Too much coke.../ colagasm?

[Oysters Rockefeller]

Bam! http://finance.yahoo.com/news/cola-giants-carcinogenic-row-190022574.html
Also: Bam! http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-57393386-10391704/coca-cola-to-revise-levels-of-4-mi-chemical-in-u.s-sodas-amid-cancer-concerns/
This is kind of interesting. On one hand, I'm inclined not to believe a major corporation that says its products don't cause cancer. On the other hand, the American Beverage Association ran a study saying it doesn't, and we have no reason to distrust them.

Just kidding! The American Beverage Association seems to be run by people with an interest in helping soft drink manufacturers. Go figure.

The FDA is still reviewing it, so we'll see what happens.

Personally, I thought it'd be excellent to have a bunch of discordians send in mail asking coca cola to continue putting carcinogens in its American products, and suggest new carcinogens they could add.

Thoughts on any of this?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

  I actually like this idea.

[Don Coyote]

Limited edition Asbestos flavored Coke?

[Junkenstein]

Polonium. Refreshing taste and a real money saver on haircuts.

[navkat]

I came here bc I thought it was drugs.

[Oysters Rockefeller]

Polonium. Refreshing taste and a real money saver on haircuts.

It can have Marie Curie on the box!

[LMNO]

New product:  Coke GLOW.

[AFK]

Liquid Nicotine. 

[East Coast Hustle]

Liquid Nicotine. 

They actually made that for a while a few years back, though it was bottled water laced with nicotine and not soda.

[AFK]

That doesn't surprise me at all. 

[Junkenstein]

New product:  Coke GLOW.

Oh that's gold. The marketing slogans write themselves.

[Forsooth]

"Due to cancerous substances in the batch, production Coca-Cola has been temporarily halted. However, there is the exciting new Coca-Cola Yellow flavor! Available from any crazy naked man near you!."

[Oysters Rockefeller]

New product:  Coke GLOW.

That...that is too perfect. I'm afraid it'll exist soon.

[Oysters Rockefeller]

Alright...I think this is what I'm going to send in. I just wish I had a couple more double entendres in there. Thoughts?


To Whom it may concern,

   I have been a coke consumer for neigh on multiple years now, and I was fairly upset when your company was wrongfully accused of poisoning customers! Personally, the addition of allegedly carcinogenic caramel coloring is something I wouldn't want to miss out on. As a long time consumer, I'm asking you not to take this away from American stores. The fact that other countries are able to obtain the ingredient while Americans miss out is bordering on the most offensive kind of racism. Not only would I like to be able to purchase REAL, NATURAL coke, but I would fully support any movement to add similar ingredients to your already lip-tingling concoction. Some of the ingredients I would recommend are:
Paradichlorobenzene
Perchloroethylene
quaternium 15
formaldehyde
Talc
trisodium nitrilotriacetate
And nicotine

   Thank you for your time. I know you only have so much time to answer these letters and, as a customer, I also have very little time (because I have to buy more coke!).
   I can't feel my legs,
      - Ostras "Rocky" Rockefeller  (Hail Eris?)

[Phox]

Alright...I think this is what I'm going to send in. I just wish I had a couple more double entendres in there. Thoughts?


To Whom it may concern,

   I have been a coke consumer for neigh on multiple years now, and I was fairly upset when your company was wrongfully accused of poisoning customers! Personally, the addition of allegedly carcinogenic caramel coloring is something I wouldn't want to miss out on. As a long time consumer, I'm asking you not to take this away from American stores. The fact that other countries are able to obtain the ingredient while Americans miss out is bordering on the most offensive kind of racism. Not only would I like to be able to purchase REAL, NATURAL coke, but I would fully support any movement to add similar ingredients to your already lip-tingling concoction. Some of the ingredients I would recommend are:
Paradichlorobenzene
Perchloroethylene
quaternium 15
formaldehyde
Talc
trisodium nitrilotriacetate
And nicotine

   Thank you for your time. I know you only have so much time to answer these letters and, as a customer, I also have very little time (because I have to buy more coke!).
   I can't feel my legs,
      - Ostras "Rocky" Rockefeller  (Hail Eris?)

YES.