Okay, not giving up on this "cooking" thing. It's a skill, like any other. I can master it.
DAY 1:
Roger is in the kitchen, starting out small. Making fried turkey baloney sammiches on toast. Put bread in the toaster, when TGG and her BFF walk in.
TGG: What ARE you doing in here?
Roger: Making a spot of lunch.
TGG: Your wife is gonna have your ass. You know you're not allowed in here.
Roger: I DO WHAT I WANT!
Nurse Enabler walks in.
NE: What are YOU doing in the kitchen?
Roger: ENOUGH! For TOO long have I been held down by The Man! It is time to FIGHT THE POWER! WHO'S WITH ME?
Two pieces of toast pop up. I look, and throw my hands up in the air in a fashion similar to the toast popping up.
Roger (screaming): REVOLUTION!
(note: the baloney burned during all of this)
:lol:
:lulz:
QuoteRoger: ENOUGH! For TOO long have I been held down by The Man! It is time to FIGHT THE POWER! WHO'S WITH ME?
Two pieces of toast pop up. I look, and throw my hands up in the air in a fashion similar to the toast popping up.
Roger (screaming): REVOLUTION!
NO JUICE
NO PEACE
NO JUICE
NO PEACE
VIVA LE REVOLUCION!
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
You need to start small, Roger. Try boiling water.
If I may make a suggestion: anything that is dry-cooked, like frying, is fairly advanced. I usually recommend starting with wet foods, like soup or pasta.
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 07:13:02 PM
If I may make a suggestion: anything that is dry-cooked, like frying, is fairly advanced. I usually recommend starting with wet foods, like soup or pasta.
That sounds like good advice.
Too bad I already decided on eggs. Eggs are wet. What could go wrong?
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 07:13:53 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 07:13:02 PM
If I may make a suggestion: anything that is dry-cooked, like frying, is fairly advanced. I usually recommend starting with wet foods, like soup or pasta.
That sounds like good advice.
Too bad I already decided on eggs. Eggs are wet. What could go wrong?
Lies and bullshit. The frying pan is the first and simplest thing that you should master. All scottish children learn how to shallow and deep fry in a variety of oils and lards shortly after being able to stand. Many important life lessons are learnt around boiling oil.
The Virtue of good timekeeping
What happens when ice/water meets boiling oil
What happens when boiling oil meets you
What happens when you forget about the boiling oil
All these and more, can only be truly understood while eating something fried to perfection. You may think you know the answers. You may be right, but you will never truly
know.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 07:13:53 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 07:13:02 PM
If I may make a suggestion: anything that is dry-cooked, like frying, is fairly advanced. I usually recommend starting with wet foods, like soup or pasta.
That sounds like good advice.
Too bad I already decided on eggs. Eggs are wet. What could go wrong?
:horrormirth:
Quote from: Junkenstein on September 16, 2013, 07:25:28 PM
What happens when boiling oil meets you
Hilarity ensues. :lulz:
:zombie:
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 07:25:30 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 07:13:53 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 07:13:02 PM
If I may make a suggestion: anything that is dry-cooked, like frying, is fairly advanced. I usually recommend starting with wet foods, like soup or pasta.
That sounds like good advice.
Too bad I already decided on eggs. Eggs are wet. What could go wrong?
:horrormirth:
I've been known to cook gourmet feasts, and I still haven't mastered the scrambled egg.
I cook a mean egg.
CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:24:02 PM
I cook a mean egg.
CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.
I can do that.
This is gonna be EASY.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:25:20 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:24:02 PM
I cook a mean egg.
CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.
I can do that.
This is gonna be EASY.
NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION
STOP THAT.
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:35:15 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:25:20 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:24:02 PM
I cook a mean egg.
CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.
I can do that.
This is gonna be EASY.
NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION
STOP THAT.
I haven't even done it yet! :eek:
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:35:53 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:35:15 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:25:20 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:24:02 PM
I cook a mean egg.
CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.
I can do that.
This is gonna be EASY.
NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION
STOP THAT.
I haven't even done it yet! :eek:
You were going to. I can tell.
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:37:24 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:35:53 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:35:15 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:25:20 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:24:02 PM
I cook a mean egg.
CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.
I can do that.
This is gonna be EASY.
NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION
STOP THAT.
I haven't even done it yet! :eek:
You were going to. I can tell.
I thought of a way to keep the eggs moving.
I just have to figure out how to get the egg beater thingie into a power drill. I can make it go slow, by rigging it through an Allen Bradley inverter, that I can hardwire into an outlet.
Do you think 20 RPM would be too much?
12-15 rpm should be fine.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:41:19 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:37:24 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:35:53 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:35:15 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:25:20 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:24:02 PM
I cook a mean egg.
CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.
I can do that.
This is gonna be EASY.
NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION
STOP THAT.
I haven't even done it yet! :eek:
You were going to. I can tell.
I thought of a way to keep the eggs moving.
I just have to figure out how to get the egg beater thingie into a power drill. I can make it go slow, by rigging it through an Allen Bradley inverter, that I can hardwire into an outlet.
Do you think 20 RPM would be too much?
NO, NO, NO, AND YES.
ALL YOU NEED IS THIS:
(http://services.psoriasis.org/inspire/images/1/1/9/1/23098.jpg)
NO POWER TOOLS.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:41:19 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:37:24 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:35:53 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:35:15 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:25:20 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:24:02 PM
I cook a mean egg.
CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.
I can do that.
This is gonna be EASY.
NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION
STOP THAT.
I haven't even done it yet! :eek:
You were going to. I can tell.
I thought of a way to keep the eggs moving.
I just have to figure out how to get the egg beater thingie into a power drill. I can make it go slow, by rigging it through an Allen Bradley inverter, that I can hardwire into an outlet.
Do you think 20 RPM would be too much?
(http://cdn5.buildingmoxie.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Tim-the-Toolman-Taylor-Home-Improvement.jpg)
Quote from: tarod on September 16, 2013, 10:49:16 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:41:19 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:37:24 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:35:53 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:35:15 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:25:20 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:24:02 PM
I cook a mean egg.
CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.
I can do that.
This is gonna be EASY.
NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION
STOP THAT.
I haven't even done it yet! :eek:
You were going to. I can tell.
I thought of a way to keep the eggs moving.
I just have to figure out how to get the egg beater thingie into a power drill. I can make it go slow, by rigging it through an Allen Bradley inverter, that I can hardwire into an outlet.
Do you think 20 RPM would be too much?
(http://cdn5.buildingmoxie.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Tim-the-Toolman-Taylor-Home-Improvement.jpg)
Right, right. I'll stop now.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:49:48 PM
Quote from: tarod on September 16, 2013, 10:49:16 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:41:19 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:37:24 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:35:53 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:35:15 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 16, 2013, 10:25:20 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 16, 2013, 10:24:02 PM
I cook a mean egg.
CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.
I can do that.
This is gonna be EASY.
NOT THAT MUCH ATTENTION
STOP THAT.
I haven't even done it yet! :eek:
You were going to. I can tell.
I thought of a way to keep the eggs moving.
I just have to figure out how to get the egg beater thingie into a power drill. I can make it go slow, by rigging it through an Allen Bradley inverter, that I can hardwire into an outlet.
Do you think 20 RPM would be too much?
(http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2478/3551333439_96c609977a.jpg)
Right, right. I'll stop now.
Fixt, you can go on now.
The eggs didn't go well. I don't have time at the moment to tell my sad tale, but as soon as I get back to the office, I shall explain my case.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 17, 2013, 04:17:11 PM
The eggs didn't go well. I don't have time at the moment to tell my sad tale, but as soon as I get back to the office, I shall explain my case.
Don't ever boil eggs and then forget about them. That way lies a burnt pan, horrible odours and eggchunks on the ceiling. I know, this has happened twice.
Have You People ever heard of "timers"?
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 17, 2013, 05:04:58 PM
Have You People ever heard of "timers"?
Yes. I recently got one. It is weird though, you are supposed to put it in the water and the color changes depending on time spent at boiling temperature. So it give you a clear signal when to take the eggs out if you want them either soft/hard boiled/green/exploding. I don't really understand how that would help me since i tend to be in a different part of the house by then.
"DAMN!" cried the maddened family, and echo answered SHIT;
But one scornful look from Roger and the family did sit.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
And they knew that Roger wouldn't fail to break the egg again.
The sneer is gone from Roger's lip, his teeth are clinched in hate;
He pounds with cruel violence his egg upon the plate.
And now Roger holds the egg, and now it all turns slow,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Roger's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Tucson—mighty Roger has struck out.
(Grabbed the hard boiled eggs Jenn made a day or so ago, thinking they were fresh. Things generally went downhill from here.)
Did she not mark the carton?
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on September 17, 2013, 06:39:05 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 17, 2013, 05:04:58 PM
Have You People ever heard of "timers"?
Smoke detector, right?
Oh i had several of those. The first to get destroyed was the one in the kitchen. For some reason it started screaming in my ear. This is unacceptable, it totally took the zen out of my cooking.
A few weeks later the one in the hallway died mysteriously of similar causes.
Fun fact! One kept screaming even after i pulled the batteries out, so i locked it in the booze cabinet. That eventually got it to quiet down.
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on September 17, 2013, 06:45:06 PM
Did she not mark the carton?
I CAN'T BE EXPECTED TO READ EVERYTHING! EGGS IS EGGS!
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 17, 2013, 06:52:03 PM
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on September 17, 2013, 06:51:22 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 17, 2013, 06:46:12 PM
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on September 17, 2013, 06:45:06 PM
Did she not mark the carton?
I CAN'T BE EXPECTED TO READ EVERYTHING! EGGS IS EGGS!
BLAME SHIFTED BACK TO YOU.
Do you have any idea what happens when you try to scramble a hard boiled egg?
No, because I MARK THE CARTON LIKE A SANE PERSON. Also, if the egg for some reason fails to be a raw egg, I don't THEN ATTEMPT TO SCRAMBLE IT. THE PROTEINS ARE SOLID. YOU CAN'T UNDO THAT SHIT.
Sure you can. Put it in a blender first.
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on September 17, 2013, 06:54:13 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 17, 2013, 06:52:03 PM
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on September 17, 2013, 06:51:22 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 17, 2013, 06:46:12 PM
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on September 17, 2013, 06:45:06 PM
Did she not mark the carton?
I CAN'T BE EXPECTED TO READ EVERYTHING! EGGS IS EGGS!
BLAME SHIFTED BACK TO YOU.
Do you have any idea what happens when you try to scramble a hard boiled egg?
No, because I MARK THE CARTON LIKE A SANE PERSON. Also, if the egg for some reason fails to be a raw egg, I don't THEN ATTEMPT TO SCRAMBLE IT. THE PROTEINS ARE SOLID. YOU CAN'T UNDO THAT SHIT.
Well, I wasn't going to back out, not with everyone watching.
And you're right about the proteins. But they can get MORE solid. At different rates.
Tonight's project: Bisquick pancakes.
Camera. I beg you.
Quote from: :regret: on September 17, 2013, 06:38:08 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 17, 2013, 05:04:58 PM
Have You People ever heard of "timers"?
Yes. I recently got one. It is weird though, you are supposed to put it in the water and the color changes depending on time spent at boiling temperature. So it give you a clear signal when to take the eggs out if you want them either soft/hard boiled/green/exploding. I don't really understand how that would help me since i tend to be in a different part of the house by then.
That sounds like a "doneness indicator". I am talking about a kitchen timer, that you set for a certain time and that sounds an alarm when that time has elapsed.
(http://firstmagazine.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/old_timer_comstock.jpg)
Also, don't light fires and walk away, i.e. put something on to cook and then go to a different part of the house. Just don't. Unless you WANT your house to burn down and your family to die.
If you simply must go into a different room while something is cooking, get a portable timer and take it with you.
Simple things for Roger to boost cooking morale:
Fluffy Eggs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGyb7uBXe9E
Chinese American:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_dkYNq8G9Y
Mc' Chicken Homemade. This guy teaches you how to make fast food stuff at home. I tend to experiment with the recipes etc..
Like no MSG,Asparteme, no HFC etc..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbUcq5fWgJc
Quote from: Reverend What's His Bear on September 17, 2013, 09:11:39 PM
Simple things for Roger to boost cooking morale:
Fluffy Eggs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGyb7uBXe9E
Chinese American:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_dkYNq8G9Y
Mc' Chicken Homemade. This guy teaches you how to make fast food stuff at home. I tend to experiment with the recipes etc..
Like no MSG,Asparteme, no HFC etc..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbUcq5fWgJc
I'll be happy when I can make the eggs stop ablating in the pan.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 17, 2013, 09:15:54 PM
Quote from: Reverend What's His Bear on September 17, 2013, 09:11:39 PM
Simple things for Roger to boost cooking morale:
Fluffy Eggs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGyb7uBXe9E
Chinese American:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_dkYNq8G9Y
Mc' Chicken Homemade. This guy teaches you how to make fast food stuff at home. I tend to experiment with the recipes etc..
Like no MSG,Asparteme, no HFC etc..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbUcq5fWgJc
I'll be happy when I can make the eggs stop ablating in the pan.
:x I don't even know what to say to that.
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 17, 2013, 09:20:35 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 17, 2013, 09:15:54 PM
Quote from: Reverend What's His Bear on September 17, 2013, 09:11:39 PM
Simple things for Roger to boost cooking morale:
Fluffy Eggs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGyb7uBXe9E
Chinese American:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_dkYNq8G9Y
Mc' Chicken Homemade. This guy teaches you how to make fast food stuff at home. I tend to experiment with the recipes etc..
Like no MSG,Asparteme, no HFC etc..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbUcq5fWgJc
I'll be happy when I can make the eggs stop ablating in the pan.
:x I don't even know what to say to that.
When you try to scramble a hard boiled egg, it heats at different rates. The white tries to get away from yolk, because it HATES yolk. It then sticks to the ceiling like Goddamn Spiderman.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 17, 2013, 09:15:54 PM
Quote from: Reverend What's His Bear on September 17, 2013, 09:11:39 PM
Simple things for Roger to boost cooking morale:
Fluffy Eggs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGyb7uBXe9E
Chinese American:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_dkYNq8G9Y
Mc' Chicken Homemade. This guy teaches you how to make fast food stuff at home. I tend to experiment with the recipes etc..
Like no MSG,Asparteme, no HFC etc..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbUcq5fWgJc
I'll be happy when I can make the eggs stop ablating in the pan.
When I learned to make eggs with this video. I decided to hold the pan away from the heat while he "scrambles" them. So you don't get a lot of egg still stuck on pan. It's all about heat control the pan is still hot and it still cooks the eggs even away from the heat.
So far I'm working on making simple noodle soups for the Binks,Jorge, and the wife. If Binks loves it then I consider it a victory.
We don't have a oven here so we use a conventional oven. I improvise a lot when I cook.
Quote from: Reverend What's His Bear on September 17, 2013, 09:25:09 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 17, 2013, 09:15:54 PM
Quote from: Reverend What's His Bear on September 17, 2013, 09:11:39 PM
Simple things for Roger to boost cooking morale:
Fluffy Eggs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGyb7uBXe9E
Chinese American:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_dkYNq8G9Y
Mc' Chicken Homemade. This guy teaches you how to make fast food stuff at home. I tend to experiment with the recipes etc..
Like no MSG,Asparteme, no HFC etc..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbUcq5fWgJc
I'll be happy when I can make the eggs stop ablating in the pan.
When I learned to make eggs with this video. I decided to hold the pan away from the heat while he "scrambles" them. So you don't get a lot of egg still stuck on pan. It's all about heat control the pan is still hot and it still cooks the eggs even away from the heat.
So far I'm working on making simple noodle soups for the Binks,Jorge, and the wife. If Binks loves it then I consider it a victory.
We don't have a oven here so we use a conventional oven. I improvise a lot when I cook.
I shall give it a try, sir.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 17, 2013, 09:25:47 PM
Quote from: Reverend What's His Bear on September 17, 2013, 09:25:09 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 17, 2013, 09:15:54 PM
Quote from: Reverend What's His Bear on September 17, 2013, 09:11:39 PM
Simple things for Roger to boost cooking morale:
Fluffy Eggs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGyb7uBXe9E
Chinese American:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_dkYNq8G9Y
Mc' Chicken Homemade. This guy teaches you how to make fast food stuff at home. I tend to experiment with the recipes etc..
Like no MSG,Asparteme, no HFC etc..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbUcq5fWgJc
I'll be happy when I can make the eggs stop ablating in the pan.
When I learned to make eggs with this video. I decided to hold the pan away from the heat while he "scrambles" them. So you don't get a lot of egg still stuck on pan. It's all about heat control the pan is still hot and it still cooks the eggs even away from the heat.
So far I'm working on making simple noodle soups for the Binks,Jorge, and the wife. If Binks loves it then I consider it a victory.
We don't have a oven here so we use a conventional oven. I improvise a lot when I cook.
I shall give it a try, sir.
When you succeed I expect pics of your face in the plate. Victory is god damn delicious.
Quote from: :regret: on September 17, 2013, 06:38:08 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 17, 2013, 05:04:58 PM
Have You People ever heard of "timers"?
Yes. I recently got one. It is weird though, you are supposed to put it in the water and the color changes depending on time spent at boiling temperature. So it give you a clear signal when to take the eggs out if you want them either soft/hard boiled/green/exploding. I don't really understand how that would help me since i tend to be in a different part of the house by then.
STAY IN THE KITCHEN. If you are bored clean something. keep an eye on your food damnit.
Pancakes are NOT EASY FOOD. Try punch chicken instead.
and do you food burning people not have phones with timers on them? I don't have a kitchen timer but I do use my phone.
Never leave pasta, rice, potatoes, or anything that is being boiled or grilled/broiled unattended. DO NEVAR. Same goes for your grilled cheese or toasted sammich.
if you want to leave shit unattended, use a timer and roast stuff, Like meat, and vegetables.
I like risottos. They need constant attention, stirring and I can't let myself get distracted if it's going to work.
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on September 17, 2013, 10:10:41 PM
Pancakes are NOT EASY FOOD. Try punch chicken instead.
I can imagine the thicker American style pancakes being a compete arseache. British ones (thicker than crepes but you can still roll em) are one of the first things I learned to cook. Before that it was stir frying vegetables stood on a stool at 6 with parental supervision.
ROGER I THINK YOU SHOULD MAKE POACHED EGGS! :lulz:
Quote from: Pixie on September 17, 2013, 10:15:25 PM
and do you food burning people not have phones with timers on them? I don't have a kitchen timer but I do use my phone.
Never leave pasta, rice, potatoes, or anything that is being boiled or grilled/broiled unattended. DO NEVAR. Same goes for your grilled cheese or toasted sammich.
if you want to leave shit unattended, use a timer and roast stuff, Like meat, and vegetables.
Seriously. Out of every mistake from people who claim to not be able to cook, burning something because they fail the simple task of /keeping an eye on their food/ is the number one reason. It's not goddamn rocket science. It's not even /biology/. It's kindergarten skills.
OK, if you people are really simply wandering away while you cook, I have a better grasp on why your cookery is not working out so well. :lol: Don't do that.
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 17, 2013, 11:39:48 PM
OK, if you people are really simply wandering away while you cook, I have a better grasp on why your cookery is not working out so well. :lol: Don't do that.
I didn't do that. I never even hinted that I do that. Someone else said that shit, and now I am somehow guilty of food neglect.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 17, 2013, 11:42:12 PM
Quote from: What The Fox Say on September 17, 2013, 11:39:48 PM
OK, if you people are really simply wandering away while you cook, I have a better grasp on why your cookery is not working out so well. :lol: Don't do that.
I didn't do that. I never even hinted that I do that. Someone else said that shit, and now I am somehow guilty of food neglect.
OK. I absolve you of suspicion of food neglect. However, my advice to use a timer stands!
Quote from: Kai on September 17, 2013, 11:18:40 PM
Quote from: Pixie on September 17, 2013, 10:15:25 PM
and do you food burning people not have phones with timers on them? I don't have a kitchen timer but I do use my phone.
Never leave pasta, rice, potatoes, or anything that is being boiled or grilled/broiled unattended. DO NEVAR. Same goes for your grilled cheese or toasted sammich.
if you want to leave shit unattended, use a timer and roast stuff, Like meat, and vegetables.
Seriously. Out of every mistake from people who claim to not be able to cook, burning something because they fail the simple task of /keeping an eye on their food/ is the number one reason. It's not goddamn rocket science. It's not even /biology/. It's kindergarten skills.
oh and frying pans. DO NEVAR LEAVE SOMETHING WITH HOT OIL IN UNATTENDED.
It seems Rog is not leaving things unattended, and it is the finer details rather than uber-rookie fuckups.
For Regret though. this advice stands.
Roger, are you trying to SCIENCE your food too hard with excessive heat?
Quote from: Pixie on September 17, 2013, 11:55:43 PM
Roger, are you trying to SCIENCE your food too hard with excessive heat?
No. I am attentive as hell, and I try to follow the directions.
But then it all goes
bad.
Roger either has too many directions, or not enough.
Or, he sees things AND TRIES TO FIX THEM.
Crazy Eddie had that idea, too.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 17, 2013, 09:21:40 PM
When you try to scramble a hard boiled egg, it heats at different rates. The white tries to get away from yolk, because it HATES yolk. It then sticks to the ceiling like Goddamn Spiderman.
I love this. It needs to go in the newsfeed or something.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on September 18, 2013, 04:03:45 AM
Roger either has too many directions, or not enough.
Or, he sees things AND TRIES TO FIX THEM.
Crazy Eddie had that idea, too.
Roger: The Crazy Eddie of the Kitchen. :lulz:
You might want to take a look at this: http://www.amazon.com/Reluctant-Nervous-Confused-Students-Cookbook/dp/0883965917
It's mostly remedial kitchen skills: cooking meat, potatoes, and pasta without killing yourself, basic sauces, and whatnot. I went into my first apartment not knowing how to do anything other than bake and boil water, and this helped a ton.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on September 18, 2013, 04:10:05 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 17, 2013, 09:21:40 PM
When you try to scramble a hard boiled egg, it heats at different rates. The white tries to get away from yolk, because it HATES yolk. It then sticks to the ceiling like Goddamn Spiderman.
I love this. It needs to go in the newsfeed or something.
Seconded.
http://www.cookingforengineers.com/
This does have decent step-by step instructions - they are not in proper lab instruction format though. Heating the oil for Shepherd's Pie, for example - it doesn't tell you how long or how hot. It would be possible to have smoking, flaming oil while dicing your onion.
This part is OK though. http://www.cookingforengineers.com/recipe/47/Basic-Pancakes (http://www.cookingforengineers.com/recipe/47/Basic-Pancakes)
I feel we should start a Roger-appropriate cooking thread in the Recipes subforum.
I'm down.
With the appropriate commentary, of course.
Can we get some dietary guidelines from Nurse Enabler?
GO FORTH AND CONQUER! FOR PD! FOR ROGER!
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on September 18, 2013, 06:14:28 PM
Can we get some dietary guidelines from Nurse Enabler?
Easy.
No red meat of any kind.
No deep fried foods.
No junk food (chips, etc).
NO GODDAMN BOURBON. :tgrr:
Pretty much anything else goes.
You poor, poor man.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on September 18, 2013, 06:32:26 PM
You poor, poor man.
What? That pretty much leaves, you know, ALL OF INDIAN CUISINE.
Also Ethiopian, most Arabic, about half of Greek, 90% Thai, and pretty much all of Korean.
So don't get your sympathy worked up TOO high. Wouldn't eat a steak if I could.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 18, 2013, 06:28:03 PM
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on September 18, 2013, 06:14:28 PM
Can we get some dietary guidelines from Nurse Enabler?
Easy.
No red meat of any kind.
No deep fried foods.
No junk food (chips, etc).
NO GODDAMN BOURBON. :tgrr:
Pretty much anything else goes.
Can you go into a little more detail on "junk"? Are you primarily avoiding excess fats, or fats and sodium, or fats and sugar, or all three? Also, is bacon red meat?
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on September 18, 2013, 07:15:49 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 18, 2013, 06:28:03 PM
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on September 18, 2013, 06:14:28 PM
Can we get some dietary guidelines from Nurse Enabler?
Easy.
No red meat of any kind.
No deep fried foods.
No junk food (chips, etc).
NO GODDAMN BOURBON. :tgrr:
Pretty much anything else goes.
Can you go into a little more detail on "junk"? Are you primarily avoiding excess fats, or fats and sodium, or fats and sugar, or all three? Also, is bacon red meat?
Bacon is not, but it's on the "not very often" list.
And junk food is anything manufactured as a snack.
Trying to decide what to eat for lunch. Since I can hardly eat anything, the pressure's on!
I'm not a big fan of beef myself. Roger are you more of pork, or chicken guy?
Quote from: Reverend What's His Bear on September 18, 2013, 10:16:26 PM
I'm not a big fan of beef myself. Roger are you more of pork, or chicken guy?
Chicken. I save pork for special occasions.
Chicken recipe without the deep fryer guilt?
I haven't tried it yet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgihKcw2J1M
Chicken done on a grill right (jerk, piri-piri) is gorgeous. Depends if the skin is on the No Fly List to roger's stomach. Also spicy as fyuck, and we all know how Roger likes to destroy a toilet.