The MAN Laws. A silly listing.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Men must never admit to consuming Parfait, Smoothie, blush wines, wines coolers, fruited beer, quiche, salad, wrapped sandwiches, or brunch.  Any man who needs consume these in cases of extremis must refer to them as "cereal", "Shake", "Booze", "punch", "Beer", "pie", "garnish", "sammich" or "chow", and silently cry in shame in the dark later.  Violations of this only accrue thee shame.

At least one urinal must be maintained between men urinating at all times.  If no nonadjacent urinal is free, use a stall.  Rest stops and cases of extremis are partial exceptions, but any violation accrues the violator some shame or douchebaggery.

Men are not to converse at the urinal.  They must stand under a vow of silence, and only break this once they are done.  Do not address another silent man at the urinal.  Violations of this add to the vioaltor's douchebaggery.

Conversation between toilet stalls is double douchebaggery.

Men are not to allow anyone to bump them in a crowd, pass them while driving, cut them in line, or opperate a vehicle poorly or slowly in their presence without admonishing them "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE".  Failure to do so will surely bring shame.

Men are not to order a vegetarian or chicken dish at a restaurant when a less-manly cohort is ordring a more manly meal of steak or pork, lest shame be accrued.  Choose wisely.

This must be an american thing. Over here in Australia, it's pretty much the norm to strike up a bit of small talk particularly when you're in a bar/place where everyone is drunk, it's almost as if you don't say anything it is a bit awkward. My theory is, it's a way to make some eye contact so you know EXACTLY where the other guys eyes are at all times.

Hey, when I come down to Australia indeterminate future from now to visit you upsidedown spags, and we're out at the pub and we have to piss at the same time, I insist on American rules. I'm a guest in your country at that point. Also, if you come here, we must also insist on American rules. Because, well, Americans. Our way or the highway.

[Luna]

FACT: Waiting around in The Facilities to take a piss is actually creepier than accidentally espying another mans bait'n'tackle.

Only 'cause the only thing for you guys to look at while waiting is other guys taking a piss.  If y'all did your business behind stall doors, it would be less creepy.

[Phox]

You people are all incredibly weird. 

[Luna]

You people are all incredibly weird. 

Which is why you love us. 

[Phox]

You people are all incredibly weird. 

Which is why you love us. 

Touché.