Author Topic: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST  (Read 108586 times)

Triple Zero

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Re: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST
« Reply #885 on: January 17, 2012, 11:52:37 pm »
"Pip pip, I politely consumed 4 kilograms of oranges minus, if you don't count the inedible rinds. Goodness!"

Stop using metric as if you know what it means!

Net ate approximately 3700 mSv of oranges!
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Luna

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Re: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST
« Reply #886 on: January 18, 2012, 12:00:05 am »
IT A GOD DAMN FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST

YES, YOU COULD EAT A COMPARABLE VOLUME OF CLEMENTINES, GRAPES, STRAWBERRY DAIQUIRIS, FLINTSTONES VITAMINS, FRUIT SNACKS, EDIBLE UNDERWEAR, SNOZBERRIES, MERKINS, WHATEVER, BUT YOU WILL NOT WIN THE FUCKING FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST


I'm down for the strawberry daiquiri contest.   :p
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Re: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST
« Reply #887 on: January 18, 2012, 12:00:17 am »
why isn't this by weight anyways?
it's not like there isn't a scale right there at the point of purchase for the stuff....
i mean, i might participate in the next bout of Pyrrhic citrus glory, but i specialize in clementine guzzling.  it would hardly be fair of me to count each of those diminutive pearls of pH punishment on the level with the hulking and clumsy navel cannonballs....
I think Valencias counted as 3/4 of a navel last time, right? So if we came up with a fair measure for Clementines...

I actually think that calls for a whole different contest.

Also, I think that last time (after the contest) we ruled that from now on it's Navels to Navels, or Valencias to Valencias, but the two should never be mixed within a contest. Something about Valencias being juicier as well as smaller, I think.
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Re: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST
« Reply #888 on: January 18, 2012, 12:00:39 am »
IT A GOD DAMN FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST

YES, YOU COULD EAT A COMPARABLE VOLUME OF CLEMENTINES, GRAPES, STRAWBERRY DAIQUIRIS, FLINTSTONES VITAMINS, FRUIT SNACKS, EDIBLE UNDERWEAR, SNOZBERRIES, MERKINS, WHATEVER, BUT YOU WILL NOT WIN THE FUCKING FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST


Also, this.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


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Re: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST
« Reply #889 on: January 18, 2012, 12:02:25 am »
Also, I SWEAR TO GOD I would enjoy the hell out of WATCHING a sardine-eating contest, but I like my bowels to function so there is no fucking way I would compete. That would be like participating in a fucking cheese and banana eating contest. I know EXACTLY what happens when you eat too many sardines, and it is roughly exactly the opposite of what happens when you eat too many oranges so NO, THANK YOU.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


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Re: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST
« Reply #890 on: January 18, 2012, 12:13:05 am »
Oh gosh Net! Glad you're alive.

Was it a stomach ulcer?

It most likely wasn't an ulcer. I had been taking a lot, but not excessive amounts, of ibuprofen last week which I now know weakens the lining of your stomach. There were two different doctors' opinions on what was bleeding, either my stomach or my esophagus (from barfing up such a large quantity of fibrous matter).

I just slept for about 18 hours, feel even better today and am preparing to go to work.

Again, thank you all for expressing your concern and support which was relayed to me yesterday by Cram.

I'm still composing a little debriefing that I'll post tonight after my shift is over, as well as responses to the superb posts that I don't have time right now to properly show my appreciation for.

I'm also still chuckling.
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Re: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST
« Reply #891 on: January 18, 2012, 12:17:44 am »
The first time around, Cram shit his pance.

The second time, Nigel proved she is UberFrau.

Now, Net pukes blood and is hospitalized.

HOW DO WE TOP OURSELVES NEXT TIME?

If you guys weren't such wimps you'd join me in the Grape Eating Contest.

See now I could eat a shit ton of grapes if they were so damned expensive.  Especially if credit were given for juice...  :lulz:

nope, has to be grapes. And not those pussy seedless ones either. You should be able to find them pretty cheap at a farmers market, if they're grown anywhere nearby. I ended up getting about 25+ pounds of them for $17. And I ate about 3 pounds of them in one evening (Grape Eating Contest goes by weight, not like those silly oranges).

I spent the next 2 days power-shitting copious piles of grape pulp. Oranges are nothing.

NOTHING, I SAY.
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Triple Zero

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Re: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST
« Reply #892 on: January 18, 2012, 12:22:10 am »
Oh gosh Net! Glad you're alive.

Was it a stomach ulcer?

It most likely wasn't an ulcer. I had been taking a lot, but not excessive amounts, of ibuprofen last week which I now know weakens the lining of your stomach. There were two different doctors' opinions on what was bleeding, either my stomach or my esophagus (from barfing up such a large quantity of fibrous matter).

I just slept for about 18 hours, feel even better today and am preparing to go to work.

Again, thank you all for expressing your concern and support which was relayed to me yesterday by Cram.

I'm still composing a little debriefing that I'll post tonight after my shift is over, as well as responses to the superb posts that I don't have time right now to properly show my appreciation for.

I'm also still chuckling.

:mittens:

I also changed your avatar, Willy Wonka style except oranges instead of blueberries.

(I still got the old one, will change it back if you want)
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Cramulus

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Re: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST
« Reply #893 on: January 18, 2012, 03:19:46 am »
The first time around, Cram shit his pance.

The second time, Nigel proved she is UberFrau.

Now, Net pukes blood and is hospitalized.

HOW DO WE TOP OURSELVES NEXT TIME?

If you guys weren't such wimps you'd join me in the Grape Eating Contest.

See now I could eat a shit ton of grapes if they were so damned expensive.  Especially if credit were given for juice...  :lulz:

nope, has to be grapes. And not those pussy seedless ones either. You should be able to find them pretty cheap at a farmers market, if they're grown anywhere nearby. I ended up getting about 25+ pounds of them for $17. And I ate about 3 pounds of them in one evening (Grape Eating Contest goes by weight, not like those silly oranges).

I spent the next 2 days power-shitting copious piles of grape pulp. Oranges are nothing.

NOTHING, I SAY.

The lovecraftian horrors I flushed down the toilet at 5, 8, and 11 AM today rattled my sanity. But you're right - oranges are just the tip of the iceberg. I quiver at the mere thought of THE GRAPES OF WRATHSHIT.

bds

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Re: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST
« Reply #894 on: January 18, 2012, 07:50:52 am »
I would be SO down for grapes! I love the little squishy shit-devils.

navkat

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Re: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST
« Reply #895 on: January 18, 2012, 01:45:37 pm »
Cantelope seems relatively innocuous...and not too unpleasant to vom.

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Re: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST
« Reply #896 on: January 18, 2012, 02:02:02 pm »
Just reading the whole thread filled my gastrointestinal  tract with unpleasant burning sensations the entry to the exit.
I know that causing a lot of physical harm to your body is one of the ways to get out from one of the biggest BIPs, but this is just fucking insane.
For the next round, I recommend almonds.
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Re: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST
« Reply #897 on: January 18, 2012, 04:10:44 pm »
The only good thing that came of this was that we turned Waffle Iron into a Murriken by means of senseless gluttony.

What the cock is a Murriken? Some sort of Tusconian Merkin?
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Elder Iptuous

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Re: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST
« Reply #898 on: January 18, 2012, 04:14:05 pm »
he meant 'murriken.
it is our fashion to increase efficiency by dropping the preceeding 'Uh'.

EK WAFFLR

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Re: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST
« Reply #899 on: January 18, 2012, 05:20:55 pm »
he meant 'murriken.
it is our fashion to increase efficiency by dropping the preceeding 'Uh'.

Of course. Silly me. When do I get my green card?
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