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The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Nightmares, with Spags.
« Last post by Doktor Howl on Yesterday at 07:26:30 pm »
Part 1

EoC pushes the cart.  You are strapped to the cart.  The ball gag is strapped to your mouth.

"MMMM", you say, in a conversational tone.

"Yes, yes," he replies, "But your paperwork was not in order."


"Well, there's not much to be done for it now," he says, as he wrestles the cart up the church steps, "In you go."  He tips the cart foward, and you are upright, facing into the church. 

Oh, and you are also facing LMNO, who smiles at you.  It's a smile that has perhaps too much good cheer.

"Ho ho ho!" He says, "What have we got here?  Another miscreant, perhaps?  Another wretched soul that just couldn't quite manage the social compact?"

"Mmm  MMM Mmmm."

"Well, yes, of course you have an excuse.   Everyone has one of those."  He gets behind the cart and starts pushing you though the nave.  "You know, a few decades ago, I knew a guy like you."


"Didn't end well, I'm afraid.  He tripped on the curb and got sucked up through the bristles of a street-sweeping truck.  Clearly a case of God's will.  But anyway, he always said he was just trying to have a good time.  He kept trying to explain himself...Which never works, and is of course why you are wearing a gag."

"MMM mmm Mmm?"

"You'll find out.  I'd hate to ruin the surprise."

He wheels you through into the apse, and sets the cart upright again.  You watch as he gets a crowbar and starts prying at the flagstones.  He levers a large one up, exposing a narrow staircase. 


"No, there's no Nessies down there.  They're extinct, you may recall, if they ever existed at all."  He walks back behind the cart, and lever it forward.  "Grit your teeth." 

He shoves the cart down the stairs.  There is very little clearance...So little, in fact, that the cart doesn't flip over, as you bounce your way down. 

You emerge in a low-ceilinged crypt.  A tunnel slopes downward on the other side of the room.  A slender woman with long, straight hair walks into your field of view.

"Another dumbass, eh?  This is worse than San Antonio, anymore."


"You knew the risks when you took the job.  Hang on, I'm gonna have a drink."  She picks up a bag, and reaches into it.  Her hand emerges, holding a chem-light.  "What the fuck is this?" She asks, then leans past you toward the stairs.  "WHERE'S THE BOOZE, LMNO?  DO I LOOK LIKE THE KIND OF GAL WHO DRINKS CHEM-LIGHT JUICE?"

There is muffled laughter from up the stairs behind you.

"Oh," she says, "I'm gonna whup on that boy.  But first..."  She pushes the cart into the sloped tunnel. 

You begin to accelerate, as the cart rolls down the strangely cobweb-free tunnel.  Ahead of you, you can see a pinpoint of light, which begins to grow as you draw near.  You are going fast now, frighteningly fast, but you know you deserve this for your crimes.  For your inability to follow simple regulations.  For your big, fat, stupid mouth that you somehow never used to tell a bastard WHAT.

The light is blinding now, and you shoot out of the tunnel and into daylight.  You are rolling down a road, and slowing down as the wheels make a grinding noise on the blacktop.  You settle to a stop.

A blond lady walks up and loosens the straps binding you to the cart.

"Keep the gag in," she says, "Nobody wants to hear it." 

She helps you up, and you look around.  It's very bright outside, cruelly hot, and the street signs say "4th Avenue" and "Speedway".

She smiles at you.  It isn't a nice smile.

"Welcome home," she says.

Literate Chaotic / Re: Don't Break The Chain
« Last post by Cainad (dec.) on Yesterday at 07:05:14 pm »
Understandable. Best to start when it doesn't feel like work. I'm trying this as an exercise to gently get my creative writing neurons to dust off and starting working again, after years of bleh.
Literate Chaotic / Re: Don't Break The Chain
« Last post by Doktor Howl on Yesterday at 06:54:58 pm »
So I recently learned that there's this thing called "Don't Break The Chain"

I ignored most of the details but the gist of it is that you make one tiny little bit of creativity every day, and try to not miss a day.

This bit of creativity can be anything, but obviously an Internet forum is best suited to writing. And whatever you make can be really, really small. If you're writing, it can be a sentence. It doesn't have to be good in the slightest, or related to whatever you made the previous day.

I'd like people to start using this thread to post the Links in their Chain, as it were. If something causes inspiration and you'd like to expand on something, make a new topic and link back to the post in this thread.

I do want to try this, but I'm on a bit of a hiatus from creativity, on account of burn out.

Being racist is wrong, but there nevertheless is a case for the idea that racial slurs are inherently funny.

That theory doesn't take into account power flows; i.e. "Punching Up" v. "Punching Down".

Cruelty towards those of lesser status/power/privilege only produces humor if the comedy is pointed at the one who has power. To use slurs in a first-person way is to make the teller the object of ridicule. This was not GC's attitude, so one can only conclude he was not attempting humor, he was being a dickbag.
Just to clarify, "OPEN BAR" means "place to shout out random shit that's going in your life," right?

Actually, OPEN BAR is where my followers come to worship me.

What's really sad is that GC is 24 years old, and still thinks racial slurs are funny.

I missed that controversy. Was he actually racist, or did he literally merely "think racial slurs are funny"?

Being racist is wrong, but there nevertheless is a case for the idea that racial slurs are inherently funny.

Under a theory of humor advanced by the cartoonist Scott Adams (the creator of Dilbert) Meanness/Cruelty is one of the six basic elements of humor; the other five being Naughtiness/Crudeness, Cuteness, Bizarreness, Cleverness, and Recognizability. Under his theory anything combining at least two of these elements is more likely fumny than not.
Just to clarify, "OPEN BAR" means "place to shout out random shit that's going in your life," right?

Wrong. We have an agenda. A very sinister and conspiratorial one. This thread is all code.

Related: Yesterday morning my housemate said "The worst part is that I got it on my gay arm, and it isn't even gay! It's just douchey!"

The rainbow thingy?
The brain is nothing but a computer in  the same way a moose is nothing but a little red wagon.
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