Renamed: GOD. DAMN. IT.

[Freeky]

and shit like "since he's a part of my life now I just want to do my part to put him on the right track"

Stomp on this NOW.  Make it very plain to Bruce that this is going to cause humongous difficulties.

I told him this exact thing on Sunday.  He said, and I quote verbatim, "Ok".  I'm not sure he gets it.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh, and the words "Where do you come up with this stuff?" are your friends. Even if you don't have anything else, the laughing head shake and that line will put a damper on her enthusiasm REAL fast. And seriously, dropping Asshole from the communication loop completely and making everything Monkey-related her problem will get both of their attention really fast. If Asshole asks you about it, sweetly say "Oh, I got the impression from her that she was going to be taking over most of the parenting at your end... maybe you should talk to her to clarify what's going on, and get back to me.".

PffffHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  This is fucking GOLD, Nigel. 

Also, what constitutes childrearing issues?  At age four, it seems like he's pretty much good to go.  He doesn't even act up all that often, except for a few days right when he comes back to me.

Childrearing issues are every little thing; not actual problems, but stuff like pick up and drop off, doctor appointments, etc. or any other kind of communication about Monkey. Basically every time you would contact Asshole about something, contact her instead. Leave him totally out of the loop and if she fails to pass something important along, it's her fault.

Yes, it is passive-aggressive, but it's aggressively passive-aggressive; the best kind.

[Luna]

Brilliant, Nigel.

[Freeky]

Oh, and the words "Where do you come up with this stuff?" are your friends. Even if you don't have anything else, the laughing head shake and that line will put a damper on her enthusiasm REAL fast. And seriously, dropping Asshole from the communication loop completely and making everything Monkey-related her problem will get both of their attention really fast. If Asshole asks you about it, sweetly say "Oh, I got the impression from her that she was going to be taking over most of the parenting at your end... maybe you should talk to her to clarify what's going on, and get back to me.".

PffffHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  This is fucking GOLD, Nigel. 

Also, what constitutes childrearing issues?  At age four, it seems like he's pretty much good to go.  He doesn't even act up all that often, except for a few days right when he comes back to me.

Childrearing issues are every little thing; not actual problems, but stuff like pick up and drop off, doctor appointments, etc. or any other kind of communication about Monkey. Basically every time you would contact Asshole about something, contact her instead. Leave him totally out of the loop and if she fails to pass something important along, it's her fault.

Yes, it is passive-aggressive, but it's aggressively passive-aggressive; the best kind.

I would have to START communicating for that.  But I think that'll be worth it.  Yes. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh, and the words "Where do you come up with this stuff?" are your friends. Even if you don't have anything else, the laughing head shake and that line will put a damper on her enthusiasm REAL fast. And seriously, dropping Asshole from the communication loop completely and making everything Monkey-related her problem will get both of their attention really fast. If Asshole asks you about it, sweetly say "Oh, I got the impression from her that she was going to be taking over most of the parenting at your end... maybe you should talk to her to clarify what's going on, and get back to me.".

PffffHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  This is fucking GOLD, Nigel. 

Also, what constitutes childrearing issues?  At age four, it seems like he's pretty much good to go.  He doesn't even act up all that often, except for a few days right when he comes back to me.

Childrearing issues are every little thing; not actual problems, but stuff like pick up and drop off, doctor appointments, etc. or any other kind of communication about Monkey. Basically every time you would contact Asshole about something, contact her instead. Leave him totally out of the loop and if she fails to pass something important along, it's her fault.

Yes, it is passive-aggressive, but it's aggressively passive-aggressive; the best kind.

I would have to START communicating for that.  But I think that'll be worth it.  Yes. 

Let us know how it goes!

And don't forget to give her an early childhood development book; I'd send one of mine but I think I sold them all. But nothing says "You're a fucking idiot with no idea what you're talking about" quite like the gift of an educational and informative book. Plus, it means that next time she tries to tell you you're doing it wrong, you can ask "did you look it up in that book I gave you? It's really handy to know what child development experts think" and I can't think of a better way to say "shut the fuck up, you ignorant twat".

[Freeky]

Oh, and the words "Where do you come up with this stuff?" are your friends. Even if you don't have anything else, the laughing head shake and that line will put a damper on her enthusiasm REAL fast. And seriously, dropping Asshole from the communication loop completely and making everything Monkey-related her problem will get both of their attention really fast. If Asshole asks you about it, sweetly say "Oh, I got the impression from her that she was going to be taking over most of the parenting at your end... maybe you should talk to her to clarify what's going on, and get back to me.".

PffffHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  This is fucking GOLD, Nigel. 

Also, what constitutes childrearing issues?  At age four, it seems like he's pretty much good to go.  He doesn't even act up all that often, except for a few days right when he comes back to me.

Childrearing issues are every little thing; not actual problems, but stuff like pick up and drop off, doctor appointments, etc. or any other kind of communication about Monkey. Basically every time you would contact Asshole about something, contact her instead. Leave him totally out of the loop and if she fails to pass something important along, it's her fault.

Yes, it is passive-aggressive, but it's aggressively passive-aggressive; the best kind.

I would have to START communicating for that.  But I think that'll be worth it.  Yes. 

Let us know how it goes!

And don't forget to give her an early childhood development book; I'd send one of mine but I think I sold them all. But nothing says "You're a fucking idiot with no idea what you're talking about" quite like the gift of an educational and informative book. Plus, it means that next time she tries to tell you you're doing it wrong, you can ask "did you look it up in that book I gave you? It's really handy to know what child development experts think" and I can't think of a better way to say "shut the fuck up, you ignorant twat".

Holy crap yes.  Yes yes yes.

I can assume that reading the books first, and picking which one isn't full of idiocy, is probably best, right?

[Luna]

Oh, and the words "Where do you come up with this stuff?" are your friends. Even if you don't have anything else, the laughing head shake and that line will put a damper on her enthusiasm REAL fast. And seriously, dropping Asshole from the communication loop completely and making everything Monkey-related her problem will get both of their attention really fast. If Asshole asks you about it, sweetly say "Oh, I got the impression from her that she was going to be taking over most of the parenting at your end... maybe you should talk to her to clarify what's going on, and get back to me.".

PffffHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  This is fucking GOLD, Nigel. 

Also, what constitutes childrearing issues?  At age four, it seems like he's pretty much good to go.  He doesn't even act up all that often, except for a few days right when he comes back to me.

Childrearing issues are every little thing; not actual problems, but stuff like pick up and drop off, doctor appointments, etc. or any other kind of communication about Monkey. Basically every time you would contact Asshole about something, contact her instead. Leave him totally out of the loop and if she fails to pass something important along, it's her fault.

Yes, it is passive-aggressive, but it's aggressively passive-aggressive; the best kind.

I would have to START communicating for that.  But I think that'll be worth it.  Yes. 

Let us know how it goes!

And don't forget to give her an early childhood development book; I'd send one of mine but I think I sold them all. But nothing says "You're a fucking idiot with no idea what you're talking about" quite like the gift of an educational and informative book. Plus, it means that next time she tries to tell you you're doing it wrong, you can ask "did you look it up in that book I gave you? It's really handy to know what child development experts think" and I can't think of a better way to say "shut the fuck up, you ignorant twat".

Holy crap yes.  Yes yes yes.

I can assume that reading the books first, and picking which one isn't full of idiocy, is probably best, right?

Definately.  Pick one you agree with, so the answers match yours.

[Juana]

...I can't speak as to how to deal with her (though I totally like Nigel's suggestion), but what the goddamn fuck. Monkey is not her child. She's just daddy's current ladyfriend who is here today but might be gone tomorrow and therefore, should keep her moth shut. Frankly, in her position, unless I was sure there was something deeply wrong, I wouldn't open my fucking mouth.

[Freeky]

...I can't speak as to how to deal with her (though I totally like Nigel's suggestion), but what the goddamn fuck. Monkey is not her child. She's just daddy's current ladyfriend who is here today but might be gone tomorrow and therefore, should keep her moth shut. Frankly, in her position, unless I was sure there was something deeply wrong, I wouldn't open my fucking mouth.

In fucking deed.  Even when I thought I was going to be with the ex for a long ass time and wanted to help his boys be on the right track, I at least did what the ex said he wanted.  Fuck.

[Freeky]

So we're coming up on getting this child support shenanigans officialized.  I turned in my pretrial statement on the supposedly last day it was due last week.  The ex has yet to turn anything in, and may not be able to turn in any evidence because he didn't by the 29th (the clerk dude I talked to said he had up to the day of the actual trial to turn anything in, but I think that is an example of why you can't ask the clerks for legal advice). 

A couple days later I found out that Monkey had been given pepto bismo while he had a fever.  Words were exchanged.  Both of them are taking credit for the stunt, ex's ladyfriend because I guess she thinks she was helping, the ex because I was pretty firm about how lucky it is that Monkey only got a couple days of the shits (which I should have taken him to the hospital for, had I known he had had the stuff) and didn't get dead.

This is still on my ass, particularly because I don't think I can use this since it happened after the turn-in date, but this would be great evidence about why the ex should never ever ever be allowed to make a decision without letting me know.  That sounds a little extreme, but jesus fuck, he is INCAPABLE of telling me things like details.

God dammit I despise him.

[navkat]

Ladyfriend is taking credit for administering adult-preparation drugs to your son? Fine. You now have the right to say "Ladyfriend, you are not to "play parent" to Monkey again. Period. I have primary custody and therefore I have the right to make decisions about sitters, day care and other childcare arrangements. No offense but you are my son's father's girlfriend, not his wife and until your legal status in this matter is changed, this is the end of this discussion. I can not afford to allow every partner Monkey's daddy might decide to marry someday to experiment with perfecting her "mommy technique" using my kid as the guinea pig. When I see some sort of evidence of both of your commitment to legal permanence, then and only then will we deal you into this game. Until that occurs, focus on being a good girlfriend to my ex and a nice lady to my kid."

If they don't like this, bring it up in court. Enforcement of your parental decisions for minor child in your care is part of the deal.

You do not have to play ball with her anymore. You do not have to suffer her parenting suggestions or save her a seat at the table or "open lines of communication" with her. You do not even have a responsibility to "communicate properly" with her about childcare. It's not her kid.

There is a reason why people who aren't part of the family are incompetent...and it's not really even their fault. It's simply because people who are family have an stake in doing the right thing by their loved ones and are afraid of fucking up so they have a vested interest in checking their shit: reading food labels, reading medicine indications/contraindications, taking the effort to understand the child's needs and personality...you know, giving a fuck. She won't get this until she has one of her own or actually becomes stepmom and can't just hand him back and say "Ooopsie!" when he gets into the bleach.

[Triple Zero]

What a fuckhead!!

Hey I looked up Pepto-Bismol, and on Wikipedia it says it would cause constipation, not shits? And should never ever be given to kids because of some thing called "Reye's syndrome".

Don't they get a patient information leaflet with OTC drugs? That you should read, before taking it and ESPECIALLY when giving something to a child? Wouldn't not reading these leaflets already be enough proof maybe?

And what Navkat said.

(although I personally also give a fuck about kids that are not family?)

[AFK]

Don't they get a patient information leaflet with OTC drugs?

No.  If it isn't dispensed by a pharmacist you don't get a leaflet here in the States.  Companies are more or less covered by the warnings they put on the product itself. 

[navkat]

What a fuckhead!!

Hey I looked up Pepto-Bismol, and on Wikipedia it says it would cause constipation, not shits? And should never ever be given to kids because of some thing called "Reye's syndrome".

Don't they get a patient information leaflet with OTC drugs? That you should read, before taking it and ESPECIALLY when giving something to a child? Wouldn't not reading these leaflets already be enough proof maybe?

And what Navkat said.

(although I personally also give a fuck about kids that are not family?)

So do I and I'm sure the GF cares about the child but Mommy is ultimately responsible and at the end of the day, Monkey gets plopped back into Mommy's care. GF has already proven that she's not terribly worried about getting it wrong if she "tries this stuff" on Monkey.

Also: drugs can sometimes have paradoxical effects on children because children compensate for shock differently than adults. Basically, children seem fine, seem fine, seem fine and then CRASH, whereas adults have more clearly defined stages of compensated, non-compensated and irreversible shock. Its mechanism of action isn't clear but it contains salicylic acid (aspirin) and anti-inflammatory properties which means it messes with the balance/exchange of fluid between the vascular system and interstitial spaces/tissue.

If a child becomes hypervolemic, ↑BP and ↑Stroke Volume occur. The child's body may hyper-compensate for this by way of electrolytes/sodium balances, causing the child to dump a whole lot of water in a very short period of time. You never fucking know with pediatric pts, that's why we don't administer adult preparations to children, ever.

A mommy would know this, not because of some "instinct" or because she's naturally smarter, but because from the day she learned she was expecting to date, she's had it drilled into her head by everyone from doctors to family to just, plain getting into the swing of parenting and getting to know her child's unique physiological quirks and nuances.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I can't fucking believe they gave a 4-year-old a medicine containing aspirin. This is one of the basic "DO NEVAR"s that ALL PARENTS KNOW. That shit can kill them.

And they gave it to him without asking your permission, which is illegal.