
Once you do relieve yourself after this trying period, should we worry more about the built up pressure, or flooding? I must know so I can properly stormproof my residence.

I'm thinking of fapping directly into the hurricane so that anyone caught outside in the storm will be pelted with ropes of semen at 100mph.

ANNT: East Coast -- Be prepared for thousands of "Earl Babies".
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: East Coast Hustle on September 01, 2010, 07:03:16 PM
If you get hit in the neck, it would be an "Earl Necklace".
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: LMNO on September 01, 2010, 07:10:19 PM
:crankey:



However, I admit I have been trying to come up with "appropriate" puns.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Chairman Risus on September 01, 2010, 07:14:18 PM
Quote from: Exit City Hustle on September 01, 2010, 06:06:12 PM
Quote from: Vartox on September 01, 2010, 06:03:36 PM
Once you do relieve yourself after this trying period, should we worry more about the built up pressure, or flooding? I must know so I can properly stormproof my residence.

I'm thinking of fapping directly into the hurricane so that anyone caught outside in the storm will be pelted with ropes of semen at 100mph.

This + informing news networks that this is common practice amongst sailors.

"Seamen and hurricanes. How they are affecting your life, at 10"
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: DeusExMachina on September 02, 2010, 11:03:49 AM
Quote from: Exit City Hustle on September 01, 2010, 07:03:16 PM
If you get hit in the neck, it would be an "Earl Necklace".

:lulz:

let loose in the shower or bath if you have one or in the toilet
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: East Coast Hustle on September 02, 2010, 02:51:18 PM
I'm sorry, why are you talking to me?

Oh, so you can ruin the funny. Please die in a fire.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: DeusExMachina on September 02, 2010, 02:56:33 PM
Well fuck you very much!
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Doktor Howl on September 02, 2010, 03:06:24 PM
FREAD ORVER.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: East Coast Hustle on September 02, 2010, 03:13:38 PM
Quote from: DeusExMachina on September 02, 2010, 02:56:33 PM
Well fuck you very much!

you can speak to me again when you answer my last post in the psychedelics thread and apologize to me for lying about what I said in that thread.

until then, seriously, die in a fire.

I hope you take a semen rope in the eye at 140mph.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: LMNO on September 02, 2010, 03:15:57 PM
Quote from: Exit City Hustle on September 02, 2010, 03:13:38 PM
I hope you take a semen rope in the eye at 140mph.


ECH, casting Earls before swine.
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: Doktor Howl on September 02, 2010, 03:17:15 PM
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on September 02, 2010, 03:15:57 PM
Quote from: Exit City Hustle on September 02, 2010, 03:13:38 PM
I hope you take a semen rope in the eye at 140mph.


ECH, casting Earls before swine.

Alphapance, saving the thread.   :lulz:
Title: Re: I HAVE NOT MASTURBATED IN 3 WEEKS...
Post by: East Coast Hustle on September 02, 2010, 03:19:31 PM
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on September 02, 2010, 03:15:57 PM
Quote from: Exit City Hustle on September 02, 2010, 03:13:38 PM
I hope you take a semen rope in the eye at 140mph.


ECH, casting Earls before swine.

Wins the thread.