Category Archives: Discordianism

23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait

bizarre, Discordianism, Eris, Humour, Lulz, Operation:Mindfuck, society

Here is a PDF which can be printed as a tri-fold pamphlet. It contains subversive thought about robots, cabbages, and Discordians.

23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait

(also available in .doc so you can edit it for your own purposes)

This pamphlet is designed to be left in places where people will read it while bored. Leave them on trains, busses, the stops associated with both, waiting rooms, or anywhere where people have a little bit of time and are bored.

If you’re feeling evangelical, you can even hand them to strangers. Personally, I like to carry around some to trade with other people who are handing out propaganda.

Goals for One Line Meme Bombs

counterculture, Dada, debate, Discordianism, forums, Law and Disorder, Operation:Mindfuck, society

I’ve been plastering White Plains NY with memetic masterpieces on and off for almost a year now. A wguke ago, I made The Meme Bomb Collection, Volume Aleph, and it got me thinking about the meme bombs we’ve been generating.

A lot of the meme bombs we’ve come up with are effective in that they are self-contained information packages which in themselves suggest an attitude or position.

My favorite meme bombs are the ones which…

–Give the reader pause. It’s really easy to get lost in the “zombie lurch”, the “9-5 crawl”, the “pedestrian trance”, or whatever you want to call it. I like meme bombs which jar the reader out of that and make them suddenly focus on the present moment rather than where they’re going. Some meme bombs which accomplish this are ones which successfully address the reader. “Hey! You, in the Khakis!” (if you’re actually wearing khakis, it might be startling).

–Suggest something bigger going on. Such as “Congratulations! You’ve just found clue #3! The man in the green jacket will tell you what to do next.” These meme bombs make reality seem a little bit weirder than the pedestrian might expect. Is there some crazy game going on? When and where is it happening?

–Provoke critical thought. Such as “miscarriage is manslaughter“. When taken at face value their meaning seems clear – but they actually suggest something else entirely.

–Add some levity or humor to the reader’s day. I really wish people would stop taking their day-to-day shit so seriously. Sometimes hearing a joke or seeing a funny graphic right in the middle of your walk back from lunch is exactly what you need. The BIP refers to this as rearranging the machine’s local components to (hopefully, eventually) provoke a change in the whole system.

–The Absurd and the Surreal. The Principia calls these Mondos. like “If the telephone rings today, water it!” At first they seem to make sense, but the more you think about them the less sense they make. Personally, I get these phrases stuck in my head all day. “The womb is a prison – FETUS LIBERATION FRONT!”

I like meme bombs which appear friendly or light. Some of the meme bombs developed by the PD Community are hostile and bitter, or preachy and cerebral. Frankly, far left propaganda tastes just as bad to me as far right propaganda, so I dislike political meme bombs. I also dislike the ones which specifically seek to make people feel worse without provoking action. (such as: “Your wife is cheating on you.“)

I also feel that graphics and icons are essential to getting the reader’s attention. An attractive visual packaging makes the memebomb more likely to be remembered.

An ideal memebomb is something which the reader will repeat to others. Little kernels of wisdom are good for this, but I feel that most of them are a bit too dense or “heavy” to pierce the pedestrian trance.

a discussion from PD about memes and graffiti follows…

Continue reading Goals for One Line Meme Bombs →

Discordians in History

children of Eris, Discordianism, Uncategorized

Discordians in the Middle Ages

Discordians flourished between the fifth and fifteenth century. This was a period of great cultural, political, and economic change in Europe – change which Discordians violently shook like a collicy infant.

Discordian Writings

It it not known whether medieval Discordians were literate. They commonly wrote in the incomprehensible Zwack alphabet. Discordians held that most people, even nobles and priests, were too hunchbrained to make any sense of their baffling script. Contemporary cryptologists believe Zwack to be incomprehensible gibberish, but modern Discordians hold that these scholars are merely too hunchbrained to make sense of their baffling script.

The Inquisition

In 1478, the Spanish Inquisition was begun by King Ferdinand of Aragon and Queen Isabella of Castile. Although it was not publicly revealed until after his death, one of Ferdinand’s advisors, Peter Pie the Pious, was a Discordian saint. St. Pie pushed King Ferdinand to seek out converts from Judaism and Islam residing Spain. The inquisition was originally intended as a distraction from St. Pie’s major project, sleeping with Queen Isabella. The inquisition rapidly got out of hand as zealots began burning heretics.

Despite his success with Isabella, St. Pie was saddened by these violent developments. He made a private apology to the Discordians of Spain, but it was lost on them as they were busy being burned to death. Wracked with guilt, he fell on his sword in 1490. His final words were “Fili Prius meretrix,” or “Bros before hos”.

Discordians in Colonial America: The Witch Trials

In 1692, Discordians invented the first game of SINK when the Queche Quidditch Qabal threw Goodwife Tabatha Croft in the Connecticut river. When the local constable demanded an explanation, Rev. Sandwitch of Bologna replied that they were testing to see if she was a witch. The constable thought this was such a good idea, he brought his wife to the river and tested her for witchiness. This meme spread and evolved until all the women in town were soaking wet. Later, they were burned at the stake.

The common failing of all would-be political agitators

Discordianism, Humour, Lulz, media culture, politics, rant, satire

“Centurion, why do they titter so?”
“Just some…uh, Jewish joke, sir.”
– The Life of Brian

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: “O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.” And God granted it.
– Voltaire

I’ve noticed something of a trend when it comes to politics.  And that is that people think they can use half-assed political slogans along with some pathetic emotional appeal to try and sway peoples opinions.  For example, look at the common refrain from the morons at Democratic Underground: “Bush lied, people died.”

OK, it is pretty much true, as a trend.  If we take the name Bush to cover his administration appointments, including those in the Office of Special Plans (who doctored evidence in the run up to the Iraq war), you have a case.  But does just mindlessly shouting it across the political debating forums of the internet actually convince anyone to forego their support of the Administration?  I’d be very surprised if it did.  Rather, it makes the supporters of the pro-abortion War Party look almost as mindless as the supporters of the anti-abortion War Party, which puts off any freethinking individual and reduces both sides to shouting pre-made soundbites at each other.  I mean, really.  You could script robots to do this shit.

And its not just in America.  Anywhere there is someone who is, on the face of it, is pretty much a complete and utter asshole, those who dislike them try to paint them as Satan incarnate.  It doesn’t matter if this is Hugo Chavez, Putin or Blair.  Same reasoning applies, show them to be powerful, yet utterly evil.

Does anyone actually fall for that shit?  Really?

Because to me, it looks like those on the other side are just affirming the power of the person they hate, from an opposite direction.  Powerful people will always have vocal supporters, simply because being on side with those in power has many rewards.  The moral character, or lack of it, is rarely questioned along the entire political spectrum, what with people being convinced their own political ideology is the only moral one.

Lets face it, if you really want to cut someone down to size, you have to make them a figure of fun.

Its the only antidote to emotionally fuelled political debate, which is 90% of all debate nowadays.  Instead of affirming the object of your dislike is powerful, you portray him as a bumbling fool.  You highlight the hilarious inconsistencies in their thinking, and you then convince people around you to laugh at them.  Never directly engage in so-called debates on the pros and cons of any given policy, instead concentrate on using those policies as ammunition against that person.

I know what you’re going to say.  “But people have already tried this Cain, and it hasn’t worked.”  Well I disagree, they haven’t tried hard enough.  Look at those ridiculous Bushisms people, for example.  The book turned from halfway amusing into textual analysis of policy in about 10 pages.  There was no cutting edge to it, there was no satire.  It was just the idiotic sayings of a man who commanded the world’s most powerful military.  The world has seen Caligula’s before now.  The only way they laughed at them is in a helpless “well, we’re fucked now” way.  There was no opposition, no defiance.

There is an old American proverb, “use your wit as a shield, and not as a dagger.”  Its one I totally disagree with.  Use your wit precisely as you would a dagger.  Back in the bad old days of the Hashishin, an acolyte would be given only a dagger, to make a public execution of the cult’s enemies.  Almost always, they struck in the most public place possible, in the most public way possible.  Friday, outside the mosque, with everyone watching.

That is exactly the attitude a competent political agitator should take.  If you can’t mock them to their face, perhaps you should take up a safer past time, like jogging?  Cut them down to size.  Make them a figure of ridicule.  Try to move outside party based bullshit, make their supporters look like idiots by association.

A person who is widely considered a laughing stock is not going to command respect, regardless of how much power they have.  And in an age where substance is nothing and image is everything, in such an age, humour is king.

Eris On The Subject Of: Golden Apples

Discordianism, Eris, Humour, rant, religion

As ambassador of Eris on this planet I bring you a message from Our Lady:

Enough with the golden apples already. Apples are nauseating, and moreover, I detest gold. The golden apple I tossed into that fucking wedding was sarcastic, dammit, and was used in a context which is lost today. The Garden of the Hesperides was the Farrah Hair of that time. If you have a personal thing for golden apples, knock yourself out, but stop attributing them to Me. You look like twits, and you bring me down by association.

Cabbages and Greyfaces

Discordianism, philosophy, ,

One day I was storming down the street howling to the skies and mud about the greyfaces that assaulted me on a daily basis, when I suddenly heard someone nearby howling louder than myself.  It wasn’t hard to spot the gnarled old bastard with a face like a chewed caramel zigzagging back and forth across the streets grabbing people by their ears and bellowing “IS ANYONE THERE?” into their faces, then turning to someone else and repeating the same procedure.  One after the other after the other . . . I watched, stunned, wondering why the people being screamed at didn’t take offense.  If someone grabbed me by the ears and screamed into my face he would be swiftly introduced to my good friend Mr. Steel-Toe Boot, but these people seemed to swoon, and then stare off into space in a daze.

I had to find out what was going on.

Eventually the old coot made his way toward me and grabbed for my ears.  Before he could take hold I said, Yes, I am here.  What do you want?

The old man didn’t blink an eye but just grabbed me by the shoulder and walked me onto a quieter side street.  Thank the goddess, he said, sputtering and breathing hard.  I thought I was the only one left, he added.

The only what?  I asked.  He turned his paper-slit eyes toward me and said:  The only person left.

The only person? But what about all the people you were shouting at??  I asked.  For a few moments he stared blankly at me, as if he hadn’t heard what I said.  Those weren’t people, he said finally, they were Cabbages.

Cabbages?  I asked.  They looked like people to me.  The old man laughed.  Of course they looked like people, Cabbages look exactly like people.  They walk like people, they talk like people, they eat like people, they sleep like people, they go to work like people, they see movies like people, they watch tv like people, they read books like people . . . they are the best copies of people you’ll ever see.  But they are not people, my son, they are most assuredly Cabbages.

What’s the difference?  I asked.  He leaned toward me, and said:  People dream, my boy, people question.  People think.  People play.  People laugh.  Look at these poor souls, sleepwalking through life . . . they think they’re people, but they are vegetables.  Blind, ridiculous, vegetables.

Ah ha, I said with glee.  I know many Cabbages, my life is full of them, and they are the bane of my existence!  I know them as Greyfaces!

No!  the old man said quickly.  Do not mistake the two . . . Greyfaces and Cabbages are not the same, except when they are.  Greyfaces are much more dangerous.

Dangerous?  I asked.  How?

Well, let me ask you this, he said, which would you be most wary of . . . a sleeping dog, or a dog having a nightmare?

I suppose a dog having a nightmare, I said.  The old man smiled.  Exactly, he said.  A Greyface is a Cabbage who is living a nightmare.  The Greyface’s nightmare is truly terrifying.  He is told that the world will crumble around him if all do not think and act exactly as he does, the only sane person on the face of the planet, and will stop at nothing to ensure that his nightmare doesn’t come true.  Greyfaces believe the world is humorless and product-driven.  He believes there is a way to draw a perfect circle and you damned well better find out how, or pay the price.  Never turn your back on the Greyface, my son.

I pondered this.  So, I said after a while, those I referred to as Greyfaces were actually Cabbages?

I don’t know them personally, the old man said, but I would imagine they were.  Almost everyone you meet is a Cabbage.

What’s the difference, I asked the old man.

All Greyfaces are Cabbages, he said, but not all Cabbages are Greyfaces.  Some Cabbages wake up and become real people, some even become Children of the Goddess if they are very on the ball . . . but Greyfaces rarely become people.

How do I know if I’m a Cabbage?  I asked.

He stood up, and patted me on the shoulder.  Son, the Cabbages never even ask that.

The old man began to walk away from me, toward an older lady.  I could see his fingers twitching with anticipation at the thought of grabbing hold of her ears.  WAIT!  I called out to him, What is your name?

He turned back to me briefly.  Coleslaw, he said.  For, I shred the cabbage of people’s minds.

Our Lady of Discord – Under Attack!

Articles by others, Discordianism, Indecision 08, Operation:Mindfuck, politics

GUYS, THE INTERNETS ARE NOT ASSISTING OUR LADY OF DISCORD, HILLARY CLINTON, ACHIEVE MAXIMUM LULZ AS PRESIDENT OF THESE UNITED STATES. She is falling far behind in polls and funds. She is breaking down emotionally almost twice a month. Her mascara is running. She has been making crazy talk about getting a boob job. She has been having sex with Bill again. EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART FOR HER. This election season should be a time for America to HEAL, but nobody will let Nurse Clinton take care of our country.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP HILLARY. Her campaign is accepting DONATIONS OF ALL SHAPES AND SIZES at this address:

Hillary Clinton for President
PO Box 1781
Merrifield, VA 22116-9965

She is accepting money, but it may be too late for that. DISCOFLUX.COM ENCOURAGES YOU TO SEND THE FOLLOWING ITEMS INSTEAD:

– Socks
– Canned food
– Kleenex (generic preferred)
– Tiny violins
– Paper airplanes made from Hillary Clinton campaign fliers
– Matchbox cars
– Cleaning supplies
– RAZORBLADES
– Condolence cards

THERE ISN’T MUCH TIME LEFT. ACT NOW, OR THE

ESTABLISHMENT MIGHT LOSE THIS ELECTION.

STATUS QUO GO!

– Vexati0n 

The Legend of Zaurn The Grey

Discordianism, philosophy, ,

by: Tabula Rasa, KSC
El Kabong Kabal

1. When the world was still young and called Pangaea by the gods, a man came from out of the sea clad in robes of black and scarlet, his hair was long and brilliant ivory white; his skin a powdery light grey; his eyes golden. He beheld the inhabitants of Pangaea: little more than Hairless Apes, with no idea of Intelligence; Consciousness; Morality; Illumination; Credit Rating . . . these were little more than common animals. He pulled himself up to his full height, placed his slim smooth hand onto his chest, and said in a strong, beautiful melodious tone: ZAURN. The Hairless Apes looked up at him, scratched their heads, scratched their crotches, sniffed their hands, then looked back up at Zaurn the Wise. Zaurn pointed at one of the Hairless Apes, and said forcefully: MAN. Then, he placed his hand back on his own chest and repeated: ZAURN. One ape scratched his chin, cocked his head to the side and repeated: “Zaurn.” Thus was communication known to Humanity.

2. Soon after the Hairless Apes conquered speech Zaurn the Magnificent blew their minds anew. He wrote on a nearby wall his name, which at that time was spelled: IA. He gestured to the name, IA, then told the Hairless Apes that it referred to himself. One ape scratched his balls, approached the writing on the wall, pointed to it, then pointed at Zaurn the Brilliant, saying “Zaurn.” Thus was writing and graffito known to Humanity.

3. Zaurn then instructed the Hairless Apes that they really must name everything, for If It Is Not Named: It Does Not Exist. The apes quickly began to name everything around them, with various levels of success: if a good word didn’t immediately present itself they would make up a word on the spot, such as “boob” or “diarrhea”, thinking a better word would eventually present itself in the future.

4. Zaurn the Verbose was pleased, and his golden eyes twinkled, but mentioned that there was still much more for the Hairless Apes to learn, for he had yet to teach them about the important concepts of RIGHT and WRONG, which were intrinsically intertwined with the heavy concepts of GOOD and EVIL . . . it would take a long time to explain these Objective Truths to the apes, and an even longer time to get into the esoteric concepts of WORK and LAZINESS, not to mention such crucial topics as NORMALCY.

5. Once the apes knew what was RIGHT and what was WRONG, Zaurn the Grey was truly delighted: the Hairless Apes were both Free and Trapped simultaneously, just as EIEIO, the Goddess of All had intended. EIEIO, the Great Kaos, had sent Zaurn the Grey to the Hairless Apes to both free and ensnare their minds: giving them the gifts of speech and communication so that they may be able to form thoughts and thus become more than they are;, while at the same time having these thoughts bind and constrict their ideas, through endless labeling and defining so that it takes true imagination and magick to break beyond.

The Parable of the Cat

Discordianism, philosophy

by Requiem

A cat sat scratching at the door, asking to be let out.

“But it is cold outside” said the human.

To which the cat began to meow loudly.

“But you could get hurt.” Said the human.

To which the cat threatened to hork a fhairball on the human’s shoes.

“Fine” said the human, who opened the door.

To which the cat ignored, and went into the kitchen.