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Messages - Suu

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Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Free Russian Orphans with Every Purchase
« on: February 22, 2018, 06:48:17 pm »
Dumbass FB friend posts link about "BBC MAKES SHOCKING DOCUMENTARY PROVING JESUS WAS A BUDDHIST MONK!", complains she can't find the documentary.

Me: That's because it's not real, and the BBC never did such a thing. It's satire.

Her: Yeah, but how do you know?

Five other people on her page: Wait, this is from "Lamb", by Christopher Moore.

Other guy: My dad's been talking about this for 30 years!

Her: OMG then it must be real!


Her: Ang, just because you're a historian doesn't mean you really know everything.


Her: But this documentary!

Me: It's not real! You're on a clickbaity website called "Earth We Are One", that has subheaders for exopolitics and self-help.

Her: But how do YOU know?

Me: ...You hate vaccines, don't you?


Or Kill Me / But really, though, what did you expect?
« on: February 20, 2018, 05:41:16 pm »
I really want to know why people expect more out of America. This was a nation that began because three kingdoms that absolutely hated each other had to be the first to land grab the continent and kill those that lived upon it for the sake of their own national interests. The English consisted of religious fanatics, political dissidents, corporate tradesmen, and violent prisoners. The Spanish were violent, cutthroat treasure hunters who forced Catholicism on the natives or else they got the hose again, and the French were...well, nobody likes the fucking French.

The Dutch? Nope. They didn't have a chance.

And that's just how it started.

The French and Spanish sell out, because they know a bad investment when they see one, and then the English, now Americans, get mad that there's people speaking French and Spanish TO THIS DAY. Even when the British stopped the slave trade, Americans kept fucking going, because they were instilled with the business sense of pure imperialism and domination over others by using the Bible as a fucking shield and a whip as the word of God.

Despite being founded by distinctly different cultures, the nation has never cared about the natives, never wanted to consider blacks equal, and has never welcomed immigrants. Ever. For something we allegedly take pride of, that whole "melting pot teeming refuge" rhetoric, it's all a grandiose scheme of bullshit. One designed to continuous build a superiority complex upon the bones of the "other".

Education? Who needs it! Just give us a sharp stick and a few F-35s, that'll learn the rest of the world. We're armed to the teeth, our kids kill each other on average twice a week, but if you so much touch those rights, everybody knows that Joseph McCarthy will come back from the grave, put his rotted boot of post-war anti-communist nationalism on our heads and remind us that if we even discuss various interpretations of the Constitution, Necro-Stalin will come over and Red Dawn becomes a real thing, except that the Russians are supposed to be our friends now. We're supposed to believe them while the top rated James Bond villain of all time has turned a nation that was really trying very hard to be almost stable back into an authoritarian nightmare because he's read his Machiavelli. Therefore, collusion? Nah. Not a thing, but watch out for Necro-Stalin and Lich-Lenin! They're the embodiment of anybody not-MAGA, and they're coming for your guns.

But enjoy those tasty Thanksgiving dinners and your kids in cute pilgrim costumes year after year, despite the fact you're dressing them up as the most oppressive and vicious people to set foot on New England soil before Red Sox fans. That fake nationalism is what makes American great. Lie to your children, keep lying. That is, if you aren't working 3 jobs a day and even have time to lie. Let the teachers lie, oh, they can't, they're too busy teaching to the goddamn test and uh, dying.

I say these things out loud, and I get pointed at as a reason for why we can't have nice things, and I even own a gun that's bigger than Ron Jeremy's. How DARE I read books! Women, get out of school and work, get back in the kitchen, and you pump those ovaries into overdrive, because Baby Jesus demands soldiers for the Motherland, as long as they're dripping with corporate sponsorship labels on their racing silks, they will be immune from fuckery. That's right, heffers, start your engines. Treat that uterus like a goddamn Thompson gun strapped with the ammunition of ONLY XX and XY Chromosomes. That's right, only straight, normal, healthy boys in blue and girls in pink are allowed. That's how the American God intended it. Back to that book, to the Spanish and English and French bayonets at the necks of the "other". Read it, eat it, or die. Praise the Lord, and pass the ammunition.

Shit ain't gonna get fixed. This shit is what we are, who we are. When you isolate the animals from the rest of the world, they evolve in their own, horrid way. Just look at Australia, just fucking look: spiders the size of the entire continent, and the platypus.

So, the next time you hear yourself go, "We need to fix this nation!" Remind yourselves that we weren't broken to begin with. This is just us, the New Normal is same Normal, just with extra Miracle Whip on the shit sammich. When evolution stops in one place, the rest of the world keeps turning.

Apple Talk / Re: Nazi Poetry
« on: February 15, 2018, 04:16:32 am »
There was a little Nazi named Dick
Who had a little frog as his schtick
He was talking to the press
and wound up a hot mess
If I was ANTIFA, him I would pick!

Apple Talk / Re: Dear Doktor:
« on: February 14, 2018, 01:36:44 am »
Dear Duke Doc Jezebel,

Problem is that I'm already native, except that part where I screamed at a palmetto bug yesterday, but the thing was at least 30 million years old and started singing selections from "A West Side Story". Jeff smashed him during his rendition of "Officer Krupke" and I just started laughing uncontrollably until I fell over the garbage can in the kitchen. He said he didn't hear him singing, but you know I'm telling the truth.

Raphaella lives in my part of town, but we're both too terrified to go outside and meet each other. There's Jacksonville out there.

I will inform Squid of your invitation, I haven't even finished unpacking the house. So I'm ready when you are. Put the brats on the grill.


Orange you glad I didn't make a Florida pun?

Apple Talk / Dear Doktor:
« on: February 13, 2018, 06:19:56 pm »
I've been back in Florida now for 3 weeks, and I already want to submit my body to medical science for the duration of my husband's tour; thinking some kind of magic, 36 month coma. I've been given condolences by the locals for moving from San Diego, and congratulations that we were able to get a house in Jacksonville so we didn't have to live in Georgia. Whatever that means.

Everything is upside down. I burned incense today, and it somehow managed to light the other end of the stick from where my flame was. I just let it happen. The entire nation has gone full potato, and Florida is wondering why people are so upset, it's only Tuesday, but the raccoons drove off with the food truck.

My husband is confused by the locals. I've had to tell him that it's a different kind of Normal here. The kind where table saw blades on routers in the wood shop is a regular sight and it's okay to insult Hillary Clinton on restaurant menus. The desert made him terrified of rain, and he's perplexed that it actually goes INTO the ground, instead of running into the streets and killing people. He saw his first alligator yesterday and didn't know what to do. I've taken on his case as a personal anthropological experiment, since I can't actually work here, being that intelligence is illegal. We did find a library that is open 3 minutes a week, so there's that.

I've become a local celebrity of sorts. As the Floridian that actually came back to Florida. I'm also hated because everybody says so. As least, that's what my brain is telling me in between the screams. I haven't been able to get to the shrink yet, because the government let private insurance companies touch Tricare and now it's Broken, but I'm told everything will be fine as long as I don't act crazy outside of the house, because Florida will lock you up for 72 hours to make sure that you didn't catch brain eating amoebas from taking a shower. The tap water smells like bleach and tastes like the aquifer. Jeff keeps drinking it, even after I told him not to. Now we all know what happens next.

I guess I'm trying to say that I'm okay, for now. It's a whole hell of a lot of fun getting your life taken from you, because somebody with power had a bad night with his wife and took it out on your husband using a dart board and blindfold.

I can't wait until Hurricane Season, because I really don't like this house.


Apple Talk / Re: people still post on forums, technically
« on: September 12, 2017, 06:43:19 am »
No we don't.

Oh look, Ron Paul vomited Wikileaks on the thread and wants us to take him seriously.

You see thats the opposite of what I want. Primary advantage of being far-right, it keeps out LARPing liberals who care more about virtue signalling than accomplishing things, if they even care about that at all. Can you even imagine people who blubber about safespaces and microaggressions ever pulling off something like this? Taking over one of the major political parties? When someone on the left gets doxxed and harrassed they get an inbox full of mean words. When someone on the Alt-Right does, they call your schools, they call your workplaces and they make sure you have no chance of a future ever again. Then you get no asspats, you get no teary-eyed interviews, you get a chorus of people happy that it happened because youre mean to them on the internet. No one who is in this isnt serious. They might be stupid, but they dont LARP. And thats why we are the GOP now.

Oh. Okay.


Oh look, Ron Paul vomited Wikileaks on the thread and wants us to take him seriously.

She's calmed down a bit. Apparently the Feds know who the fuckers are, so they're being dealt with. Not that this makes it any easier. My bro took her to the range this week to brush up on her shooting skills, just in case. She doesn't have her CCP, which is required in FL, so she can't actually carry to work. It sounds like she seems confident the police are going to be running detail shifts, since the FBI has been so active about it.

Of course, the worst part isn't the election itself. It's going to be the day after. She's flying out here on the 12th, so hopefully she can get a bit of a vacation after this fucked up season.

My friend doing the same gig in Kansas City has flat out said the whole thing has been a "Trumpster Fire", and consider how red Missouri is, I could only imagine.

Apple Talk / Re: Academia Ghetto Thread
« on: October 26, 2016, 06:26:07 pm »
I got nothin' but that I was on campus 82 hours last week. :kingmeh:

At least it appears that my students are improving, which was the goal.

I know that feel.

Did the financial aid situation work itself out?

Apple Talk / Re: Academia Ghetto Thread
« on: October 26, 2016, 05:34:40 am »
My page is fluctuating between the top 2-3% of profiles. Some of my papers up there aren't that great, so I'm surprised they're getting hits at all.

The Crusades have been a hot topic lately, though. My short paper on Geoffrey de Villehardouin is my most popular piece, and it's being downloaded a lot by students back at UNH, so I ran a search on this semester's courses, and shonuff, one of my former profs and thesis committee Russian Judge is teaching the Crusades this semester. My guess is that he just hit the 4th Crusade. Last year at this time, we had a student in the colloquium use my paper for his piece on Villehardouin, so I at least hope I'm being cited (I BETTER be cited) and that the prof gets to see my name as a source.  :lulz: He's a great instructor though, really, he's just tough as nails. I wonder if there's a sense of pride, or dread, in seeing former students' work being used by current students. It certainly was hilarious sitting in the colloquium last year and listening to the undergrad present his paper.

I was asked to present my thesis research at the International Congress of Medieval Studies in Kalamazoo next May. I'm flattered and terrified, because this is basically Medievalpalooza, including the live music. Some of my academic heroes will be there, and you can't really fangirl out when it comes to Peter Frankopan like you can with a comic artist.

In other, more sad news, I've lost library and database access through UNH. I can get it back with an alumni library card, but they require me to physically go to the library on campus to apply for one, probably for identification purposes. Why the hell didn't they tell us this before we left? It's a bummer, really, because there's a few things I'm working on right now, including a paper on cotton cultivation in Medieval Anatolia, and a short article on purple dye.  That, and work, is why I haven't been posting on the boards as much. I can get some database access through CSU, but not the ILL privileges like I had at UNH. Ugh, time to get cozy with the San Diego Public Library.

Add another marker to the "election violence is inevitable" column then.

In other news, trumps campaign manager is apparently posting things that make her look good at the expense of.... trump. One person noted that she's a contractor and therefore unlikely to get paid even in the outside chance of a win.

He's already getting in hot water for not paying a lot of people on his staff. I don't know what he expects will happen. You don't exactly win an Atlantic City jackpot becoming the President, and if Trump is half as rich as he pretends to be, the $425k taxed salary for president doesn't exactly do anything for his coffers.

Thank god your brother was there and armed at least.  This shit is only going to get crazier and worse...especially since it looks like Florida may flip this year.  Are there any upcoming votes after the election?

It looks like the state is putting all of its referenda on the November ballot. Which is basically what California does, and now I am staring at a ballot of 10 propositions and a dozen local referenda, on TOP of presidential, congressional, and state legislative candidates.

Legalization of marijuana is on both states' ballots, that's another thing driving the looneys to the polls, but the odds of California flipping to red is near impossible unless the handful of Trump supporters from the Central Valley decided to take over the cities and force women and brown people to stay home.

I'm actually pissed I have to vote in CA, I applied for an absentee ballot for NH, and it was not processed, so I had to scramble to get my signature to the election board here in San Diego by the deadline, yesterday. I'm not really up on the issues here just yet, and a lot of them are really, uh, California. Prop 60 mandates that condoms must be used in the film of porn movies filmed in state. It's interesting to see a state so invested in having true democratic votes in the lawmaking process, but at the same time, I feel like some things just don't need to go into the public's hands. There's also a prop for background checks involving ammunition sales. If that passes (and if Hillary wins), the 2nd Amendment freaks are going to go ballistic and blame CA on everything, as usual.

I was of the mind that he probably died like 30 years ago, and somebody was ghostwriting his shit.

Apple Talk / Re: We need to fkn saint Chuck Tingle already
« on: October 25, 2016, 02:57:42 am »
There's no point in sainting a god.

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