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Messages - Elder Iptuous

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it would please me if you gave me a heads up next time this were to occur.

well, it's not specifically the city that i fear.  it's just that i have heard tales of  a yeti living there capable of defecating incredible volumes, and has venereal diseases which are so vicious that they wrangle the local ostriches into great herds and ride them rip-shod around town.  and they have a particular penchant for running down anyone from TX that may be in town.

Oh I'm so glad to know Bitcoin is as crooked as it is stupid. It reaffirms my larger worldview, especially considering the FEAR the Fed has about it, if my Internets read accurate.

Which is to say, why would anyone be afraid of something so foolish? And obviously flawed? And just...just stupid.

How many things do people fear that have a rational basis for that fear?

why, quite a few things, actually.  due to my time on this board, i am quite afraid of your fair city, and feel that it is rationally justified.

Apple Talk / Re: How to Get Girls Like Usher and T-Pain.
« on: April 09, 2013, 07:27:38 pm »
that's not your brain talking, my dear.

Apple Talk / Re: How to Get Girls Like Usher and T-Pain.
« on: April 09, 2013, 07:19:03 pm »
why, you were second on the list of fellows that i would have figured to be up for the gummybear codpiece program...

well, hey.  they're at least still worth spot.  (i haven't looked at it in a while, but there's a little bit of numismatic value to them as well, i believe)

Apple Talk / Re: How to Get Girls Like Usher and T-Pain.
« on: April 09, 2013, 06:24:56 pm »
i'm fairly certain there's a joke in there about going bear back...

Apple Talk / Re: How to Get Girls Like Usher and T-Pain.
« on: April 09, 2013, 05:41:44 pm »
i'm fairly certain that if you provide a gummy bear codpiece there are a number of us here that would wear it for you.

« on: April 09, 2013, 02:41:47 pm »
it had better, for your sake, be pretty damned good, 'Mexico'!

Aneristic Illusions / Re: Ah, history
« on: April 06, 2013, 02:32:42 am »
nice!  :lol:
had to do a GIS.
not disappointed.

Apple Talk / Re: Drug Thread Cake Poll
« on: April 06, 2013, 02:29:34 am »
have to go with random grab bag.
i'm a sucker for surprises.  :)

Aneristic Illusions / Re: HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW
« on: April 05, 2013, 09:53:26 pm »
Huh.  i thought we had banned them entirely, but according to the wiki page, it's left up to the states....
and according to this wsj article, one third of the states allow for imprisonment due to debt.

and the maricopa jail canteen deal is fucked up.  :eek:

Turkies can still bite you after you cut off their heads, fyi.

That's fucked.

No, for real.  That shit is WRONG.  Even zombies die when you whack their heads off.

Turkeys are winged ratfuck horrors.  Mean bastards, they can beat your ass with a flap of their wings.  Seriously, they can break your arm.

Standard turkey hunt procedure is to hide behind a tree and HOPE the turkey walks in front of you.  When it does, blow it's damn head off.  Your now-headless thanksgiving dinner will bolt.  Go catch it.

What? No way!  You just get well camouflaged and stay very still since they see very well, and use a box call to make the  scratchy ‘rrrrrraaah rah rah rah rah’ sound that the hen makes.  You do that every couple minutes, and if there’s any toms in the area then you will hear a ‘gobblegobblegobble’ from some distance away in the trees.  You call back and forth, and the gobbles get closer and closer until you see him emerge strutting with his chest all puffed out, and his feathers spread in anticipation of sweet turkey lovin', and BLAM! His ‘mort’ isn’t as ‘petite’ as he was expecting, and you’ve got one more beard for your collection that disgusts your wife.

Turkey hunting is fun.

Or that I'm going to wake up and find out I'm actually pissing all over my bed.

every time i piss.  for as long as i can remember.

so, i take it you have dreams occasionally where you have to piss and it's really difficult?  like you gotta push.  like your body doesn't want you to piss for some strange reason. so you try harder, and then finally you.... wake up just in time to not piss youself like an infant.
So when i have to piss when i'm actually awake, i get the anxiety of thinking perhaps i'm asleep.  which i have in turn dreamed about.
i have initiated lucid dreams because of this...

You fuckers are weird.

Just shits the bed and doesn't worry so damn much about it.
yes.  but you extrude wealth whereas i would simply leak shame.

Wrath?  Don't know about that.  Yesterday's curry, maybe.

nono... wealth.  ever since we switched to the good reverend's poo standard.

There was a turkey on my street this morning! I live in semi-urban squalor, this is no place for a turkey.

granted they live in the exurbs, but my folks have a peacock that wandered onto their property that has lived on their back porch for the past several years, and now a turkey has wandered onto their property.  now they get turkeys not infrequently, but this one is now the peacocks pet, and they pal around the property acting silly.

large birds that wander onto your property are a good omen, imo.
give it some food.

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