OPEN BAR: it rubs the lotion on the skin or it gets the hose again

[Red]

I think I will consider myself sufficiently wise when I no longer stand in front of a chair, fart, and then sit myself into my own fart cloud.

This moment of zen brought to you by Taco Bell.


Man, all this tablet talk. I feel like I'm Amish. My books are Paper! Trees DIED, man! 
I've actually never owned a tablet. My cell phone is the old fashioned flippy kind that sucks for texting. Everyone looks at me like I'm weird for not texting people. Still not sure if I really want a fancy phone and a fancy tablet, honestly. I sort of like unplugging when I'm away from the computer as I work on a computer.

You are a tree-murdering primitive son of a bitch.

Trees have rights too, you know.  Someone should make a video about tree factory farms where they're kept in tiny cages and fed through tubes.  Like kobe beef, except they don't shit all down the ones slung underneath them.  Because trees don't poop.

I don't care what the leaf-loving bastards have to say, I'm gonna murder and devour all the plants I WANT! The younger and more tormented the better. I just finished a whole PLATE of baby broccoli for dinner!

I'm doing my part to help nature! Gotta keep those tree populations in check to prevent wildfires!

[Bu🤠ns]

Am I the only one in this world who thinks crunchy cereal sucks? srsly what's so great about mouth sores that I seem to be missing?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Am I the only one in this world who thinks crunchy cereal sucks? srsly what's so great about mouth sores that I seem to be missing?

You might have a particularly tender mouth, because I don't get mouth sores.

[Salty]

Am I the only one in this world who thinks crunchy cereal sucks? srsly what's so great about mouth sores that I seem to be missing?

*sage nod*

Cocoa Pebbles or GTFO.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Am I the only one in this world who thinks crunchy cereal sucks? srsly what's so great about mouth sores that I seem to be missing?

That's how I feel about croutons.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

So at lunchtime, thinking I was being wise, I bought a burrito for dinner as well as tacos for lunch. I paid $6 for it. I am eating it now, and this is the shittiest taco-truck burrito I have ever had. It consists of an abundance of gristly strips of beef, a pile of bland rice, and a few beans. No salsa. No guac. No cheese.

This is BULLSHIT.

1.  An burrito's quality is inversely proportional to its price.

2.  Guacamole isn't food.

It's not an unreasonable price for a taco truck burrito in Portland, but usually for six bucks you get THE WORKS so that's what I was expecting. At La Sabrosa the $6 burrito has head meat, beans, rice, cheese, tomatoes, onions, balut, escamoles, an embryonic rabbit, sour cream, guacamole, and a chile relleno in it.

Shut up, guac is awesome!

An embryonic rabbit?  For real? 

That may be the most awesome fucking thing I've ever HEARD OF.

No. But I wish it was.

My disappointment is a truck.  A great big bastard.

Still, I'm spreading that rumor on Facebook.

Oh HELL yeah!

You know what? If I had a rabbit farm, I would breed the rabbits and then slaughter the mother rabbits when their fetuses were still tender and virtually boneless, and it would be a delicacy that would go nicely in burritos.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Am I the only one in this world who thinks crunchy cereal sucks? srsly what's so great about mouth sores that I seem to be missing?

That's how I feel about croutons.

I really do not care for croutons.

Except that my mom used to make really good ones, that were like saturated in garlic butter and roasted until crispy.

[LMNO]

Incidentally, happy Mardi Gras!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Incidentally, happy Mardi Gras!

Wasn't that the party they used to have in that city that was destroyed by the dread God FEMA?

[LMNO]

You mean the City of Saturday Night?

It rises up, baby.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You mean the City of Saturday Night?

It rises up, baby.

ia ia ftagn...Um, I can never get this right.  SOMEONE CALL RICHTER.

[Suu]

I get to dress like a Vestal Virgin and speak Latin for an upcoming gig.

HILARITY WILL ENSUE.

[Eater of Clowns]

I went to my regular Portuguese bakery today to get a malasada on this, the traditional day of using the last of the sugar and lard before Lent. They did not have them. Instead, I had to go into the Portuguese bakery that I usually walk past in order to get to my regular Portuguese bakery. Failing that, I could go to the third Portuguese bakery within two blocks of my apartment.

My neighborhood is ridiculous. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I went to my regular Portuguese bakery today to get a malasada on this, the traditional day of using the last of the sugar and lard before Lent. They did not have them. Instead, I had to go into the Portuguese bakery that I usually walk past in order to get to my regular Portuguese bakery. Failing that, I could go to the third Portuguese bakery within two blocks of my apartment.

My neighborhood is ridiculous. 

That sounds awesome!

My housemate is half Partagee. And half Samoan.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I went to my regular Portuguese bakery today to get a malasada on this, the traditional day of using the last of the sugar and lard before Lent. They did not have them. Instead, I had to go into the Portuguese bakery that I usually walk past in order to get to my regular Portuguese bakery. Failing that, I could go to the third Portuguese bakery within two blocks of my apartment.

My neighborhood is ridiculous. 

That sounds awesome!

My housemate is half Partagee. And half Samoan.

WHAT IS THE LAW?

WE DON'T HONK THE CAR HORN WHEN NIGEL'S ROOMIE IS AROUND.