ATTN MORTALS: Post ITT for a quest to make you more Holy™.

[Eater of Clowns]

You have to ask a lot of questions.  Then you need to answer them.  That's as simple as paperwork is.  The questions you think, the answers you write down.  The more of them you answer, the more foolproof your paperwork.  The line they always give us is that it's admissible in court, which means it's under the scrutiny of lawyers, which means that to prevent them from asking a difficult question you need to have a mind one part sneakier in order to have answered it already.

More people get involved.  More minds devising questions.  More heads wrapping themselves around answers to what's never been asked.  Then it piles up, be it electronic or dead tree.  And they store it away.  They store it away for two years, at least, in case anyone ever asks a question that they might need an answer to.

There's the who are you paperwork.  The what have you done paperwork.  The does anyone else want you paperwork.  Behind it, a system, and operating that, probably a dispatcher.  That dispatcher, probably griping about the system.

The system's a dinosaur.  It spurts out hieroglyphics, it tosses out codes and its operating manual has a couple pounds on me.  It's unwieldy, anti-user, and infuriating.  We keep wondering, even in a department that managed to switch out of Windows 2000 in 2010, when they're going to update it.

Thing about the system is that it works.  It's used statewide by every agency, recording and communicating with each within seconds.  It searches national databases and it prints them out in what may in all honesty be a devilishly clever disguise to prevent untrained eyes from reading it.  Preventing even well trained eyes from reading it as well seems to be a secondary effect.

State of the art means power.  It means expense and it means maintenance.  Dated means reliability, stability.  It means knowing that what you need is there, putting the decision to not use it in your hands.

Yeah, not use it.  The system means you don't worry about it, it's in your control.  And once it's in your control, you can decide what to do with it.  The criminal history of the inmate coming in?  That can wait, because you have an officer on a motor vehicle stop who needs information.  The inmate probably isn't going anywhere.

It's easy to lose your head when you've got all these things to prioritize.  Panic is highly underrated.  If you control it, you can get things done faster.  But if you don't, you'll make bad decisions.  It's the copper that's out there doing the job, living the intensity.  It's the ambulance driver that's calming a patient while talking on the radio.  It's easy for dispatchers to get caught up.

Randy gave me a speech when I was new up here.  Randy, aptly, is a degenerate pervert, a molester of inanimate objects, and a fluent, if course, speaker of the classic language Innuendo.

"Let me explain something to you.  You are God up here.  Everyone that calls you for information, with a request – they cannot get it done without you.  Make them wait.  You are God."

Dispatcher speeches tend to be short.  We don't have a long enough period of down time for any more than a sentence or two.  Randy was right.  We're the deities of law enforcement, keeping the wheels turn.  Thing about being a god though.  Everyone asks you for something, and the majority don't ever thank you for it.

[Eater of Clowns]

And that, Good Reverend, was the result of my holy quest.

[Phox]

Goddamn. I can't give you the stamp of approval for the Holy Quest but....

[The Good Reverend Roger]

And that, Good Reverend, was the result of my holy quest.

QUEST COMPLETED.  You get to spend eternity choking people through their phones, whenever you feel like it.

[Dysnomia]

GIVE ME A QUEST OH LORD, I AM NOT AFRAID!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

GIVE ME A QUEST OH LORD, I AM NOT AFRAID!

You will meet and go on a date with someone who doesn't fit your definition of cool.  Any sort of date will do (simple lunch date in a public place sounds good), but you have to initiate contact and arrange it.  After the date you do not have to have any further contact with the guy, if you don't want to, obviously.

For the duration of the date, you will:
1.  Be stone cold sober.  Nothing stronger than coffee (Rx excepted, of course).
2.  Be upbeat and nice, no matter how things go.
3.  Force yourself to take an interest in the guy, no matter how geeky or work-oriented he is, for the duration of the date.  If he actually goes creepy, you get to bail, and you don't have to be nice about it.


Pics and/or write up to be posted here.

[Dysnomia]

GIVE ME A QUEST OH LORD, I AM NOT AFRAID!

You will meet and go on a date with someone who doesn't fit your definition of cool.  Any sort of date will do (simple lunch date in a public place sounds good), but you have to initiate contact and arrange it.  After the date you do not have to have any further contact with the guy, if you don't want to, obviously.

For the duration of the date, you will:
1.  Be stone cold sober.  Nothing stronger than coffee (Rx excepted, of course).
2.  Be upbeat and nice, no matter how things go.
3.  Force yourself to take an interest in the guy, no matter how geeky or work-oriented he is, for the duration of the date.  If he actually goes creepy, you get to bail, and you don't have to be nice about it.


Pics and/or write up to be posted here.

Not sure Lizzaybf would be terribly fond of me going out with someone other than him.  In fact, probably not at all is my guess.  Just like I'd chokehold anyone who tried to statch him up.

Lizzay,
will Slap A Ho

[The Good Reverend Roger]

GIVE ME A QUEST OH LORD, I AM NOT AFRAID!

You will meet and go on a date with someone who doesn't fit your definition of cool.  Any sort of date will do (simple lunch date in a public place sounds good), but you have to initiate contact and arrange it.  After the date you do not have to have any further contact with the guy, if you don't want to, obviously.

For the duration of the date, you will:
1.  Be stone cold sober.  Nothing stronger than coffee (Rx excepted, of course).
2.  Be upbeat and nice, no matter how things go.
3.  Force yourself to take an interest in the guy, no matter how geeky or work-oriented he is, for the duration of the date.  If he actually goes creepy, you get to bail, and you don't have to be nice about it.


Pics and/or write up to be posted here.

Not sure Lizzaybf would be terribly fond of me going out with someone other than him.  In fact, probably not at all is my guess.  Just like I'd chokehold anyone who tried to statch him up.

Lizzay,
will Slap A Ho

Sorry, I thought you didn't have a LizzayBF.

I'll get back to you later with a different quest.

TGRR,
Omnifallible, not omniscient.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Damn, that was one of my better ideas, too.

[LMNO]

I'm sure you can recycle that one.

[Freeky]

It was a really good one.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm sure you can recycle that one.

Oh, yeah, totally gonna do that, with one twist.

[Dysnomia]

If we ever break up I'll do it.  But I likes this one.  He's a cutie!   

[Epimetheus]

I gathered up the balls. Gimme one. (Also hi after 3 months, all) My location: suburbs 30mi west of L.A. city.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I gathered up the balls. Gimme one. (Also hi after 3 months, all) My location: suburbs 30mi west of L.A. city.

You will find and photograph the perfect cheeseburger.  You will then explain WHY it's the perfect cheeseburger.