Atheists Owned

[Faust]

Have you read the Book of Numbers, or Joshua?

I haven't read/or don't remember what happens in Joshua. And isn't Numbers just a genealogy?

Numbers is a census of the Israelites. Joshua is a catalog of the genocides accomplished as the Israelites made their way into the Levant from Egypt. Neither of which probably ever happened.

No, most of the Book of Numbers is also about genocide.

ETA: Numbers is about Israelite genocides conducted under Moses while they made their way from Egypt to Canaan.  Joshua is about the Israelite genocides conducted under Joshua after they entered Canaan.

Isn't most of the OT about Israelite genocides?

There's some cool sci-fi/Fantasy shit in there too. Don't bother with the NT, it's wank.

[Precious Moments Zalgo]

Other than a few here and there in the Samuel and Kings, the genocide stories are pretty much concentrated in those two books.

Oh, and Faust isn't kidding either.  There's dragons, cockatrices, satyrs, flying saucers, and unicorns in there.

[Faust]

I should have added "With the exception of The Book of Revelations" AKA, the gospel according to David Croninberg.

[BadBeast]

Other than a few here and there in the Samuel and Kings, the genocide stories are pretty much concentrated in those two books.

Oh, and Faust isn't kidding either.  There's dragons, cockatrices, satyrs, flying saucers, and unicorns in there.

I've been known to dip into my from time to time. OT tops NT for sheer crazyness. My favourite moments are when Noah gets all drunky and get's his freak on with his daughters, or when Jonah gets et by the Whale. Or Ezekiel gets abducted by aliens. Moses and Aaron trolling Rameses with Snakes and shit is good too. And when the Hebrews finally GTFO of Egypt, and realise they're not going to get out of the desert anytime soon, so Moses comes up with the 10 Commandments Pisses all over the NT, with it's meekness guilt, and turning the other cheek. Job is hilarious, and proves that Jehovah at least had a sense of humour once. As does the bit where Abraham prepares to sacrifice his son, but God relents, and settles for making him cut the end of his cock off instead. That's class, that is. 

[Precious Moments Zalgo]

The biggest difference between the OT and the NT is this.  In the OT, if you piss God off, He sends a column of fire down from Heaven to burn you to a crisp, or sends plague or famine, or attacks you with flying flaming snakes, or afflicts you with leprosy, or stirs up foreign nations to attack you, or other instant karma stuff like that.  If you happen to live through whatever God sends after you, you can learn your lesson, and if not, then you're just dead and that's it.

In the NT, you can piss God off as much as you want and He won't do anything about it while you're still alive, but if you don't repent, then when you die He'll send your soul to Hell where you will be brutally tormented for eternity.  People see talk of love and forgiveness in the NT and think the NT version of God is kinder and gentler than the OT version, but NT punishment for pissing God off is much worse than OT punishment.

[Triple Zero]

No, most of the Book of Numbers is also about genocide.

That's funny because most genocide is basically about numbers.

[BadBeast]

No, most of the Book of Numbers is also about genocide.

That's funny because most genocide is basically about numbers.

[Mangrove]

Biblical genocides are more fun when they're made of Lego:

http://www.thebricktestament.com/joshua/massacre_of_jericho/jos06_01.html

[Precious Moments Zalgo]

 

I remembered that Rahab the prostitute and her family were spared because she spied for the Israelites, but totally forgot about the part where God made her
immortal.

[Kai]

Other than a few here and there in the Samuel and Kings, the genocide stories are pretty much concentrated in those two books.

Oh, and Faust isn't kidding either.  There's dragons, cockatrices, satyrs, flying saucers, and unicorns in there.

Judges is the other big genocide book. Actually, Judges is probably the most abhorrent book in the whole OT. The whole daughter sacrificing and mass kidnapping/rape of women right up there with the genocide cycles.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Other than a few here and there in the Samuel and Kings, the genocide stories are pretty much concentrated in those two books.

Oh, and Faust isn't kidding either.  There's dragons, cockatrices, satyrs, flying saucers, and unicorns in there.

Judges is the other big genocide book. Actually, Judges is probably the most abhorrent book in the whole OT. The whole daughter sacrificing and mass kidnapping/rape of women right up there with the genocide cycles.

Check out the book of Samuel. 

[Juana]

I remembered that Rahab the prostitute and her family were spared because she spied for the Israelites, but totally forgot about the part where God made her immortal.

What? Where? I went and read up on her and didn't see a single thing about that.

[BadBeast]

I thought he only ever conferred immortality to Enoch.

Eta; Epistle to the Hebrews:  "By faith Enoch was transferred, that he should not see death"

Evangelical commentators consider Enoch to be one of the Two Witnesses in the Book of Revelation due to the fact that he did not die according to Genesis 5:24.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I remembered that Rahab the prostitute and her family were spared because she spied for the Israelites, but totally forgot about the part where God made her immortal.

What? Where? I went and read up on her and didn't see a single thing about that.

"Where she lives among them to this very day".

She doesn't make as much money, though.

[Precious Moments Zalgo]

Roger, I like how in 1 Samuel 15, Saul's army kills all of the Amalekites except for one man (their king, Agag), who Samuel kills two weeks later.  Then by the time David is king, in 1 Samuel 30, the Amalekites are back in numbers large enough to field an army and mount an invasion.

Garbo, click on Mangrove's Brick Testament link, and click through the story.