Author Topic: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.  (Read 7592 times)

Suu

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/babblecom/my-wife-is-expecting-twins_b_3141819.html

Quote
I've been doing some spying lately, casually asking friends and acquaintances about their experiences with having twins.

A buddy from college said of the first year: "Think of the worst thing you can imagine. That's what it was like."

An industry contact back from maternity leave said: "I literally couldn't wait to get back to work. Every weekend is way too long."

A former colleague was more blunt: "Twins were always my worst nightmare."

And now it's my and my wife's nightmare; we're expecting twins this August.

To say we're excited would be an exaggeration. More truthfully, we're pissed. And terrified, and angry, and guilty, and regretful. Why regretful? Because we brought this on ourselves. This is what we wanted, so to speak.

We already have a son, and he's wonderful. But my wife and I each have a sibling, and we wanted him to share that experience. We desperately tried to get pregnant for nearly two years, first the natural way, then via several IUIs (intrauterine inseminations). But getting pregnant when you're both pushing 40 is sort of like trying to blow up the Death Star; it's possible, but you need the perfect shot. Each month we checked my wife's fertility; had forced, dispassionate, purely functional sex; and struck out. It hurt worse every time and caused us both to become more jaded than ever. It affected our relationship, and not in a "this-will-bring-us-closer-than-ever" kind of way.

Each IUI (and we tried three or four) was even worse. Oh, how I miss the cup sex and rushing to the fertility clinic, knowing that I probably wasn't the only one on the subway carrying a jar of semen in my bag. (I never did figure out what exactly was appropriate to masturbate to: A bigger house? Moving to the suburbs?)

And then came the decision to try IVF (in vitro fertilization). Given our ages, we knew the odds were only one in four. And with each shot costing like $10,000, we knew this was money that wasn't going to go toward our house, the kids' college fund, or any other future plans. We also knew each failed attempt would add more cracks in the foundation of our relationship.

Thankfully, we nailed it on the first try. But while we were hoping for one girl, instead we got two boys. My initial reaction was full of disappointment, anger, fear, and guilt. My wife, who had been dreading the possibility of twins for weeks, took it worse. In her mind, this was her fault, since she'd encouraged the fertility doctors to put in two embryos to stack the deck.

As horrible as this might sound, we found ourselves wishing these twins away.

We considered a reduction for about 30 seconds. (That's essentially an abortion of one twin, not both.) If you thought that IVF involved playing God, a reduction felt beyond brazen -- Machiavellian, even. Give us a reason, we thought, as we had the twins tested for genetic anomalies. None came.

Two blessings, two bundles of joy. How could you not be happy, you ask? Of course I'm sympathetic to people who can't get pregnant, or who spend a couple of years trying IVF after IVF. But having kids is a selfish endeavor, and in these cases it's all very relative and highly personal. In our case, my wife and I know better than to think that life with three children is going to be perfect.

When our first son was born, I was naïve. I remember thinking it was going to be nice to be home for a while and have some time off. I couldn't have been more wrong. Those first six weeks were brutal. Then the colic arrived. Two months later, we were shattered, frazzled, damaged. Two years later, our son was still waking up for hours on end in the middle of the night. Three years later, we still struggle mightily with a boy who's fiercely strong-willed and seems to inherently know that crying pushes our buttons.

Our fear is not the new parent fear of the unknown. It's the smart, informed fear of the known. Our biggest nightmare is that we'll have colic again, or double colic. This time around, we're counting down -- not like expecting parents but like cancer patients with only months to live. Enjoy life while you can, for soon it's double the diapers, double the feedings. Half of zero sleep is ... less than zero?

So tell me how this isn't going to suck. (Did I mention we live in a one-bedroom apartment?) Sure, in 10 years I could have close to a starting five of super-athletic, NBA-hopeful alpha males living under my roof smelling up the joint. But right now it's hard for us to see twins as good news.

I'm trying not to be so bitter and to embrace what's ahead of us. It's possible these kids will sleep at some point, I suppose. In the meantime, I've promised to stop referring to one of the boys as "extra" and have told my wife I will try to refrain from calling my first-born son "the free one."

With four months left to go, I'm not sure what stage we're in at the moment -- but it's not acceptance. My wife and I even both privately admitted that we don't like the new children, which is of course insane. Excited? We're not there yet. Terrified? Yes, when we're not practicing denial.

They say the most important thing is the kids' health -- but what about ours?


I think these people missed the punchline.
« Last Edit: May 01, 2013, 01:33:50 am by Suu »
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Re: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2013, 01:36:59 am »

Rather than the 1st world aspect, is how they had this fantasy about specifically having a girl and how the reality of having two boys is a "nightmare". Its like they are speaking of pets or something.
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Re: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2013, 01:43:26 am »
Wow, I hate those people.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


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Re: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2013, 01:51:02 am »
Dunno.  Twins are a chore.

Suu posted this on FB, and the immediate reaction of 90% of the people was "what an asshole that man is", having not bothered to even read the thumbnail blurb that states the woman was equally horrified.

First world problems are first world.  The REALLY assholish part of this is they put it on the interbutts.  I wonder if their twins will one day read it?
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Suu

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Re: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2013, 01:55:37 am »
Dunno.  Twins are a chore.

Suu posted this on FB, and the immediate reaction of 90% of the people was "what an asshole that man is", having not bothered to even read the thumbnail blurb that states the woman was equally horrified.

First world problems are first world.  The REALLY assholish part of this is they put it on the interbutts.  I wonder if their twins will one day read it?

Hence why I just let you take that one. You could tell people weren't reading anything other than, "OMFG THE DAD WROTE THIS AND HE IS A DOUCHE." When he said, several times, that both him and his wife felt this way.

...And putting this on the internet was indeed, a dick move. I understand it's easy to feel all sorts of scared stupid with these sorts of things, but posting it on a news site is a way, imo, to fish for comments and pretty much start a flame war.
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Re: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2013, 01:59:51 am »
She's not the one who wrote it, and he may report what he thinks she's feeling but there's no point in responding to that because she's not the one saying she feels that way.

I just think they're spoiled sacks of shit because they went to great lengths and expense to have more children than the one they already have, and now they're crying because they didn't get the girl they wanted, they got twin boys and it cost the $30k and boohooo they live in a one-bedroom apartment (maybe shoulda thought of that before you decided to spend $30k on in vitro, eh douches?).
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


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Re: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.
« Reply #6 on: May 01, 2013, 02:11:04 am »
Gonna go out on a limb here . . . but they can always put one up for adoption or abort it or whatever. Shit, put both of them up for adoption and try again. I dunno. They're already going off the deep end with the angst, might as well take it to the wall.
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Re: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.
« Reply #7 on: May 01, 2013, 02:14:06 am »
Or they could get therapy.

Having kids isn't for sissies.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


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Re: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.
« Reply #8 on: May 01, 2013, 02:18:07 am »
Or they could get therapy.

Having kids isn't for sissies.

This is a true thing. OR!! They could do what my brothers did - get their parents to raise their kids while they fuck off screwing anything that moves and getting blindingly drunk so they can crash their Dodge Ram pick-up trucks into historical landmarks for shits and giggles.
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Re: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.
« Reply #9 on: May 01, 2013, 02:20:18 am »
Or they could get therapy.

Having kids isn't for sissies.

This is a true thing. OR!! They could do what my brothers did - get their parents to raise their kids while they fuck off screwing anything that moves and getting blindingly drunk so they can crash their Dodge Ram pick-up trucks into historical landmarks for shits and giggles.

I dunno, they're in their 40's, I doubt mom and dad are up for raising any more kids.

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Re: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.
« Reply #10 on: May 01, 2013, 02:21:04 am »
Or they could get therapy.

Having kids isn't for sissies.

This is a true thing. OR!! They could do what my brothers did - get their parents to raise their kids while they fuck off screwing anything that moves and getting blindingly drunk so they can crash their Dodge Ram pick-up trucks into historical landmarks for shits and giggles.

I dunno, they're in their 40's, I doubt mom and dad are up for raising any more kids.

There is that.
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Re: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.
« Reply #11 on: May 01, 2013, 02:31:09 am »
I just think they're spoiled sacks of shit because they went to great lengths and expense to have more children than the one they already have, and now they're crying because they didn't get the girl they wanted, they got twin boys and it cost the $30k and boohooo they live in a one-bedroom apartment (maybe shoulda thought of that before you decided to spend $30k on in vitro, eh douches?).

I also got a kick out of the part where they basically say their first born is a little shithead too.
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Re: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.
« Reply #12 on: May 01, 2013, 02:40:56 am »
I just think they're spoiled sacks of shit because they went to great lengths and expense to have more children than the one they already have, and now they're crying because they didn't get the girl they wanted, they got twin boys and it cost the $30k and boohooo they live in a one-bedroom apartment (maybe shoulda thought of that before you decided to spend $30k on in vitro, eh douches?).

I also got a kick out of the part where they basically say their first born is a little shithead too.

It's basic math. 100% shithead x 100% shithead = 100% shithead. Unless they used donor sperm or eggs or whatever then the twins are both gonna be little shitheads. 'Decent' is a recessive trait that both parents must possess in order to be passed down . . .
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Re: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.
« Reply #13 on: May 01, 2013, 03:36:39 am »
I just think they're spoiled sacks of shit because they went to great lengths and expense to have more children than the one they already have, and now they're crying because they didn't get the girl they wanted, they got twin boys and it cost the $30k and boohooo they live in a one-bedroom apartment (maybe shoulda thought of that before you decided to spend $30k on in vitro, eh douches?).

I also got a kick out of the part where they basically say their first born is a little shithead too.

That's what hit me most about this. They clearly don't have fond memories of parenting their existing child, so why the desire for more to begin with? Just to provide apparently annoying (but now wonderful?) offspring #1 with a sibling?  :?
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Re: The biggest, douchiest, first world problem you will ever read.
« Reply #14 on: May 01, 2013, 03:42:43 am »
I just think they're spoiled sacks of shit because they went to great lengths and expense to have more children than the one they already have, and now they're crying because they didn't get the girl they wanted, they got twin boys and it cost the $30k and boohooo they live in a one-bedroom apartment (maybe shoulda thought of that before you decided to spend $30k on in vitro, eh douches?).

I also got a kick out of the part where they basically say their first born is a little shithead too.

That's what hit me most about this. They clearly don't have fond memories of parenting their existing child, so why the desire for more to begin with? Just to provide apparently annoying (but now wonderful?) offspring #1 with a sibling?  :?

Its all sacrifice, burden and baww for them, it was all a gift gone awry for their 1st born; its all their 1st born's fault, he made them do it, they had no responsability or say in the matter.
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