Using the Texas Definition of Expert, I am an Expert on Terrorism

[Doktor Howl]

Bought fabric at an American owned small business in Pawtucket, RI, then ordered embellishments from China on eBay.

I am weeping at your unabashed Americanism™.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

I cleaned the kitchen!

REAL AMERICAN™  women clean the kitchen.

Well done.  I assume you were, of course, barefoot at the time?

Dok,
Assumes you being knocked up might be pushing it.

I was barefoot!

I didn't vacuum in pearls, though, do I lose points for that?

[Doktor Howl]

I cleaned the kitchen!

REAL AMERICAN™  women clean the kitchen.

Well done.  I assume you were, of course, barefoot at the time?

Dok,
Assumes you being knocked up might be pushing it.

I was barefoot!

I didn't vacuum in pearls, though, do I lose points for that?

No, that's more of a style thing.

[Left]

I tried and failed to fix my car, took Mom up on offer to have it fixed.

...A Japanese car, but made in Ohio.

So that's reasonably AMERICAN.

I'm about to engage in homosexual activities though...

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Didn't Sen. Craig try to do that? I'd assume he's AMERICAN.

[Doktor Howl]

I tried and failed to fix my car, took Mom up on offer to have it fixed.

...A Japanese car, but made in Ohio.

So that's reasonably AMERICAN.

I'm about to engage in homosexual activities though...

TERRORIST AND STOPPING CHRISTIANS FROM PRACTICING THEIR RELIGION PROPERLY AND TERRORIST TERRORIST TERRORIST.

[Doktor Howl]

Didn't Sen. Craig try to do that? I'd assume he's AMERICAN.

That was just a wide stance.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Didn't Sen. Craig try to do that? I'd assume he's AMERICAN.

That was just a wide stance.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

I used software to look at a Teabagger's computer screen, ostensibly to help him resolve a technical issue, but in practice for him to waste 5 minutes of my life demonstrating that his email inbox was full of Teatard propaganda and that he was utterly incapable of reproducing, let alone articulating, the "technical issue" he called in about.

[Doktor Howl]

I used software to look at a Teabagger's computer screen, ostensibly to help him resolve a technical issue, but in practice for him to waste 5 minutes of my life demonstrating that his email inbox was full of Teatard propaganda and that he was utterly incapable of reproducing, let alone articulating, the "technical issue" he called in about.

TERRORIST.  You are supposed to hold his exceptional hand and fix his exceptional problem, WITHOUT deleting all the wholesome goodness in his mailbox.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I shampooed my buttcrack. Now it doesn't "crunch" when I sit down.

Also I've just added "buttcrack" to my spell checker dictionary 

[Cain]

Did you know the Texas definition is still more rigorous than the FBI definition of a terrorism expert, which seems to mostly involve being a whackadoodle Christian fundamentalist?

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Did you know the Texas definition is still more rigorous than the FBI definition of a terrorism expert, which seems to mostly involve being a whackadoodle Christian fundamentalist?

[Doktor Howl]

Did you know the Texas definition is still more rigorous than the FBI definition of a terrorism expert, which seems to mostly involve being a whackadoodle Christian fundamentalist?

AMERICAN™ AS FUCK!

[Doktor Howl]

I shampooed my buttcrack. Now it doesn't "crunch" when I sit down.

Also I've just added "buttcrack" to my spell checker dictionary 

I GOT NOTHING.