TGRR's Relationship Advice Thread.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Dear Reverend;

I have my first date tonight in too many years to admit openly.    Any advice to keep me from making a complete ass out of myself and still carry on a conversation.  Having "drinks" at 7 and I am (at least at this moment) smart enough to NOT drink more than one drink.

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I'll PM you, because this thread is apparently now about HEARTACHE, IT AIN'T NOTHING BUT A HEARTBREAK...

Sorry Roger, I'll chill the fuck out on it. Plus, depending on how the upcoming week goes, I'll probably be asking you for more relationship advice, you being my love guru and all.

ALWAYS THE BRIDESMAID GURU, NEVER TEH BRIDE MEAT PUPPET. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Dear Reverend;

I have my first date tonight in too many years to admit openly.    Any advice to keep me from making a complete ass out of myself and still carry on a conversation.  Having "drinks" at 7 and I am (at least at this moment) smart enough to NOT drink more than one drink.

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I'll PM you, because this thread is apparently now about HEARTACHE, IT AIN'T NOTHING BUT A HEARTBREAK...

Sorry Roger, I'll chill the fuck out on it. Plus, depending on how the upcoming week goes, I'll probably be asking you for more relationship advice, you being my love guru and all.

ALWAYS THE BRIDESMAID GURU, NEVER TEH BRIDE MEAT PUPPET. 

It's a dirty job, but someone has to provide guidance to us mere mortals. We keep fucking everything all up.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Dear Reverend;

I have my first date tonight in too many years to admit openly.    Any advice to keep me from making a complete ass out of myself and still carry on a conversation.  Having "drinks" at 7 and I am (at least at this moment) smart enough to NOT drink more than one drink.

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I'll PM you, because this thread is apparently now about HEARTACHE, IT AIN'T NOTHING BUT A HEARTBREAK...

Sorry Roger, I'll chill the fuck out on it. Plus, depending on how the upcoming week goes, I'll probably be asking you for more relationship advice, you being my love guru and all.

ALWAYS THE BRIDESMAID GURU, NEVER TEH BRIDE MEAT PUPPET. 

It's a dirty job, but someone has to provide guidance to us mere mortals. We keep fucking everything all up.

Um.

We Holy Men™ fuck everything up even worse.

"YOU CAN'T JUST GO AND GET MARRIED WHEN I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU!"

*WHACK*  <---scalpel hitting table beside silverware.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Dear Reverend;

I have my first date tonight in too many years to admit openly.    Any advice to keep me from making a complete ass out of myself and still carry on a conversation.  Having "drinks" at 7 and I am (at least at this moment) smart enough to NOT drink more than one drink.

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I'll PM you, because this thread is apparently now about HEARTACHE, IT AIN'T NOTHING BUT A HEARTBREAK...

Sorry Roger, I'll chill the fuck out on it. Plus, depending on how the upcoming week goes, I'll probably be asking you for more relationship advice, you being my love guru and all.

ALWAYS THE BRIDESMAID GURU, NEVER TEH BRIDE MEAT PUPPET. 

It's a dirty job, but someone has to provide guidance to us mere mortals. We keep fucking everything all up.

Um.

We Holy Men™ fuck everything up even worse.

"YOU CAN'T JUST GO AND GET MARRIED WHEN I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU!"

*WHACK*  <---scalpel hitting table beside silverware.

Yeah, but at least you fuck it up in interesting ways.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Dear Reverend;

I have my first date tonight in too many years to admit openly.    Any advice to keep me from making a complete ass out of myself and still carry on a conversation.  Having "drinks" at 7 and I am (at least at this moment) smart enough to NOT drink more than one drink.

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I'll PM you, because this thread is apparently now about HEARTACHE, IT AIN'T NOTHING BUT A HEARTBREAK...

Sorry Roger, I'll chill the fuck out on it. Plus, depending on how the upcoming week goes, I'll probably be asking you for more relationship advice, you being my love guru and all.

ALWAYS THE BRIDESMAID GURU, NEVER TEH BRIDE MEAT PUPPET. 

It's a dirty job, but someone has to provide guidance to us mere mortals. We keep fucking everything all up.

Um.

We Holy Men™ fuck everything up even worse.

"YOU CAN'T JUST GO AND GET MARRIED WHEN I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU!"

*WHACK*  <---scalpel hitting table beside silverware.

Yeah, but at least you fuck it up in interesting ways.

That's mostly because I'm stupid and lack survival instincts.   

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Dear Reverend;

I have my first date tonight in too many years to admit openly.    Any advice to keep me from making a complete ass out of myself and still carry on a conversation.  Having "drinks" at 7 and I am (at least at this moment) smart enough to NOT drink more than one drink.

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I'll PM you, because this thread is apparently now about HEARTACHE, IT AIN'T NOTHING BUT A HEARTBREAK...

Sorry Roger, I'll chill the fuck out on it. Plus, depending on how the upcoming week goes, I'll probably be asking you for more relationship advice, you being my love guru and all.

ALWAYS THE BRIDESMAID GURU, NEVER TEH BRIDE MEAT PUPPET. 

It's a dirty job, but someone has to provide guidance to us mere mortals. We keep fucking everything all up.

Um.

We Holy Men™ fuck everything up even worse.

"YOU CAN'T JUST GO AND GET MARRIED WHEN I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU!"

*WHACK*  <---scalpel hitting table beside silverware.

Yeah, but at least you fuck it up in interesting ways.

That's mostly because I'm stupid and lack survival instincts.   

This is what makes you a Holy Man™!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

This is what makes you a Holy Man™!

Historically speaking, I'm on pretty solid ground, here.

[Lenin McCarthy]

I'm a shy and somewhat socially dysfunctional teenager. Where can I get one of those pussy magnets?

You can't.  They are being withheld by the FDA until their crack ICP team discovers how they function.

Now, if you want to meet a girl, allow me to suggest that you talk to some girls.  In real life.

Aw man, that's too bad. I'll have to do it the hard way then. 
Thank you very much for the advice anyway, Good Reverend!

I've been doing it the hard way for a while now, actually. Depending on my level of desperation, how much I drink and where I set my standards, a breakthrough should be expected in everything from a couple of days to never. Until that happens, just having discovered 3.5 billion potential friends is good enough for me.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

OK, so I have a question. I have not heard from EOT since Tuesday morning. I have been texting him as normal. It is not unusual at all for him to be out of touch for a couple of days at a time. At what point am I justified in starting to worry?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

OK, so I have a question. I have not heard from EOT since Tuesday morning. I have been texting him as normal. It is not unusual at all for him to be out of touch for a couple of days at a time. At what point am I justified in starting to worry?

A couple more days.

Then there's this lady I know, she has this scalpel, see...

TGRR,
PLEASE...PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE ME

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

OK, so I have a question. I have not heard from EOT since Tuesday morning. I have been texting him as normal. It is not unusual at all for him to be out of touch for a couple of days at a time. At what point am I justified in starting to worry?

A couple more days.

Then there's this lady I know, she has this scalpel, see...

TGRR,
PLEASE...PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE ME

[The Good Reverend Roger]

OK, so I have a question. I have not heard from EOT since Tuesday morning. I have been texting him as normal. It is not unusual at all for him to be out of touch for a couple of days at a time. At what point am I justified in starting to worry?

A couple more days.

Then there's this lady I know, she has this scalpel, see...

TGRR,
PLEASE...PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE ME

P!nk songs are the best stalking tool since Facebook.   

[PopeTom]

Dear Reverend,

Near as I can tell there are only two way for a relationship to end.

1) Breakup
2) Someone dies

Are there other ways for a relationship to end I am unaware of?

[Kai]

Dear Reverend,

Near as I can tell there are only two way for a relationship to end.

1) Breakup
2) Someone dies

Are there other ways for a relationship to end I am unaware of?

BabylonHorv would probably say, "decomposition".


Ooooo, that was bad. I feel bad now.

[Freeky]

Dear Reverend;

I have my first date tonight in too many years to admit openly.    Any advice to keep me from making a complete ass out of myself and still carry on a conversation.  Having "drinks" at 7 and I am (at least at this moment) smart enough to NOT drink more than one drink.

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

!!!!  GOOD LUCK!