You Want Your Country Back? Sure, here, take the fucking thing.....

[Requia ☣]

I don't know how you two managed to achieve perfect comedic timing on an internet forum, but you did it.


I just wish the subject matter was something to laugh about.

I'm laughing at it.  Haven't stopped in 2 years now.

[Adios]

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave
states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the
Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You
get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of
America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We
get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay
their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be
pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens
back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your
evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to
their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show
pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you
success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not
willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal
Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to
cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected
health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100
percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent
of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all
televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the
University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent
say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was
involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you
are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
they grow in Mexico

Peace out,
Tusconora.

I'm moving.

[Payne]

RWHN and Dok bringing it, ITT.

A Multitude of Mittens to you both.

[Adios]

GOD DAMN IT THIS SHIT IS PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF. FUCK YOU AMERICA, AND YOUR WHINING SELF SERVING BIGOTRY AND FUCKING FEAR. I AM SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF THE LOT OF YOU.

[BabylonHoruv]

You don't have to be white and straight these days, just rich and well connected, but the same principles still function. If you are rich enough and have the right friends, then your 'flaws' will be, not forgotten, but temporarily overlooked.

Obama is rich and well connected.

[BabylonHoruv]

I want to make a T-Shirt that says

"Sodomy is between a MAN AND A WOMAN"

Goddamn gays stealin buttsecks from us good christian folk.

More accurately, Sodomy is between an Anus, and a Penis. (Or appropriately shaped prosthetic)

Hey now, don't forget oral sodomy.

[BabylonHoruv]

This and the thread in aneristic delusions has me all fired up to go troll a political board (or just get in an honest debate on one really, but It'd turn into trolling pretty quick I think)  I haven't been on one in ages though.

[Jenne]

RWHN for the OP...I am starting to feel the same way.  If they want it, let them burn it the fuck down already.

[AFK]

This and the thread in aneristic delusions has me all fired up to go troll a political board (or just get in an honest debate on one really, but It'd turn into trolling pretty quick I think)  I haven't been on one in ages though.

Apparently PoliticalCrossfire is back up and running.  It was down for a couple of months.
There is also PoliticalPanic.com which is where a bunch of people from PCF went after it went explodey. 

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

I thought I already left these here:



Damn this thread is full of win. Mostly.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

....because it's broken anyway.

Good fucking lord, this place is going insane.  And it looks like the pretenses are just about melted away.  America sold itself for quite awhile as this great melting pot of cultures and peoples.  We had warm and fuzzy cartoons about Russian Mice risking their lives to emigrate to the U.S. to get a piece of the American Dream.  The Scorpions were singing about the Winds of Change and we were all a nice big happy global family.  Well, I guess not really, but at least the window dressing was pretty.

But fuck that noise now.  Are you Hispanic?  Get the fuck out of here!  Gay?  No marriage for you!  Muslim?  OH MY FUCKING GOD GET OUT OF NEW YORK CITY WITH YOUR COMMUNITY CENTER YOU JUST WANT TO BLOW UP MORE BUILDINGS WITH WOMMINZ AND CHILDRENZEZ AND I HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU!!!!!

Jesus H. Christ.  People are simultaneously stuck in 2001 and 1940.  Civil fucking liberties?  Get that shit out of here!  If you don't bleed American Christian Red you aren't our kind and are probably trying to destroy America or something.  Yeah, that 9/11 thing fucking sucked.  You lost your brother, mother, father, cousin, best friend in the attacks?  I'm sorry.  But listen, let me give you some advice.  It's time to move the fuck on.  The bastards who killed your loved one pretty much evaporated when those planes hit those buildings.  The other masterminds are yucking it up right now in some mountain desert land on the other side of the Atlantic.  The people who want to build this community center don't want to get you again.  They just want to have a shiny building with a museum and coffee shop and other touristy-type things.  They're going to want you to come buy a set of coasters or something.  They aren't going to kill you!

But no, this country is fucking broken, and I don't know if it can be fixed or not.  So all of you dipshits out here screaming and crying and moaning about wanting your country back from the dirty hispanics, evil Muslims, blasphemous gays, and sooper sekret Kenyan Muslim Man Obama, take the goddamn thing!  It looks like shit and smells worse.  

When RWHN is on his game, you just don't get in the way.

[Freeky]

   fuck no.

[AFK]

Yeah, I manage to squeeze one out every now and again.