Conquest of the Planet of the Bride of the Son of the Return of the Open Bar

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

I am having mental issues relating to flashbacks of "my perfect childhood", today. My mother texted to let me know one of my high school classmates has kidnapped a 13-year-old and disappeared.

The only time I ever hear about any of the people I went to school with is when it's my mother texting me to tell me something horrible has happened. All the smart kids got the fuck out. The rest are dead, in jail, or kidnapping teenagers and disappearing.

And then she asks me why I'm not coming home to visit and why I won't go to class reunions and why haven't I married some nice man and settled down to start shitting out the fifteen children I need to birth before I'm a real woman?

I cannot describe the fetid mass of horror swirling around in my brain but it smells like silage and pig shit and teen spirit.

Tell her the voices said no.

And you're waiting for THEIR instructions, nowadays.

That's the plan. I don't know if she'll be able to hear me from the bottom of that bottle she's in, though.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

Imma record both versions as spoken-word and see how they work.

comes in at under 4 mins to speak the second version, and so I am considering actually performing it live.

I'm excited but can't share it publicly on my FB because the last verse is about my usually liberal mum, and is a bit snarky.

I really want to hear it as spoken-word!

I am excited about writing something this political and doing it slam-poetry style. And I realise that it will be the first time any of you spags has heard me speak.

[P3nT4gR4m]

No it won't. I still have "please god, no more alcohol" etched in my brain 

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Know how I know I'm sick and the medicine is working? People are saying stupid shit on the internets and I'm correcting them like it matters. AHAHAHA HAHA HA!

Some chick is telling some gullible idiot that "Black Widows and Brown Recluses (Hobo Spiders) are very shy. You have to work to get bitten by one."

Uh, no. Not really. 1.) Brown Recluses and Hobos are two different species. 2.) Hobo Spiders' nickname is "The Aggressive Spider". They will attack yo ass instead of run away. 3.) Just because your husband roots around under houses ALL DAY LONG as a pest control and only gets minor bites a few dozen times a year from house spiders does not make YOU an expert.

So HAH.

_{This post brought to you by sleep deprivation and Percocet.}

[Cain]

God, don't you hate looking at old writing of yours? It so often makes me cringe to read my old writing.

Yeah, it's not fun.

One was clearly written while sleep deprived, as I found several dozen typos and repeated words.

[Cain]

Also, I'm meant to be writing that essay, but instead I've spent most of the day reading the personal blog of the chief foreign editor at Hürriyet, one of Turkey's largest newspapers.  It's in English, which is nice, because it's hard to get good sources on news in Turkey that are not in Turkish or German.

It occurs to me that it is probably a good thing Turkey is not part of the EU, as with the amount of suspicious deaths and scandals that happen there, Belgium would be made jealous.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Augh. I have a cold and am groggy as fuck.

GOOD THING FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL IS TOMORROW.

[P3nT4gR4m]

So I'm crashing at my mates tonight then tomorrow we're off on a mission to find this fucking insane looking island!




http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Staffa

[Cainad (dec.)]

So I'm crashing at my mates tonight then tomorrow we're off on a mission to find this fucking insane looking island!




http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Staffa

FUCKING

COLUMNAR

JOINTED

BASALT!

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

And weird as FUCK. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

That looks totally awesome!

[Juana]

I made grapefruit sorbet and oh my god. So delicious.

[Trivial]

I made grapefruit sorbet and oh my god. So delicious.

Are you sure it's delicious? Everything that grapefruit touches turns to evil.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I love grapefruit, it's delicious!

[Juana]

I made grapefruit sorbet and oh my god. So delicious.

Are you sure it's delicious? Everything that grapefruit touches turns to evil.

Very, very sure. I made about six cups of it and I'm struggling to restrain myself from eating all of it before I go to bed. This is normally not a problem, even with other things I love.