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Apple Talk / Re: For My People: WHY I am a great big jerk.
« Last post by Doktor Howl on Today at 05:15:42 am »Hi, my name is The Good Reverend Roger, and I'm a great big jerk. People often ask me WHY I'm a jerk, but I usually just crap all over them in response, because...Well, "jerk". But today, I thought I'd make my case for why I'm a jerk, and why many of YOU should be jerks.
1. I am not required to tolerate passive-aggressive backhanded sniping. If you wish to tell me that I'm a fucking jerk, just DO IT. There's no need to follow me around making snide little comments, like a great big pussy. Nobody should have to put up with that.
2. God KNOWS I hate people, and he put me on a planet with 7.3 billion of you assmonkeys. I should be compensated for this.
3. I am old and cranky. I take pills to maintain even the semblance of civility that you fuckers have experienced.
4. I am ALSO the most compassionate, caring, and kindly bag of shit you jackasses will EVER see, once you're out from under the wing of your parents. Compared to the bosses, co-workers, and/or university professors you are about to experience, I am the next thing to Mahatma fucking Gandhi. Just think of me as your introduction to what's waiting for you around life's corner, holding a bat with a nail through it and giggling like a low-grade moron.
5. The English have a saying, "Keep being their cunt, and they'll keep fucking you." WORDS TO LIVE BY.
6. The poet ee cummings once wrote "There is some shit I will not eat." ALSO WORDS TO LIVE BY.
7. As you get older, if you CAN'T be a jerk to people who run up to you DEMANDING it, you will get ulcers, high blood pressure, heart problems, and you will begin to resemble a door mat.
8. Jerks don't get bothered much. "Reasonable people" are life's chew toy.
9. As you get older, your capacity to listen to the tales of woe from dumbfucks will diminish. Do not fight this, or you will be the crying towel for every useless son of a bitch that comes down the pike, whimpering excuses as to why their fucked up life isn't their fault.
10. FUCK 'EM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A JOKE.
That is all. You may now return to your regularly scheduled Holist thread.
Venomously yours and SHUT UP,
TGRR
Fun fact: In the five years since I wrote this, 300,000,000 additional primates have been added.
