Discordians in History

Discordians in the Middle Ages

Discordians flourished between the fifth and fifteenth century. This was a period of great cultural, political, and economic change in Europe – change which Discordians violently shook like a collicy infant.

Discordian Writings

It it not known whether medieval Discordians were literate. They commonly wrote in the incomprehensible Zwack alphabet. Discordians held that most people, even nobles and priests, were too hunchbrained to make any sense of their baffling script. Contemporary cryptologists believe Zwack to be incomprehensible gibberish, but modern Discordians hold that these scholars are merely too hunchbrained to make sense of their baffling script.

The Inquisition

In 1478, the Spanish Inquisition was begun by King Ferdinand of Aragon and Queen Isabella of Castile. Although it was not publicly revealed until after his death, one of Ferdinand’s advisors, Peter Pie the Pious, was a Discordian saint. St. Pie pushed King Ferdinand to seek out converts from Judaism and Islam residing Spain. The inquisition was originally intended as a distraction from St. Pie’s major project, sleeping with Queen Isabella. The inquisition rapidly got out of hand as zealots began burning heretics.

Despite his success with Isabella, St. Pie was saddened by these violent developments. He made a private apology to the Discordians of Spain, but it was lost on them as they were busy being burned to death. Wracked with guilt, he fell on his sword in 1490. His final words were “Fili Prius meretrix,” or “Bros before hos”.

Discordians in Colonial America: The Witch Trials

In 1692, Discordians invented the first game of SINK when the Queche Quidditch Qabal threw Goodwife Tabatha Croft in the Connecticut river. When the local constable demanded an explanation, Rev. Sandwitch of Bologna replied that they were testing to see if she was a witch. The constable thought this was such a good idea, he brought his wife to the river and tested her for witchiness. This meme spread and evolved until all the women in town were soaking wet. Later, they were burned at the stake.

Web 2.0 as an Attractive Method of Social Control

Over here at the PrincipiaDiscordia Blog, we’re in the business of raising awareness about encroaching Bureaucracy. One of the most sneaky things about Bureaucracy is the way that it presents itself. It seems like a logical choice in response to all the disorder that’s going on. And it seems FUN to play with the cool new toys that our culture has made for us.

Web 2.0 applications like Facebook, Digg, and Wikipedia  seem like great ideas, don’t they? Sure, they facilitate communication, they make it easy to access information, and they are a “nesting ground” for web communities. But we’ve gotta be careful - control is often achieved through the illusion of freedom. Digg.com, for example, is a sort of web popularity contest. You can “Digg” something on the web, and if others like it, they’ll digg it too. Digg.com then organizes sites by how much they’ve been dugg. But if we pay attnetion to digg as a real measure of “what’s going on” in cyberculture, don’t we run the risk of homogenizing it? We’ve gotta be careful.

Facebook in particular is in the pocket of some rather sinister and shady characters who do NOT have personal freedom and the public’s best interest in mind.

If you’re a member of Facebook, do yourself a favor and check out this scary video: The Truth Behind Facebook 

Let that be a lesson to include a big helping of misinformation in any information you provide about yourself.

Because we can’t stop “them” from collecting public data.
But we CAN pollute the signal-to-noise ratio until it’s no longer a useful place to harvest.

This article talks in depth about the Evils of Facebook. Reposted for your convenience is some notes on its founders…

Continue reading Web 2.0 as an Attractive Method of Social Control

GASMGASM and the Good Word

The OMGASM Wiki has been updated to include GASMGASM – the Mission to spread news of OMGASM.

To be accurate, this post is actually a part of GASMGASMGASM - the mission to spread the word of GASMGASM.

Among other materials produced for GASMGASM is our entry on the Good Word


 OMGASM is what is missing in your life.Participation is heroic in a sense that won’t be fully understood for a hundred years. It’s “fun”. It’s a “good cause”. It will help you get “slack”. It will change how you look at things. It will give you strength. It will give you a handjob.It will do all sorts of tango and wango magic on your life that will make you feel like it’s Spring after a long long Winter and the world is puddlewonderful anew.OMGASM is so much fun your guts will bleed honeyed joy into your stomach and you’ll get all sugar high and you’ll throw up pure bliss on everything. It’s so awesome you’ll just run, screaming, into the street, and get into a taxi naked. OMGASM is so fucking sticker-ridiculous your family will have to have an intervention.

While you are participating in OMGASM, your dead pets will see you, from their clouds, and purr or wag their tails or masturbate or crap on the rug or whatever Happy Thing they did in life. Every time you participate in a GASM, the Goddess Eris gets off while screaming your name. It’s like a spiritual guitar solo.

The world seems to be getting more boring and low-Quality. People are really starting to believe in this Bureaucracy garbage and take it seriously – it’s not just something they put up with from 9 to 5. We’ve gotta get this shit over with and bring the party that is Aftermath, damnit!

It’s hard, too. You could throw the most awesome party in the history of time, and people will still skip it to watch reruns of Friends. You’ve gotta be persistent. Most people won’t be receptive to the message. But there are people out there – people like you, who are waiting to make contact. It’s lonely to be weird in this big weird world, and all this nonsense we do is a beacon to people who are lost and lunatic, free thinking and free falling. So what’s the answer?

In an interview in the late 1960’s, Timothy Leary was asked, “So what do you do after you ‘Turn On’”??? Tim answered, “Find the others…”

Reptilian shapeshifters!

As I’m sure many of you remember, we at PD.com have had more than a couple of run-ins with people who believe in the shapeshifting reptilians that supposedly rule the world.  While it’s a very amusing conspiracy theory, and was certainly hilarious back in the 90s, in these dark days of rendition, torture and war, it seems more of a distraction from some of the real problems of the world than anything else, although that is a rant for another day.

That said, it is still good for a laugh when the world is getting you down.  And fortunately, Tracey Twyman has managed to link to a fair few of videos purporting to show shapeshifting famous people, on YouTube.  I laughed especially hard at the David Icke one, I have to admit.

The common failing of all would-be political agitators

“Centurion, why do they titter so?”
“Just some…uh, Jewish joke, sir.”

– The Life of Brian

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: “O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.” And God granted it.
– Voltaire

I’ve noticed something of a trend when it comes to politics.  And that is that people think they can use half-assed political slogans along with some pathetic emotional appeal to try and sway peoples opinions.  For example, look at the common refrain from the morons at Democratic Underground: “Bush lied, people died.”

OK, it is pretty much true, as a trend.  If we take the name Bush to cover his administration appointments, including those in the Office of Special Plans (who doctored evidence in the run up to the Iraq war), you have a case.  But does just mindlessly shouting it across the political debating forums of the internet actually convince anyone to forego their support of the Administration?  I’d be very surprised if it did.  Rather, it makes the supporters of the pro-abortion War Party look almost as mindless as the supporters of the anti-abortion War Party, which puts off any freethinking individual and reduces both sides to shouting pre-made soundbites at each other.  I mean, really.  You could script robots to do this shit.

And its not just in America.  Anywhere there is someone who is, on the face of it, is pretty much a complete and utter asshole, those who dislike them try to paint them as Satan incarnate.  It doesn’t matter if this is Hugo Chavez, Putin or Blair.  Same reasoning applies, show them to be powerful, yet utterly evil.

Does anyone actually fall for that shit?  Really?

Because to me, it looks like those on the other side are just affirming the power of the person they hate, from an opposite direction.  Powerful people will always have vocal supporters, simply because being on side with those in power has many rewards.  The moral character, or lack of it, is rarely questioned along the entire political spectrum, what with people being convinced their own political ideology is the only moral one.

Lets face it, if you really want to cut someone down to size, you have to make them a figure of fun.

Its the only antidote to emotionally fuelled political debate, which is 90% of all debate nowadays.  Instead of affirming the object of your dislike is powerful, you portray him as a bumbling fool.  You highlight the hilarious inconsistencies in their thinking, and you then convince people around you to laugh at them.  Never directly engage in so-called debates on the pros and cons of any given policy, instead concentrate on using those policies as ammunition against that person.

I know what you’re going to say.  “But people have already tried this Cain, and it hasn’t worked.”  Well I disagree, they haven’t tried hard enough.  Look at those ridiculous Bushisms people, for example.  The book turned from halfway amusing into textual analysis of policy in about 10 pages.  There was no cutting edge to it, there was no satire.  It was just the idiotic sayings of a man who commanded the world’s most powerful military.  The world has seen Caligula’s before now.  The only way they laughed at them is in a helpless “well, we’re fucked now” way.  There was no opposition, no defiance.

There is an old American proverb, “use your wit as a shield, and not as a dagger.”  Its one I totally disagree with.  Use your wit precisely as you would a dagger.  Back in the bad old days of the Hashishin, an acolyte would be given only a dagger, to make a public execution of the cult’s enemies.  Almost always, they struck in the most public place possible, in the most public way possible.  Friday, outside the mosque, with everyone watching.

That is exactly the attitude a competent political agitator should take.  If you can’t mock them to their face, perhaps you should take up a safer past time, like jogging?  Cut them down to size.  Make them a figure of ridicule.  Try to move outside party based bullshit, make their supporters look like idiots by association.

A person who is widely considered a laughing stock is not going to command respect, regardless of how much power they have.  And in an age where substance is nothing and image is everything, in such an age, humour is king.

ATTN: Verwirrung bloggers

For those of you who have your own blogs apart from this site, I suggest linking to here from them. Technorati’s Authority system works by how many times you are linked to, and the higher your authority, the more seen you will be in search rankings. Also, if you’re going to crosspost new articles to your current blog as well as here, I suggest posting it here first, then linking to the URL via your own blog.

Yes, I have no shame in gaming Technorati’s rules so we look like a super popular blog, because it will be true anyway, sooner or later.

Note: this will require your own blog to be claimed on Technorati, but this is a very simple process.  If you need someone to walk you through it, you know how to contact me.

Eris On The Subject Of: Golden Apples

As ambassador of Eris on this planet I bring you a message from Our Lady:

Enough with the golden apples already. Apples are nauseating, and moreover, I detest gold. The golden apple I tossed into that fucking wedding was sarcastic, dammit, and was used in a context which is lost today. The Garden of the Hesperides was the Farrah Hair of that time. If you have a personal thing for golden apples, knock yourself out, but stop attributing them to Me. You look like twits, and you bring me down by association.