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FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST

Started by Cramulus, June 22, 2010, 02:44:42 PM

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Triple Zero

#885
January 17, 2012, 11:52:37 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on January 17, 2012, 09:24:50 PM"Pip pip, I politely consumed 4 kilograms of oranges minus, if you don't count the inedible rinds. Goodness!"

Stop using metric as if you know what it means!

Net ate approximately 3700 mSv of oranges!
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

Luna

#886
January 18, 2012, 12:00:05 AM
Quote from: Cramulus on January 17, 2012, 09:35:36 PM
IT A GOD DAMN FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST

YES, YOU COULD EAT A COMPARABLE VOLUME OF CLEMENTINES, GRAPES, STRAWBERRY DAIQUIRIS, FLINTSTONES VITAMINS, FRUIT SNACKS, EDIBLE UNDERWEAR, SNOZBERRIES, MERKINS, WHATEVER, BUT YOU WILL NOT WIN THE FUCKING FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST

I'm down for the strawberry daiquiri contest.   :p
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#887
January 18, 2012, 12:00:17 AM
Quote from: Doktor M. Phox0 on January 17, 2012, 09:32:02 PM
Quote from: Iptuous on January 17, 2012, 09:20:55 PM
why isn't this by weight anyways?
it's not like there isn't a scale right there at the point of purchase for the stuff....
i mean, i might participate in the next bout of Pyrrhic citrus glory, but i specialize in clementine guzzling.  it would hardly be fair of me to count each of those diminutive pearls of pH punishment on the level with the hulking and clumsy navel cannonballs....
I think Valencias counted as 3/4 of a navel last time, right? So if we came up with a fair measure for Clementines...

I actually think that calls for a whole different contest.

Also, I think that last time (after the contest) we ruled that from now on it's Navels to Navels, or Valencias to Valencias, but the two should never be mixed within a contest. Something about Valencias being juicier as well as smaller, I think.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#888
January 18, 2012, 12:00:39 AM
Quote from: Cramulus on January 17, 2012, 09:35:36 PM
IT A GOD DAMN FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST

YES, YOU COULD EAT A COMPARABLE VOLUME OF CLEMENTINES, GRAPES, STRAWBERRY DAIQUIRIS, FLINTSTONES VITAMINS, FRUIT SNACKS, EDIBLE UNDERWEAR, SNOZBERRIES, MERKINS, WHATEVER, BUT YOU WILL NOT WIN THE FUCKING FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST

Also, this.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#889
January 18, 2012, 12:02:25 AM
Also, I SWEAR TO GOD I would enjoy the hell out of WATCHING a sardine-eating contest, but I like my bowels to function so there is no fucking way I would compete. That would be like participating in a fucking cheese and banana eating contest. I know EXACTLY what happens when you eat too many sardines, and it is roughly exactly the opposite of what happens when you eat too many oranges so NO, THANK YOU.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞

#890
January 18, 2012, 12:13:05 AM
Quote from: Nast on January 17, 2012, 08:38:51 AM
Oh gosh Net! Glad you're alive.

Was it a stomach ulcer?

It most likely wasn't an ulcer. I had been taking a lot, but not excessive amounts, of ibuprofen last week which I now know weakens the lining of your stomach. There were two different doctors' opinions on what was bleeding, either my stomach or my esophagus (from barfing up such a large quantity of fibrous matter).

I just slept for about 18 hours, feel even better today and am preparing to go to work.

Again, thank you all for expressing your concern and support which was relayed to me yesterday by Cram.

I'm still composing a little debriefing that I'll post tonight after my shift is over, as well as responses to the superb posts that I don't have time right now to properly show my appreciation for.

I'm also still chuckling.
P E R   A S P E R A   A D   A S T R A

East Coast Hustle

#891
January 18, 2012, 12:17:44 AM
Quote from: Khara on January 17, 2012, 08:24:51 PM
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on January 17, 2012, 08:23:51 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 17, 2012, 05:12:29 PM
The first time around, Cram shit his pance.

The second time, Nigel proved she is UberFrau.

Now, Net pukes blood and is hospitalized.

HOW DO WE TOP OURSELVES NEXT TIME?

If you guys weren't such wimps you'd join me in the Grape Eating Contest.

See now I could eat a shit ton of grapes if they were so damned expensive.  Especially if credit were given for juice...  :lulz:

nope, has to be grapes. And not those pussy seedless ones either. You should be able to find them pretty cheap at a farmers market, if they're grown anywhere nearby. I ended up getting about 25+ pounds of them for $17. And I ate about 3 pounds of them in one evening (Grape Eating Contest goes by weight, not like those silly oranges).

I spent the next 2 days power-shitting copious piles of grape pulp. Oranges are nothing.

NOTHING, I SAY.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Triple Zero

#892
January 18, 2012, 12:22:10 AM
Quote from: Net on January 18, 2012, 12:13:05 AM
Quote from: Nast on January 17, 2012, 08:38:51 AM
Oh gosh Net! Glad you're alive.

Was it a stomach ulcer?

It most likely wasn't an ulcer. I had been taking a lot, but not excessive amounts, of ibuprofen last week which I now know weakens the lining of your stomach. There were two different doctors' opinions on what was bleeding, either my stomach or my esophagus (from barfing up such a large quantity of fibrous matter).

I just slept for about 18 hours, feel even better today and am preparing to go to work.

Again, thank you all for expressing your concern and support which was relayed to me yesterday by Cram.

I'm still composing a little debriefing that I'll post tonight after my shift is over, as well as responses to the superb posts that I don't have time right now to properly show my appreciation for.

I'm also still chuckling.

:mittens:

I also changed your avatar, Willy Wonka style except oranges instead of blueberries.

(I still got the old one, will change it back if you want)
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

Cramulus

#893
January 18, 2012, 03:19:46 AM
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on January 18, 2012, 12:17:44 AM
Quote from: Khara on January 17, 2012, 08:24:51 PM
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on January 17, 2012, 08:23:51 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 17, 2012, 05:12:29 PM
The first time around, Cram shit his pance.

The second time, Nigel proved she is UberFrau.

Now, Net pukes blood and is hospitalized.

HOW DO WE TOP OURSELVES NEXT TIME?

If you guys weren't such wimps you'd join me in the Grape Eating Contest.

See now I could eat a shit ton of grapes if they were so damned expensive.  Especially if credit were given for juice...  :lulz:

nope, has to be grapes. And not those pussy seedless ones either. You should be able to find them pretty cheap at a farmers market, if they're grown anywhere nearby. I ended up getting about 25+ pounds of them for $17. And I ate about 3 pounds of them in one evening (Grape Eating Contest goes by weight, not like those silly oranges).

I spent the next 2 days power-shitting copious piles of grape pulp. Oranges are nothing.

NOTHING, I SAY.

The lovecraftian horrors I flushed down the toilet at 5, 8, and 11 AM today rattled my sanity. But you're right - oranges are just the tip of the iceberg. I quiver at the mere thought of THE GRAPES OF WRATHSHIT.

bds

#894
January 18, 2012, 07:50:52 AM
I would be SO down for grapes! I love the little squishy shit-devils.

navkat

#895
January 18, 2012, 01:45:37 PM
Cantelope seems relatively innocuous...and not too unpleasant to vom.

Slurrealist

#896
January 18, 2012, 02:02:02 PM
Just reading the whole thread filled my gastrointestinal  tract with unpleasant burning sensations the entry to the exit.
I know that causing a lot of physical harm to your body is one of the ways to get out from one of the biggest BIPs, but this is just fucking insane.
For the next round, I recommend almonds.
"You're free, and freedom is beautiful. It will take time to restore chaos...but we will..."

EK WAFFLR

#897
January 18, 2012, 04:10:44 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 17, 2012, 09:17:50 PM
The only good thing that came of this was that we turned Waffle Iron into a Murriken by means of senseless gluttony.

What the cock is a Murriken? Some sort of Tusconian Merkin?
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]

Elder Iptuous

#898
January 18, 2012, 04:14:05 PM
he meant 'murriken.
it is our fashion to increase efficiency by dropping the preceeding 'Uh'.

EK WAFFLR

#899
January 18, 2012, 05:20:55 PM
Quote from: Iptuous on January 18, 2012, 04:14:05 PM
he meant 'murriken.
it is our fashion to increase efficiency by dropping the preceeding 'Uh'.

Of course. Silly me. When do I get my green card?
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]
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