So, I just grabbed a pack of post it notes...

[Doktor Howl]

Apparently, Staples doesn't have the consideration for their customers and is just fine with people jamming them in their own ears or chucking the whole packet at squirrels to keep them off the birdfeeders. Think of the children!

I do like how the box of staples notes that they are "chisel point for easier penetration"

Dull staples kill.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

I know someone that was using a stack of post its like a notebook and was always complaining that the sheets were tearing off.
When he was told it was supposed to do that he got this look on his face of such utter confusion that someone would want such a thing.

1.  UNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!

2.  I need them to leave people nasty notes on their monitors when they go to lunch.  Duh.

I feel a GASM coming on. 

I've been doing this for about 4 years.

"Dear Mike:  We voted.  You're an asshole."

"Hey Boss:  I backed into your Miata. Sorry.  - Mike"

"Ernie:  I need the EPA form 34FC25-001 TODAY"  <--- form does not exist.

"Filthy Assistant:  I just wanted to call you Filthy Assistant again."

I need a job not just as a regular source of income, but also as a regular source of shenanigans.

[Elder Iptuous]

...
"Hey Boss:  I backed into your Miata. Sorry.  - Mike"
...

append "it's pretty small. you probably won't even notice the damage"
see how long the inspection process takes.

[Freeky]

Oh!  Oh!  Try and disguise your handwriting, and then leave an anonymous, vague apology for something that will perplex them on their computer screen. 

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

I got something kinda like that.

The cut gloves we have to wear at work for cleaning the slicers and cutting sandwiches all have a tag on them that say "Not to be used with moving or serrated blades." Slicer blades move and sandwich knives are serrated.

My manager keeps bitching because the gloves keep ending up with holes in them, all the time and he has to order new gloves. He keeps ordering the same kind of glove.

[Don Coyote]

I got something kinda like that.

The cut gloves we have to wear at work for cleaning the slicers and cutting sandwiches all have a tag on them that say "Not to be used with moving or serrated blades." Slicer blades move and sandwich knives are serrated.

My manager keeps bitching because the gloves keep ending up with holes in them, all the time and he has to order new gloves. He keeps ordering the same kind of glove.

Have you pointed this out to him?

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

I got something kinda like that.

The cut gloves we have to wear at work for cleaning the slicers and cutting sandwiches all have a tag on them that say "Not to be used with moving or serrated blades." Slicer blades move and sandwich knives are serrated.

My manager keeps bitching because the gloves keep ending up with holes in them, all the time and he has to order new gloves. He keeps ordering the same kind of glove.

Have you pointed this out to him?

Every month for two years.

_{ETA: Fixed placement of my reply.}

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I got something kinda like that.

The cut gloves we have to wear at work for cleaning the slicers and cutting sandwiches all have a tag on them that say "Not to be used with moving or serrated blades." Slicer blades move and sandwich knives are serrated.

My manager keeps bitching because the gloves keep ending up with holes in them, all the time and he has to order new gloves. He keeps ordering the same kind of glove.

Every month for two years.
Have you pointed this out to him?

I worked a deli once. We had those cheapo disposable clear plastic gloves, kind of like what you get with a bottle of hair dye.
Because everybody knows keeping finger germs off of ancient, dessicated head cheese is more important than keeping employee's fingers imtactl:

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I know someone that was using a stack of post its like a notebook and was always complaining that the sheets were tearing off.
When he was told it was supposed to do that he got this look on his face of such utter confusion that someone would want such a thing.

AAHHHAHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Oh my god, the humanity!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh!  Oh!  Try and disguise your handwriting, and then leave an anonymous, vague apology for something that will perplex them on their computer screen.

I used to do this, only with cards, gift baskets, and flowers, on people's doorsteps.

I stopped when the economy went to shit. It's kind of an expensive hobby. But you can make it work with a couple dollar's worth of chocolate and a note that just says "I'm so sorry".

[navkat]

Why would they even do that?  Is there some other way to use them?  Is it not obvious enough???

Oh.  I usually peel off the back of the pack and stick the whole damn thing on my junk.


Now I know better!

So YOU'RE the guy!

Tell me how you change an automobile's fan belt.

Well, unless you're driving something from the NINETEEN-EIGHTIES (*snort*), you probably have a SERPENTINE BELT that runs everything (*snort-snarf*) and that's nearly IMPOSSIBLE without lifting out the ENTIRE ENGINE BLOCK.

[Don Coyote]

Why would they even do that?  Is there some other way to use them?  Is it not obvious enough???

Oh.  I usually peel off the back of the pack and stick the whole damn thing on my junk.


Now I know better!

So YOU'RE the guy!

Tell me how you change an automobile's fan belt.

Well, unless you're driving something from the NINETEEN-EIGHTIES (*snort*), you probably have a SERPENTINE BELT that runs everything (*snort-snarf*) and that's nearly IMPOSSIBLE without lifting out the ENTIRE ENGINE BLOCK.

Wait...you mean there are belts hiding in my engine?

[Deepthroat Chopra]

On a related (post) note, the security guy stuck an official (letterhead) notice on my filing cabinet two years ago.

Task Procedure -
* Open drawer to file or retrieve paperwork.

I shit you not. I enjoy pointing it out to people.

There's also a safety instruction -
* Do not stand on lower drawer to reach a higher level.

It's about four feet high.

There's people that make a living off of these things.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I worked at a supermarket deli once. They put up signs for the stupid people not to amputate the other stupid peoples' fingers like "BE A HERO - DON'T FORGET TO ZERO!" i.e., set the space between the slicer blade and the machine flush so it doesn't stick up.

Like anybody's putting their fucking HAND there.

[Don Coyote]

I worked at a supermarket deli once. They put up signs for the stupid people not to amputate the other stupid peoples' fingers like "BE A HERO - DON'T FORGET TO ZERO!" i.e., set the space between the slicer blade and the machine flush so it doesn't stick up.

Like anybody's putting their fucking HAND there.

I suspect the reason that sign was there was because someone somewhere did just that, whether accidentally or out of DERP. To me that sounds like, "DON'T LEAVE THE KITCHEN KNIVES SITTING OUT ON THE FUCKING COUNTER"