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It's not that I disagree with such a decision, I just want us to be realistic and honest with each other about how important our relationship is to each other. After hearing how easily she'd have given it all up for the job, it made me feel cheated for all this time that she's spoken of marriage and kids. I felt safe and got VERY VERY attached, and I would be devastated now, if she kept up the marriage talk and then left me for the job. At least if she was more realistic with me now, then her leaving in the future wouldn't be so hard, and wouldn't seem so disingenuous. But she doesn't seem to understand commitment, so she thinks that it's ok to talk about these permanent commitments when she's willing to walk away for something else.

Projecting a long distance relationship by way of an emphasis on being "VERY VERY attached" seems like a contradiction worth exploring before directly confronting her about it?
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The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Am I Being Selfish?
« Last post by SuuCal on Today at 06:24:51 am »
On the bright side, it seems like you guys have already been talking about this, which is good.

On the down side, you still need to talk. I wouldn't so much call you "selfish" as apprehensive. You're been wary of the unknown, which seems to me that if she's already at the stage of discussing these massive life steps, you may not be on the same level. This isn't a bad thing, but you guys NEED to be on the same level when it comes to marriage, and then children. I would say it would be okay to offer her a polite suggestion to hold off on the long term planning until you see what happens with the job if you feel it's hitting a particular nerve.

You're not in the wrong, you just have a different view on what's important in the here and now, versus your girlfriend, who is, as my cousin the shrink calls it, "renewing the contract." Clearly, she wants to be with you for the long haul, but, she also wants this job. Both of these are awesome things, except that part where she said you'll go out with tomorrow's trash if she has to in order to move. That raised a red flag. I don't think she understands the obstacles of a long-distance relationship.

I don't know how long you two have been together, and forgive me if I overlooked it, but it's easy to talk about and romanticize a future when you're earlier in the relationship. This can lead to some trouble if you rush into things.

Has she said, out loud, that she wants you to come with her? If she hasn't, I'd reconsider staying with her.

In short, this requires a serious, sit-down conversation.
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I've considered setting fire to this building.  I mean, apart from the normal reasons.  I reckon it might actually be colder if I did that.
Signals point to contraband, that would explain da heat, and the subsequent chill.
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New England has been a gorgeous, unparalleled paradise for the last week, of warm sun, cool breezes, striking sunsets, and a temporary ebbing of the inevitable grasp of misery that consumes us all.

So take that, ya fahckin queeahs.

I'll fuckin' remember dis shit when I'm on deh beach in January, snappahhead.

It's been really nice here, actually, because the temperature dropped to 93 F (34 C) this week, and I'm not even being facetious about it being a nice change.  Soooo much better.

Yeah, San Diego feels like San Diego again, and not Tucson. It's like somebody pulled the string on the sun and it lowered a bit. Just a bit, now, we can't be fucking greedy. 


In completely unrelated news, I just got drunk dialed by my best friend from high school who now lives in Lubbock. He says he's fine, and that he's the designated driver for the night.  :| He isn't fine. He only calls me at night when he's drunk and wants to talk random baseball stats. Now I'm fucking worried about him.

And then all human feelings I had were suddenly dashed when I saw a new mother complaining on Facebook about how she hates taking care of her baby and how it's literally the worst thing ever. Of course, I wasn't about to go into a diatribe about how mortal children do not spring fully grown from your vagina and walk right into fucking Harvard, and that next time she should use a fucking rubber, because everybody else beat me to the punch. That, and I didn't want to field the classic, "YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS SO YOU DON'T KNOOOOOWWWW" No, I don't know, but it's not exactly a secret that newborns take a considerable amount of work that she was clearly unprepared for. I especially liked the part where she bitched that her boyfriend wasn't home to help full-time like she was, because you know, he works.  Hopefully, she'll come out of the funk and have an enjoyable experience as a mother in due time, because I can only imagine how overwhelmed she is. I'd hate to have something happen to her, but at the same time, I also want to slap the shit out of her.
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It's been really nice here, actually, because the temperature dropped to 93 F (34 C) this week, and I'm not even being facetious about it being a nice change.  Soooo much better.
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The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Re: Am I Being Selfish?
« Last post by LMNO on Today at 03:44:10 am »
Also, marriage and kids are waaaay different things. It might be her way of confirming you'd still be in a committed relationship even if she was away for a while. Or, she's pointing out that such a thing is impossible, and you should split as friends. I don't know enough about you two to tell.
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She's just made it clear that if the offer comes, she's going to take it, even if it means we're not together. There's a slim chance that I could find a job where she would be, but that's a big if. I immediately considered all things I could do, including possibly giving up what I wanted my career to be. But she didn't even question it for a second.

Well, sounds like you have some value judgements to make, because I don't think she is callous so much as seeing her dream job right there.  It's possible that she's playing dominance games, but there isn't enough information available for me even to guess.  If she is, run, do not walk.  If she's not, you have to decide if you can tolerate a period of time as her second priority.  It happens, and it's not the end of the world.

But yeah, if you aren't each others first priority, for fuck's sake don't even consider having kids.
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Since neither has yet happened, it sounds like both are still on the table. Are you asking her to pick one or the other?

God no. In fact, both are possible simultaneously. She's just made it clear that if the offer comes, she's going to take it, even if it means we're not together. There's a slim chance that I could find a job where she would be, but that's a big if. I immediately considered all things I could do, including possibly giving up what I wanted my career to be. But she didn't even question it for a second. She wondered why I asked how long she'd be gone for a long-distance internship. Which is a demonstration that you are not dedicated enough to someone or the relationship to have kids or get married, at least not any time soon.

And, as I said, I told her that it's completely fine to take the job if it means we aren't together. I just don't think she should lead me to believe that she is willing to make a permanent commitment when she's openly willing to throw it all away.

It's not that I disagree with such a decision, I just want us to be realistic and honest with each other about how important our relationship is to each other. After hearing how easily she'd have given it all up for the job, it made me feel cheated for all this time that she's spoken of marriage and kids. I felt safe and got VERY VERY attached, and I would be devastated now, if she kept up the marriage talk and then left me for the job. At least if she was more realistic with me now, then her leaving in the future wouldn't be so hard, and wouldn't seem so disingenuous. But she doesn't seem to understand commitment, so she thinks that it's ok to talk about these permanent commitments when she's willing to walk away for something else.
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 :lulz:  I see all the weather.  I see it happening everywhere yet I'm stuck in a  building with no natural light.  :lulz:
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