Dating and Sex for Bipeds

[EK WAFFLR]

It's the same in Norway, too. I don't know, but I am fairly certain most of Europe is like that.

[P3nT4gR4m]

So we're agreed, then, it's just America and countries where the Taliban have a foothold?

[EK WAFFLR]

Would seem like that, yes.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Maybe a cultural thing but in scotland we pretty much always fuck on the first date. Sometimes we fuck before the first date. Other than that, yeah, I'd say most of the advice ITT will translate across the pond.

The fucking usually comes before the dating in England too. Most of my relationships came after a shag, and then we had the chat about where it was going, or just hung out and fucked for a while until it became a relationship. Formal dating in the UK is usually as a result of being set up with someone or internet dating, unless you are uber religious.

in the 90's here, dating went by the wayside completely, and people just fucked and then assumed they were a couple.

Not having sex on the first date is a function largely of online dating and dating people you don't already know well. If you already know them, there's no point in holding off... the whole concept behind it is that you want to take a couple dates to get a sense for who they are.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Age and socioeconomic factors come into play, as well.

[LMNO]

I think I see what you're saying, Nigel.  In my scene, when I was single, people didn't really go on dates with strangers, or relative strangers.  There was a crowd of people, who knew each other, or had friends vouching for friends-of-friends, so the "get to know you" part of it was already well established before dating occurred.  Which resulted in a lot of fucking-before-dating, and first-date-fucking.  The "date" part was to establish romantic/commitment ties, after the sexual compatibility component was confirmed.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I think I see what you're saying, Nigel.  In my scene, when I was single, people didn't really go on dates with strangers, or relative strangers.  There was a crowd of people, who knew each other, or had friends vouching for friends-of-friends, so the "get to know you" part of it was already well established before dating occurred.  Which resulted in a lot of fucking-before-dating, and first-date-fucking.  The "date" part was to establish romantic/commitment ties, after the sexual compatibility component was confirmed.

I think that's common everywhere. The not having sex on the first date thing is really only applicable when you're dating a stranger or near-stranger. Especially as people get older and their social pool becomes more settled, with fewer new people coming into it as people party less, when they find themselves single they're more likely to turn to online dating or singles meetup groups or speed dating, those kinds of situations where you might end up on a date with someone you don't know.

[LMNO]

Are you trying to say that context is important when dating?


Preposterous!

[Juana]

If you're on a date with a gal/female, please please for the love of god, do not monopolize the conversation the entire. It's jerky and there are at least three guys I have not called back because he hardly let me get a word on edgewise.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Are you trying to say that context is important when dating?


Preposterous!

[Placid Dingo]

Something I've learned goes against the grain of some of the existing advice because I'm in general more likely to be too reserved than too forward.

-if there's something in your head, spit it out. It won't sound stupid.

-talk about stuff you're passionate about. If they're not into it, and least you'll get an indication of how well you click, and you can always follow up with a question to get them starting a new topic.

-make lots of offers (this is a good drama term for moving action forward in an improvised scene). Put out suggestions and ideas while hanging out, and more of them will be taken up than you imagine.

[LMNO]

-talk about stuff you're passionate about. If they're not into it, and least you'll get an indication of how well you click, and you can always follow up with a question to get them starting a new topic.

That's a good one, as it can lead to both amazing experiences, as well as  cutting useless dates short.

[Lenin McCarthy]

-make lots of offers (this is a good drama term for moving action forward in an improvised scene). Put out suggestions and ideas while hanging out, and more of them will be taken up than you imagine.

This. Anything is a good idea when the alternative is just staring awkwardly at each other. Scaring birds. Climbing rooftops. Going dumpster diving (a bit hard to combine with not coming across as a bum). My brother is really good at this (ignoring for a second that he's an inconsiderate PUA asshole at times. Note: that perception is possibly colored by my own envy and bitterness due to being rather useless romantically)

I don't have much to contribute here, but this thread could be useful when I eventually decide to try to break out of my celibacy.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Something I've learned goes against the grain of some of the existing advice because I'm in general more likely to be too reserved than too forward.

-if there's something in your head, spit it out. It won't sound stupid.

-talk about stuff you're passionate about. If they're not into it, and least you'll get an indication of how well you click, and you can always follow up with a question to get them starting a new topic.

-make lots of offers (this is a good drama term for moving action forward in an improvised scene). Put out suggestions and ideas while hanging out, and more of them will be taken up than you imagine.

THIS THIS THIS!

"Hey, do you want to walk down to the Superfund site and leave a pile of mutilated stuffed animals under the railroad trestle?"

"I know this pipe that goes under the city and comes out under the river down by Front Street... wanna get headlamps and water shoes and go down it with me?"

These are things that determine compatibility much better than any dinner-and-a-movie ever could. Plus, if you've ever listened to or read Helen Fisher's work on the neurochemistry of love, you know that novel stimuli actually make the brain more susceptible to infatuation. (Be careful with that knowledge, it can go awry.)

[Freeky]

When you are interested in a girl, you are both gamers, the subject of your conversation is bad gamer habits, and the girl abashedly admits to sometimes getting grabby with the loot, DO NOT FUCKING SAY, "Well, I hate to say it, but that's because you're a woman." Nor should you follow this with a tangent on how women always want to be bought things. 

Also, don't be surprised if the store suddenly feels about ten degrees cooler, and the girl is suddenly terse and not talkative.