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Messages - Doktor Howl

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1
The very top of the fatberg.





3
*standing over a pit with a broken pipe in it*

Kevin:  "Jesus Christ, what the hell IS that thing?"

Me:  "That is what Englishmen call a 'fatberg'.  It is all the suet and grease flushed down from the kitchen, escaping through the broken pipe.  Then it eats the caliche and makes an ever-enlarging hole in the ground which may someday grow up to be a gigantic sinkhole, as the fatberg travels down."

Kevin:  "You're having me on."

Me:  "Google it.  On your phone.  Right now."

Kevin:  *does so*  "Urk."

Me:  "Yes, urk.  This is what happens when the former maintenance manager doesn't call for the pumping truck because the grease trap is always miraculously empty, despite the restaurant discharging something like 1000 gallons a day through this drain alone.  This is why he is no longer the maintenance manager."

Kevin:  "But you demoted him before you found this."

Me:  "Things like this.  We had a maintenance manager, but the maintenance was not being managed."

Billy:  *walks up* "Hey, I jumped in the car as soon as I heard."  *looks in pit*  "Okay, that's awesome."

Kevin:  "You guys LIKE this kinda thing?"

Me:  "It is the future of the human race, only down in a hole."

Kevin:  "..."

Billy:  "This is all normal, Kevin.  You know what's NOT normal?"

Kevin:  "No.  No I do not.  And I don't want to."

Billy:  "No, this is great."

Kevin:  *sticks fingers in ears* "IF I DON'T LISTEN, YOU CAN'T HURT MY BRAIN. LALALALA"

Billy:  "You can't pump these things out.  They have to be mechanically-extracted.  By which I mean, 'with shovels and chainsaws'."

Kevin:  "Stop."

Billy:  *turns to me*  "So who drew the short straw?"

Me: "Well, I just fired all of the low-performers."

Kevin:  *looks worried*

Me:  "So I guess we'll have to get some contractors.  Why are you looking at me that way, Kevin?  You have some value, even if you aren't serious about having a good time.  I am hardly going to feed you to the fatberg.  Even if it is just a baby.  6 feet by 6 feet by 4 feet or so.  All a man truly needs, in the end."

Kevin:  "I live in hell.  I can't stand it.  I'm taking a half day."  *walks off*

Billy:  "Was I ever that fragile?"

Me:  "No.  You disappointed me in other ways."

(Note:  Pic of the top end of the fatberg to be posted tonight.)

5
The funny part about this is that there are about 6 major players in American politics, and all of them have different maps for the same territory...And they don't bother looking at anyone else's map.

Government (appointed):  The purpose of money is to use it all up so you get the same budget next year.  The method is to spend every budgeted dime.

Government (elected):  The purpose of money is to get reelected and/or retire to a nation with loose extradition laws.  The method is to take bribes.

Business (non-financial):  The purpose of money is to make more money while spending as little as you can.  The method is shrink & devour, then downsize.  Also give bribes.

Business (financial):  The purpose of money is that it is money, and every digital or paper dollar is a small part of Mammon.  The method is black magic and the sacrifice of insufficiently-motivated traders, usually by defenestration.  Also give bribes.

Business (small):  The purpose of money is I BUILT THE THING.  The method is BUILDING THE THING.  If this is successful, see business (non-financial). If this is unsuccessful, see Lumpen Proletariat.

Lumpen Proletariat:  The purpose of money grind you to mincemeat paying for granny's oxygen bottle, little Timmy's insulin, and your bee/meth/whatever.  The method is to work demeaning jobs for peanuts, which leads you back to Government (appointed) for relief in the form of food stamps, etc.  You are also required to hate Government (appointed).

You will note that the media is not mentioned.  That is intentional.  They're not real.

6
Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / Re: Reality Safari: Gurdjieff
« on: Yesterday at 09:05:59 pm »
Agreed, but it helps me to periodically check in with how I'm compartmentalizing, and if the heuristics are still worth a damn.



In that case, they weren't.

Times you should be in the moment:  Spending an evening out with your wife, solving a problem, etc.

Times you should NOT be in the moment:  Listening to the teamwork consultant drone, that stink on the MBTS, etc

Times you ARE in the moment, whether you like it or not:  Getting a root canal, your brakes fail, etc.


7
Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / Re: Reality Safari: Gurdjieff
« on: Yesterday at 07:55:55 pm »
If God didn't want us to use the autopilot, he wouldn't have installed it.

On a serious note, there's a damn good reason we compartmentalize things.

8
Yeah, that I don't spend on rent and food will go towards the PhD fund, which is actually looking pretty healthy.  I may have to buy a house instead if property prices crash post-Brexit.

The American housing market is about to bubble again. Dunno how much that affected prices across the pond last time.

Funny story: the area I live in is one of the highest growth areas of the country. If I managed to sell my house (which I bought near the bottom of the last crash) at the peak of a good bubble, I could pretty much undo most of the bad decisions of my youth.

So I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Well they're back to bundling crappy mortgages and letting my friends buy houses, so you've probably got like six months if you actually wanna pull off that trick.

It used to take two generations before you could pull the same shitty trick.  It's been 12 years.  :lulz:

9
The ENTIRE market is looking a little scary right now.  The rise in the market can't possibly have enough liquidity to cover it, and the mode wage in the USA is now down to $18,250/year.

In short, the whole thing - the entire economy - is at the stern of the Titanic hooting and hollering about how fast they're rising.

10
....Or not.  Now it seems to be swirling around that Rosenstein isn't being fired or quitting at all.  Get your act together, media.

Apparently, he really wants to quit but can't bring himself to give the pigfucker the satisfaction.

11
Yeah, that I don't spend on rent and food will go towards the PhD fund, which is actually looking pretty healthy.  I may have to buy a house instead if property prices crash post-Brexit.

The American housing market is about to bubble again. Dunno how much that affected prices across the pond last time.

Ireland was a smoking crater for a while.

12
Apple Talk / Re: PICS VIII: 10% LARGER THAN PICS VII
« on: September 24, 2018, 05:38:28 am »

13
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« on: September 20, 2018, 05:12:57 pm »
Why?  I'll only die tired.

The most horrible thing about Howl is that I might not kill you.  Maybe you just wish for death, but death doesn't answer. 

I mean, seriously, LMNO...There's work to be done.

14
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« on: September 19, 2018, 09:03:39 pm »
Fuck Roger, thatís rough. Iím sorry.

Worse things have happened at sea.  I'll be fine for at least another 10 years, and during that ten years I will be a walking mass of altered chemistry and horrible glee.  I have decided to stop worrying about the future because it has sort of arrived.

I am in fact the face of the 21st century, and if you see me coming, you should run.

15
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« on: September 19, 2018, 09:01:54 pm »
Time for those damn transhumanists to follow through on their promises to give all of us biomech bodies.

It's hard to describe how much I hate transhumanists.  They are the libertarians of science, only dumber.  For every geek thinking up new extreme body modifications that serve no actual purpose, there are five Rachel Haywires bilking the gullible.  Most of them have a hard core belief that they will benefit from this sort of shit because they support it, the same way libertarians think if they just believe hard enough, they will one day be admitted to The Club.

They are all worthless, and we will one day march on their stupid, entitled bones.  Well, you will march.  I will ride my Captain Pike wheelchair thing, blinking "YES" every time I get a wheel on one of their pelvises.


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