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Dating and Sex for Bipeds

Started by Mesozoic Mister Nigel, August 08, 2012, 03:35:56 AM

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Bebek Sincap Ratatosk

#15
August 08, 2012, 05:15:32 AM
Don't play any goddamned games..

I went on two dates with a girl that would make out, say "I'm not really in the mood",  then would start making out two minutes later, then say 'no' a minute later and then start the tongue again. That shit is confusing as fuck.

Be clear if "Do you want to go to the club tonight?" means "lets go on a date to the club" or "let's go to the club as friends, because there is a hot guy there that I like."

Finally, do not say "I used to have a problem with drugs." If what you really mean is "I haven't shot heroin in two weeks." When the sweater comes off, the tracks are obvious and that will end the evening.

(Seriously, the first three girls after my wife left; almost made me become a voluntary eunuch.)

Oh and don't show up drunk at the guys house at 1 AM after three dates... ask to sleep over, then leave with the blankets while he's sleeping because you puked all over them. All of that is just badwrong.

(...and you all wonder wtf is wrong with me  :lulz: )
- I don't see race. I just see cars going around in a circle.

"Back in my day, crazy meant something. Now everyone is crazy" - Charlie Manson

Freeky

#16
August 08, 2012, 05:28:51 AM
Don't go on about how lame you are.  If you make a blunder, make your genuine apology and move on.  Don't talk about how much saying something kind of dumb in second grade makes you want to stab yourself in the head and snap the fucking knife off at the hilt.  Don't talk about how you hate hurting people, it makes you feel like cutting up your face with with broken glass.  Don't lament to your date friends you lost contact with several years ago.  I don't care if you still miss them, if they were your soul mate.  Leave it be for now.

ON the subject of soul mates, don't use the term "soul mate" on a first date unless a question similar to "What are you looking for?" pops up, and even then, that's a bit on the side of creepy enough to make a girl flinch.  Definitely do not latch onto a person and think of them as your soul mate if you get to the sex part. 

Learn to read body language.  Tense muscles means tense emotional state.  Leaning away = negative (uncomfortable), leaning forward = positive (engaged).  Glazed eyes = boredom, either change the subject or ask the other person some questions to reengage their interest. 

If you are becoming bored, do not start fooling around on your iPhone.  Cut short the date, and stop wasting everyone's time, instead.

The Johnny

#17
August 08, 2012, 05:47:12 AM

Dont go on long soliloquies about your cat on the first date.

In retrospective, i think it was her attempt to hold a conversation rather than have the possibility of an awkward silence... in a sense its trying to keep the ball rolling with a person you like, but if the person is too caught up in the moment and doesnt notice the intent, it creates cringy moments for the partner.
<<My image in some places, is of a monster of some kind who wants to pull a string and manipulate people. Nothing could be further from the truth. People are manipulated; I just want them to be manipulated more effectively.>>

-B.F. Skinner

Freeky

#18
August 08, 2012, 05:48:28 AM
Quote from: Joh'Nyx on August 08, 2012, 05:47:12 AM

Dont go on long soliloquies about your cat on the first date.


Ohhh.  :lol:  Whoops.

Juana

#19
August 08, 2012, 05:55:48 AM
- If your date looks bored by your story, wrap it up and find something else to talk about (or hand the proverbial mic over to them)
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

Xooxe

#20
August 08, 2012, 07:29:59 AM
It would be patronising to post this as a tip of what not to do, as it's more a case study of sheer sickening horror (assuming that it's not actually a troll (please be a troll)): http://vgperson.tumblr.com/post/21533650696/help-the-girl-i-like-wont-respond-to-my-emails

Quote from: Dear Departed Uncle Nigel on August 08, 2012, 03:36:22 AM2. Don't put your fingers in her ears.

This should be self-explanatory.

I have one exception. I was in the noisy part of a club and couldn't hear anything. The girl I was with pushed the flappy part over the canal and could shout in my ear without it hurting. Genius and also thoughtful.

(Wasn't exactly a date, though.)

Anna Mae Bollocks

#21
August 08, 2012, 08:14:18 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on August 08, 2012, 05:28:51 AM
Don't go on about how lame you are.  If you make a blunder, make your genuine apology and move on.  Don't talk about how much saying something kind of dumb in second grade makes you want to stab yourself in the head and snap the fucking knife off at the hilt.  Don't talk about how you hate hurting people, it makes you feel like cutting up your face with with broken glass.  Don't lament to your date friends you lost contact with several years ago.  I don't care if you still miss them, if they were your soul mate.  Leave it be for now.

ON the subject of soul mates, don't use the term "soul mate" on a first date unless a question similar to "What are you looking for?" pops up, and even then, that's a bit on the side of creepy enough to make a girl flinch.  Definitely do not latch onto a person and think of them as your soul mate if you get to the sex part. 

Learn to read body language.  Tense muscles means tense emotional state.  Leaning away = negative (uncomfortable), leaning forward = positive (engaged).  Glazed eyes = boredom, either change the subject or ask the other person some questions to reengage their interest. 

If you are becoming bored, do not start fooling around on your iPhone.  Cut short the date, and stop wasting everyone's time, instead.

Is this just me and the shit I hear in my line of work, or should  that be amended to DON'T SAY "SOUL MATE" EVER OR I WILL DRIVE A 57 CHEVY WITH FINS UP YOUR ASS IF YOU DON'T GTFO NAO?
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

Juana

#22
August 08, 2012, 08:45:55 AM
I feel like it ought to be, but I sort of side eye the whole concept.
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

Freeky

#23
August 08, 2012, 08:48:52 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on August 08, 2012, 08:14:18 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on August 08, 2012, 05:28:51 AM
Don't go on about how lame you are.  If you make a blunder, make your genuine apology and move on.  Don't talk about how much saying something kind of dumb in second grade makes you want to stab yourself in the head and snap the fucking knife off at the hilt.  Don't talk about how you hate hurting people, it makes you feel like cutting up your face with with broken glass.  Don't lament to your date friends you lost contact with several years ago.  I don't care if you still miss them, if they were your soul mate.  Leave it be for now.

ON the subject of soul mates, don't use the term "soul mate" on a first date unless a question similar to "What are you looking for?" pops up, and even then, that's a bit on the side of creepy enough to make a girl flinch.  Definitely do not latch onto a person and think of them as your soul mate if you get to the sex part. 

Learn to read body language.  Tense muscles means tense emotional state.  Leaning away = negative (uncomfortable), leaning forward = positive (engaged).  Glazed eyes = boredom, either change the subject or ask the other person some questions to reengage their interest. 

If you are becoming bored, do not start fooling around on your iPhone.  Cut short the date, and stop wasting everyone's time, instead.

Is this just me and the shit I hear in my line of work, or should  that be amended to DON'T SAY "SOUL MATE" EVER OR I WILL DRIVE A 57 CHEVY WITH FINS UP YOUR ASS IF YOU DON'T GTFO NAO?

:lol:  I dont know.  I think it might be suitable sometimes, with an indeterminate number (almost said two, which is kinda ehhhh for poly people) of extremlly compatible partners who seem to have been made for each other, and like cliche poetry.

Freeky

#24
August 08, 2012, 08:54:42 AM
Because isn't that what a lot of people want?  Someone or several someones with whom they would be happy to spend a long time with?  Someone whose inner light shines brightly, warmly enough for them that the dark and the cold is fended off long enough to take a breath, to feel buoyed enough that the weight of your world doesn't break your brain into tiny little bits?  A person who might give some measure to a cacophonous string orchestra, with all the strings wound so tightly that were you to try and play normally you'd cut yourself?


It's what I want.  Not a savior or anything, but someone I could write poetry about.

Salty

#25
August 08, 2012, 09:22:24 AM
Storks.

They are bipeds and they bring you babbies.

That's all I got. Sorry.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#26
August 08, 2012, 09:29:58 AM
Quote from: Xooxe on August 08, 2012, 07:29:59 AM
It would be patronising to post this as a tip of what not to do, as it's more a case study of sheer sickening horror (assuming that it's not actually a troll (please be a troll)): http://vgperson.tumblr.com/post/21533650696/help-the-girl-i-like-wont-respond-to-my-emails

DEAR GOD I HOPE THAT'S A TROLL.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

The Good Reverend Roger

#27
August 08, 2012, 01:54:11 PM
Your hair looks great.  Please don't engage in a 3 hour monologue of how it got that way.

Also, "tee hee" is a deal-killer.

(Oh, the horror stories I could tell...)
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

standvast

#28
August 08, 2012, 02:13:22 PM
-DONT try to find a similar personal experience to match or compare with every damn thing your date mentions.

-DONT feign interest .( Be REAL © ). if you don't give a airborne session of gonzo copulation:  say so.

-REFRAIN from being/seeming desperate. (self-explanatory, but tricky for those who really are , as it sorta contradicts the .( Be REAL © ).  part.

no.such.thing.

The Good Reverend Roger

#29
August 08, 2012, 02:14:07 PM
Quote from: standvast on August 08, 2012, 02:13:22 PM
-DONT try to find a similar personal experience to match or compare with every damn thing your date mentions.

-DONT feign interest .( Be REAL © ). if you don't give a airborne session of gonzo copulation:  say so.

-REFRAIN from being/seeming desperate. (self-explanatory, but tricky for those who really are , as it sorta contradicts the .( Be REAL © ).  part.

REAL is bullshit.  Just saying.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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