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Too much coke.../ colagasm?

Started by Oysters Rockefeller, March 15, 2012, 04:41:44 AM

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Oysters Rockefeller

Bam! http://finance.yahoo.com/news/cola-giants-carcinogenic-row-190022574.html
Also: Bam! http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-57393386-10391704/coca-cola-to-revise-levels-of-4-mi-chemical-in-u.s-sodas-amid-cancer-concerns/
This is kind of interesting. On one hand, I'm inclined not to believe a major corporation that says its products don't cause cancer. On the other hand, the American Beverage Association ran a study saying it doesn't, and we have no reason to distrust them.

Just kidding! The American Beverage Association seems to be run by people with an interest in helping soft drink manufacturers. Go figure.

The FDA is still reviewing it, so we'll see what happens.

Personally, I thought it'd be excellent to have a bunch of discordians send in mail asking coca cola to continue putting carcinogens in its American products, and suggest new carcinogens they could add.

Thoughts on any of this?
Well, my gynecologist committed suicide...
----------------------
I'm nothing if not kind of ridiculous and a little hard to take seriously.
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Moar liek Oysters Cockefeller, amirite?!

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Don Coyote

Limited edition Asbestos flavored Coke?

Junkenstein

Polonium. Refreshing taste and a real money saver on haircuts.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

navkat

I came here bc I thought it was drugs.

Oysters Rockefeller

Quote from: Junkenstein on March 15, 2012, 05:37:00 AM
Polonium. Refreshing taste and a real money saver on haircuts.

It can have Marie Curie on the box!
Well, my gynecologist committed suicide...
----------------------
I'm nothing if not kind of ridiculous and a little hard to take seriously.
----------------------
Moar liek Oysters Cockefeller, amirite?!

LMNO


AFK

Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

East Coast Hustle

Quote from: What's-His-Name? on March 15, 2012, 01:42:46 PM
Liquid Nicotine. 

They actually made that for a while a few years back, though it was bottled water laced with nicotine and not soda.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

AFK

That doesn't surprise me at all. 
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

Junkenstein

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on March 15, 2012, 01:31:28 PM
New product:  Coke GLOW.

Oh that's gold. The marketing slogans write themselves.





Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Forsooth

"Due to cancerous substances in the batch, production Coca-Cola has been temporarily halted. However, there is the exciting new Coca-Cola Yellow flavor! Available from any crazy naked man near you!."

Oysters Rockefeller

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on March 15, 2012, 01:31:28 PM
New product:  Coke GLOW.

That...that is too perfect. I'm afraid it'll exist soon.
Well, my gynecologist committed suicide...
----------------------
I'm nothing if not kind of ridiculous and a little hard to take seriously.
----------------------
Moar liek Oysters Cockefeller, amirite?!

Oysters Rockefeller

Alright...I think this is what I'm going to send in. I just wish I had a couple more double entendres in there. Thoughts?


To Whom it may concern,

   I have been a coke consumer for neigh on multiple years now, and I was fairly upset when your company was wrongfully accused of poisoning customers! Personally, the addition of allegedly carcinogenic caramel coloring is something I wouldn't want to miss out on. As a long time consumer, I'm asking you not to take this away from American stores. The fact that other countries are able to obtain the ingredient while Americans miss out is bordering on the most offensive kind of racism. Not only would I like to be able to purchase REAL, NATURAL coke, but I would fully support any movement to add similar ingredients to your already lip-tingling concoction. Some of the ingredients I would recommend are:
Paradichlorobenzene
Perchloroethylene
quaternium 15
formaldehyde
Talc
trisodium nitrilotriacetate
And nicotine

   Thank you for your time. I know you only have so much time to answer these letters and, as a customer, I also have very little time (because I have to buy more coke!).
   I can't feel my legs,
      - Ostras "Rocky" Rockefeller  (Hail Eris?)
Well, my gynecologist committed suicide...
----------------------
I'm nothing if not kind of ridiculous and a little hard to take seriously.
----------------------
Moar liek Oysters Cockefeller, amirite?!

Phox

Quote from: Oysters Rockefeller on March 15, 2012, 09:43:16 PM
Alright...I think this is what I'm going to send in. I just wish I had a couple more double entendres in there. Thoughts?


To Whom it may concern,

   I have been a coke consumer for neigh on multiple years now, and I was fairly upset when your company was wrongfully accused of poisoning customers! Personally, the addition of allegedly carcinogenic caramel coloring is something I wouldn't want to miss out on. As a long time consumer, I'm asking you not to take this away from American stores. The fact that other countries are able to obtain the ingredient while Americans miss out is bordering on the most offensive kind of racism. Not only would I like to be able to purchase REAL, NATURAL coke, but I would fully support any movement to add similar ingredients to your already lip-tingling concoction. Some of the ingredients I would recommend are:
Paradichlorobenzene
Perchloroethylene
quaternium 15
formaldehyde
Talc
trisodium nitrilotriacetate
And nicotine

   Thank you for your time. I know you only have so much time to answer these letters and, as a customer, I also have very little time (because I have to buy more coke!).
   I can't feel my legs,
      - Ostras "Rocky" Rockefeller  (Hail Eris?)
YES.